- [Piper's phone is stuck in Piper's mouth]
- Charlotte Page: [to Piper] How are you texting?
- [Piper sends a text message to Charlotte]
- Charlotte Page: [reading Piper's message] With my tongue.
- Charlotte Page: [to Piper] Respect.
- [Piper and Charlotte fist bump each other]
- Henry Hart: Three's a spree!
- Ray Manchester: Spurt!
- Henry Hart: Spree!
- Ray Manchester: Spurt!
- Henry Hart: Spree!
- Ray Manchester: Spurt!
- Henry Hart: Spree Larson!
- Ray Manchester: Spurt Reynolds!
- Henry Hart: Spree and you know it!
- Ray Manchester: I know nothing!
- Kid Danger: Oh, the tubes! The tubes!
- Captain Man: Aw, the tubes! Oh, this is where The Mail Snail delivers the snail mail in Mr. Wallabee's mail pail!
- Kid Danger: Yes!
- The Mail Snail: Everybody loves the tubes.
- Kid Danger: [caught by surprise] Mail Snail...
- The Mail Snail: How ya doin'?
- Kid Danger: Dude, it's the Mail Snail, who delivers snail mail without fail.
- Ray Manchester: It takes three crimes to make a spree. We only have two so far, so that's just a crime spurt.
- Schwoz: I still don't understand how Piper's phone ended up in her mouth.
- Piper Hart: Because, as I was talking loudly, some guy in a smiley face mask grabbed my phone, creamed "USE YOUR INSIDE VOICE!" and then he shoved it in my mouth! I mean... how rude is that?
- Charlotte Page: Well, you shouldn't talk loudly on your phone in public.
- Piper Hart: I know that, but I want to, so I do it. What's wrong with that?
- Jasper Dunlop: [breaking the fourth wall] There's literally no reason at all to stop watching kids' shows just 'cause you got a little bit older.
- Captain Man: The victim's right here. He's six feet tall, sweats diesel, poops bravery, and is missing the new Battle Pigs movie right now.
- Ray Manchester: Everybody grab a grammar hammer.
- Schwoz: I got mine.
- Ray Manchester: Don't nobody cheat!
- Piper Hart: "Don't nobody?" That's a double negative.
- Ray Manchester: Oh, you're goin' down!
- Schwoz: Grammar Fight!
- Captain Man: Okay, first thing you need to know is - you're not gettin' out of this alive.
- The Mail Snail: What?
- Kid Danger: Nope, nope, nope, no.
- Captain Man: Huh? No?
- Kid Danger: No. No-no-no-no-no-no-no. You can't just kill people, dude.
- Captain Man: Yeah, I know, but I thought we were just playing good cop/ bad cop.
- Kid Danger: Yeah, we're playing good cop/ bad cop, not good cop/ psychopath cop.