Reviews

I've watched every episode of every season and this is the first review I have done of any movie or TV show on IMDb in years. The edge of extinction twist has been a great addition to the show and reboots and reinvents "Survivor" in a whole new way. This episode in particular has two genuinely wonderful and emotional moments where I literally felt what the players were going through, both the joy and sadness. It's still an excellent show, I think it really says so much about connecting with people and what we are all capable of doing. I hope Survivor continues well into the 2020s with Jeff Probst, one of the greatest hosts In the history of television. Well done.

Harrison Ford painfully goes out of his way to be clumsy and a non-action hero throughout all but the last 5 minutes of the movie. But then he's President Ford again, dropping bad guys and saving families! Wine girl does a good job in annoying the boy kidnappers and looking like the most unmatronly Mom in any Hollywood movie of late. Paul Bettany the "bad" guy mopes about and looks like an slightly updated Anthony Michael-Hall on steroids the whole time and gives the family a series of empty threats and vicious looks. Most miscast though is the young and aloof secretary, a "Tess Trueheart," who looks like someone peed in her cornflakes in almost every scene she's in. The bank is so insecure that the bad guys slip in and out unnoticed and PC anywhere appears to work without even an installation. I don't get why the bad guys need Ford other than to act frantic and have him rescue his family for the last 80 minutes of the movie. Go rent "Blade Runner" or "Master and Commander" or even "Sideways" for better films starring the three leads. Or get drunk on wine or beer and shut the TV off after "Firewall's" opening credits and you're in for a better night. Dare I say, the worst Ford movie ever made. An F. 1 star. 4 out of 10.

True to it's title, Hamburger Hill delivers both the hill and the hamburger, though mostly just the hill - a full 45 minutes of the hill. On top of the hamburger is a big slice of cheese. Released in 1987 during the height of the "vietnam war was bad" mini-genre of films, this film doesn't cover any new ground that other, better films do. The first hour is a series of awkward vignette's. We never learn much about any of the soldiers or where the story is leading, all we see are short, random events. I guess you can argue that we aren't supposed to learn about them to put us in the thick of the batlle, but it definitely distances the viewer from really getting involved at all. "Platoon," "Apocalypse Now!," "Full Metal Jacket," are all much better films that both distance you as well as suck you in and involve you. Two big pluses from me though: 1. Any movie with a guy riding a water buffalo gets an extra letter grade from me. 2. A Vietnam soldier with an 80's hairdo and more makeup caked on in face that he looks like he's straight of out Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" music video gains an extra star. 7 out of 10. C-. "Sunday afternoon chores and a movie" movie.

Eh - not bad. I almost forgot how much I enjoyed the Iliad and the Aeneid when I was a strapping young teen of a more rebellious nature. This movie brought me back a bit and made me want to strap on a spear and some leather. Minor qualm: Brad Pitt mopes about like a Hollywood movie star who lost his crayons. Greek heroes don't mope - they kick ass - and Greek ass to boot! Then they listen to cheering and eat and have lots of sex. There is some ass-kicking and sex and cheering but Brad's Achilles is too brooding and moody. The FX are pretty good, I liked the launch of 1000 ships. Peter O'Toole looks like he was happy to be surrounded by so many young boys again like in Lawrence of Arabia - his scene was good. Orlando Bloom plays a good Paris. Best of all is Eric Bana as Hector, who would've been better in the Pitt role. I could've done without the stupid 'reaction' shots - 50000 men on a field and Helen and Priam can see Menaleus and Paris fighting through all of them? Dumb. All and all, "eh, not bad". Gotta check out Alexander next. B-. 8 out of 10.

King Crap.

Peter Jackson decides to redo a movie that was redone already and just 'OK' to begin with. It has everything you don't wish for in a holiday movie: slow and plodding with paper-cut-outs for characters. A little Jurassic Park and Lord of the Rings tossed in to keep it from being an all-out waste of time. Adrian flares his nostrils for us better than the ape. Niaomi Watts gives another Nicole Kidman-lite performance. Jack Black looks bored. Zombie pole-vaulters gave this an extra letter grade than it deserved. Go rent Donkey Kong for the Nintendo and have a Red Bull.

C-.

