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Chris-624
Reviews
Vampire Assassin (2005)
Whoever got this film distributed is a master producer.
I wasn't able to last ten minutes on the this terrible film. In and age of DV cameras, it looks to have been shot on VHS without aid of any color correction or microphone.
As a filmmaker myself, I know the constraints of indy film-making and, even keeping those things in mind, I'm amazed films can be made this poorly.
The only praise I can offer is that this film got distribution as I've seen considerably better films still seeking modest domestic or international release. I'm guessing the box is what sold it...it does have good box art, but it all goes downhill from there.
Side note: It seems the director has 11 friends since no one on the this planet would give this film a "10".
Flightplan (2005)
A decent start that turns ridiculously unbelievable.
SPOILERS- Although FLIGHT PLAN starts out strong enough to maintain the viewer's interest and pique their interest, it ends up yielding just about as disappointing and implausible ending as humanly possible.
When the elaborate blackmailing scheme is finally revealed to the audience, the glaring irrationality is the key element involving Jodie Foster's daughter...
This complex scheme involving finding someone with knowledge of the plane, killing her husband, getting explosives planted in the coffin, arranging for the coffin to be on that plane (or arranging for the conspirators to be scheduled on that plane), and finally the unobserved kidnapping of the daughter, is only the beginning of this absurdly intricate scheme. The entire success of this plan, the KEY FACTOR on which is all hinges, is that NO ONE can notice the little girl from the time she boards the plan, through take off, while she and her mother move to different seats to sleep, and finally gets herself drugged and stuffed into a beverage cart. If the little girl says "hi" to one other passenger, plays with another child, or is even seen walking with or sitting with her mother, the whole story falls apart. And these criminals are willing to set this all up, kill a man, bring an another accomplice (a mortician) into the fold, and HOPE that NOT ONE OTHER PERSON sees this cute little girl sitting just a few feet away.
This is so ridiculously glaring as to defy shedding of disbelief enough to even enjoy the film once it's revealed. And the sad thing is that with a little creativity, the writers could have come up with something better. Why have so many other passengers around at all? Have the back of the plane empty and the mother and daughter as the first ones on. Then no one besides the flight attendant (okay, probably more than one) would see them.
It's irritating the weak scripts that are being made into weak films. It all starts with the story...or in this case, stops.
The Constant Gardener (2005)
Great Cast, Mediocre Story, Terrible Direction
This is possibly the most poorly directed film I've seen. Being a cinephile and filmmaker myself, that's a bold statement I couldn't be more serious about. I would have to think the most commonly heard words on the the set of this production were "we'll go hand-held". Aside from the overuse of the hand-held camera, there were framing issues, focus issues, color issues and just plain bad shot and scene design. I'm sure the filmmaker would try to justify his choices by saying it was for "mood" or to create a sense of imbalance, but those are always cop-outs for an artist who has lost his way and doesn't really know what else to do.
I'm amazing a filmmaker with the skills to make "City of God" could retrogress to the level of a film school student raised solely on MTV caliber material.
In short, this film is a tragedy to experience and most of that is the fault of the director.
The Village (2004)
Shyamalan is 1 for 4!
***SPOILERS*** ***SPOILERS***
With the disappointment of "Unbreakable" and "Signs" my expectations for "The Village" we understandably low. Surprisingly, it still managed to fall way short. The premise of the film, as outlined in the trailers, would have proved much more thrilling (and in some ways more believable) than the story that unfolds.
The main problems with the film are these: 1) the "twist" can be spotted a mile away and when you realize what it is, you hope you're wrong because it's not only obvious, but uninteresting. 2) the film proves so unrealistic and to be almost laughably bad.
Shyamalan is still riding the coat tails of "The Sixth Sense" (an amazing film in every respect), but the public is starting to realize that it looks like he only has one good film in him. One should wonder why with a $60 million budget and the full support of the studio, why he couldn't get another giant name (Bruce Willis, Bruce Willis, and Mel Gibson in the past).
