Reviews

THE SUBSTITUTE is the only Tom Berenger movie I own -- because it shows him playing a character that is fairly sympathetic and NOT merely a militaristic bully, as has been his earlier roles. His granite-fisted, metal-jacketed action scenes are tempered by his humanity-driven scenes that reveal his concern for the students' education (sort of a "TO SIR, WITH TOUGH LOVE").

"The Three Stooges" was wonderful in its display of the DRAMATIC scenes behind the comedy -- the comedy re-creations were less sure-footed. I'm NOT knocking the performances of Chiklis, Ben-Victor, and Handler, but the PACING of the re-creations. Director James Frawley should've known to ZIP the Stooges' slapstick at a fast clip instead of letting the comedy sag; that's how knockabout comedy works -- PACING, PACING, PACING! One of the recreations was good: Moe-"Why can't a chicken lay a loaf of bread?" Curly-"She ain't got the crust!" Moe-"You win!" Curly-"Gimmee, gimmee!" [KLONK!]

Well ... Jim Carrey is letter-PERFECT in his portrayal of Andy Kaufman's on-stage schtick, but my unfortunate bias is that while I felt that Kaufman's "foreign man/Latka" character was hilarious, SOME of his other material was a pain in the tokus. A reading of the entire "Great Gatsby" novel??? Genius, my foot!---He was just being a mercurial nuisance. Now, I want to focus on one of the celebrity cameos that I admired---if pro wrestler Jerry Lawler ever wants to break into acting, he's got my vote! Lawler re-creates his skirmish with Kaufman in a VERY three-dimensional way that displays a natural ability to perform in front of the camera. -----Oh, do you think I'm just some wrestling fanatic who elevates those ring competitors to some godlike status? NO. I couldn't necessarily even BE paid to go see a wrestling match, and I didn't even really know what Jerry Lawler looked like before I saw the movie. BUT, I admire great acting, and I feel that movie producers should give Lawler a nod in the future.

Tom Cruise must STILL be patting himself on the back for

this movie's success; he let the loyal, upstanding Jim

Phelps turn out to be the VILLAIN, and moviegoers STILL

swarmed to see this flick! I had high hopes for this movie; I remembered what a great job that screenwriter

Steve Zaillian did with adapting SCHINDLER'S LIST, so I

went to see M:I with an open mind. What a letdown!!!

Hey, Cruise, I'm glad you didn't have anything to do with

the big-screen version of THE FUGITIVE---I'm sure that Dr.

Kimble would've been revealed as the One-Armed Man!

I first saw this movie 19 years ago during its U.S. release, and found nothing problematic with its American-accented dubbing (even though Mel Gibson's overdub makes him sound like a TV-commercial voiceover for an automobile manufacturer; it's too smooth-n-suburban, NOT the outback roughness that a vengeful, on-the-edge cop needs). Years later, I mail-ordered a copy of the movie with the original Aussie soundtrack, and enjoyed it equally as well---but I DON'T see why they needed an American-dubbed version at all! The accents are clearly understandable; you never need an American-"Let Stalk Strine" ("Let's Talk Australian") translation guide. So, buy or rent either version, folks, they're BOTH exciting!

I'm sure people have seen enough of those so-called "Spaghetti" Westerns; THIS is what you could call a "Vodka" Western! The settings, costumes, and production design are all convincing. They fortunately have wide-ranging climates in the former Soviet Union, so if you wanna see the dusty, sun-baked Old West, this movie has it. It's a little disconcerting to hear those leathery cowboys speak Russian, but the authenticity makes up for it. ONE word of warning, though: Even though the movie's setting is the U.S. of A., the political ideology presented is pure Bolshevik.

I purchased a copy of "Alexander Nevsky" from one of the huge independent book/CD/video stores in St. Louis ... and can say I'm quite impressed! This is first and foremost Soviet propaganda, but it IS thrilling, and will have you siding with the Russians as they battle the Teutonic invaders. Listen for Sergei Prokofiev's rousing music, and watch for the bold imagery---the full-helmeted, obscured faces of the Teutonic troops are visual metaphors for the then cold, passionless Nazi stormtroopers.

OK, I never saw the first "Universal Soldier" movie, so I can't compare this sequel to it, but on its own, the plot is VERY derivative---not original in any way. Van Damme is, as usual, VAN DAMME; that's his range of acting. Bill Goldberg is good in his "Curses! Foiled Again!" kind of pro-wrestler growl (after every setback that gets in his bullying way). What's with Michael Jai White here? First he's played Mike Tyson, then the comic book hero Spawn, then a "player"-type in "Jerry Springer: Ringmaster". Geez, Mike, FIND A GOOD SCRIPT, willya? ...The female reporter that Van Damme is saddled with seems to be just there for window-dressing, though she DOES show Goldberg what a flamer he can be.

"Drop Dead Gorgeous" is not generally a knee-slapper type of comedy, but that is not its approach, either. It's filled with wry twists of satire and swats of darkly malicious humor that'll make one gasp (or gag) at the blatant way it's served up. Sure, there's good occasional slapstick like the teaming of Michael McShane and Will Sasso as father-and-son hardware-store owners who become judges of the town's beauty pageant; their interaction is gut-bustingly funny. The casting works VERY well throughout the movie: Kirstie Alley as the civic-fascist mother of her pageant-hopeful snob daughter, and Ellen Barkin as the beer-swilling trailer-trash mama of the squeaky-clean good girl beauty contestant. The documentary concept of the movie, while distancing the characters from the viewer in a certain way, ALSO makes it that much MORE hilarious when they "forget the camera" and spout obscenities or smack a loved one. Thumbs-up for the movie!