A relatively fun afternoon movie. I caught this one again on DVD recently, borrowing the copy from my brother who was a big B&B fan. I always liked the MTV show but wasn't a HUGE fan, I was more of a Simpsons buff. Some great scenes in here, though. For example, the opening credits with Issac Hayes singing the title song poking fun as 70's TV shows was great, and had to be what landed him his job on South Park a year later. Robert Stack adds his distinctive voice to Agent Flemming which is inspired, but also a bit wooden at times. Stack delivers his lines like he seems bored to be in a cartoon, which leaves the character a little flat during some of the wittier one-liners. Cloris Leachman seems to have fun as the old lady who keeps popping into B&B, playing the slots and passing out uppers. Other notable actors include Bruce Willis, Demi Moore (back in happier, pre-Ashton times), Eric Bogosian, David Letterman, and Greg Kinnear (who sounds like my comic buddy Winston Kidd for some reason). Judge does great voice work as B&B and some other characters, including Mr. Tom Anderson, an "early" Hank Hill who gets some of the best one-liners. A fun romp for 80 minutes, but also a little dragged out at times, catch it when you're lazing on a Sunday Afternoon, check your brain in at the door. Now when do the original DVDs come out? Beavis and Butthead making fun of Dire Straights, Van Halen, AC/DC, that was the best stuff. Plus I missed the military Drill Sargeant from the original 10-min shorts- "Kick me in the Jimmy! YES!". Overall a C+, B-. 7 out of 10. Some genuine good laughs and some inventive stuff.

All kinds of fun with cowboy Aragorn on a Seabiscuit in Iraq.

Plus anything with Omar Sharif is worth an extra letter grade. Loved him in Top Secret!

I liked seeing the sand-whirl that was left out of Return of the Jedi.

There was a 'save the princess' section of the film that got a little off-track, but how much else can happen in a desert race?

Let's throw a Mario Brothers subplot into the mix!

The horse did a nice job too. I believed it when he was hurt.

Now I want to see a shark attack movie in the desert, that'd be fun.

8 out of 10. B-.

Wish I stayed further away.

It's full of all this b.s. about relationships and animalistic behaviors and mind games and violence and typical everyday crapola that we all deal with and one point or another all throughout life.

Then we either give up sex altogether or get married or neither or both or become the hooker with a golden heart or call Mike Nichols and say you're a dirty old man.

Yeah, we're all a bunch of used cars, I get it.

Now show me Queen Amidala on the ass-pole again.

6 out of 10. A D+.

It didn't live up to the hype. Fun, but not so fun. Paul Giamatti is great though and Thomas Hayden Church isn't bad.

No idea why this got such BIG reviews.

I think rich snooty folks were happy that they got a dong shot for once in one of their wine movies.

Best scene I thought was when he blows the romantic moment. Awesome.

Makes it look cool to drink wine, I guess.

I still like beer. As they say, money doesn't buy class.

Go rent "American Splendor" and/or "Duets" for more Paul G.

All in all, 8 out of 10. A B-.

"Garden State" is annoying, partly because I thought it was going to be mostly about New Jersey and hoping Tony Soprano would show up.

It's celluloid garbage about how rich white people on medication have it bad, but they know all about the world and we should love them away.

Padme plays an a-hole and some TV guy named Zach tries to look cute while they find the meaning of life in a junkyard.

Go ask Mommy and Daddy for a hug and get off the drugs, people.

Why this is in the top 250 movies is a sad reflection on how society is becoming a medicated wasteland. Oy vey!

5 out of 10. D-.

This was a pretty fun movie that had little to nothing to say other than playtime is fun and don't grow up into a big, boring loser.

I liked it.

Johhny "Wonka" Depp was great as usual and Kate "Rose" Winslet is good as usual. The little kids were good. Dustin Hoffman is better here than in "Hook."

I don't think it should have been nominated for Best Picture, but it was probably a big old MIRAMAX junket-a-thon.

8 out of 10.

B+.

How can anyone not like the Beastmaster? It's what movies are all about - it's got a hero, his woman, a villain, sidekicks, animals, loincloths, violence and much much more! It's one of the earliest of films that HBO would play about 4 times a day so it was almost always available. John Amos from Roots and Good Times cheeses it up but damn, do I have a soft spot for the guy. Dar looks like my brother Eric. Rip Torn is a villain with bad teeth! The freaky eagle/vampire things are nutty. It's got ferrets - FERRETS in co-starring roles! Plus a panther and hawks and B-dialog and swords and last but not least "crazy-eyes" herself, Tonya Roberts! Yowza! It's basically a goulash of afternoon delight. Straight B an 85 - 8 out of 10. Caw caw! Catch it one time or a dozen, you'll love it.

