Change Your Image
BA_Harrison
Twitter: @brettaharrison
Tiktok: @ba_harrison
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Lists
An error has ocurred. Please try againReviews
Mr. Wrong (1984)
Meg in a Jag with a spook in the back.
Young frump Meg (a likeable turn by Heather Bolton) buys a second hand Jaguar only to learn that the car is haunted by the ghost of Mary Carmichael (Perry Piercy), a murdered woman whose body was never found. Worse still, Mary's killer begins to stalk Meg with the intention of making her his next victim.
Dark of the Night (AKA Mr. Wrong) is a gentle ghost story/thriller from New Zealand - a little too gentle for most of the time, with very little in the way of genuinely scary stuff. For much of the film, the supernatural happenings take a back set (pun intended) to Meg and her relationships (with friends, parents and romantic interest Wayne, played by Danny Mulheron), none of which is particularly interesting.
Only in the final five minutes, in which the killer (David Letch) finally makes his move, does the film achieve any level of tension or suspense, but it's too little, too late.
The Blue Man (1985)
A not very good (out of body) experience.
I don't know if astral projection is actually possible - I like to keep an open mind about such things - but I love the idea of it, and it's perfect for the horror genre, as evidenced in entertaining films such as Psychic Killer (1975) and Out of the Body (1989).
Canadian horror Eternal Evil (AKA The Blue Man) also explores the supernatural world of soul wandering, but the result is far less enjoyable than the aforementioned movies thanks to muddled storytelling from director George Mihalka (the man who gave us the excellent slasher classic My Bloody Valentine) and the fact that his protagonist isn't a very likeable character from the start.
Paul Sharpe (Winston Rekert) is an ex-film-maker turned director of commercials who learns the art of astral projection from the enigmatic Janus (Karen Black, in one of her stock-in-trade eccentric roles). When those around Paul start to turn up dead, their internal organs having haemorrhaged, a curious cop (John Novak) starts to investigate...
Despite a very promising premise, this film doesn't do anything very interesting with it (obvious budgetary limitations means no special effects and no gore) - stuff happens, but nothing to prevent the viewer from slowly drifting off. Hey, maybe I'll watch this film again to help me reach the meditative hypnagogic state necessary for my soul to leave my body and travel to the astral plane - gotta be worth a try.
3.5/10, rounded up to 4 for IMDb.
De vierde man (1983)
Crazy noirish nonsense from Verhoeven.
With its beautiful blonde femme fatale and noirish mystery, Paul Verhoeven's The Fourth Man acts very much like a practice run for the director's infamous Hollywood thriller Basic Instinct, but instead of flashing us Sharon Stone's snatch, he gives us an eyeful of Jeroen Krabbé's junk!
Krabbé plays death-obsessed bi-sexual novelist Gerard Reve. While at a literary gathering, Gerard meets hottie Christine Halsslag (Renée Soutendijk), with whom he begins an affair. However, when Gerard learns that Christine has another lover, he concocts a scheme to meet the young man with the intention of bonking him as well. All is going according to plan until the writer begins to suspect that Christine is a 'black widow', who marries men only to kill them shortly after. But with Gerard prone to flights of fancy, nightmares and vivid visions, are his suspicions about Christine well-founded or simply the result of a fertile imagination?
The Fourth Man is far from my favourite Verhoeven movie - I prefer his bombastic, big-budget, satirical sci-fi - but it has to be said that the man never makes a boring film: The Fourth Man is packed with scenes that, yes, may exist purely for shock value, but definitely make the film difficult to forget. From Gerard's bizarre dreams and hallucinations (an eyeball oozing from a door, Christine cutting off the writer's genitals with a pair of scissors) to the graphic sex scenes (hetero and gay), to the gory death of one character (a metal pole through the eye and out the back of the skull), the film can never be accused of being dull.
5.5/10, rounded up to 6 for IMDb.
Angst (1983)
K. kills, but Kuba kills it.
Erwin Leder plays K, a deeply disturbed individual, released from prison after serving time for murder, who is determined to continue his violent ways as soon as possible. The opportunity arises when he stumbles across a large, secluded house, home to an old women (Edith Rosset), her daughter (Silvia Ryder) and her disabled son (Rudolf Götz).
