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Airborne (1993)
3/10
Airborne: The movie that was written backwards.
12 September 2000
* So the writer decided he wanted a movie whose climax was rollerblading scene down the hills of Cincinatti.

* To make it interesting he makes it a race between two teams. Needing a team we can root against, he makes the antagonists "preppies" (since everyone hates preppies and he could skip writing any character development for them besides their group label.

* Realizing that he couldn't write enough script to say why he and his teammates hate the preppies, he decided that before our hero and pals teamed up, they were enemies.

* In figuring out why our hero and his enemies team up against the preppies, the writer decided "shorts"ing a preppie would suffice.

* To decide why our hero and his teammates were enemies, the writer thinks that our hero should a laid back surfer dude.

* Looking over his story outline, the writer noticed how thin it was and added several elements to plump up the script. Such items included a wacky friend (Seth Green, who takes a character you'd normally want to punch and makes him watchable), a Pauly Shore and Juliet romance with the sister of one of his enemies, and random acts of roller-hockey (specifically the kind where you're not allowed to play defense).

The writer had the right idea about ending a movie with wicked rollerblade race down steep curvy hills, but the plot devices used to get that point are so awful, that you'll need to wear your cringe-proof vest to watch.
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Teen Knight (1999)
1/10
They do have editors in movies for a reason, right?
8 April 2000
My only theory is that this movie was some sort of tax write-off for the producers. Otherwise, how do you explain actors who seemingly have never rehearsed? How do you explain a script that sounds like it was read off of a finished game of Scrabble? How do you explain sets and effects that would make Ed Wood proud?

The basic story is a kid who wins a trip to a medieval fantasy camp run by androids. Other winners include Token Nerd, Token Snobby Rich Kid, Token Snobby Girl. The film crew taping this camp for the sponsors of the contest include Token Nice Girl Who Is So Involved In Work But You Know Will Learn Not To Be So Uptight And Have More Fun By The End Of The Movie.

As luck would have it, a giant storm sweeps over the land causing calamity (*cough* Jurassic Park *cough*). The next morning our hero figures out in roughly two minutes that they've all been transported back to medieval times, wherein hijinks ensue.

It seems as if whoever made this film has never seen a movie before and has no idea how to shoot, write, or pace one. At no point did it seem like anyone knew or cared what was going to appear on screen.

This is the worst movie I've seen that wasn't on Mystery Science Theatre.
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Insight (I) (1960–1984)
It filled the strangest of niches
4 September 1999
Insight was a show that I used to see _early_ Sunday mornings after "Davey & Goliath". The best way to describe this show is a sort of religious "Twilight Zone". In fact, if I remember correctly, there was one episode that was a blatant rip-off of the "Zone" episode about the six dolls. The twist in the plot would be some sort of morality play. It was an interesting show that was pretty subtle in its message.
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Mystery Men (1999)
8/10
Unlike any of the Batman films, this is INTENTIONALLY funny
7 August 1999
How can you not root for these guys? The "Mystery Men" are one step removed from the average joe. They're outpowered, outmanned, and outclassed. Yet for whatever reason (destiny, determination, ignorance) they march on and do what they have to do.

This is fun movie for people who see how cool being a hero is yet how silly being a superhero is. The acting is great. Sometimes the opportunity for a joke is missed in order to keep the story moving along, but that's what's so good about it: You laugh at the heroes because their so pathetic, but it's so great to watch them succeed.

While an appreciating for comics isn't necessary to enjoy the film, it doesn't hurt either.
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9/10
It's so great because it doesn't use the "Disney Formula"
7 August 1999
I wasn't sure I was going to like the Giant. It could have just been big and said "friend" a lot, like E.T., then sell a bunch of Giant dolls at Burger King. But there's a point in the movie where you feel compassion for a robot. An animated robot.

It's not drawn in the Disney style, it's not preachy in the Disney style, and NO SONGS in the Disney style. It's just a great story put together in a near-perfect manner.

The only reason I didn't give it a perfect score was because there is a question that you have throughout most of the movie that never gets answered.
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UHF (1989)
A great way to combine all the funny elements of "Weird" Al
13 April 1999
This is a laugh-out loud movie with more quotable lines this side of "Army of Darkness". Since the movie is set at a TV station, it allows them to throw out a series of quick jokes (e.g. "Spatula City", "Ghandi II") which is really the movie's, and "Weird" Al's, forte. Rent it with a bunch of friends NOW.
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