A great night out at the movies. Leonardo and Scorcese are a great combo, different from the Deniro-Scorcese combo, but just as strong and a dynamic-duo all the same. They seem to be more of a positive combo than the dark films Scorcese made with DeNiro. "Aviator" is Scorcese's most "Hollywood" movie since "Cape Fear" and is about 100 times better. One thing about Scorcese is you can tell he is passionate about his subjects. Howard Hughes is a real "American dream" and has a rise and fall and rise again story that everyone loves to hear about. All of the actors are great. Blanchett is annoying but only because she does Hepburn so well (Hepburn was, to me, annoying, but also endearing). Leo DiCaprio is great as Hughes. Alda and Baldwin add to the mix. It was really just a very entertaining film, one of my favorites of the year and a pleasant surprise. It really made me more interested about Howard Hughes, how he literally lived every day like it was his last and what it cost him along the way. 9 out of 10. A-. In my top five this year.

Been meaning to see this for awhile, was about as good as I expected. Both disgusting and humorous, it will make you think twice about ordering any fast food in the future and at least plants a seed for us to think a little more about what we are putting in our bodies and the long-term effects. The only issue I have with it, is that it's really not a 'documentary.' The filmmaker has a set vision in mind and knew his opinion before he started his experiment. But in defense, are there really any balanced "documentaries" left? Go rent "Naook of the North" if you want a slice of documentary film-making, rent this to educate as well as entertain. Unless you work at McDonald's, then file a lawsuit. That's what America is all about - sue a person, then eat a cheeseburger and feel great for about 15 minutes, then nap. Wake up people! Be nice to each other, have a nice chicken sandwich or fish every now and again and read a book for Chrissakes.... Anyhoo - 8 out of 10. Straight up B.

For my money, this is the dancing skeleton film you need to see. It has it all - the skeleton and the dancing. Don't be led into watching any of those others that pale by comparison - don't listen to that friend who loves the 90's dancing skeleton movie that was remake with Brad Pitt and Gwenyth Paltrow. Don't listen to your Grandpa who loves the 1940's one with a young Marilyn Monroe and a 'Scary Cary' Grant - this is the real thing. 9 out of 10. --- 100 years later I still don't know how they did it... Check it out!

It's good. It's not great. Jack not being Jack is a great idea, but everyone loves Jack being Jack. This movie follows into my whole 'hero-lite' theory I am working on where all our male heros since the mid 90's are just big wimps or they just have to show off their 'sensitive side'. I thought it was pretty funny - it probably wouldn't have been noticed if Jack didn't star in it, but it was still a good story. I think I would really have liked to see this one without Jack as the main lead. And what the hell is up with everyone saying how great Kathy Bates is? She's in the movie for all of about 4 minutes bitching and showing off her big old ass. Pay me a $100 grand salary for 4 minutes of film time, I would've at least have gotten the academy award - I bitch better, plus I have a better ass. My rating: 8 out of 10 -- a B-.

This was so dumb on so many different levels. Adam Sandler plays his most annoying character to date, which says alot when you think of Little Nicky and the Waterboy. Winona Ryder tried to go from c-level movie star back to B-level and is just as annoying, there's no chemistry at all. John Turturro is the only good thing in it, in a rather thankless role as the sterotyped butler. It tries to be this feel-good movie that includes a whole bunch of fistfights -- there's a problem in itself - don't recall too many feel-good movies with even one fistfight. There's so many holes in the plot and the characters are two dimensional. Found myself cringing and rolling my eyes. Dumb dumb dumb. Go rent the original. Frank Capra must be rolling in his grave. This is kind of odd, but I think this may be the worst of Sandler's movies..and that's saying alot since most of them suck to begin with. F. 4 out of 10.

I bought all 5 of the thumb flicks, this is probably the best one. Odekerk did a nice job on these, the extras are very cool, commentary, 'deleted' scenes (which are really just short jokes), 'interviews' (same, short jokes) and other extras -- there are some really funny moments in this one...Pepper and Humpy are fun and the Doc is easily the best of the thumbs with his mannerisms and general good nature. Look out for the one-eyed thumb, he's in all of them, whizzing by.... 8 out of 10. A solid B. I laughed out loud 1-2 times, which is always good in a flick. Spend 7-10$ and add it to the collection - I'd love to see more thumbmation movies! Oh, and rent Kung Pao the movie - Odekerk did this too and it's also very very funny!