Angst is an extremely well made film, with excellent performances and superb cinematography, director Gerald Kargl employing a range of creative camerawork - including gliding crane shots and body-mounted rigs - which lends his film an uneasy, disorienting quality. Purportedly based on a true crime, the film boasts a sense of realism that is both its strength and its weakness - one feels like they are watching a genuine lunatic at work, which will make it an uncomfortable watch for many, but at the same time, the more mundane aspects of murder cause the film to drag: casing the property, restraining the victims, moving the corpses, and cleaning up afterwards all makes for a rather tedious time. And only one of the deaths genuinely lives up to the film's reputation as an intensely disturbing experience.
5.5/10, rounded up to 6 for dachshund Kuba, the real star of the show!
Terror in the Swamp (1985)
I want my money back, and I didn't even pay to see it.
Feeling a lot like one of those cruddy bigfoot/sasquatch movies from the '70s (The Legend of Boggy Creek, The Legend of Bigfoot, The Creature from Black Lake), Terror in the Swamp (AKA Nutriaman: The Copasaw Creature) is utterly inept garbage from start to finish.
The majority of the film focusses on either the authorities trying to track down the creature responsible for the spate of grisly deaths in the Copasaw region of Louisiana, or on the hillbilly sadsacks who inhabit the bayou - actual monster action is at an absolute minimum. The result of a scientific experiment gone wrong - a coypu (a large swamp rodent) injected with human hormones - the Nutriaman looks suspiciously like a man in a fancy dress store gorilla costume with added claws. This dreadful regional horror wisely opts to keep the creature out of view, using POV shots, or by carefully concealing it behind foliage.
With ham-fisted direction, a dreadful script, terrible performances, virtually no gore, no gratuitous nudity and no scares, this one would have disappointed anyone unfortunate to see it at the drive-in or grindhouse theatre back in the day. These days, it can disappoint a whole new audience: idiots like me who seek it out on YouTube.
1.5 out of 10, rounded down to 1 for morbidly obese Cajun redneck T-Bob (Michael Tedesco) and irritating swamp hag Crazy Sally (Claudia Wood), both of whom deserve to be ripped to pieces by the nutriaman, but who stay alive.
Blood Gorge (2024)
Mostly filler, not much killer.
Horror short Blood Gorge is available to watch for free on YouTube. Because no one in their right mind would pay to see it.
The plot (if you can call it that) sees a group of friends going to some remote woods to spend the night partying, but find themselves being hunted by a mask-wearing serial killer instead. That's the level of invention on display. The trite script even has the friends dispensing of their phones before they leave their car, a horror cliché guaranteed to grind my gears.
Of course, an original plot isn't necessarily essential when making a horror movie: if the film delivers the scares and the splatter, it's easy to be forgiving about the script. Sadly, Blood Gorge spends far too much of its runtime on pointless scenes with bad acting and terrible dialogue when it should be getting messy - so much 'filler' in a film that is just 40 minutes long. There are no scares, and the gory stuff, when it happens, is lacking in creativity.
I'm all for people picking up a camera and giving it a go - some of my favourite horror films were made on a shoestring budget by enthusiastic groups of friends - but Blood Gorge did nothing for me.
Xiao sheng pa pa (1982)
Savini goes East.
Irene (Olivia Cheng) is unlucky in love: her first husband is run over by a steamroller; her second husband pops his clogs during the marriage ceremony, choking to death on a bird; her third husband has a fatal heart attack when he is confronted by the ghosts of the first two husbands. The spirits of all three dead husbands try to help Irene find everlasting love with radio personality Bruce Sit (Alan Tam), but the course of true love never runs smooth...
I had the choice of watching an HD copy of Till Death Do We Scare in Chinese without English subtitles, or a really poor copy with burnt-in English subtitles but no sound. I opted to see the high definition version, even though I knew I wouldn't understand the finer details of the plot. After all, I wasn't watching this one for the story or the comedy: I was more interested in the special make-up effects by none other than Tom Savini (I had read about this movie in his book, Grande Illusions, way back in the '80s).
