Reviews
Cruel Intentions (1999)
for teenagers only
Dangerous Liaisons did it so much better just a few years ago. This is embarrassing by comparison. Monosyllabic dialogue. Caricatures as opposed to characters. Why bother?
High Art (1998)
The Worst Movie of 1998
I was never so bored in my life. Hours of pretentious, self-obsessed heroin-addicted basket cases lounging around whining about their problems. It's like watching lizards molt. Even the sex scenes will induce a serious case of narcolepsy. If you have insomnia, rent this.
Titanic (1997)
Great Special Effects Do Not A Good Movie Make
Titanic features one of the worst screenplays ever perpetrated on the moviegoing public. Unbelievable one-dimensional characters (is the Billy Zane character a joke or what?), banal dialogue, and not an ounce of believable romance in the love scenes. I found myself bored and waiting for people to die. Titanic plays like a dark version of the Love Boat. How can the Academy award it "Best Picture" when it didn't even receive a best screenplay award? And when Kenneth Turan of the L.A. Times pointed out how poor the screenplay was, James Cameron threw an infantile tantrum and tried to get Turan fired. Decades from now, Hollywood will be embarrassed that they ever honored this live-action cartoon. But hey, until then, the special effects were nice.
Safe (1995)
b...o...r...i...n...g
If I set out to make the world's most enervatingly mind-numbing film, I could not possibly create anything as dull as this pretentious puddle of drool.
Forrest Gump (1994)
Empty calories ... just like a box of chocolates.
How did this ripoff of "Being There" ever get to be so loved? People say it's proof that a decent, honest man can succeed despite lack of intelligence. They're wrong. The movie is proof that luck is everything: hope your friend invests all your money in Apple and not Atari; hope your shrimp boat is the only one out at sea when a storm breaks; hope that you don't die of shock when you're luckily shot in the buttocks and not in the back; hope you don't get AIDS from your wife. This movie is also politically reactionary -- all who rebel against societal convention lose their legs, do drugs, beat their girlfriends, or die young. In addition, the product placement in this film (Nike and Dr. Pepper) is shameless. An emotionally manipulative film that is very, very empty.
The Big Hit (1998)
The Depth Of A Comic Book
A limp script, unimaginative plot and one-dimensional characters undermine decent work by the actors. At times, the film is more embarrassing -- particularly for the actors involved -- than entertaining. Fans of Elliot Gould would be advised not to watch this film. And aside from a great opening fight sequence, not even the action scenes are good. Hollywood has produced hundreds of great crime and action films -- check out anything by Sam Peckinpah -- so save your time and money and watch one of them instead.