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Reviews
The White Lotus (2021)
Unlikable characters
I get what White Lotus was trying to accomplish. I understand the social commentary. Unfortunately, the series felt as if it were written by Olivia and Paula of season 1. Vapid and shallow while thinking it was so much more. And as unlikable and irredeemable as the characters were in the first season, the second was worse. White missed an opportunity to create a single likable character with either the hotel manager or the sex workers. Instead we have the trope of the uptight, virgin manager who relaxes once she gets laid and the soulless, opportunistic sex workers. And while the first season did have amusing moments, season 2 was joyless. I know the show is a critical darling right now but I don't think it will hold up over time.
Sea Fever (2019)
Hubris was the biggest killer
A scientist whose specialty is recognizing patterns comes aboard a ship which ends up getting attacked by an unknown creature. You can tell the filmmakers were trying to do an Alien of the sea. However, Siobhan is no Ellen Ripley. Everything Ripley did was rooted in common sense. Siobhan's logic is inconsistent and irrational. She's insistent her specialty is pattern recognition so you would think someone would point out that doesn't make her an expert in human physiology or contagion protocols. In the end, instead of rooting for her, I hoped the crew would throw her overboard. I rated it a 2 for the acting and cinematography.
Dashcam (2021)
The worst movie I've seen
I used to pick a number between 1 and 100 then watch whatever Amazon Prime Horror movie I landed on. So I've watched a lot of bad horror movies. This has to be the worst.
Annie Hardy is a crude and obnoxious live streamer who raps. She visits her friend Stretch in London during the pandemic. Stretch kicks Annie out for her behavior. Naturally, she steals a car then accepts a job from the delivery service app he works for. The restaurant, however, is closed. The owner offers Annie money to drive her elderly friend Angela to an address. Angela turns out to be suffering from some illness and has diarrhea in the car. If you ever wanted to see an elderly woman sitting in her **** you are in for a treat. Annie tries to clean up Angela only to be attacked. After she flees with the sick woman, Stretch finds Annie from her livestream. The rest of the movie pair is Annie screaming as she and sometimes Stretch are pursued.
I don't know if the film is supposed to be a parody of a QAnon MAGA antivaxxer and I didn't care. It was so gross and crude I stopped paying attention and only kept it on to see if Annie dies. Even if you're a QAnon MAGA antivaxxer yourself, you're going to want her to die. She's that annoying.
The Empty Man (2020)
This movie will be a cult classic.
If you want a synopsis of this film there are plenty to be had in other reviews. This film is a mix of horror genres and outdoes them all. From supernatural being to urban legend to slasher to cult mystery to Lovecraftian horror. The first 30 minutes been an excellent horror movie. The movie is both unsettling and atmospheric. The Empty Man is reminiscent of movies like The Babadook and Midsommar. Unlike those movies, The Empty Man manages to be genuinely creepy. I was not a fan of The Babadook and Midsommar. I found them to be too cartoonish in their portrayals of people and was more annoyed by the protagonists than sympathetic to them. The Empty Man, however, makes James Lasombra sympathetic even with his imperfections. This is the second movie I've seen James Badge Dale in and he gives another impressive performance (I recommend Hold the Dark as well). This movie should have done better at the box office but will definitely be a fan favorite for years to come.
No One Gets Out Alive (2021)
Creepy, atmospheric movie better than the book.
Recently, someone recommended the book No One Gets Out Alive as a terrifying horror story. Although I found it suspenseful in parts, I felt the book was bloated and often boring. I also thought the ending was lame. It wasn't a bad book but definitely not one I'd recommend.
I was surprised to find this movie later that day. However, it's more of a "based on the book" movie rather than a strict adaption and it's much better for it. The movie changes a down on her luck English woman in the UK to an undocumented immigrant in America. The movie also condenses the novel to exclude the drawn out ending.
For the most part, the movie was a definite improvement over the novel. It's imagery was creepier and more atmospheric. The plot is faster paced. It's characters less the caricatures that were often annoying. The precariousness of Ambar's entrapment felt realistic and less escapable. The movie might have benefited from a bit more back story but the back story was as in depth as it was in the novel. So bottom line: Watch the movie. Skip the book.
Prom Night (2008)
I felt bad Idris Elba was stuck in this
The movie has talented actors like Elba, Jessalyn Gilsig and, in a small part, Ming-Na Wen. Their parts were too small to save the movie. From the very beginning,it's revealed that the killer is a teacher obsessed with the most boring person in the film, Donna Keppel, played by Brittany Snow. It never reveals why he becomes obsessed with her. Snow doesn't ever convincingly play a teen. She looks in her mid 20s at the point she supposed to be 14 to 15 in the flashbacks. There's very little plot development. I get that horror movies aren't known for plots but I've felt more invested in the lives of people in a 30 second commercial. The film isn't scary or suspenseful. In the end, I felt bad Elba's talent was wasted.