The humour in this Hong Kong horror comedy is typical of the period: very silly knockabout nonsense of the kind that generally leaves my ribs untickled. Savini's effects aren't the best examples of his talent, but they're in keeping with the general craziness: over-the-top and very wacky. There's a fun gag in which one of the ghosts sucks his face inside out; another of the ghosts stretches his mouth so that it is ridiculously wide; yet another ghost pops out his eyeballs; and, in the finalé, the Ghost King transforms into a demon with massive fangs and huge talons, which allows Savini to try out some bladder effects and some techniques clearly inspired by Rick Baker's work on An American Werewolf in London.
Other barmy stuff that happens in the film includes a well choreographed scene involving the three ghosts tormenting Bruce's friend with a chair, and a ghost party where everything - the building, a bridge and even a car - is made out of flimsy material that bursts into flames as the sun rises.
5/10. Not a great film, but reasonably fun and worth a watch if you're a fan of Savini's work.
The Watchers (2024)
The Wretched.
The Watched was written and directed by Ishana Shyamalan, daughter of M. Night Shyamalan; I doubt the film would have ever been made if daddy hadn't produced it. The script is absolutely terrible, full of flaws and lapses of logic.
Dakota Fanning plays Mina, who becomes lost in a strange forest where she finds shelter in a glass-fronted building occupied by three other people; there, she is informed that she and her new acquaintances are exhibits, to be gawped at during the night by creatures that live underground during the day.
Here are just some of the things that annoyed me about the film...
When Mina found herself driving down a dirt track that clearly wasn't going anywhere, why didn't she turn around and try to find a new route?
What did the people in 'the coop' use for toilet paper?
How did they keep themselves clean with no washing facilities? Did they wear the same underwear every day?
Did they have plates and cutlery?
If Daniel had been there for eight months, how did he keep his hair so short?
Where did they all sleep? There was only one bed. And when did they sleep? During the night, when the watchers were spying on them? I thought they had to keep the watchers entertained during the night...
Where did Daniel get the huge length of cable needed to connect the camera to the television? And are we expected to believe that the camera came with still functioning batteries?
Where did Daniel and Mina get that long length of rope from?
If it's possible to successfully hide from the watchers under some branches, why not build such hideouts beyond the points of no return, thus making escape more likely?
Who was keeping the generator topped up with fuel? Did no-one question where the power source was hidden?
Would a university really leave a professor's room untouched for over thirty years?
And as for the building of 'the coop', this made no sense whatsoever. Where did the professor live while it was being built? How did he leave the forest to find more construction workers? Did no-one become suspicious about all of the missing builders? And why did he have the coop fitted with a massive one-way mirror if he was going to spend most of his time in the bunker?
The whole time I was watching the film, I was thinking to myself 'How could this get any worse?', and then it did.
1/10. Let's hope there are no more Shyamalan nepo babies in the woodwork.
Pengabdi Setan (1980)
Pro-Islamic cult horror.
After the death of his wife, father of two Munarto (W. D. Mochtar) employs housekeeper Darmina (Ruth Pelupessi), unaware that she is an evil witch who summons the dead to destroy those who do not follow the Islamic faith.
In the same way that Western vampires are repelled by Christian faith (the sign of the cross, holy water etc.), Darmina can only be vanquished by Islamic prayer. Since Munarto and his kids, Tommy and Rita (Fachrul Rozy and Siska Widowati), are not religious, Darmina finds it easy to terrorise the family, and kills anyone who might lead them to salvation. Eventually, an ustaz (a teacher of Islam) battles the witch and encourages Munarto, Tommy and Rita to join him in prayer, which does the trick, Darmina bursting into flames. The message is clear: follow Islam or be damned.
This schlocky slice of religious propaganda might have been a lot of fun if it wasn't so darn slow and uneventful for most of its runtime. An early scene lifted from Salem's Lot - Munarto's dead wife appearing at Tommy's bedroom window - is effectively creepy, but then there is not much of interest until just past the hour mark. Make it that far, and you'll be treated to some silly zombie nonsense, death by chandelier, a stabbing that results in pus squirting from the wound, and Darmina in a crazy afro wig. However, the most remarkable thing about the whole film for me was Rita's choice of decor for her room: a poster of some oranges and another poster of an almost naked woman. Weird.