I saw this movie a number of times in grade school (Lord knows what the teachers were trying to impart upon us) but did not comprehend what was being put across. It was never explained to us that Peyton Farquhar's lengthy escape was merely a desperate wish to flee his executioners and dire situation. The image of him preparing to embrace his wife...and suddenly seeing his body severely yanked upwards into his ACTUAL situation made an impression on my then-third grade mind. I'd like to see the "Alfred Hitchcock" episode version of this story---has anybody out there seen Hitch's take on Ambrose Bierce's story?

First, I love the actors' portrayals of Leno and Letterman; they even LOOK authentic! Daniel Roebuck is buried under (or ABOVE) a prominent latex chin, and John Michael Higgins was given that gap-toothed grin. Second, the settings in which the events took place have a naturalistic look to them. The only nit-picking complaint I have is, please don't use a celebrity impressionist (SORRY, Rich Little!) to play Johnny Carson! All I was seeing was deft mimicry; not a three-dimensional portrayal of a mercurial talk-show host. Who would've been better? If the producers wanted a BIG name, use Anthony Hopkins. Well...Rich Little AND Anthony Hopkins have BOTH played President Richard "Tricky Dick" Nixon .... well, it was worth a shot.

I first saw "The Devil Rides Out" on television about twenty-four years ago, and was quite impressed with it. It's a great change of pace to see Christopher Lee, who's played his share of horror-movie bad guys (specifically DRACULA), turn 180-degrees and fight for the side of the angels! His cultured AND physically heroic Duc de Richleau is one MEMORABLE butt-kicking Englishman! His enemy Mocata, the Devil-cult leader, is chillingly brought to life by Charles Gray. Even when he acts Mocata's affable side, you just KNOW there is hellish EVIL lurking beneath that charming veneer. Let me also give two thumbs up for Richard Matheson's adaptation of Dennis Wheatley's novel. Rent it or purchase it, folks---it is WORTH it!

NOSFERATU is a well-cinematographed movie, but it just isn't frightening. I have the English-language version of the movie, and it's just a slow-moving, ethereally spooky film, but I couldn't find any menace in Klaus Kinski. He LOOKS skeletally fragile and in need of hemoglobin, but vampires are supposed to be INTIMIDATING. Kinski's Count Dracula couldn't "intimidate" his way out of a Campfire Girls meeting. Could some American producer make a brand-new version of this with, say, "Taxi" and "Back To The Future" star Christopher Lloyd as Nosferatu? Hey, he could pull it off---just cut down on the tendency toward mugging for the camera, and exhibit cold menace like his Klingon commander role in "Star Trek: The Search for Spock".

John Larroquette is delightfully rude and self-serving as hotel owner Royal Payne in this Yank version of "Fawlty Towers"! Certainly, his version of crass attitude is different from John Cleese's, as it should be. Some viewers might say that the relationship between Payne and his wife Constance (JoBeth Williams) seems too flexibly forgiving, but there IS a definite viper-like chemistry between the two, like a more sarcastic Nick & Nora Charles. I also like (even though it is a comic-relief ethnic stereotype) Rick Batalla's portrayal of Mohammad, the bumbling bellhop. Just like Manuel in "F.T.", he is cringingly subservient to his boorish boss ... I'm waiting for a dressing-down scene of "This Royal's wife. This Royal. This smack on head." And Larroquette will give Batalla a smack on the head ... let's wait and see!

I remembered the publicity this movie received in 1986 in such publications as NEWSWEEK, and was curious to find out what it was like. I mail-ordered it from RBC Video in Brooklyn, NY. The movie, in its original Russian, reveals that the CIA appointed US Army major Jack Hessalt to be in charge of a secret missile base in the Atlantic Ocean. Jack is still troubled by memories of Vietnam, and soon goes berserk, taking control of the base and killing some crew members. Jack and his cronies commandeer a powerful missile and proceed to perform terrorism ... but they haven't counted on a rough-n-ready squad of Russian Marines who are determined to open a whole borscht-barrel of a*s-whuppin'. For an action movie, this isn't bad if you take into account that the Russian film- makers had NO access to huge Stallone- sized budgets and special effects. The level of production values for this mid-80's Soviet movie are about equal to what a mid-60's American movie would have.

Well, Joel Schumacher has cobbled together a CAMPY piece of celluloid known as "Batman and Robin"! Who actually approved the concept of making Mr. Freeze a cigar- chomping stand-up comic? Arnold Schwarzenegger was NEVER my choice for the role; I was always pushing for Jeremy Irons as Mr. Freeze. Make Freeze a TRAGIC villain--it worked very well for the effective episode of BATMAN: The Animated Series that introduced the ice-obsessed villain. I wrote my own screenplay for the movie and made SURE that Freeze was done right--as an embittered scientist out to avenge his wife's demise. For the other villain, I went all-out campy: I included King Tut in full megalomania. And I put in Batgirl as Commissioner Gordon's daughter (NOT Alicia Silverstone; I opted for Jennifer Connelly). Take THAT, Joel Schumacher!!!

I disliked the movie because its small budget ruined all chances to have BIG, epic-scale action. The screenwriter admittedly was no fan of superhero stories, and it's evident. Captain America gets into more action OUT of costume than he does IN costume.