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Reviews
At Eternity's Gate (2018)
Not quite van Gogh
This is a painterly film about a painter. It is not, in the final analysis, a film about van Gogh but a film about painting as seen through the eyes of its director. I had the serious good fortune to read Naifeh & Smith's magisterial biography beforehand (the definitive story of poor Vincent's life) and so i could only come away disappointed at the biographical distortions and lacunae. For example, Theo comes to visit him in Arles (at the hospital) and tells Vincent that he is married; Theo didn't get married until after Gauguin had left Arles, and Vincent, behind. Nor did Gauguin & van Gogh meet in Paris before Vincent left for Arles. I was relieved to see though that Schnabel got most of the ending right - it's most likely that van Gogh was accidentally killed by a local youth, and not hy his own hand, as the myth goes (although he gets wrong the fact that Theo & Vincent managed to have some time together begore he died.)
The soundtrack is quite beautiful and the pacing of the film is just right, although we never got to see how quickly, or prolifically Vincent worked (perhaps that was deliberate though, as it would have run counter to the languid telling of the narrative.) As some other reviewers have noted, the constant repetition of dialogue was unnecessary and annoying, as was the camera work, which struck me as contrived.
In the spirit of the film then, i'll repeat myself: a film about painting, a film about a painter, but not a film about Vincent van Gogh as much as Julian Schnabel's vision of him.
Tortoise in Love (2012)
Amateurish barely covers it.
I'm a sucker for a romcom, but i have to be honest: this one blows. The lead is a (bad) Hugh Grant clone, the acting overall barely registers and the script was telephoned in over a bad line. Fair play to the village community, they put their heart into it, but that's not enough. There's no depth to the characterisation, the pacing is glacial, the direction is clunky and the chemistry between the leads is inert. At times it feels as though it wants to be a kind of 'Under Milkwood', by giving the supporting roles an element of rustic passion (some of the bit-part characters seemed to be based on Dylan Thomas's villagers - there's even a Mr. & Mrs. Pugh-type couple) but nothing ever comes of it. I wanted it to be good, i really did, for the villagers' sake, but it took the worst of every romcom and shone a bright light on it. Sorry folks, but no. Just no.
The Last Seven (2011)
Worst film ever?
I also created an account just to say how awful this film was. No plot, terrible acting, insulting script, execrable direction. People disappeared for no reason, said and did things without any logic behind them, and singularily failed to convey any sense of character or coherence. The film I made as a student was the worst ever until this risible waste of 84 minutes came along. I'll never get those minutes back, and I feel cheated.