Could it be that the big names passed on the project? With any 2nd-tier director, this film would probably have gone straight to video.
***SPOILERS***
Let's look at the primary issues with the film that make it such a disappointment.
When it's revealed to the audience that the village is actually present day and isolated in a nature preserve (although they certainly knew this long before the film reveals it) and the creatures in the woods are simply village elders in costume, this opens up a whole can of problems in and of itself:
1) The handful of village elders must take endless turns running around the woods in costumes (day and night) to keep up the charade, yet no one has ever seen them going in or coming out...even though they're routinely caring an eight foot tall creature costume?
2) Walker (Hurt) won't break his vow to go to the modern day town for medicine, but sends his blind daughter instead? And what kind of mother is Alice Hunt (Weaver) in that she's unwilling to break her vow and go to town herself? Her son is on the brink of death and she does nothing? Not believable.
3) When Walker decides to reveal the truth to his daughter, he takes her to the cabin where one of the creature costumes is hidden. He tells her not to scream, but lets her discover the costume with her hands, to her horror and surprise. What kind of sadistic creep is this guy? Why not tell her what's going on instead of trying to scare the hell out of her? The simple (albeit weak) answer is that the director was simply trying to build suspense where he couldn't make it fit logically.
4) We won't dwell too much on the blind woman outrunning Noah in full daylight. I don't care how heavy the costume might be, it just doesn't wash. This conflict should have been resolved better.
5) Then there's the brief explanation by the director (in his cameo) about why planes never fly over the reserve. Whatever. Fine. We can let that one go along withe the fact that everything about the reserve is so mysterious, there must be all kinds of kids sneaking in, but I guess they never found the village.
6) Perhaps the most awkward element that is never addressed is why these modern day Americans, living as early settlers, decide to speak antiquated English instead of the more common tongue they all spoke naturally? The obvious answer is again the director needing to manipulate the setting no matter how unrealistic. In truth, there is absolutely no reason for these villagers to not speak modern English (except, perhaps, with the exclusion of profanity to help promote their idealized world).
There are other issues with the film, but I've probably wasted too much time on this weak piece of film-making. We all had such high hopes for Shyamalan after "The Sixth Sense". Perhaps it would be impossible to live up to them, but it's not too much to expect decent film-making from a man who, at one time, had the golden touch.
Punch-Drunk Love (2002)
Look out Ed Wood!
With this outing, PT Anderson proves that "Magnolia" wasn't just a bump in the road, but that he genuinely has no talent. Although it's only 2003, this film has an excellent chance of becoming the worst film on the millenium. I see more movies than almost anyone and work in the industry, and am tired of the conformist intellectual majority jumping on their MENSA-powered bandwagon and eagerly labeling any oddity "art" for the sake of self aggrandisement. Just because something is weird or unusual, doesn't make it good, but try to tell that to the fools who claim genius in films like this who offer the only defense of "oh, you just didn't understand it." PT Anderson, if you read this, I want my rental money back, but more importantly, I'm sure you cast and crew would like a refund on the months of their lives they wasted on what, at best, could be called a mistake.
Punch-Drunk Love (2002)
Look out Ed Wood!
With this outing, PT Anderson proves that "Magnolia" wasn't just a bump in the road, but that he genuinely has no talent. Although it's only 2003, this film has an excellent chance of becoming the worst film on the millenium. I see more movies than almost anyone and work in the industry, and am tired of the conformist intellectual majority jumping on their MENSA-powered bandwagon and eagerly labeling any oddity "art" for the sake of self aggrandisement. Just because something is weird or unusual, doesn't make it good, but try to tell that to the fools who claim genius in films like this who offer the only defense of "oh, you just didn't understand it." PT Anderson, if you read this, I want my rental money back, but more importantly, I'm sure you cast and crew would like a refund on the months of their lives they wasted on what, at best, could be called a mistake.