Reviews

"White Chicks" is a farts and racial humor comedy from three of the Wayans brothers. The story is about the attempts by two bumbling black undercover male FBI agents (Shawn & Marlon) to blend into the white Hamptons (NY) society by assuming the identities (and looks) of two rich sisters they were assigned to guard. (The sisters, Brittany and Tiffany - but think Paris and Nicky, are played by Maitland Ward and Anne Dudek.) There are some funny moments with an all too predictable plot. Gross humor and language.

GRADE = "B-"

"The Chronicles of Riddick" is an overblown empty scifi epic. The acting is atrocious, the weapons are ludicrous, the plot is simply stupid, and the music instead of being in the background is in the foreground. The special effects are excellent BUT that does not make a movie. Thandie Newton gets to wear some stunning costumes and hairdos; Alexa Davalos tried to imitate Sigourney Weaver in the Alien series; Judi Dench has the look of "what the hell am I doing here". A candidate for the top ten worst movies of the year.

GRADE = "C-"

"The Day After Tomorrow" is an old-fashioned disaster flick with today's special effects and tells the tale of weather disasters caused by man. Dennis Quaid does the best he can with a not-very-well written role. Don't expect any 'rocket science', Academy Award acting, or innovative plotting. So, find a "big" screen, leave your brain at the door, and enjoy this 2-hour summer adventure. For the Washington area crowd, there is local scenery and extra humor.

GRADE = "B"

"Raising Helen" tells the story of the youngest of three sisters who is the only single but inherits another sister's three school-age children. Her natural inability to take on this trio of surprise responsibilities is suppose to be hilarious. A two hour L-O-N-G not-so-good sitcom from Garry Marshall. Do yourself a favor and see the trailer but skip this movie!

GRADE = "C"

"Stateside" is 'based on a true story' and tells the tale of a rich teenager who gets into trouble and is allowed to avoid prison by enlisting in the Marines; he falls in love with a disturbed young woman. We wander to five states (California, Connecticut, New York, North Carolina, and South Carolina) in this disjointed, smoky soap opera. The talented young actors do their best with the mess they are given.

GRADE = "C"

"New York Minute" is a summer movie for 10 to 16 year-old girls. The Olsen twins film tells the tale of twins who have many mis-adventures during a day-time trip to New York City. The sisters have very different personalities and very different reasons for going to the "big apple". Neither one has a boy friend when the film starts but both end up with a boy friend when the film ends. Supporting cast is basically window dressing so your reason for seeing this should not be to see them, but rather to see the maturing twins.

GRADES = For target audience, "B"; others, "C"

"Win a Date with Tad Hamilton" is an enjoyable romantic comedy - a throwback to those of Doris Day and Sandra Dee. Set in lala-land and W. VA, it stars an attractive triangle (from tv); Nathan Lane and Sean Hayes appear briefly in minor roles. A very pleasant date movie.

GRADE = "B+"

"Stuck on You" is a pleasant but overlong comedy. It tells the story of adult male Siamese (they prefer the term 'conjoined') twins who live on the island of Martha's Vineyard in Massachusetts who agree between themselves to go to Hollywood to become 'an actor'. The humor is restrained but there are some very funny moments. Cher is a guest star and poked fun at herself; Meryl Streep is also a guest star but comes across as not comfortable with her part. The two leads (Matt and Greg) do a nice job with 'a role' that in other hands could have been presented in extremely poor taste.

GRADE = "B-"

"The Last Samurai" is an epic 'eastern' with lots of blood, violence, and Mr. T.C. Mapother IV (Tom Cruise) trying to be the new Marion Morrison (John Wayne). Overlong, overdone in parts, and predictable. The photography is excellent and certainly deserves an Oscar nomination.

GRADE = "B"

"Timeline" is one to skip unless :

(a) you are the president of Actor 'x's fan club;

(b) you're responsible for compiling a list of the worst movies of the year and have been ordered to verify the entry of this last minute contender; or

(c) you've seen every other movie out there and must get your "film fix".

Recipe for this :

• find some somewhat attractive actors with various accents

• blend together some plots from at least 50-year old movies including Prince Valiant and the Time Machine

• add lots of violence and murder

• toss in plenty of money

• mix well

• and you get a

GRADE of "D" for Dreadful

"The Missing" is a miss. Sorry, Ron, but instead of another homerun, you have a strikeout. This western is overlong and exhausting to watch. Better editing would help but would not make it what most people are expecting. Actors seem to be going through the motions.

GRADE = "C"

"The Barbarian Invasions" is a French-Canadian fantasy about a dying, hedonistic, 50-something, divorced, small-time college professor. Writer/director Denys Arcand attempts to cutely putdown organizations, nationalities, professions, (and even 9/11) while providing lessons on how to cook/snort heroin. Lots of sex talk but no nudity. Editing leaves a lot to be desired. Performances range from excellent to laughable to catatonic.