This was such a waste of 90 minutes. The Vince Vaughn and Travolta roles should've been reversed. The wife was a moron - no mom would ever believe the new husband over the son. The kid was unlikable and acted like he was 25 instead of 12 like he was supposed to be. It never got interesting. Vaughn tries like hell but has nothing to do. Buscemi does an ok job but he's almost always at least 'good'. Travolta stunk as usual. He's such an ass since 'Get Shorty,' hams it up all of the time. He needs some serious self reflection. Anyway, wanted to give this a 'D' but after thinking about it more and how much it annoyed me, I'm giving it an F - 5 out of 10, don't waste your time. Better to watch a 90 minute mini-marathon of 'Welcome Back Kotter' or 'Swingers' again if you want to see Travolta or Vaughn.

This was a hell of alot more fun than most people would have thought - I laughed straight (save about 5 min during the matchbox car scene) for the 90 minutes it was on. Was glad to see they added the hospital scenes in there so kids dont run off and try the stunts as much. I thought he was dead after the golf cart and Butterbean incidents. Wow. Some gross stuff though - didn't need the vomitcam 5-6 times - once would've sufficed. Giving it a solid B - 8 out of 10. I never really watched the show, so I'd say anyone could walk into this - although a few will definitely be walking out. Just need to leave the brain at the door, people.

Man, I was so looking forward to this one and what a disappointment -- anyone else before I start to trash it? The only good things, as usual, were Data and Picard - Here's some things to think about:

1. Deanna Troi acting as poorly as she did in Episode #1...."It's...Data..." Oy vey.

2. 300-pound Riker dangling by his fingers from a beam.

3. Attack of the Clones.

4. Nosferatu Kahn.

5. Let's throw some Orcs on the Bridge.

6. Toss Janeway in there, everyone's other favorite Captain. (I thought she was lost at sea or something?)

7. Give Worf nothing to do, again. He's only one of the only characters well developed from the show.

8. "Spock, mind meld with McCoy and come back for the sequel."

9. What's with all the villians "slowly dying" in the Trek movies? The guys head looked like a testicle as the movie went on -- gross.

10. The best scene was in the trailer, in the movie they did next to nothing to enhance the drama - no music, nothing.

11. Geordi, Beverly, Whoopie, and Wil --- "as you were".

12. I could write a better script on the toilet.

That's it for now. All in all, I'm going to sit down and watch Insurrection again and truly decide if that one or this latest piece of junk is the worst of the 10. Giving it a D+ - 6 out of 10. Wanted to say I liked some of it, but nothing to say that I really liked some parts.

I'm a huge DC comics fan, but unfortunately the Superman and Batman movies have always been pretty lousy (save the first two Supes flicks) and The Watchmen never made it to screen. Marvel seems to be doing the right thing and having Stan "The Man" Lee aboard helps alot. The Spiderman trailer looks great and The Hulk sounds promising - I just wish the Marvel stock was still up there on the NYSE - its worth next to nothing now since they claimed bunkruptcy in 1995. Anyway, X-Men keeps you interested and tells you enough about each character while tossing in a bit of a plot at the same time. It's smart and worth seeing. Halle Berry and the Cyclops guy could have been better but Ian, Picard and the Wolverine guy are great. Hopefully this will start a small new genre for the 200's - the ok superhero movie! Original rating a B, but bumped it up to an A- after seeing it a second time. Looking forward to the sequel.

Perhaps I expected too much going into this film after hearing only praise for its director, actors and subject, but all in all it really wasn't that great. Do you recall a film from a couple of years back about a genius pianist who overcomes great odds and is once again accepted into society? The film was "Shine". Call this one "Shine Pt. 2". Another Hollywood piece of pretentious claptrap that will win all kinds of awards at Oscar time and p*** off real artists like me who can only have the safe haven of the internet for any of their visions and wisdom. People were leaving the theater saying "now that's the kind of film I'd see again." - I had to roll my eyes at them and at the same time think how "safe" it is for some to see it on the screen, while the same type of people are the ones who would make fun of the crazy professor who talks to imaginary people and walks funny. Bunch of hypocrites. Pay close attention to the hankerchief and the pens, never saw that coming! Grade - C. 7 out of 10. Jennifer Connelly and Crowe do a pretty good job, but couldn't save it for me. See it once, if you the film is great, at least try and empathize as well, that's all I ask.