Assassinio al cimitero etrusco (1982)
Martino loses his mojo.
Director Sergio Martino started his directorial career in fine form, giving giallo fans several classics (my favourites being The Strange Vice of Mrs Wardh, Your Vice Is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key and The Suspicious Death of a Minor); he also directed the entertainingly trashy cannibal flick Slave of the Cannibal God (1978). However, by the end of the '70s, it seemed as though he had lost his knack for thriller/horror movies: after the mediocre creature feature Island of Mutations (1979) and the atrocious Jaws rip-off The Great Alligator (also '79), Martino turned his back on gialli and scary films to concentrate on comedy and action, the one exception being The Scorpion With Two Tails.
John Saxon (Enter the Dragon, A Nightmare on Elm Street) plays American archaeologist Arthur Barnard, who discovers an ancient Etruscan tomb, but who is murdered shortly after, his head twisted so that it is facing backwards. Arthur's widow, Joan (Elvire Audray), travels to Italy to help the police with their investigations; while there, she uncovers a drug-smuggling operation masterminded by her father. Meanwhile, whoever killed Arthur is continuing their murderous ways, twisting various people's noggins 180 degrees.
Starting life as a TV mini-series comprising of seven one hour long episodes, The Scorpion With Two Tails was edited down to ninety-eight minutes and released as a feature; unsurprisingly, the film feels incredibly disjointed and is often confusing, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it didn't make much sense in its entirety either. Adding to the awfulness is the diabolical central performance from Audray (who was clearly cast for her looks), the repetitive gore-free killings, and numerous dull dialogue-heavy scenes. Fabio Frizzi provides the score, but repurposes much of his own music from Fulci's City of the Living Dead, which makes the whole thing feel even more cheap.
2.5/10, rounded up to 3 for the always reliable Saxon: if only he had been in the film for longer.
Goeshi (1981)
A bloodless Korean remake of The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue.
In A Monstrous Corpse (AKA Strange Dead Bodies), an experimental ultrasonic machine designed to kill harmful insects has an unfortunate side effect: it brings the dead back to life as bloodthirsty zombies. A young woman, Yu Si-ji, and recent acquaintance Kan Myeong struggle to convince the police about what is happening.
If this sounds familiar, it's probably because it is the exact same plot as '70s Spanish/Italian zombie classic The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue by director Jorge Grau.
This unofficial Korean remake fails to deliver the atmosphere and the gore that made Grau's film such fun (that film's blood and guts earning it a place on the UK Video Nasty list). Also serving to make this Asian copycat far less impressive than the original are the pathetic zombies, which are incredibly slow and not very scary (the cheap make-up consisting of silver face paint), and the unremarkable cast (Grau's film starred Cristina Galbó, Ray Lovelock and Arthur Kennedy -- tough to beat that line up!).
A Monstrous Corpse may be of some interest to avid zombie movie fans, just so that they can compare and contrast, but don't expect too much... you'll only be disappointed.
2.5/10, rounded up to 3 for several unintentionally hilarious scenes: Detective Jee's reaction upon seeing the zombies (blinking exaggeratedly several times in comical fashion), the people running around the hospital in panic, and the way that Yu Su-ji loses the ability to stand up when being pursued by a zombie.
Jigoku (1979)
Feels like an eternity.
Adulterous Miho (Mieko Harada), pregnant by her lover Ryuzo (Ken Nishida), is killed by her husband Unpei (Kunie Tanaka), but gives birth to daughter Aki shortly after dying. Aki, unwanted by her family, is sent to an orphanage and replaced by another child, Kumi.
Twenty years later, Aki (also played by Harada) returns to the village where she was born and unwittingly acts as an instrument of vengeance for her mother, who is suffering in Hell for her sins.
