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mkh357
Reviews
The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)
Intrigue,Swordplay, revenge and action..ok..maybe just a little action
This movie started slow enough..but you have to admit some of the lead characters were pretty stupid. Did anyone stop to think that Monte Cristo was just an inhabited island...or a rock for that matter?
That would have stopped the "plot" dead in it's tracks but instead it drug out for a spell. Fans of the Three Musketeers will appreciate this movie even more. This movie had too many "duh" moments for me.
The Fast and the Furious (2001)
Guns, Girls and Garbage...oh yes..and there are cars too
There are movies about cars..titles such as The Love Bug, Christine come to mind..the car was the central point of the story. This sorry excuse for a movie was just a two hour music video that showcased the cars.. of course for street authenticity they had asian and hispanic "gangs" who couldn't walk onscreen without their rap theme music..Because we know all gangs listen to just rap music.
Vin Diesel..dleivers some cheesy one liners.."when I'm in that car..I feel free' give me a break...was that supposed to make us cry? Michelle Rodriguez (I have to punch everyone in my movies because I did Girlfight) walks around sulking and her character never even goes anywhere. Not to mention some genius on the production team had the bright idea to crank the music up at pivotal scenes just so your ears would bleed by the time you left the theatre. More stupid junk that Hollywood opted to dish out. By the way...can someone explain to me how these kids could afford these rides? Oh that's right..they are in gangs...and all gangs are rich...what was I thinking?
Sweet November (2001)
Sweet yaaawnn November..is it over yet?
This drippy, syrupy, dog crap of a movie should have been over before it got started. It was yet another "beautiful girl trying to look gritty" type of pic..Cherlize Theron stars as a free spirited beatnik type who for no apparent reason dates and dumps a different guy every month. Somewhere along the way we find out she is stricken with cancer...(real original)..and straight from the the Acting 101 school she starts coughing and drinking water..as if that will make it all better. Keanu Reeves gives a wooden performance as a stuck ad exec...who the in the world would hire this guy? He is in sales and he couldn't sell matches to a pyromaniac. All of his lines are delivered in the same deadpan, non emotional, monotone he uses in all his movies..He and Kevin Costner could be in a movie and bore each other to death.
anywhoo...Cherlize decides that he absolutely can't live without her so she has him move in with her.... We are then blessed with 40 minutes of fish out of water antics from robot actor Keanu. I have had more excitement clipping my toenails. The ending is so predictable I almost puked...save your money...and wait for it on HBO....
Eye for an Eye (1996)
Packaged just for the Lifetime Channel
I happen to have stumbled on this movie on some late night movie channel. Anything with Sally Field in it can't be that bad right?...WRONG!!! Kiefer Sutherland an over the top serial rapist..which is played with such bravado and Disney "bad guyism" it comes off cheesy. In a nutshell he brutally rapes Sally Field's daughter and she sets out for revenge after he gets off in court.. Ed Harris does his best vein in the forehead, tough concerned father. But if he shot the rapist right from the start there would be no movie..The funniest part of the movie is watching the camera follow Kiefer's character through his "stomping grounds"
In a world where even someone you know could be a rapist (anyone hear of date rape)Hollywood still feels the night to present the bad guy who lives in a flat over a pawnshop stereotype. He kicks cans, pours hot coffee on cats, and chain smokes...ok..like we didn't get he was bad from the minute he raped the girl.
Everytime we go to "the hood" rap music starts playing...by this point nothing surprised me...and I was able to pretty much predict the rest of the movie...Sally meet bad guy...the confront each other...and then their is a finale...conclusion......whatever....
Britney Spears Live from Las Vegas (2001)
Britney Rocks Las Vegas
HBO Concerst are here to stay and Britney's concert is no exception..after watching Madonna's latest snoozer..this was a welcome change...what plays well onstage and in large arenas may not play well on TV...It was obvious Britney lip synched to about 90% of the show..her robotic choreography and dialogue with the crowd seemed very earnest..in fact most of the dance moves were straight from her video so you were not seeing anything new..and you never got the impression she was completely comfortable onstage. Jon Voight makes an appearance and adds the quintessential "cheese' element into the show that we can all expect from Britney. The rain shower scene was unnecessary and it appeared to be a feeble shot at turning Britney into some sensual sex machine.. ..all this talk about maturity..but her sound is still loaded with confectionary sugar. never put the cart before the horse. ....the show is entertaining..but if you are not a die hard Britney fan..I doubt it will hold your attention...
Too Legit: The MC Hammer Story (2001)
Terrible movie..Limp dancing...horrible acting
I first want to point out that I am a huge MC Hammer fan..I was fan of his when he used to do low budget videos in nightclubs..and was selling his music out of the back of his car. This movie was so glossed over I felt I was watching an afternoon special. The actor playing Hammer didn't look anything like him..the hairpieces that were used to "go back in time" were awful...and look just like toupees'...the dancing was marginal..MC Hammer moved ten times faster and was a lot more electrifying than what was portrayed onscreen..
