Reviews

I saw the sneak preview of this the Sunday before the film opened.

The short review: Ray Romano ruins this film.

The long review: Where "Mooseport" shines is in the casting of all but one lead role. That glaring exception is one of the most grating and unfunny TV stars working today: Ray Romano. I find it hard to sit through an entire episode of his show "Everybody Loves Raymond," which have turned into nothing more than 30 minutes of Romano whining. Now, multiply that torture by three. Here, Romano whines for 90 solid minutes. This is one of the two critical flaws with the film -- flaws so severe that it is impossible to suspend even a modicum of disbelief. Romano gains no sympathy, and his neurotic character (very similar to his TV persona) depends on sympathy from the audience to be believable. He is so annoying, he doesn't come close to winning us over.

There is also a fatal story flaw in the last act. I won't spoil it for you, but when they start announcing the final votes, do the math. You'll see there is a mistake that the screenwriters, director, editors and studio completely missed. In its current form, that story flaw actually ground the film to a halt for me as I counted and recounted their math in my head, oblivious to what was happening on the screen. As the characters continued to wind the story down, I wanted to yell, "STOP! You've done the math wrong. The story doesn't make any sense now." Maybe it's just me, but those kinds of things really throw me.

When Romano's bumbling plumber "Handy" isn't wasting our time (will he finally commit to his girlfriend?, will he win the election?), the rest of the film is quite solid. Strong support comes from Marcia Gay Harden, Maura Tierney, Fred Savage, Rip Torn, and even Christine Baranski (who comes off terribly in the trailer). But it is a bit unnerving to watch 74-year-old Hackman woo Tierney, who at age 38 is nearly half his age.

Overall the film is only mildly amusing. That is thanks to the life (and laugh) sucking presence of Ray Romano. There is one genuine laugh-out-loud moment -- it features Hackman, Tierney and a horde of news crews at her front doorstep -- which, thankfully, is not given away in the commercials.

The film would have worked better if Hackman's character was less likable.

Unlike some of the people leaving reviews for "Gigli," I HAVE

ACTUALLY SEEN THIS MOVIE. Take it from me, it stinks. The bad

movie awards web sites are already licking their lips in

anticipation of the year-end stack of awards this film is likely to

receive.

Nothing in this film works. The script is bad, the acting and

accents are worse, the directing is non-existent, and the music is

annoying and intrusive. You know you have a megaton stinker on

your hands when the stars of the movie (in this case, Ben and J.

Lo) comment in the media about what a disaster their film is!

If people tell you "Gigli" is a good movie, it is quite possible they

are on the payroll of Sony Pictures, the company which stands to

lose millions of dollars on this film fiasco (soon to be a video/DVD

fiasco), or perhaps they are lab chimps.

"GIGLI" IS THE WORST FILM OF THE YEAR SO FAR! Worse than "The Real Cancun"? Yes. Worse than "From Justin to Kelly"? Yes. It's even worse than a few of 2002's stinkers... Worse that "Swept Away"? Oh yeah. Worse than Roberto Benigni's "Pinocchio"? You bet. The one film "Gigli" is not worse than is probably "Freddy Got

Fingered."

Yes, it is that bad. "Gigli" is unreleasable and unwatchable. If you

must punish yourself seeing it, wait or the video.

Worse than we ever could have imagined, this film flop represents

the final ticking seconds of Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini's 15

minutes of fame. This beach blanket bingo movie comes mighty

close to having a G rating. The story is tame and the music is

LAME.

This film is just a pitiful cash-in by the makers of "American Idol" to

take even more of their viewers' money. The only saving grace:

There is no soundtrack album ... YET!!!!!!!

The Stinkers will have a field day with this movie come end of the

year awards time.

Hackman is a demoted chain store executive who is banished to the grave yard shift at one of the chain's drug stores. Just when it seems things couldn't get any worse for him he discovers his teenage son (Dennis Quaid) is having an affair with a sexy relative (Streisand). When Streisand starts making the moves on an already depressed Hackman it's only a matter of time before his jealous son let's the cat out of the bag. This is a very dark comedy. There are no real laughs. It is also not one of Barbra's best performances. She even sings a song purposely bad. Not one for the time capsule, though members of the Streisand Fan Club may make excuses for it.

Oh what could have been. A "Police Academy" for the 21st Century ...

Unfortunately, this movie is so lame and unfunny, it wouldn't even rate as a poor direct-to-video sequel to "Police Academy." Yes it IS that painful to sit through this very, very bad film. There are dozens of missed comic opportunities that simply were beyond the alleged "comedy" troupe called "Broken Lizard," which

takes the blame for the script and direction, and stars in this trash.

Many people walked out of the screening I attended. So I'd say that most would agree with me that this is an early odds-on-favorite for worst film of the year.

A sure contender for worst film of the century, "The Apple" isn't just bad, it is insufferable. Set in futuristic 1994, this musical is basically a lame excuse for some very bad actors (except Catherine Mary Stewart in her feature film debut!) to dress in really campy outfits and sing really, REALLY bad songs. The whole mess looks like a bad outtake from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." The story: Two innocents enter a worldwide songwriting contest. The couple is unaware that the "Star Search"-type global broadcast has been rigged by the evil Mr. Boogaloo, a man who wants to take over the world with his "Bim" music. Don't ask. In short, THIS MOVIE SUCKS. You have been warned. When we ran this awful film at the Paramount Theater (now the El Capitan) in Hollywood in November, 1980, the film's distributor, Cannon Films, gave us souvenir soundtrack albums to give out to the first 1,000 customers on their way in. After the first show we had to stop giving the records out because the few customers that paid to see this disaster started throwing their 12" vinyl LPs at the movie screen during the film. No rips in the screen, just big dents, thank goodness. We then tried to hand the records out after the screenings, but most people refused to take them. In the end, we had cases and cases of the albums left over, which Cannon Films retrieved a year later to ship to some unsuspecting theaters in Israel.