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drrotwang
Reviews
Dagon (2001)
Nor great nor awful.
I just saw "Dagon" this weekend and it was pretty much OK. Not stellar, but not crap either. It's based primarily not on H.P. Lovecraft's short story "Dagon" but on "The Shadow Over Innsmouth", a brilliant tale of inbreeding, heredity, decay, Great Old Ones and being chased around by fish-people.
The tale was originally set in the fictional town of Innsmouth, Massachussetts; the film, however, is set in Spain. That feels a bit weird to a Lovecraft fan like myself, but...
There's something about the film. It feels -- I dunno how to explain it, but a lot of low-budgets movies have this look about them. I'm not sure anyone notices it but me, though. It's like the lighting is all there but it's off a little, or the shot sizes are just not quite right. Who knows.
The audio is pretty awful. I had to watch it with the subtitles on because I couldn't hear what anyone was saying. You know how a lot of Full Moon movies sound? It was like that.
The art direction was kickin', though. Very nice. The golden artifacts from the sea were very nice, and the FX were pretty OK too.
Coolest thing about it, though, is that it's the first time I've ever heard the chant, "Ia! Ia! Cthulhu ftaghn!" in a movie or TV show.
A fairly faithful adaptation, if one that has that weird, stuffy, claustrophobic low-budget look and feel to it. You'd think that'd be a good thing in a horror movie, but here it just feels flat and kind of empty.
On the DVD, director Stuart Gordon mentions that he had intended to shoot "Dagon" right after "Re-Animator" back in the 1980s, but for various reasons "From Beyond" was made instead. I have this feeling that if "Dagon" had been made in that decade (my favorite), it might've been hammier...but more pleasant, somehow.
So the flick's not bad. It's like a sandwich: it's not a punch in the face, but it's still just a sandwich.
Dungeons & Dragons (2000)
Dubious heritage
Much has been said of this film already; therefore, I have little new to add.
However, I've noticed that one perception is held steadily throughout many of the reviews present on this database: The idea that the viewer who plays "Dungeons & Dragons" and games of its ilk will find something to enjoy in this movie.
I do.
And I didn't.
Los sin nombre (1999)
"The Pointless", more like.
You're walking through an amusement park. All the rides around you look wonderfully scary and thrilling; they taunt you as you pass them, they promise something different, something new, at journey's end.
The final ride is a fiberglass pony in front of the supermarket.
That's the "Los Sin Nombre" experience. You, the viewer, watch as the protagonist follows clues to find her daughter -- a girl supposedly tortured and killed but now, 5 years later, apparently living. With the help of the detective who handled the original case, she stumbles from clue to clue and into...uh...well, it gets hazy. A cult dedicated to "synthesizing the ultimate evil" through "the final atrocity" and "mastering pain", because "evil is a key". A good idea crops up hither and yon, and gets you waiting, waiting for The Big Finish.
After some disturbing imagery, a whole lot of "Oh, yeah?" clues, some confusion as to why this guy named Toni is following Mom around, the overuse of the "choppily-edited-video-is-creepy!" effect and the introduction of a character whom we're asked to care about and then gets whacked, the final reveal arrives...and then...uh...the movie ends.
But the final reveal is so totally mundane in relation to the rest of the film as to feel as let-down, a waste of energy spent in caring how it will end.
This film is all style -- all tired, overdone style. Oooh, look, everything's bleak and cold-looking! Oooh, look, choppily-edited nightmare imagery! Oooh, look, clues on a videotape! Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Yeah, I know, I said the same thing.
"The Nameless". It's in Spanish. There's some icky stuff and some fodder for your "Call of Cthulhu" game. Your call.
Bring some coins for that pony.
The Scorpion King (2002)
It's pulp. What, you thought "I'm here for the woman - and your head!" suggested something else?
You've read the reviews: it's dumb, it's cheesy, it's inaccurate historically, it's dumb...one must wonder if these opinions come from people who didn't see the trailers.
What is "The Scorpion King" but a fierce, goofy action picture? Yes, it's full of cliches. Yes, it's badly paced. No, it's not very good. But when you saw Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson say "I'm here for the woman - and your head!" in the trailers, did it suggest Kurosawa or Altman to you?
