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Hope Street (2020)
Plodding
Many cop shows out of Great Britain are far superior to those in the United States. From Prime Suspect through Foyle's War, Vera, Endeavor, Margret, and many others. But not this one. This show is so plodding and dull it is almost unwatchable. There isn't an actor who is interesting enough to hold this show. Granted, it's hard to compete with the actors in those other shows like Helen Mirren, Michael Kitchen, Rowen Atkinson, etc, But these people are only going to be stars in community theater. And even worse is the writing. It's primarily an unimaginative soap opera focusing on characters we don't care about. Do yourself spa favor and skip it.
Magnum P.I. (2018)
Short People Got No Reason...
Randy Newman's tongue-in-cheek song finished that line "...no reason to live." In this case it should be, "...no reason to be lead actors." Ya, sure, lots of shorties have made a go as action heros, despite the challenge of believability. But this stand-on-a-box Jay Hernandez totally lacks the gravitas of Tom Sellick. Of course Sellick is eight or more inches taller than Hernandez. But Jay suffers not just from being short. As someone else here says, he's cute. That's about it. Plays an ex Navy Seal. Right. LMAO.
Sellick has never been a great actor. That's why he never really made it in film. But Sellick does have presence and an outsized personality which is why he's succeeded. The little guy taking his role has none of that.
The rest of the cast, and the one episode I bothered to watch, was pretty lame. Just another failed retread here. Yet another example of how Hollywood is incapable of coming up with anything new or original.
Down Home Fab (2023)
Queen of Monochrome
Chelsea has never met a color she liked. Her black and white obsession wears thin very quickly. Design trends are finally moving away from grey and white to feature some color and this unqualified woman is sticking with the only design trend she knows.
Unfortunately HGTV feels constantly compelled to create shows with couples, most of whom have little to no chemistry and not much more in the way of qualifications. Chelsea has a middling personality, while her husband must be one of the dullest creatures ever to be put on TV.
Joanna Gaines is rather one-note, but compared to Chelsea, Joanna is a real 57 varieties. But that gives Joanna too much credit. She's also used every idea she'll ever have.
The producers should hire some designers to take control of this show, but then Chelsea and whats-his-name would just be hosts and they don't have the appeal to host a elementary school awards show.
Initial reaction to this show looks pretty uniform...the show sucks. So why didn't HGTV preview the first episodes and shipcan this series before it ever saw the light if day.
The Wrong Valentine (2021)
Horrible Acting, Terrible Writing
Only ten minutes in and this is already one of the worst films ever. I've never seen a "professional" production with such universally bad acting. That's paired with even worse writing. The dialog is painfully stupid and hackneyed. Scenes make little sense. The history classroom looks like the basement of an Elks Hall. Other "school" scenes look nothing like a school.
And did I mention the acting is atrocious?
Is Vivica Fox supposed to be some kniwn actor because she's pretty bad. She overacts her lousy lines. The guy who plays the villian David is annoying, especially his ridiculous hair. That's it.
John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019)
Clueless 9s and 10s
Anyone who rated this movie above a six hasn't a clue what a good movie is. But then there are always people who love pointless crap.
This is where the John Wick makers decided to take themselves wayyyyy too freaking seriously and made 3 a parody of 1 and 2.
I'm not a big fan of ultra-violent films but JW1 and JW2 were decent, fairly clever films with some point.
JW3 just goes off the rails. From the beginning where this society of killers seems to populate most of NYC and the stylized headquarters is so overdone it's plain silly.
The plot is pointless and the fight scenes are generally a joke. Reeves and Berry give good performances but they don't have a lot to work with.
Waste of time.
Brother vs. Brother (2013)
Property Bros become self parodies
The Scott brothers have never been much more than game show hosts masquerading as home renovators. The idea that either of these guys does any more work than absolutely necessary for the cameras is a laughable joke. They would never get dirty, sweaty, or have one hair of their perfectly coiffed heads out of place.
The Brother vs. Brother series is a dull, totally manufactured, meaningless competition. Producers, contractors, designers, and stylists make all the decisions about the renovations and the Bros come in to make it look like they're doing everything. Most of the show is wasted on silly episodes and yak yak.
