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jdhannan
Reviews
Disenchantment: Love's Slimy Embrace (2019)
One of the laziest written things I've ever seen
Rushing from item to item, no sense, basically no jokes. They tried to escape an octopus by going out to sea.
Bulletproof Monk (2003)
Plot Hole, thy name is Bulletproof Monk
This contains only some spoilers, not enough to even affect your enjoyment(?) of the movie, but the movie isn't enjoyable without making fun of it anyway.
Augh, what a waste of $13.50.
This movie made no sense. I didn't "not understand it" or anything like that, it was just terrible. Oh and the mistakes... In the beginning, the keeper of the scroll says "ever since those British Soldiers got here in 1904. These soldiers come walking up in Green fatigues with Iron Crosses, little mustaches and distinct German accents. Also, they're killing Chinese people with great disregard and you find out he wants to kill all races of the world that aren't the same as him! Yeah that sounds British to me.
A Russian girl, daughter of Ivan the Terrible, named Jade, with Red hair, Blue eyes, living in a palace, in New York. Exactly what combination of idiots dreamed up this character? Theres a character who cant decide what is name is. He refers to himself as Mr. Fantastic. Shortly after one of his thugs starts referring to him as Mr. Funktastic, and from then on (only) everyone refers to him as Mr. Funktastic. However, he has "Mister Fuktastic" tattooed on his chest.
Nameless Monk (Chow Yun Fat) is told that if someone reads the scroll in its entirety, they will have ultimate power and be able to recreate the world as they wish. So this other guy reads everything except the last couple words and all of a sudden he has telekinetic powers. Everyone in this movie knows Kung Fu. Chinese people, American people in suits, German people who are supposed to be British, Russian people, People who look like Suzanne Somers. EVERYONE.
Even the title was misleading. The guys are not Bullet Proof, they can just move really quickly sometimes. Chow tells Kar (which could not be a more annoying name) that anyone can treat any substance in any fashion, ie u can step on air as if it were stone or swim in air as if it were water, also something about steel and bone and metal... as long as you truly believe. Just that, anyone! You can be impervious to pain and fly through the air just by believing you can.
Jade (the Russian) and Kar (Sean William Scott) become the next keepers of the scroll together because they both (SORT OF) complete the 3 tests required to become the scroll keepers. The first one is defeating an army while a flock of cranes flies overhead. They are underground, at night, so no one knows if any cranes happened to be nocturnal and flying somewhere over head that could have been fulfilled, except for the fact that Jade never defeated ANYONE AT ALL IN ANY WAY.
The movie was a ripoff of The Matrix and (seriously) The Princess Bride. Kar stole his little pre-fight stretch/pose move from Neo in the dojo. Then theres a scene with a helicopter that Chow jumped out of and a wire catches around Kar's leg and he gets dragged across the roof. How does a wire-fu movie rip off The Princess Bride? With a water-powered torture device. The bad guy has people tied up underground and flips a switch and all this water rushes through and its some kind of torture/memory scan/brain sucker!
The British Nazi has Chow tied up in his "underground lair" and when he won't talk or something, he pushes a button and he flies across the lair on some kind of a electric flying fox to bring him to him. Whyever he had to make something to elaborate we'll never know.
OK.
I haven't laughed so hard at a movie in a long time, but this was worse than Ecks vs Sever.
Futurama (1999)
Please use this review instead of the one that was on there
Futurama is the BEST cartoon or live-action show to come out in fourteen years, that is, since the creation of the Simpsons. Every character is funny in the show, none of them are just filler.
This show is beautifully animated, delightfully scripted, wonderfully voiced and i have watched every episode probably a dozen times and i enjoy it as much every time. There is a petition of over 150,000 signatures to keep futurama on the air, that alone should tell you how good of a show that is.
The characters are as follows: Phillip J. Fry (The J is Matt Groening's favorite middle initial, which he got from Bullwinkle J. Moose) who is a pizza delivery boy from the 20th century who's frozen and wakes up in the year 3000. Goes by the name "Fry" Turanga Leela is a mutant Cyclops who takes on the job of managing Planet Express (a delivery company) that employs Fry and - Bender Bending Rodriguez, a robot designed to bend girders to build suicide booths, but when he learns what the girders are for, he (eventually) gets a job at Planet Express Professor Hubert Farnsworth is Fry's Greatgreatgreat.........great nephew technically and owns Planet Express and runs it to fund his research into mad scientist related paraphernalia. Amy Wong is a klutz from Mars whose only job is to be near the professor because she has the same blood type Dr. John Zoidberg is a lobster-man who eats anything and everything, speaks with a garbled Jewish accent and no one likes, but he's always there anyways Hermes Conrad is Planet Express's Bureaucrat and does all the managing of the company. Zapp Brannigan is a William Shatner gone overboard captain of a warship. He loves velour and short, short uniforms Kif Kroker is Zapp's assistant and has to deal with all his crap. Futurama is the best show ever to be cancelled or "not renewed" as FOX will tell you. I can see why they cancelled Family Guy, it went overboard and downhill but Futurama is just great. The show can NEVER run out of ideas because its the year 3000 and ANYTHING they want to happen can, they just have to fly to another planet to experience it, and they have the perfect excuse, they're a delivery company.
Scooby-Doo (2002)
98.5 / 100
This was a great movie. Matthew Lillard IS Shaggy. Velma was very good. If you're too familiar with the cartoon you may notice that Fred and Daphne were both cast terribly, and dressed wrong. The scene in the airplane, Scooby barks like a real dog and he looks like he's made out of Jello(tm). His head moves independent of his nose! The only other scene i had a problem with was the farting contest between Shaggy and Scooby. The rest of the movie was pure bliss. Great story, great graphics, Shaggy, Velma and Scooby more than make up for Freddie Prinze and Sarah Gellar's bad work.