W lesie dzis nie zasnie nikt (2020)
Nothing about this movie made sense.
I could have sworn this movie was listed as supernatural but instead it was more like The Hills Have Eyes or Wrong Turn. I guess the supernatural part is how the brothers can't be killed but they also threw in a sci fi meteorite that could explain this. I came to the reviews to see if anyone understood how Bartek got away from one of the mutants only to be killed by the mailman but then I remembered they never explained how the mailman lived either. I even went to the wiki which goes from Bartek being discovered by the killer then jumps to him killed by the mailman as if the killer only wanted to play hide and seek. It also never explained why the mutant brothers were allowed to continue living in their house after taking the mailman's legs 30 years earlier. I thought it would turn out the village was protecting them for whatever reason but no. The police had no idea. Maybe the village has some collective memory loss that I wish I could participate in so I can forget I wasted 2 hours of my life on this movie.
Driven (2019)
Not really a horror
The movie is about as scary as an After School Special so if that's what you're looking for you're not going to find it. I nearly turned off the movie after the Instagram teens because it was so embarrassingly cheesy. Dillard's practiced lines for her comedy routine were also pretty bad. Once Speight enters the car though, the movie becomes much more amusing. Driven is more droll than laugh out loud but Dillard and Speight work together well.
One of Us (2016)
More Lifetime Movie than Whodunnit
I was in a mystery mood and thought this would be a dramatic procedural. The mystery though was just a backdrop for all the drama going on in these people's lives. Since I'm not a fan of dramas, I didn't find it as interesting as I'd hoped but it managed to keep me watching to the end. There were a few plot holes others have mentioned about the DNA and the time stamps on the computer but they did tie up the loose ends in a dramatic confession. Overall, I didn't find any of the characters very likable but I do feel like I should give an award to the drug dealer boss for being the smartest and most logical person in the entire series with a close second place going to the caretakers wife.
Hinsdale House (2019)
Made me wish I was completely deaf
I'm hearing impaired so I use headphones to watch movies. The sound was torture. Most of the movie had a staticky screechiness sound that may have been nails on a chalkboard. At least half the movie was the final girl running around screaming. I couldn't focus on anything else after awhile. I watched until the end to see what would happen but wish I would have turned it off the first time I heard the nails on a chalkboard noise.
Seance: The Summoning (2011)
Christian Horror
So four friends go into a mortuary to have a seance. There's the pagan non believer, the atheist, the good girl Christian and the nomdescript friend. It seems like all Christian Horror movies have to include a plot line about abortion and this one does not disappoint. The acting is okay. The script is silly at times. The movie isn't scary or overly graphic. There's no nudity but there is an attempted rape scene. Is it the worst movie I've seen? No. Would I recommend it to anyone else? Also, no.
The Woodsman (2020)
Not bad
For a Christian themed horror movie, The Woodsman is not bad. It's more of a standard detective movie rather than horror. The acting is not Masterpiece Theater but most horror movies rarely are. The overall arc is about becoming something better so it's positive without being preachy. The sound is a bit off. I know people with a similar accent as the mom but it sounds as if they dubbed her in for some reason. I also took a star off because they went for a film noir effect but it ended up making the lead character seem creepy. It does stop after awhile but I almost turned the movie off in the first few minutes. I wouldn't watch it again but I don't think it was terrible.
Evidence (2012)
Found footage turns into first person shooter
I imagine the women's auditions were just seeing if they could scream and run for an hour.
The Occupants (2014)
Not for me
Prime kicked me out after about 15 minutes as if it could tell how I felt about the movie. The special effects on the ghost were pretty outdated which was consistent with the spirit of the script I'd watched so far. When the babysitter started weighing in on Jesus and ghosts, the movie started feeling like the haunted houses churches create on Halloween. It was at that point Prime was done with the movie and so was I. I won't be finishing it.
The Crescent (2017)
Beautiful but slow
Beth has lost her husband and takes their toddler Lowen to their beach house to heal. While there, she is frightened by an elderly neighbor who has taken an interest in her son. The movie is trippy and beautiful and slow but it does what The Babadook didn't - make you care for Beth and her son Lowen. As slow as it was, I was so terrified and uncomfortable for Lowen I almost had to stop watching. The toddler was amazingly cute and so good I wondered if he was older but small for his age. There were hints at the movie ending but for the most part it managed to maintain the mystery until the very end at which point everything makes sense.