I wasn't a big fan of the 1960 film Jigoku, which I felt was overlong and extremely tedious, the only good thing about it being its gory depictions of punishments in Hell during the final act. This 1979 loose retelling from Toei is even longer (by about half an hour) and its vision of hell less impressive, making the film even more of an endurance test. The only real positive about the film is Mieko Harada, who is extremely attractive and takes her clothes off a fair bit: it's not hard to see how she could lure most men to their death.
3.5/10, rounded up to 4 for the people-grinding machine, Miho impaling her hands and feet on spikes, and the funny flesh-eating bugs.
Lowlifes (2024)
Tubi or not Tubi? The answer is yes, in this instance.
Tubi original Lowlifes breathes some new life into the old 'city folk vs. Hillbillies' genre, blending comedy and gory horror to great effect. It's best to go into the film blind, so I'm not going to summarise the plot or mention any spoilers, suffice to say that it serves up some neat twists along the way.
Directors Tesh Guttikonda and Mitch Oliver deliver a fun movie that isn't to be taken seriously and their cast act accordingly, putting in enjoyably campy/comical turns. This doesn't mean that the horror is any less effective when it happens though: there's some genuinely nasty stuff in the film with plenty of graphic splatter along the way.
Don't watch this one expecting it to be a game changer -- I don't think the film-makers had such aspirations -- accept Lowlifes for what it is... a bloody good time with its severed braised tongue firmly in cheek.
The Sleep of Death (1980)
Gothic claptrap.
As I type this, there is only one IMDb review for The Inn of the Flying Dragon (AKA The Sleep of Death). I'm not that surprised: the film is so boring that I can't imagine many people would watch it to the end and that even less would actually be arsed to write about it.
Based on the 1872 novella The Room in the Dragon Volant by Irish author Sheridan Le Fanu, the film stars Brendan Price as young Englishman Robert Terence, who, whilst travelling through France with his manservant Sean (Niall Toibin), becomes besotted with Countess Elga (Marilù Tolo), wife of the mysterious Count St. Alyre (Curd Jürgens). Believing that the countess is being held against her will by her tyrannical husband, Robert endeavours to help the woman escape, unaware that he is being fooled: the count and countess are thieves who, before robbing their victims, drug them with a potion that renders them cataleptic.
A dreadfully dull pace, dreary performances, and a plot that suggests some kind of vampire is at work before revealing the far less interesting truth, all go to make The Inn of the Flying Dragon a total snooze-fest, one that has been all but forgotten, and deservedly so.
2/10. Struggling to remain focussed, I found the ending very confusing: why was Robert riding a horse naked and how did the count end up taking his place in the coffin?
Tattoo (1981)
She got off lightly... she could've been turned into a walrus!
Tattoo is a precursor to films such as The Human Centipede and Tusk, in which psychos force people to undergo body modification. Tattoo isn't quite as extreme as those examples, but the essence is the same, including the victim's despair, horror and disgust at their predicament.
Bruce Dern plays the wacko in this instance, unhinged tattoo artist Karl Kinsky, who becomes obsessed with fashion model Maddy (Maud Adams), stalking her and then abducting her, taking her to his remote beachside home where he proceeds to cover her in ink.
Dern makes for an excellent lunatic (former model Adams is not so great as his somewhat unlikable victim), but the film's plot is extremely slight, director Bob Brooks compensating with some flashy visuals and by throwing in plenty of gratuitous nudity and a good deal of sleaze. What we end up with is a classy looking piece of exploitation, nothing more, nothing less.
As a fan of trashy movies, I enjoyed Tattoo for its salacious subject matter, but I suspect that the average viewer might find it less impressive than me.
6/10.
Sobrenatural (1981)
The greatest mystery man must face... his most fantastic adventure: Death.
Terrorized by the spirit of her tyrannical dead husband, Julia (Cristina Galbó) seeks help from a medium and a parapsychologist while her concerned boyfriend Victor (Máximo Valverde) struggles to come to terms with matters of the supernatural.
At the end of Supernatural, I couldn't help but think how much better it might have been had Lucio Fulci been calling the shots: the film is screaming out for some of his otherworldly atmosphere and trademark over-the-top splatter.