Even worse, the renovations are remarkably one note. The only show that offers even less variety show to show are the clueless Chip and Joanna Gaines.
And some of the shows, they throw in third brother JD who looks like he's never given up the emo look he had in 90s high school.
Soccer Mom Madam (2021)
Better than some, but still pretty bad
There's certainly worse "movies" on LMN. About all you can say is that it's not so painful to watch like half of what's on that network. Unfortunately, my girlfriend makes me watch theses things and since I love her, I subject myself to this crap.
The madam in this show is just too upper class and slick for this to make much sense., And messing with super rich guys who have way more resources than she has would have gotten her F'ed up or killed pretty quickly.
And ya know, I was hoping just that would happen. The madam is such a beyotch that I was hoping she'd get taken down. I guess the ending was supposed to make us feel sorry for her, but no. Her daughter walking out was the best part. But then we had to have a happy ending. F that crap. Back in the day, they'd have her go to prison with the message, "crime doesn't pay." Now they have to have the mixed message. I've got nothing against real escorts or sex workers, but the people who control and manipulate them deserve a special place in hell...like the main character in this garbage.
Teen Mom (2009)
Worst of the worst
It astounds me that there are TV producers anywhere who would lower themselves to create such garbage. What's even more astounding is that anyone would waste their valuable time watching stuff the surely destroys brain cells with every minute watched.
Who even needs to see this stuff that has absolutely no socially redeeming value? Why do we need to portray these people of poor decision making to the world as something to be emulated? With hundreds of channels available on cable, how does this junk attract even one viewer?
There's so little to say about this vapid stuff that it's difficult to even write 500 characters of its awfulness.
Van der Valk (2020)
A lesser British police procedural
The best cop shows do come from the British, but this one is a disappointment. It's dull, tedious, predictable, poorly written, and the characters are universally unlikable. And it feels rather low budget.
None of the cops behave anything like cops. There's too much personal garbage about the cops. But they get that from American TV, don't they? Along with having team meetings in bars and eating and drinking all the time.
There's never enough police presence when there are bodies laying about, and they allow people to just wander over, scope things out and make stupid comments.
The ending of this diamond episode is just horrible, dull, and boring.
Love It or List It (2008)
Fakest of the Fake
I used to enjoy this odd couple (even with an odd crush on Hillary). It always had hints of fakery, but now it's been revealed that this is one of the fakest, most contrived, dishonest shows on HGTV. Google it! The producers have been sued a number of times. Projects have been left unfinished. There has been shady spending of peoples' project funds by the producers. Few of the houses shown by David are actually for sale. Hillary and David are essentially actors playing parts, contributing little but their screen appearances. And to top it off, for most projects the producers film two endings-love it and list it-and decide which one they like more. Pretty bad.
Alex Vs. America (2022)
Same Ole Same Ole
Now we need a female version of Beat Bobby Flay. Nothing against Alex, but why do we need another Food Network retread? Why do we need yet another cooking competition? Here's an idea...go back to the ole days when Julia Child or Emeril Lagasse actually showed us how to cook. The Food Network has just become a parody of itself.
Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea (1961)
Weak plot, bad casting, silly writing, dumb science, neat ship
Don't understand the high marks some give this movie. It's a goofy film that doesn't know what it wants to be.
As the low-energy Richard Basehart wasn't a great choice for Admiral Nelson in the TV show, Walter Pidgeon is way too old to be in command of a submarine. I don't know why Peter Lorre's character was shoehorned into the script. It doesn't fit and Lorre phones in his performance. Joan Fontaine's presence also adds little. Barbara Eden is delightful, but her part doesn't make any sense either. Why one woman on an entire ship? Because there has to be a romantic back story. And why is Frankie Avalon there. Is this supposed to be a musical too?
A good deal of effort was given to creating an interesting control room. Unfortunately most other parts of the ship seem more the size of an airplane hanger than a submarine. How would any of the spaces fit, even on this fantastical sub? The pool Peter Lorre's character uses for his sea creatures is utterly ridiculous. For what purpose would the Navy design such a thing into a sub? Besides, the water in the pool would slosh around so much as to be beyond impractical-especially when the sub breaks the surface nearly vertical which would severely injure the crew.
