Reviews

Everyone whispers their lines in this corny, repetitious and preachy nonsense film, full of bad cliches and stupid riddles delivered by no-one other than the film's female version of GOD. Why must films about faith always involve BORN AGAIN tragedy? Can't any Christian just live a good life without being confronted by some unmasked male sexual versions of a SATANIC source. Male savior GOD shows up for a cameo at the end, because no woman could ever close the deal by herself. Uneven in every way including the actors accents, they stray from mid-America to mid-Australia at every other line.

Faith films need to hire talented writers and better actors. This film is a mess.

SPOILERS POSSIBLE

I rented this movie as I had heard it was an Indian classic. I was very impressed by the far superior MOTHER India and since GUIDE was one of the first Bollywood musicals to get an American release, I figured it was something special. The comments here on IMDb enforced the risk of the three hour investment, but they turned out to be strictly sentimental.

What a disappointment! Previous reviewers acclaimed this as a pioneer musical and a consummate Indian film, but besides possibly establishing the absurd plot format of all future Bollywood films, (good prostitutes, distressed drunks, suffering mothers, silly uncles) the premise is strictly lifted from 1930's B level Hollywood musicals.

This is a tale about a cheerful tour GUIDE with a Tin-Tin hairdo who falls on hard times when he encounters an unhappy bride. The Bride, a crude-mouthed prostitute's daughter, is in an unhappy marriage with a wealthy archaeologist who is older and has no time for her. She indeed wants to be a snake dancer in spite of having an enormous arse that would make dancing an improbable career choice.

After many suicide attempts and melodramatic over-acted moments, she runs away with the GUIDE who alienates family, friends and neighbours in order to keep the bumble-bee-arsed dancer within his grips. Once there she melodramatically attempts to run away and spare him the anguish but seems unable to find the door and decides to practise her vulgar dancing there instead.

After chasing away his beloved mother, he guides her career to incomprehensible international success (see every bad Hollywood musical from the early sound era) where, even in Europe, audiences reward her with enthusiastic applause apparently for running with bells on her ankles and spinning in place. She becomes his meal ticket and so he marries her and they revel in their new found "shared" wealth.

Her estranged former husband, impressed with her success, sends her a copy of his new book and rewards her by sharing the family jewels. The GUIDE forges her signature on the agreement so as to avoid her contact with the man who once caused her so much pain. She rewards him by pressing charges against him and sending him to jail.

The movie then goes on an extra journey of self discovery and plot filler (see THE RAZOR'S EDGE -1946 for more information of where that was blatantly stolen from)not worth going into, for a contrived ending that would allow for the required three hour running time to finally come to an end.

The now seemingly typical Bollywood musical numbers feature people running across fields singing and dancing cannot help this movie from being mundane and badly dated even by 1950's Indian standards. Most modern Bollywood films steal from the best of Hollywood. GUIDE steals from the worse of the early Western sound films. (Satyajit Ray, why didn't you stop them!)

Stick to MOTHER India and the modern Shah Rukh Khan films with beautiful and talented female leads and avoid this mess at all costs.

A sad little freckled mess of a young man arrives in big mean Limerick after the death of his father to start his new life. He decides to room with a gay man so effeminate he could practically fly away.

"Are you gay?" he asks after they have moved in together, totally oblivious to the fact that his new roommate, a fashion student, dresses like a old Jewish woman.

SPOILERS What next? You guess it! It's QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT (ahem) GUY Irish style, which apparently consists of a little mousse and some Barry Manilow costumes.

Next up are some television calibre drug dealers, some fast food workers with plenty of disposable income and the sneaking suspicion that none of the people involved have ever been exposed to any of the subject matter they are depicting.

Among the lessons this preachy movie teaches: - When your father dies, this is good time to abandon your mother - A drug run can be a good quick little income earner - A steady civil service job is the death of a poor boy - A drug dealer is a good choice to tell your troubles to - Lesbians like to sleep with gay men - All men wear make-up - Limerick has the population density of New York but just the one nightclub - After finding out your roommate is a drug runner and that there are drugs in the flat, a proper response is to say "I thought I knew you!" and mince on with your life. - Gay men are fairy god mothers that can wipe away straight boy sins

So how do you solve life's problems? Get your lead from fifties musicals and PUT ON A FASHION SHOW! Subsequently, even more shocking costumes wear the actors.

Homophobic and amateur nonsense with continuity errors galore.

And did I mention the appalling costumes?

this story of a narcoleptic transvestite hooker with more than an angry inch has the audacity to open with a musical number from the Spanish classic TOMBOLA. It's stands the Spanish musical on it's head better than even Almodovar has managed before.

For those familiar with Spanish cinema from the Franco era, this is a worthy companion piece to BAD EDUCATION. The two films together are the equivalent of a stealth attack on SARITA MONTIEL, MARISOL and JOSELITO movies.

For those unfamiliar, what remains is a camp satire of the MTV generation where style overcomes substance and drama is really black comedy no matter how tragic.

Fine performances from a great cast, particularly Monica Cervera, who manages to be ugly and sexy at the same time and Pablo Puyol as the masculine stud who likes Marieta's eight inches a little too much.

Worth seeing at once!

Some Spoilers -if this tripe can be spoiled.

This attempt at a male fantasy comedy fails on every count. Most to blame is the implausible screenplay but the hammed up bad acting and impossible premise don't help. Several scenarios simply do not work and the maudlin "falling in love" pretence that is supposed to make these guys likable drags the film kicking and screaming into one of the lamest conclusions in movie history.

The two male leads are about as believable and charming as the skanks they may actually pick up along the way. Fortunately, the two female leads turn out to be equally reprehensible in their poor judgement and immorality although I suspect the writer and director failed to notice this. One would marry for kinky sex, the other to run away from a violent fiancée. What was she doing with that guy anyway? These guys will eventually get what they deserve but I could help feeling the violent fiancé was a much better choice.

If you are naive enough to accept any unlikely plot device thrown your way, hate women, fear gay men, and believe Washington D.C. should have no minorities, then this is the comedy fantasy for you! The film has an odd sense of 50's values that reveals it's point of view to be sexist, homophobic, ageist and immoral (and not in a good way). Add an obnoxious Will Farrell ad lib and you have one of the year's worst films.

If you must, rent it, don't buy. You will feel bad having it around the house.

If you like a sexy comedy fantasy with turn of the century attitudes, see THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN and stop encouraging hacks who make really bad movies like this one.

WEDDING CRASHERS is a hateful sad little pimple of a movie that made too much money in the summer of 2005 due to a sudden talent vacuum.

Some minor spoilers! This uneven comedy follows a Madrid cabby for a day of picking up fares. The riders all happen to be celebrities of sixties Spanish cinema and TV.

Along the way someone has left a baby in the back seat prompting a search for the day's passengers and some slapstick comedy chase scenes.

Great cameos from Carmen Sevilla, Lola Flores, Armando Calvo, Isabel Garces and Marisol with songs and comedy schtick interludes.

It it is enjoyable to watch these pros making the best out of the thin material and some of the comedy twists are indeed amusing. A true relic of Franco era Spanish cinema.