Admittedly, director Eugenio Martin does try in a couple of scenes - an attack in a fogbound car is creepy and Julia's housekeeper being slashed by a flying electric carving knife is fun - but, for the majority of the time, Martin adopts an extremely slow-burn approach, his film largely consisting of confusing pseudo-scientific claptrap, Kirlian photography, alternate dimensions, silver energy cords, and astral projection amongst the baffling gobbledegook spouted by the parapsychologist.
The ending of the film makes no sense whatsoever, as Julia's dead hubby materialises and stalks her through her home before being lured into a trap that banishes him to another realm. Very perplexing!
3/10.
Last Rites (1980)
The budget only stretched to one pair of fangs.
My quest to see every Dracula movie ever made brings me to this low-budget regional vampire film in which bloodsuckers in a small town, all prominent local citizens, feed upon people who have been wrongfully declared dead by A. Lucard (Gerald Fielding), the local mortician. To prevent their unwilling blood donors from joining the ranks of the undead, the vamps stake them once they are all done slurping; unfortunately, unforeseen circumstances sees one victim escaping their clutches and rising from her coffin...
The idea that these vampires have successfully carried out their operation for a long period of time without being rumbled is highly unlikely, but I'm willing to accept this, the film at least attempting to pump some new blood into an old genre. What I cannot forgive, however, is director Domonic Paris's languorous storytelling, which makes Dracula's Last Rites really drag for much of the time, and the atrocious editing, many shots continuing for far longer than they need to.
There are a couple of moments that are lot of fun -- a vampire is impaled on a picket fence, another is pinned to a door, and a creepy old vampire lady (Mimi Weddell) wanders around in a Alzheimers-style state of confusion -- but most of the film is talkative and very tedious. Definitely one for vampire/Dracula completists only.
3.5/10, rounded up to 4 for IMDb.
Yu huo fen qin (1979)
Young Yam.
Beautiful Mrs. Lui (Becky Lok) is married to a wealthy wheelchair-bound man (Hoi-San Kwan) many years her senior, so when 19-year-old Ah Shek (Simon Yam) is appointed as house-boy, it's not long before she is hopping into bed with the new employee. Eventually, Mr. Lui discovers the affair, and tensions rise, leading Ah Shek to murder the old man and bury him in the garden. Soon after, Ah Shek and Mrs. Lui experience frightening visions: is their imagination getting the better of them? Is Mr. Lui tormenting them from beyond the grave? Or is house-keeper Amah (Lap Ban Chan) behind the seemingly supernatural occurrences? Beats me, the film being rather confusing in the final act.
What I can say with conviction is that Yam puts in another unhinged performance (although Ah Shek does appear to be quite normal to begin with), Becky Lok is very attractive and takes off all of her clothes, there are some amusing moments featuring a pair of false teeth, and the film features an incredibly intelligent parrot that is able to say words and phrases that it hasn't been taught. With its well-worn plot and mediocre direction, House of the Lute isn't anything special, but there's enough sexiness and silliness, and just a little spookiness, to make it worth a watch.
Yashagaike (1979)
Note to self: never watch Cocteau's Orphee.
Teacher Gaukuen Yamazaki (Tsutomu Yamazaki) travels to a remote village that is suffering from a long drought; there, he is reacquainted with old friend Akira Hagiwara (Gô Katô), who has settled down with local 'beauty' Yuri (Bando Tamasaburo). Yamazaki is intrigued by the legend of the Demon Pond, which is supposedly inhabited by a Dragon Princess; it is said that unless a bell is rung three times a day, the princess will flood the village...
I actively seek out weird Japanese movies and Demon Pond is certainly very strange: early on, there's a scene where a woman tries to wash dirt out of Yamazaki's eye using her breast milk! Later, we get a cavalcade of bizarre Yokai-style creatures that includes a crab man (with huge pincers for arms), a catfish man (who has long barbels hanging from his top lip), and a variety of other human/animal hybrids.
