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Reviews
Galactica 1980 (1980)
surprisingly bad and pointless
Galactica 1980 is the rushed, pointless follow up to Battlestar Galactica. Almost the entire thing takes place on Earth, decades after the end of the original. It is poorly written with a threadbare budget and none of the feeling of the original, itself inferior to its remake.
The whole production feels rushed and cheap. I was impressed how the effects of the original held up-not so with 1980.
Add in kids and the all knowing "Doctor Zee," who makes Adama constantly look like a moron, plus lots of cheap laser effects and invisible pilots/planes, and this show is consigned to the ashbin of TV history.
It even has a crummy disco-ized BSG soundtrack.
Not worth watching. Most don't even consider it cannon to BSG.
*/**** (One star out of four)
Windtalkers (2002)
Just a mindless action flick, but not in a good way
I don't know that John Woo was the man to direct this. Then again, I don't know that the gang of writers should have been the ones writing this either.
I can summarize the movie and it's flaws in by describing one particularly asinine scene: Our good guys are-of course-surrounded and out numbered by the evil Japanese. During this climactic battle, our hero fires a pistol at a hillside. A half dozen Japanese SIMULTANEOUSLY leap out of the bushes in their dramatic deaths. All sense of realism is shattered.
Really not a period piece but a lame action vehicle smothered in cliché. Oh well. I'm not a big fan of Woo anyway.
**1/2 (one and one half stars out of four)
King Arthur (2004)
A boring, messy, overlong affair
I see now why this movie was a box office flop; it is criminally boring. While I know little of the King Arthur legend, I seriously doubt the Guinevere ran around in a two piece painted blue with a battle ax among armies composed entirely of men. This pretty much ruined the historical accuracy of the entire movie for me.
The plot: King Arthur and his knights have served the Roman empire gallantly for years and have reached the time when they can finally return to the homes from which they were conscripted. But when the time comes, they are sent on one final, suicidal mission to rescue a family from the Nordic army.
Through out the movie King Arthur pontificates on freedom and notions more advanced than enlightenment Europe. Please. Guinevere end up some kind of feminist role model and seems utterly historically inaccurate.
This might have been a good hour and a half, but at an ungainly 140 minutes it is simply tedious.
*1/2 star (one and one half stars out of four)
Everyday People (2004)
The drama of everyday life
There are not many movies that have been able to hold my attention lately. I find myself hitting the stop button far to often. I expected nothing better from what looked like a slow drama, Everyday People.
But I never once had the urge to shut off my DVD player. It is unfortunate that this movie is almost certain never to find a niche.
That is a shame. The movie is the engrossing story of-shockingly enough-everyday people with normal, everyday lives. If you feel sold out when a nice, simple drama ends in gunfire for some silly reason, if you're sick of CGI movies with no heart, this is you're movie. It doesn't need to force events to carry the plots along; instead, we get several stories that unfold naturally.
A restaurant is closing and it's staff must find new jobs. How they react and how their lives are changed is the story, no more, no less. The entire movie takes place over one work day. The acting is solid, the writing equally good. All around this is simply a well made little movie.
Another delight was that there really aren't fixed endings. Who settles their lives in one night? These people do not. We don't know what is going to happen to them or even if things will be okay in the end; we know only what we are given.
Overall, this is an engrossing, low key drama that you shouldn't pass up.
*** (three stars out of four)
Hulk (2003)
Grrr! Frown! Boring!
Bottom line: Hulk frowns, grunts and groans a lot, but simply doesn't entertain. They should have put some of that $150,000,000 budget into a better director and screen writers.
The hype lasted for months. Hulk toys. Hulk shirts. Hulk green cereal. Hulk ice pops. Hulk flavored condoms. Hulk was everywhere.
Then we saw the green beast, and we all groaned. But him being a 13 foot behemoth didn't stop us! We're fans, and we see him if he was purple and wore a too-too (right?).
Well, it turns out the problem wasn't with the Hulk's looks at all. The problem was he and his human counter part were horribly boring. the final insult: Hulk bounding miles into the air. Yea yea, its a freakin expression of his freedom, sure, but it STILL looked stupid no matter the artistic vision.
*/**** (one star out of four stars)
Half-Life 2 (2004)
Best game ever-period
This game sucks you in and doesn't let go. Every detail has been attended too. See those barrels, that look like they can be moved? Guess what-THEY CAN BE!