This is pulp adventure and Saturday-Afternoon (Sunday Evening, in my case) daring-do in its rawest form, devoid of pretense. Mathayus, who will later become The Scorpion King, fights a lot of people, whacks the bad guy and gets the sexy sorceress -- in the process, his Vow Of Revenge turns into Doing The Right Thing, and then there's cheering and stuff. The film intends to get this all done with a bit of flair, some nudge-nudge humor and plenty of beef- and cheesecake; it achieves that and no more. Expect but that of it and it will not disappoint.
Should we lower our standards forever, that film be able to meet them? Certainly not; however, we must be keenly aware of which films intend to move us, to thrill us, to speak to us deeply...and which desire to show us a guy with big pecs beating the crap out of mooks in turbans. Celebrate the cheesy action flick - it means well.
Gosford Park (2001)
Like a train at a crossing - too dull to entertain, too loud to sleep through.
Meandering, over-obvious and weighed down by too many plotlines -- but I guess that's Altman for you.
Ostensibly a murder mystery, behold instead a film about aristocrats, their servants, and the relationships between them. Potentially interesting, but in effect the film merely drags: Here's a scene about the maids, here's one about the Hollywood movie producer, here's a bit with the old man's dog, here's the guy with the Scottish accent...no one's dead yet...more maids, some sex, this guy's a vegetarian...get the idea? When the presumed murder does occur (and that's late in the film), it's a pity only one person died.
Clutching for something to enjoy in this mess, one can, indeed, enjoy the cast. Maggie Smith in particular delivers a stupendous performance as Lady Trentham, a particularly snobbish and callous old woman with an acid tongue -- but this reviewer could not help wishing she's put on a peaked hat and tell everyone else to shut up for goodness sake or she'd give them all detention with Mr Filch. Stephen Fry, TV's Jeeves (of "Jeeves & Wooster" fame), is too terribly amusing as a hopeless, unobservant Police Investigator, a role which, though funny, is too flat and is mercifully a short one. (The gag surrounding the Investigator's name is funny the first three times; by the sixth, it just isn't.) Derek Jacobi, Richard E. Grant, Clive Owen, Ryan Phillippe...they're all here, and please watch them -- but in something else, OK?
Worst of all, however, is the obviousness of the plot; The Big Payoff is telegraphed and pretty well handed to the viewer before too long, so that when the revelation takes place, one can but shrug and say, "Like no one saw that coming" (which, I might add, I did). There are no surprises in this film, no clever twists, nothing truly...interesting.
(Apparently, the film was very funny; other theatregoers seemed quite amused by...uh...something. I couldn't tell what it was. The movie? I guess it must've been the movie -- but if this is true, either the humor was deeply encoded and unreadable without a Bob Altman Fan Club Super-Secret Decoder Ring, or just not really humor at all.)
I guess this is what Altman films are like; "M.A.S.H." and "Popeye" are two of my least favorite films, and it's because of the self-same reasons. Too many characters to care about, goofily-obvious camerawork, a lip-service-only plot...Altman is respected, in truth, but to this reviewer's personal tastes, he's just a guy who makes movies I can live without.
I'd recommend that you rent a "Jeeves & Wooster" tape or watch some British TV instead. Better yet, go see Maggie Smith in something else -- she's terrific when she turns into a cat.
Dune (2000)
Behold, for it is done.
Suffer no longer the rumors of a 6-hour-long cut of Lynch's (Smithee's?) 1984, er, attempt. No more need for such drivel. Mind you, I was at first willing to dislike this project -- having seen some production stills, and not knowing what to make of it. Ah, folly of youth! A few hours on the couch with a preview copy have changed my mind. This is the good stuff, folks -- the reason we keep our TVs. The performances range from good to excellent; the cinematography is clean and in some cases downright exciting. Just about the whole book is here, a few judicious cuts notwithstanding, and Dr. Kynes looks like Marty Feldman, but that's OK, I don't mind. Stilgar spits on the floor, Princess Irulan wears some weird headgear and the ships, at last, do not look like the fender of a '57 Chevy. A well-crafted, lushly-visualized and breathtakingly-realized project. Not without its faults, though those are very few. If not merely satisfying, then outright amazing. Disappointment is unlikely. Good, good stuff. -- Rotwang!