Even more unusual, Yuri and the Dragon Princess are played by the same actor, Kabuki female impersonator Bando Tamasaburo; this might not be so strange to a Japanese audience, but it certainly seemed odd to me. Unfortunately, as quirky and offbeat as all of this is, I found the film to be quite a boring experience: at two hours plus, it outstayed its welcome, with long periods of dull, conversation-heavy drama that severely tested my patience.
Visually, the film is occasionally remarkable, with great cinematography and a very impressive special effects laden final act, in which the village is devastated by a tidal wave, but the film as a whole is a bit of a snooze-fest.
Wolfman (1979)
Old-school werewolf trash.
1979: just two years away from An American Werewolf in London giving the werewolf genre the kick up the hairy behind it needed. Regional horror flick Wolfman, however, is firmly rooted in the past, with a plot and special make-up effects clearly inspired by Universal classic The Wolf Man, with more than a touch of Paul Naschy's Waldemar Daninsky films about it. Written and directed by Worth Keeter, there's not a shred of originality in the whole film, which also suffers from a predictable script, wooden acting, and lifeless direction.
As punishment for blaspheming Satan, the men of the Glasgow family are cursed to become lycanthropes, devil worshipper Rev. Leonard (Ed Grady) ensuring that the affliction is passed to the latest generation, hirsute chubster Colin Glasgow (played by the film's producer Earl Owensby).
At one hour and forty-two minutes, this woeful film is a real challenge for werewolf fans, with zero atmosphere, excitement or suspense. No-one in Wolfman puts in a credible performance, but Owensby is easily the worst offender: he's atrocious and his tragic hero is totally lacking in charisma.
There is absolutely nothing scary about the film, unless you count Owensby taking off his shirt to show us his hairy moobs!
Shônen no hanzai (1997)
A tasteless film for those who like them grim and nihilistic.
Juvenile Crimes is one of several films based on the infamous abduction, rape, torture and murder of 17-year-old Junko Furuta by a group of teenage delinquents, a brutal crime that came to be known as the 'concrete-encased high school girl murder case' because of the callous manner in which the boys disposed of Junko's body (they dumped her in a barrel and covered her with concrete).
Directed by Gunji Kawasaki, the film depicts the events in a purely exploitative manner, with unflinching scenes of violence and prolonged scenes of graphic sexual assault that would be hardcore if it wasn't for the pixellation. Presented with zero tact or consideration for friends and family of the victim, Juvenile Crimes is an unpleasant and sleazy film that offers no judgement, no insight and no commentary, it's sole purpose being to allow viewers to revel in the sexual abuse and sadism on display.
Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024)
The Mad Max series shifts down a few gears.
I've been a fan of the Mad Max franchise for forty years now and was so keen to see Furiosa that I took the afternoon off work to make sure I could catch the first showing. I should have saved the holiday for something better. It's not that I HATED the film, but it's a long way from the adrenaline-fuelled, non-stop, crazy action that was Fury Road. That film was essentially two, long, jaw-dropping chase scenes, and impressed with its wild practical stunt-work and blistering pace; Furiosa tries to be more epic in scope, and it suffers for it, the story being uneven and disjointed. The film takes an age to get going, delivers its major action scene too early, and there are places where it feels like key scenes have been removed entirely (Dementus and his gang taking Bullet Farm, the battle between Dementus's bikers and the war boys). Furthermore, Chris Hemsworth's villain Dementus is too comical, Anya Taylor-Joy is too weeny to be a badass, and, it pains me to say it, but those who said that the movie suffers for the use of CGI and green screen were spot on: the sub-par digital trickery is so blatantly obvious.
As always, the production design is excellent, and the cinematography is breath-taking at times, with some stunning shots of the desert landscape, but I get the feeling that director George Miller's best days are now behind him (his previous film, Three Thousand Years of Longing, was very disappointing). Of course, I am more than happy to be proved wrong: fingers crossed for Mad Max: The Wasteland... less CGI next time please.
6/10. Furiosa ranks alongside Beyond Thunderdome as my joint least favourite Mad Max movie.
Un sussurro nel buio (1976)
It was all going so well...
I wish that the last few minutes of this film didn't exist: rarely has an ending to a film ruined things so much.