GRADE = "C+"

"Calendar Girls" is a mildly amusing film based upon actual events about a group of mature women in England who, in order to raise money, spice up the annual fund-raising calendar by appearing nude. Except for the script, a lot of effort went into this production. I would have swapped the two leads because Helen Mirren's strong suit is not comedy. There are funny scenes, but instead of being light, a soap opera sub-plot is tossed in mid-way. What should have been a gem, becomes a rock.

GRADE = "C-"

"Gothika" is 'a woman in jeopardy' film, a throwback to the movies of the 40's, like Joan Bennett in "Secret Beyond the Door" or Barbara Stanwyck in "The Two Mrs. Carrolls" with some of "The Uninvited" and "The Snake Pit" thrown in. This updated version, however, has much violence and gore. Basically, it is a starring vehicle for the talented Halle.

GRADE = "B-"

"In America" tells the story of a current day Irish immigrant family (but illegal) coming to America (via Canada). There is a family tragedy that everyone is trying to get over, with this new start in NYC. Performances are excellent, but story has errors, omissions, and is at times not believable. Also, if you saw some of the early trailers, it led you to think that this might be a horror/ghost story - it is NOT.

So, go -- enjoy the acting and the messages while ignoring those faults.

GRADE = "B+"

"The Singing Detective" is one weird movie that you will either like or hate. It takes place in a hospital where the central character is an author with a severe skin ailment who is in a sad shape of mind. If you liked the musical setup of the TV series "Pennies from Heaven", you will be comfortable with the 50's musical sequences in this. A showcase for Robert Downey Jr.; intentionally incoherent; foul language, violence, and scenes of sexual activity.

GRADE = "B"

"Shattered Glass" tells the real-life story of a Grade A manipulator named Stephen Glass. He was a reporter for the New Republic magazine in DC who fabricated stories. It is an "in the face" movie with good performances. Experienced screenwriter Billy Ray directs his first film.

GRADE = "B-"

"In the Cut" follows an English teacher's sex life in NYC. Unless you're into lots of sex and murder, you should skip this turkey. It is a depressing muddle with nudity, simulated sex acts, body parts, lots of blood. Be ready for the new "Hollywood" ending which has been substituted.

GRADE = "D"

"Die, Mommie, Die" is a campy parody of the "woman's picture". Mostly a sendup of Joan Crawford but includes things from other movie queens by the new movie "queen". If you have not seen many of these films, you won't get a lot of the humor, including the over-complicated plot, special lighting, clothes, facial expressions, poses, names, etc. There is nudity, sexual material, vulgar language, etc. It is a hoot for adult audiences.

GRADE = "B"

"The Human Stain" is a disjointed story about a secret. In general, cannot recommend this film unless you are interested in seeing acting ranging from non-existent to potential Oscar nomination. The secret is revealed early on and developed with many flashbacks. There is nudity, foul language, bloody boxing, and one long and unnecessary scene of Gary Sinese and Anthony Hopkins dancing together on a screened porch like Fred and Ginger to the song containing "cheek to cheek".

GRADE = "C"

"Radio" is based on an actual ongoing friendship in So. Carolina between a white football coach and a mentally disabled black man. The story is good, but the movie is loud, sappy, and overdone. It is good to see Debra Winger again, but not in the role of the homey coach's wife. Cuba Gooding is better in this than in "Fighting Temptations" or "Boat Trip", but that is faint praise.

GRADE = "C"

"Sylvia" is the bio of the suicidal poet Sylvia Plath. This sombre film about an unhappy life is graced with a nuanced performance by Gwyneth Paltrow. There is nudity and coarse language. A likely Oscar contender in a variety of categories.

GRADE = "B+"

"Runaway Jury" is an above-average courtroom/jury film, with very good performances (except for one). There is much violence, but no nudity. The two hours + are well paced but this is not for gun enthusiasts.

GRADE = "B-"

"Underworld" tells the tale of a current day war in dreary Europe between the vampires and the werewolves, dating back centuries. If you want a long overload of music, violence, guns, bullets, repetition, catatonic acting, and special effects, go for it. The best thing about this film is its star, Kate Beckinsale in a tight black vinyl (scuba-like) outfit, moodily stomping around with her guns blasting.

GRADE = "C"

"Jeepers Creepers 2" is a well-made horror film. You probably will not miss anything if you have not seen the first one. Large group of young actors do a fine job in this story of a group of high schoolers being terrorized by a vicious flying monster. Some of it is dopey, but what did you expect!

GRADE = "B+"