The science behind the burning Van Allen belt is nonexistent and plain goofy.
I watched the TV show when I was a kid, but didn't see the movie until about a decade ago. Had to laugh. Unlike most movie to TV conversions the first several seasons of the TV Voyage were much better than the movie. But Irwin Allen couldn't resist taking it to the absurd and TV Voyage eventually jumped the shark.
Guy's Grocery Games (2013)
Ridiculous waste
Maintaining an entire grocery store just for a silly, rather dull cooking competition is obscene. The cooking competition show concept has been beaten to death and it needs to be put to rest. Guy's DDD is more interesting because it features real cooks and chefs, doing their real thing, in real locales.
The Nate & Jeremiah Home Project (2021)
Same old same old
Sad to see that in 2023, HGTV is giving these two dullards another series. Why? Didn't the last one suck enough?
Why does HGTV have to make every show about a couple? Don't care if they're gay, straight, related, or whatever...I DON'T CARE! They're boring no matter what they are despite their emotional acting.
Nothing new here people. Turn away. Nothing to be seen. Clueless as to why these two deeply narcissistic, rather awkward, boring people appeal to anyone. Who are they and why do we care? More people who are famous for being famous because a TV network told us they are famous. This show also perpetuates the very tired HGTV formula of throwing together random scenes of nearly pointless yak yak and forced, acted emo. We get short snippets of the two pretending to actually be doing something while we know that soon as the cameras stop rolling, they're outta there.
Unbroken (2014)
Disappointing
I was mesmerized by Laura Hillenbrand's book long before the movie came out. Indeed, Unbroken and Seabiscuit are two of the best books I've ever read. It's hard to put my finger on it, but I found the movie rather dull, lifeless, and uninspiring. Indeed the movie Seabiscuit, also based on a Hillenbrand book, is much superior to the movie version of Unbroken. Seabiscuit has real heart and terrific acting. Angelina Jolie just doesn't have the directing chops to produce a tight, moving, well-acted film.
Few times have I anticipated a movie more than Unbroken, but I was left sorely disappointed.
Dying for the Crown (2018)
My GF makes me watch this crap
Almost all LMN shows, including this one, have two things in common. First, the writing seems to have been done by 14-year-olds who failed creative writing class. Secondly, the acting is horrible. Old repeats of Antiques Roadshow have more drama.
Property Brothers: Forever Home (2019)
Fake Vibe
Like all reality TV, this show has a distinctly fake vibe to it. The only work these guys ever do is when the cameras are rolling. They never do anything that would cause them to work up a sweat or displace a single hair on their perfectly coiffed hair. They look kinda silly with their stylish work clothes and work belts that look they just came out of the box.
The brothers are more charming than most HGTV hosts and don't start grating on you after a few episodes like the annoying as freak Gaines couple. But they seem more like game show hosts than contractors.
There's never any discussion about cost. Then it's like the brothers make all the decisions about everything.
The worst thing about all the HGTV shows, especially this one, is that they concentrate so much on furnishings and decorations at the expense of what's done to the actual house. IDK if it's the producers who pick everything, but all their renos look pretty much the same.
It's reality TV which means there's very little reality to it.
Bargain Block (2021)
Got to be kidding
Those giving this show top rating must have no design experience or sense. I've totally renovated one, modest townhouse and did a vastly superior job to anything these guys have done. They one guy has a some artistic talent, but it's poorly employed.
I'm all for a show showing what can be done to modest properties, but a lot of what these guys do looks cheap, mismatched, and poorly thought out. I don't care if you don't have a lot of money, the first priority is to do the right thing for the functionality of the house. These guys put cheap flash ahead of all else. Mike Holmes would kick these guys to the curb as he fixes all their slapdash work.
The two exhibit an alarming lack of knowledge. Watching them try to figure out how to install a needed pillar in the basement is painful. I'm not a contractor but I know they did it wrong. It doesn't meet code. If you don't know what you're doing, don't pay yourself on the back for saving money by not bringing in experts. They're just cheating the buyers.