For the most part, A Whisper in the Dark is a haunting ghost story: Alessandro Poggi plays 11-year-old Martino, who has an imaginary brother called Luca; unknown to Martino, he once had a sibling of the same name, who was born prematurely and died shortly after. Is 'imaginary' Luca actually the ghost of the dead child, and is he responsible for the bad things that happen to people who upset Martino?
Employing a slow burn approach, director Marcello Aliprandi carefully builds the suspense and eerie atmosphere, with inexplicable occurrences adding to the evidence that Luca is real and not just a figment of Martino's imagination. Eventually, Martino's mother Camilla (Nathalie Delon) starts to believe her son and, realising that the supernatural presence could be due to her inability to accept the loss of her baby, decides to help Luca find peace.
And that's where the film should have ended.
Instead, there's a ridiculous final scene in which Martino and his family are having breakfast, the boy still convinced that Luca is there, the rest of the family playing along. It makes no sense and spoils an otherwise very good movie.
6.5/10, rounded down to 6 for the ending (although Pino Donaggio's excellent score nearly had me rounding it up).
Sting (2024)
Oh, I'm an alien, I'm an eight-legged alien, I'm a space spider in New York.
If you're after a scary spider flick guaranteed to have you feeling uncomfortable while watching, check out the French film Infested, which employs hundreds of real spiders. Sting, on the other hand, is a predictably dumb, clichéd B-movie creature feature with an unconvincing CGI spider. It's not even close.
Alyla Browne plays obnoxious 12-year-old brat Charlotte (see what they did there?), who adopts a spider as her pet, unaware that the creature is from outer space. Sting, as Charlotte names the alien arachnid, rapidly grows to enormous size and feeds upon the occupants of the apartment building.
Written and directed by Kiah Roache-Turner (Wyrmwood, Nekrotronic), this film is about as formulaic as it gets, with predictable plot developments and stock characters (resourceful young protagonist, her loving mother and protective stepfather, a grouchy old lady destined to be spider lunch, and comedy-relief bug exterminator). The trite script conveniently spares the family unit from being devoured, sees the building equipped with air ducts large enough for adults to fit inside, and throws in a major contrivance in the form of mothballs, which conveniently repel Sting and dissolve her webs.
The direction is polished, but by playing much of the film tongue-in-cheek, Roache-Turner ensures that scares and tension are virtually non-existent. The film is also very light on the gore. As a mindless piece of popcorn entertainment, it's passable, I suppose, but I would have liked less of the familial drama, and for the film to have been more daring rather than treading such a familiar and safe path.
Thirst (1979)
Vampires down under.
This unconventional Australian vampire movie stars Chantal Contouri as successful businesswoman Kate Davis, who is abducted by a secret society of vampires and taken to a 'farm', where human livestock is drained of blood, which is then processed to remove contaminants before being packaged for consumption worldwide. Kate is informed that she is a descendent of OG vampire Elisabeth Bathory and must accept her birthright as an aristocratic blood-drinker, the plan being for her to marry a vampire from another noble family, thereby uniting two superior bloodlines. Naturally, Kate struggles to accept this (not surprising, since she already has a boyfriend, Derek, played by Rod Mullinar), so the vampires attempt to condition her to come around to their way of thinking. Kind vampire Dr. Fraser (David Hemmings) disagrees with the brainwashing process and attempts to help Kate escape.
Like Mary, Mary, Bloody Mary (1975) and Martin (1977), Thirst, Australia's first vampire film, does away with the gothic conventions associated with the genre: these vampires are not affected by sunlight (which is a good job, given where they live), do not possess real fangs, and have no aversion to garlic, holy water and crosses. While it's not an entirely successful effort to contemporise vampire cinema - the pace is rather slow, and the structure of the film, with its numerous dreamlike sequences, can lead to confusion - the good outweighs the bad: the blood-draining scenes are suitably bizarre and grotesque, the cast is solid, Brian May's score is great, and there are a few memorable moments, including Kate's 'blood shower', a vampire drowning in a vat of blood, and Henry Silva's character falling from a helicopter onto high-voltage power lines.