Where was 2 Big MC?? Oaktown 357...Ace Juice, Special Generation etc....too many fragments missing from this story..Interesting how the song "Pray" was missing from the movie..yet they show Hammer in church twice...all in all this movie sucked..they would have been better off getting the real deal.
The Others (2001)
Creepy...Dark...but not entirely original
This movie was entertaining....and I must say the only movie I have seen with Nicole Kidman in it that I actually liked...but haven't we seen this type of movie before?
At the risk of giving it away..if you have seen The Sixth Sense..you pretty much have the basis of this movie..all in all it was good...
now if they could just shave 30 minutes off of this movie we can talk..
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001)
Lara Crap..It doesn't get any dumber than this...or can it?
Being the Angelina Jolie fan that I am..I knew she was the perfect person for the role..sure I played the video game...and fell into the whole video game lore...what I don't understand was why make a movie about it? Has any video game franchise EVER had a successful movie? Anyone remember Double Dragon, Mortal Kombat or Super Mario Bros...I didn't think so..
This movie was a lame attempt to create a female Indiana Jones...with a weak plot...a useless sidekick..and even more useless stunts..Less was focused on actual plot..and the obvious attention went to the soundtrack..and how much crap the director could explode. Then there were parts I just didn't get it..like the ballet bungee scene...yawn...after all the kick butt action in the movie..there is a rather awkward moment where the director felt the need to soften the Lara Croft character by showing a long drugged out scene of her in the bathtub. yawn...
Let's pray they don't make a sequel..
Planet of the Apes (2001)
Decent DVD...don't expect much
This movie was filmed in what is now the famous "I-am-so-depressed-o-vision" The makeup and costumes were fantastic..Danny Elfman doesn't really do anything new with the music other than crank the volume up in pivotal spots... Tim Roth does a great job being p***ed off the entire movie..but you never see his character go anywhere....I am still trying to figure out where Estella Warren got all the lipstick on that barren planet..yet she couldn't find a full set of clothes..Kris Krisstofferson was a waste of film...and Charlton Heston makes a cameo..
This movie was so stupid I couldn't wait to turn the thing off.
On a positive note..the DVD is pretty nice..it has many behind the scenes features..showing stuff that you probably missed in the movie..because you were busy in the bathroom gagging..
I give this film ..no bananas..
King Gimp (1999)
Fought the tears...
The minute I saw this documentary win the award on the Oscars, it captured my curiosity. After seeing this film, I will never complain about a thing. It is incredible what you can accomplish once you put your mind to it. This documentary follows a young man who is stricken with cerebral palsy. Confined to a certain degree in a wheelchair, he struggles for acceptance in an unforgiven society, and chasing his demons as an affluent artist. This film is short but worth the watch.
If you have seen the movie "My Left Foot" you will like this even better. This movie is a true inspiration.
Me, Myself & Irene (2000)
You'll laugh, you'll squirm, and you may never eat chicken again.
Jim Carrey fans maybe in for a shock, in this film he departs from his rated PG, sanitized for families brand of comedy we have all become accustomed to. If you liked "There's Something About Mary or "American Pie" this grossout, slapstick flick will be a walk in the park. Racial stereotypes, sexual innuendos, and a well placed chicken all keep the loose yet wacky plot on course. Renee Zellwegger seems comfortable playing the "girlfriend" yet again, (minus the cute Jerry Maguire kid) This movie was a hoot, no stretch for Jim Carrey, whose physical antics support the script. Personally I think he needed a comedy, I mean, did anyone really like the Cable Guy?
The Perfect Storm (2000)
Great visuals, and sound..
This film is definitely not the "feel good" movie of the summer. I walked away feeling kind of depressed. The special effects more than compensate for the lack of character development. In fact most of the characters tend to take a backseat to the spectacle that makes up the storm. (Think Twister on water) All in all it was a good movie. George Clooney does a wonderful job as the boat captain, although the real drama and suspense kicks in when the Coast Guard attempts to rescue one of their own out of the water. True boaters will notice a few boating mistakes that were obviously added, typical Hollywood stuff. I mean George Clooney laughing in the face of danger? The movie has it's corny moments, but overall it was an enjoyable experience, and I have a newfound respect for mother nature.
Kevin
Anna and the King (1999)
No singing and dancing here in this remake.....
This movie proved to me why I should never listen to box office reports. Being a Jodie Foster fan I may be a little biased, but the cinematography alone will just take you in. A lot of money was put into this movie and you see it, from the clothes, set design and sweeping score. Jodie's on again off again British accent is hardly noticeable. Chow Yun Fat was probably the biggest surprise, having seen him in countless slow mo, kung fu action flicks (directed by the white doves man himself-John Woo)
He has incredible presence onscreen, and captured the heart of a warrior king.You will walk away asking for a sequel, to this timeless classic.