The physics engine is nothing short of brilliant. Everything acts as you would expect in the real world.
The facial animations are great, as are the amazing textures (you'll wonder around with your flash light every time you find a new texture to explore).
The game play is fast and fun, but still has puzzles like the original.
I don't know what game these cranks are talking about, but from what I understand they do not know enough to get rid of graphic card specific problems and thus didn't like the game. The problem is their rig, drivers, or setting, not HL2. Plus, HL2 doesn't even have that high a system requirements. It runs better than doom 3 but looks far better.
verdict: **** (four stars out of four)
Most Extreme Elimination Challenge (2003)
Just fun to watch
I really enjoy this show.
The challenges are nearly impossible and the wipe outs are often spectacular. The voice overs are so outrageous that there isn't a drop of self righteousness anywhere. It is hysterical to watch the Japanese people in their little helmets failing miserably and getting slammed into a pit of mud face first.
It is the perfect injury/reality/comedy TV, something that will appeal mostly to men but some women as well.
Not a bad show for Spike TV.
This, from a culture that dispenses soiled panties from vending machines.
God bless Japan!
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004)
I loved almost every minute
The name says it all.
Sky Captain is the movie that would have been made if we shipped our technology to 1930's Hollywood. It is a joyous romp that pretend to be nothing more than pure entertainment. I detected little that the 1930's imagination could not have come up with. Lasers make those strange clichéd sounds (woowoowoo), guns shoot rings of death that melt metal, robots 25 stories tall fire beams from their visors while stomping all over the city.
It is the perfect piece of entertainment. It is a visual feast that plays with lights and clichés with equal joy.
My only 'gripe' is that the movie is rather front loaded with the goodies (IE robots of death). It goes from astounding to excellent. Not too bad. Also, the bady could have had a cooler motivation, but that is no trouble.
I recommend this movie whole heartedly.
***1/2 (three and one half stars out of four)
I, Robot (2004)
Solid sci-fi-and yes, faithful to Asimov
I've always enjoyed good science fiction, and this movie was solid all around. Will Smith is well cast as Spooner and isn't too comical. The plot was solid and lacked any noticeable holes. The dialog is quiet good. And of course, the SFX were fantastic. The design of everything, from buildings to robots to cars, is perfect.
YES the robots obeyed the three laws! You have to watch to see why I can say that safely.
My qualms? There is some fairly blatant product placement for shoes, stereos, cars, etc (you will see). Also, the plot elements involving the doctor and his robots is a bit convoluted and that constitutes a big part of the movie, but I can't elaborate without spoilers. Still, I didn't consider that a problem.
*** out of **** (three stars out of four)
Taking Lives (2004)
Great creepy thriller with less than thrilling plot
(spoiler free, honest)
I liked the lovely lead Ms. Jolie and the supporting cast. The mood is creepy and has lots of jump-in-your-seat moments. Dead, decayed bodies abound and the effects are great. The characters are also extremely good if slightly contrived. Seeing Angelina having sex is, as always, welcome.
My only problem was the plot in the final act.
Everything was good up until the final set of twists began. Part of the problem was I saw that twists were coming (although perhaps not that particular set, but I still didn't buy them, especially the very last one). But the bigger problem was it tries to be overly clever and drifts into inane...
However, if you don't dislike the final twists like I did, I think you'll end up really enjoying it. Its a fun journey to a marginal ending, but worth recommending.
**1/2 out of **** (two and a half stars out of four)
Treasure Planet (2002)
Bold, imaginative, but lacking good writing
Visually, Treasure Planet is an achievement. The idea is imaginative, fresh and fun. The story is predictable but good. But the writing is weak and the movie ends up uneven. Parts are extremely funny, other parts are painfully labored and distinctly flat.
The death knell is the appearance of the android character Ben in the last half hour or so. He is something like a Jerry Lewis impression, loud and grating. He is the official Zany Comic Relief, but he feels like he's been squeezed out of a constipated writer. He is meant to be funny by being annoying, but instead he's just... annoying.
Overall, it's a decent movie but incredibly uneven.
