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Reviews
The Guardian (2006)
Rent something else
One good thing: Costner turns in a good performance. Everything else is so bad, that I feel compelled to write a review. Ashton Kutcher is abominable, except for the few moments when he gets to use his "70's show" humor, such as the scene where he apologizes to Costner. I don't usually comment on dialogue or critique a screenplay, but this is so overtly sophomoric that I wonder how the movie got made. When Costner addresses the A School recruits, he says he doesn't care where they come from or anything from their past; then he begins questioning them about where they came from and their past. There are several glaring moments like this when dialogue is immediately contradicted. I'm not sure what else Andrew Davis has directed, but by the looks of this, I would say it must be his first effort. What is the deal with the hand held camera footage of the training? If it was throughout the movie it would fit better, but it's only in one scene. Then there's a flashback of a scene we know nothing about. Was it a nightmare of something he fears? If so, it blends in with all the other flashbacks. As for the absolute worst scene, I couldn't choose between anything when Kutcher has an intense look on his face, or the final scene when Melissa Sagemiller has a totally unbelievable moment of surprise. The latter seemed like an outtake rather than a keeper.
The Titanic (1996)
Sinks faster than the ship
I love documentaries and have seen many. This was the worst -- ever! Not just low budget, this one was low concept and no vision. It was apparent from the first scenes, but I flipped through the DVD chapter by chapter to sample the rest. It was all bad. Anyone who shoots miniatures in a museum as a substitute for real research shouldn't be doing documentaries.
The Boondock Saints (1999)
God save us from the Saints
Ugh! Big acting is not good acting and organ music doesn't mean a scene is well crafted. This whole movie is blown completely out of proportion by the makers, particularly the director.
And Willem, please, go back to queen school because you carry off the cross dressing, gay FBI agent role as well as you would Tootsie. Miss Doubtfire, you ain't.
How much bad acting/directing can you cram into one movie? Watch Boondock Saints to find out.
Chronos (1985)
A movie about time that is only 40 minutes?
I wasn't particularly impressed by this movie that has lackluster music and only lasts 40 minutes. Thank God, because I was falling asleep. I makes excellent use of time lapse photography to display the passage of time in the movement of light and shadow, people, water, clouds, etc. Unfortunately, that's all it is.
My preference is for its predecessor, the excellent Koyaanisqatsi made in 1983 at 87 minutes and to prove that a sequel can be better than the original, Powaqqatsi made in 1988 running 90 minutes.
Try them both.
Windtalkers (2002)
The only thing missing was the white dove.
A typical John Woo movie with action in place of story, scenes that go on forever, and dialogue that tells you what you should be thinking. The only thing missing was John Woo's signature white dove -- or did I miss it?
This was not a movie about Windtalkers, but was instead about a very messed up character who drags a nice Navajo soldier down into his own private purgatory. Other characters are cardboard cut outs created to speak a line or make a point.
But since we didn't have any more than an hour of story, John fills the remaining 1:20 with painfully long battle scenes. By the end of each scene your nerves are so raw from the close scenes, quick cuts and loud gun fire and explosions that you need a break. Don't count on the break being long, though, because another long battle is just over the next hill.
How many times can you see Nicholas Cage spraying machine gun fire at a group of jumping, rolling, tripping, dying Japanese before it becomes old? The answer is undoubtedly a few numbers short of the times that John Woo repeats that scene is Windtalkers.
Please, God, send a white dove to save this movie from its purgatory and put it our of our misery.
Donnie Darko (2001)
Dark delusion or supernatural vision?
This film and Donnie's 28 day nightmare leave you asking the same question: dark delusion or supernatural vision? More impressive than the wonderful story and great acting is that I still don't know the answer to these questions. And I won't know, either. Unlike Vanilla Sky, Donnie Darko feels no need to completely explain itself.
For 28 days, 5 hours, 12 minutes and 42 seconds, Donnie lives a nightmare of violence he doesn't remember, visions he can't escape, and frightening coincidences that lead him to believe the end will come right on time as predicted by his new friend, Frank -- a dark vision of a rabbit.
Donnie is convinced that Frank saved him from certain death, and that he is being lead by God's timeline. However, we know that Donnie has not been taking his anti-psychotic medication. Which is the true source of Donnie's uncanny coincidences? Do they exist only in his mind or is he on an inescapable course guided by fate?
Don't take anyone else's word for it, and, whatever you do, don't listen to any steely-eyed rabbits.
Memento (2000)
An unforgettable trip into the mind of a man with no memory
If you're looking for something intense, suspenseful, and different than your usual effects-packed thriller, this is the best movie you will see all year. You will be talking about Memento at work, at the grocery store (to total strangers!), and you will find yourself joining conversations when you hear the word "Memento." That's why this little film that received almost no marketing stayed in theaters for months and was in the top 10 money makers for several weeks.
The movie starts with a murder -- a revenge killing, in fact. But was the right person killed?
Leonard Shelby (Guy Pearce) is a man with no short-term memory. He hasn't been able to form new memories since the night his wife was murdered. Now he's on a hunt to find the murderer but with no way of remembering names, dates, places, facts and faces. Instead he tattoos himself with mementos of his search. When someone knows his name, he checks Polaroids to see if he knows them. Does he like this person? Does he trust this person? Is this the killer? He doesn't know unless he's scribbled a note.
Don't worry about trying to empathize with Leonard because Writer/Director Christopher Nolan puts you right in Leonard's shoes. You live the story in reverse order so that you never know more than Leonard does. In one scene you see Leonard getting information from a person who knows him -- maybe a good person; maybe bad. In the next scene you see a previous meeting between the two which sheds more light on their relationship. Later still you see how they met. But is that all of the story? You've yet to find out... and you won't know everything until the last scene. By living it backwards, you, like Leonard, have no knowledge of what came before.
It's brilliant story telling. But you might get frustrated because you don't know what's going on. That's normal. In fact, that's the whole idea. Just sit back, try to relax (though that's difficult in this movie), and find out just how twisted and complex Leonard's world is.
This film will leave its own memento on your mind, and you'll have a hard time forgetting how much you enjoyed it.
Rules of Engagement (2000)
Horrible! Here's why...
Who is the main Character? I'm still not quite sure if the Samuel Jackson character or the Tommy Lee character is the person I'm supposed to be following.
Bad Acting/Boring Characters! It's usually the job of the director to get good performances out of the actors. Didn't happen here. Good characters would have been a nice starting point for good acting. Didn't exist here (one is an ex-drunk with a famous father whose shoes he doesn't fill; another is hyper-patriotic and... yeah, that's about all).
Tried too hard! Vietnam sequence was way too long and not at all up to it's wanna-be-a-Spielberg, Saving-Private-Ryan intro. Then I had to suspend disbelief for the entire pump-up-my-male-ego Yemen sequence when of what must have been a million gun shots is heard and seen ricocheting. What platoon of Marines would run up on a roof in a hail of bullets and stay there, pinned down, while 3 of their comrads are killed doing the same thing when there is no purpose for being on the roof?
Kangaroo Court? In what court is the burden of proof on the accused? The prosecuting attorney says "there is no evidence to exonerate the accused...."
-------- Discusses the Ending ------------
Just get it over with! Two hours and 15 minutes and they still couldn't wrap it up. It would have been nice to leave the bad guys unpunished -- like in real life -- but since they couldn't show them getting their just desserts, they had to tell us in dragnet type "So and so went on to great fame" titles explanation.