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Kill Her Goats (2023)
Kane Hodder, almost Wes Craven and boobs. Lots of boobs.
The fact that this movie stars Kane Hodder, the man behind the mask in Friday the 13th, had me instantly and the chainsaw and blood-covered cleavage in the poster helped too.
Even the great Easter Egg which is the town where it all happens being called West Craven, which when said with their accent, sounds exactly like the name of the director of A Nightmare on Elm Street and Scream.
Unfortunately the movie itself is just an excuse for former Playboy models to show off their bodies, but on the other hand, fortunately the movie itself is just an excuse for former Playboy models to show off their bodies.
Very little script, even less conversation, and even less plot. I give the movie itself one star, and the breasts earn two stars as they are far more impressive than anything else on show.
I did actually watch the director's other attempt at making a horror movie after finishing this movie. It is far worse, mainly due to the lack of uncovered breasts in comparison to this movie.
This is the kind of movie you tell someone to watch as a practical joke.
Infinite (2021)
Not all narrators are born equal.
You know how a narration by Morgan Freeman makes anything sound intelligent and inspiring? Well a narration from Mark Wahlberg does the exact opposite.
There are plot holes, there are inconsistencies, there are truly silly moments, and the idea has been done before in the guise of a hundred different fantasy or sci-fi ideas.
But it's still watchable.
Don't expect to be seeing something awe-inspiring and unique, don't watch this with next year's Oscars in mind, but just settle down on your sofa with some popcorn and your brain set to about 30% and you should have a good time.
Army of the Dead (2021)
Ocean's Game of Expendables Days Later of the Dead
A total mish-mash of genres. It's like Zack Snyder couldn't decide what to make so he he just made seven movies at the same time with overlapping themes.
Maybe in a few years he'll add a couple of hours to it by filming a few extra scenes and make it into a good movie, maybe even a great one, but I think that is highly unlikely.
It did have a few clever things in it which has earned it a few extra stars and with all the truly awful movies which have been released over the last 18 months, it would be dishonest to give it under 4 stars.
The Walking Dead: World Beyond (2020)
The Brain Dead: Please Begone
I love The Walking Dead. I read all 193 issues of the comic books, I still watch the original series as well as the inferior but watchable spinoff, Fear The Walking Dead.
So of course I found myself intrigued by World Beyond.
It is important in shows like this that you feel some sort of connection with the cast. You need to want them to stay alive, to will them past dangers and breathe a sigh of relief when they prevail.
However, with the characters, the acting and the premise being terrible, I watch each moment hoping and praying for each and every person to be bitten by a zombie or otherwise killed in a painful and horrific manner.
I am hoping that World Beyond not only is cancelled soon, but the producers are kind enough to make a final episode where all my wishes come true and everyone gets killed off, one by one.
If this happens, I will increase my rating to three stars, maybe even four. As it is, I'm only giving it an elevated rating of two stars because like zombies.
Ad Astra (2019)
Ad Nauseam
Mediocre visuals effects, weak unexplained plot, dull and lifeless characters. A waste of a good cast and budget.
If you are a sci-fi fan, don't bother.
If you are a Brad Pitt fan, don't bother.
If you are expecting breathtaking settings, don't bother.
I was guilty of all the above three and am now writing this review. As I write it, I am wondering if five stars is a little excessive for two hours of space travel with a boring, pointless voice-over.
Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)
Is this a Terminator remake, reboot or sequel?
On the downside, this is basically just T1 and 2 all over again with new locations, upgrades and good/bad guys. On the plus side it is a far more worthy sequel than T3, filled with familiar faces and new takes on famous quotes.
On the whole though, I am pleasantly surprised. I enjoyed the movie and despite it not doing well in the cinema or reviews, there could yet be more to come.
Amityville: Mt. Misery Rd. (2018)
Must be awful. The 10 star reviews are all from the same person!
Click on the people who made all the 10 star reviews. They all joined at the same time. It is obviously the director with multiple accounts. Take notice of the real reviews made by long-time members with real opinions. Best course of action concerning this movie is to avoid it at all costs.
The Twilight Zone (2019)
The Slightly Odd Zone
I have always loved The Twilight Zone, so I was very excited to see that a new show with the same title was being released. My excitement ended rather abruptly. The episodes are not from a dimension of mind but from one of social commentary.
A possibility for a vast improvement of this show would be to remake all the episodes from the original show. I am still watching the show and am about to watch episode nine in the hope that at least one of them is worthy of being in The Twilight Zone.
The 20th century belonged to The Twilight Zone, the 21st century belongs to Black Mirror.
The Endless (2017)
Clever ideas and story for the true Sci-Fi lover but without the budget
Take the humour out of Groundhog Day, add Southland Tales without the cast, mix in a little Donnie Darko without the plane or the rabbit, cook it all on a low heat until all traces of budget are gone. Marinate the mixture in LSD overnight and serve to a mature audience.
With so many leave-your-brain-at-the-door movies which rely on a famous cast, amazing special effects and lots of publicity, it is great to see two amateur film makers doing something new.
Starring, directed, written, produced and edited by Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead, who keep their real first names in the movie.
A psychological Sci-Fi which follows two brothers revisiting a mysterious cult where they grew up. Even if I wanted to give a spoiler, which I don't, I couldn't. Everyone will have their own theory about this movie, which is great. If you are looking for a movie which relies on story telling rather than money, look no further.
Babel (2006)
The truth behind Babel
I predict that in the last will and testament of Alejandro González Iñárritu it will be stated that Babel was a joke.
I believe that the director knew that if you mix some high brow actors with 4 unbelievable scenarios, touch on current affairs of the day without upsetting the apple cart, throw in some subtitles, genitalia, gratuitous camera work and make the movie over 2 hour long, you will automatically be awarded an Academy award.
I pride myself on being able to find something good in any movie, but I draw the line at Babel.
Wait.
I can say that Babel was so horrendous that it actually made me want to write a review of it on my favourite movie website.
Dragon Ball GT: Doragon bôru jîtî (1996)
Goku's 'Grand Tour' of the universe prolongs this great series. (heavy episode one *SPOILERS*)
Dragonball Z seemed to last forever, 291 episodes following the trials and tribulations of Goku, one of the last of a race of humanoid alien warriors. Together with his friends they fought and thought their way through the toughest beings in the universe.
Now it is 10 years later and due to an 'accident', Goku has been made in to a young boy again. So he sets off, exploring the universe with his grand-daughter, Pan and his nephew, Trunks to find the Black Star Dragonballs before they cause the Earth to explode.
Dragonball GT carries on the series very well in this 'Grand Tour' of the universe. The Dragonballs themselves are much more of a focal point than before, and seeing as all the series have them in their name it's about time they became of upmost importance. The original series was all about saving Earth from destruction at the hands of some maniacs. This time the maniacs are the Dragonballs themselves.
New enemies to conquer, as well as old ones you thought were gone for good. New friends, new moves and power levels that make a Kame-Hame-Ha look like a ping pong ball!
And if you still want more, keep an eye out for the live action Dragonball Z movie in 2003-4, from 20th Century FOX and FUNimation.
Insaaf (1987)
A great introduction to the world of Hindi cinema.
About 8 or 9 years ago, on late night television, i happened to watch my first (and only, so far) Hindi movie. It was surprisingly well acted and with a good gripping story. The only downside, was the need for everyone to start singing in some high pitched, badly recorded voice just when the action was getting going (though I am told that this happens in every Hindi movie). There were good fights, an interesting love story and the tale of a man who goes up against everything in the name of his beliefs. I may well have seen the 1966 version though...