**1/2 out of **** (two and a half stars out of four)
The Order (2003)
A dreadful, ridiculous, stupefying mess I had to shut off
I wanted to watch this movie, but one bizarre ridiculous scene after another forced me to shut it off. Character's don't seem to react to anything. Consider this: Heath Ledger is walking a night (through a cemetery I believe) when he is attacked by spirits, which he drives away. Once past this ordeal he calmly walks away and meets up with a friend that saw it all. When asked what happen he says blandly "attacked by demons, nothing serious.", as if this is only a little more exciting than a flat tire.
I shut it off when they go to ask something-a demon or something, I stopped caring-a ques ion. The answer can only be rented out of someone with the energy of their death, and the priest watch in what appears to be vague annoyance as a man is strung up and hung and they ask his thrashing, dying body question.
0 out of **** stars.
New York Vampire (1991)
About as awful and boring and you'd think
What can I say? It belongs on MST3K-awful dialog, moronic plot, crappy characters, and, of course, criminal acting. People wait to be cued, silently moving their mouths (slowly, much too slowly) or sitting stiffly doing nothing.
The main character attempts suicide in the first scene. In the following scenes everyone announces him as "that guy that tried to kill himself!" etc. to his face. They all get a kick out of it. Just like real life!
Fun for the camp, but still an awful piece of garbage.
0 stars (out of ten)
Brother Bear (2003)
From a Disney animation fan: No.
This movie really has no soul, none of the wit and charm of Lilo and Stitch, none of the spark of Beauty and the Beast, really nothing that makes it anything worth watching. Everything is clichéd and easy, which would be okay if it was funny (for an adult, at least), but it is not.
It does have a few moments at which I chuckled, but mostly I rolled my eyes or grimaced. A special raspberry for the music: yes, it was a decent soundtrack, but its forced in and seems to grate rather than blend. Why the taboo against character's singing like they did in the good old days?? Music was at the heart and soul of Disney animation, and now its gone.
No charisma, no spark, no charm.
*1/2 out of **** (1.5 out of 4)
The Order (2003)
A dreadful, ridiculous, stupefying mess I had to shut off
I wanted to watch this movie, but one bizarre ridiculous scene after another forced me to shut it off. Character's don't seem to react to anything. Consider this: Heath Ledger is walking a night (through a cemetery I believe) when he is attacked by spirits, which he drives away. Once past this ordeal he calmly walks away and meets up with a friend that saw it all. When asked what happen he says blandly "attacked by demons, nothing serious.", as if this is only a little more exciting than a flat tire.
I shut it off when they go to ask something-a demon or something, I stopped caring-a ques ion. The answer can only be rented out of someone with the energy of their death, and the priest watch in what appears to be vague annoyance as a man is strung up and hung and they ask his thrashing, dying body question.
0 out of **** stars.
Elf (2003)
I don't normally like this kind of movie but Elf won me over
The concept made me yawn. I knew what was going to happen before I even saw it. I decided it would be stupid, boring family tripe. But I was 100% wrong.
Yes, Elf is predictable-workaholic father who realizes his work has taken away from yadda yadda yadda. BORING. But Elf does it with a wit and spark few movies have. It was syrupy sweet-something I'd usually despite-yet it won me over with fast paced humor, energetic performances, and a script that was lovingly written.
The casting is perfect, but the script deserved the praise-the level of humor and heart is surprising. Give this movie a shot-you might be amazed at what thoughtful writing can do!
***1/2 out of ****
Dahmer (2002)
I wanted to like it...
What can I say? The high note is that Renner as Dahmer was very good. That said...
The pacing was surprisingly bad. With all that Dahmer did you'd think 1 1/2 hours would be crammed to overflowing. But there is so little content-and it is strung together so randomly-the movie makes you yawn.
The story stops before his arrest and after any key childhood events. We see his first victim and, it is suggested, his last, but really nothing much about Dahmer or simply what Dahmer did was shown. We get two snippets from his life-his bazaar one night relationship with a potential victim, and scenes from his first murder that suggest his family life was strained. Suggest, because we don't really find out anything out about his past. Plus it moves from past to present so randomly that I was at first confused as to what was happening when-but then again, I stopped caring before long.
This movie simply frustrated me at every turn. I learned nothing and was only sparingly entertained.
*1/2 out of ****
Wild Things (1998)
Stupid people think it's clever
Once various characters comes back from the dead over and over during the course of the film, you realize the twists come simply for the sake of appearing clever while never doing anything. Stupid people are surprised, everyone else just sighs in resignation as the movie insults them yet again.
Do yourself a favor, don't bother.