The design sense of the two is abysmal and the "art" work is worthy of a middle school student. Like all HGTV shows, way too much time is wasted on furnishings that will be gone soon as the house is sold. And the finishes are way too oddball, individual taste. They leave the houses with silly curb appearance which hardly qualifies as appeal.
My Lottery Dream Home (2015)
No Point to this Show
Changing my review. Before I asked why David is necessary. But hey, turns out David is the most charming host on HGTV. He may be flamboyant, but he is an authentic personality.
Granted, an actual Realtor does all the work finding houses and then David swoops in to open the door. This show is House Hunters with lottery winners and rather than having an actual Realtor show the properties, we have David come in and say, "pick from behind door number one, two, or three."
Unsellable Houses (2019)
Manufactured Stupidity
Follows the HGTV blueprint of presenting an ounce of information with every ton of manufactured drama and yak yak. Certainly the producers prompt the twins to waste time on idiocy such as throwing each other into a pool or painting each other...simply awful and cringeworthy. They also follow the Gaines formula of pretty much recycling the same ideas over and over. There is way too much time spent on staging. They're not Crate and Barrel selling home furnishings, they're selling real estate. And as real estate agents they're not contractors, builders, designers, or decorators. As a result they're remarkably one note. And really, if they're such monster real estate agents, how can they have time to renovate houses? The two balance on a knife edge of being folksy and annoying as frick.
The Barefoot Contessa (1954)
Nice film with great actors
It makes me wanna puke that the little, round gnome celebrity cook and Martha Stewart wannabe, Ina Gartner appropriated "The Barefoot Contessa." The similarity between Gartner and the sublime Ava Gardner ends with their names.
This film is an enjoyable soap opera taken to a higher level. Like so many films of the middle decades of the 20th Century, there is some fine dialogue and repartee-two things that have completely disappeared from today's films.
There are fine moments in this film, interspersed with a bit of tedium. Could have been better, but Bogart and Gardner make anything worth watching.
100 Million BC (2008)
Couldn't be much worse
When Michael Gross was doing Family Ties, I bet he never imagined that he'd be involved in such an unmitigated load of garbage. It's pretty much some bad actors playing around out in the woods with a couple seconds of really bad CGI thrown in. Funny to watch them going along what's obviously a dirt road. Are we going to see Jurassic Park jeeps going by?
Funny how they talk about lower oxygen levels but the only one who remembers to breathe hard, once in awhile, is Gross.
I missed the beginning to find out how the first group went back in time, but even if you accept the possibility of time travel, this ridiculous thing makes no sense.
JFK (1991)
Great work of FICTION
JFK is a nine or ten as a motion picture telling a tale. As a historical dramatization it barely rates a two. In the late 1970s as a foolish young adult, I grasped at the conspiracy theories. But over the decades, those conspiracies have almost entirely been disregarded. Watch Frontline's (PBS) two hour "Who Was Lee Harvey Oswald," and you'll see a meticulously told recitation of the facts of the case and how Oswald's life leads directly to his assassination of Kennedy. There is no question that Oswald fired the shots that killed Kennedy. The only lingering questions are, did he have co-conspirators, and why did Jack Ruby kill Oswald? Ruby may have killed Oswald as a mafia coverup, or just because he was enraged by Oswald. We'll never know. Frontline paints Oswald as an obsessive loner which comes as no surprise. The fact that the Communists didn't want anything to do with Oswald, an avowed Marxist, makes it unlikely he was acting at either Moscow's or Havana's behest. Conspiracy theorists want nothing more than to believe a great, young president couldn't have been brought down by one, lone, deranged wingnut, but that is where the overwhelming preponderance of evidence points. When you consider the real evidence as a whole, that conclusion is self evident.
The Sea Wolves (1980)
Is this a WWII movie or James Bond?
Count The Sea Wolves as another film with Roger Moore playing James Bond. The clothes, the haircut, the Bond girls--Moore looks like he just stepped out of 1980, as do most of the cast. The director does very little to create the illusion of the 1940s.
The Lion King (2019)
How to ruin a great movie
Jon Favreau made so many poor decisions regarding the making of this remake he shouldn't be allowed near a film studio ever again. First off, there was absolutely no reason to remake this movie. The totally ridiculous justifications make me wanna puke. It's a soulless, lifeless joke.