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Reviews
A Simple Plan (1998)
Chilling Picture of MoneyLust
2000 years ago St. Paul wrote to his young student Timothy, "...the love of money is the root of all evil". The players in "A Simple Plan" prove that maxim from the very beginning of the story. The only question is how far they'll go to satiate their lust.
Cleancut feedstore worker Hank Mitchell, his stumblebum brother Jacob and their an unemployed friend Lou discover a crashed airplane in the woods. Inside the plane is $4 million in cash. So what to do with the newfound windfall? The answer is not so easy as it seems.
Hank and his colleagues have a simple plan, but even simple plans tend to unravel if they're based in greed. How unfortunate that the characters in "A Simple Plan" refused to learn the lesson centuries-old lesson of St. Paul.
Not a light film, and I wouldn't show the kids, because of the violence.
Lake Placid (1999)
B Movie Horror...It kinda works here...
Well, this movie is all one should expect from a B-movie horror flick. Scary enough, I guess, and mostly fun to watch. The monster is truly monstrous, and the rag-tag team that gathers to capture and/or kill the giant crocodile living in a lake in Maine (yes, -MAINE-) is a hoot. You've got your local heavy set sheriff, your clean cut game warden, your beautiful female scientist, and your filthy rich thrill seeker. These four magically come together for a couple of nights of croc huntin'.
What happens? C'mon, what do you think? It's not the best movie ever made...definitely a cheap Friday night date entertainment. Wait for the video release. But it isn't horrid either. I laughed out loud a few times; the film definitely doesn't take itself seriously. The film knows it's a B-movie, and doesn't try to hide the fact.
The worst parts of the movie, though, were some of the attempts at humor. I mean, hearing old lady Betty White stand on her porch and yell "f--k" at a police officer might have sounded HILARIOUS on the set, but it just doesn't translate to the audience in the theatre. There were too many of those types of moments.
My grade for this movie? C-
Dirty Work (1998)
Great Comedian Makes Awful Movie!
Ya know, I'm a fan of Norm's. He was shafted by NBC for making too many O.J. jokes, and that is a shame. He is a genuinely funny person. But this movie doesn't do him any good. Norm plays a guy who starts a business that exacts revenge on a client's enemies. The story just doesn't work--"one try" gags rapped around sexual activities might work for a skit, but to stretch it into a long movie it fails. And seeing Norm's character fall in love, and try to get the girl, well, it just doesn't work. I swear this happened when we saw the movie: as the show ended, a woman in back muttered "The real dirty trick would be to tell someone to go see this..." and she was right. Even Norm fans will be disappointed.
I hope Norm makes it back to some success...he's got a TV show on one of the broadcast networks (CBS, I think) and his does have a good sense of humor. But "Dirty Work" isn't worth watching.
The Mummy (1999)
Fun "Remake"
The Mummy is entertaining fare. A few of the jokes (and there are plenty attempted here) might be a bit boorish (bookshelves in an austere museum knocking each other down domino-style), but enjoyable nonetheless. And the characters, while slightly one-dimensional and cartoonish, fit this story perfectly.
Try to pay attention to the beginning of the story; there are some great little scenes where the ancient Egyptian high priest Imhotep (aka The Mummy) is caught in a naughty position with the Pharaoh's wife. Some great costumes and set design are seen here and later in the movie when our 20th century adventurers come upon the tombs. Kudos to the set designers and prop people and costumers and matte painters...beautiful stuff.
Anyway, the bulk of the story involves a competition of sorts between a bunch of loud-mouthed Americans and a British brother-sister team (led by their pal Brendan Fraser), all trying to find the Egyptian City of the Dead, where lots of gold 'n stuff is to be found. One problem, though: the City of the Dead isn't supposed to be messed with, 'cause that's where Imhotep is buried.
After a few twists 'n turns, they arrive, awaken bad old Imhotep, and the chase is on. How to kill the soon-to-be-invincible Mummy? To make matters worse, Imhotep has picked our British heroine out to be the sacrifice that will bring Pharaoh's wife back to life. Good horror/adventure stuff, eh?
Anyway, the show is a lot of fun, doesn't take itself too seriously, and has some good laughs and great special effects (Industrial Light & Magic). I gave it an 8.
Zaat (1971)
Jacksonville, Fla Bomb
Part of this was shot in Jacksonville, Florida. You talk about a putrid film. The plot drags on and on with no exposition except for a pathetic voice-over from the "villiain" who tells us all that they think he's mad, and "he'll show them someday".
Anyway, after about 20 minutes of showing us this bad guy playing around with all sorts of pseudo-Frankenstein lab stuff, he finally turns into a walking fish-man. Now look, the costume REALLY isn't that bad. It is kind of freaky looking, but you cannot make a film based on one kinda-cool outfit. Anyway, this bad guy swims around squirting lakes and other fish with a squirt bottle...for what purpose, we have NO idea, then he swims and attacks some old guy on a boat. Later we learn it is one of these guys who called him "mad". More swimming, some pathetic gawking at a woman painting and camping by the lake in a bikini, then back to the murder. Later monster boy tries to take the girl and turn HER into a "Mrs. Monster" but he fails. Oh, we see another 20 minutes or so of the monster piddling with the Frankenstein equipment...like we're so stupid we don't realize what he's trying to do. MST3K did this flick, and it was hard to enjoy even when THEY did it...this is bad on the MANOS, THE HANDS OF FATE kind of level. Watch if you REALLY want to go to sleep, but have to have the TV on anyway.
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
Pure Fertilizer
The best thing that could have happened to this movie did: it was picked up by MST3K. If you were forced to watch this movie for "entertainment" purposes, WITHOUT the benefit of the 'bots, you'd either cry real tears from pain or laughter. But make no mistake; this movie is bad. Worse than "Supergirl". Awful. Wretched. Honestly, a group of high school students could have done better. This ain't a real high falutin' review...but Manos isn't worth it. Watch it for the laughs on MST3K, but don't say you weren't warned.