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Countdown (2019)
Another trendy waste of a Thursday night.
I watched the first half of this film last (Thursday) night and I turned it off about 40 minutes in. A few hours later I ended up coming back to it because i would rather subject myself to being bored with a few spare laughs and things to gawk at and make fun of than being bored alone in my mothers basement.
This movie does not start nor end strong at all. In short- this movie is just another trendy and uninspired PG-13 horror cash-grab geared towards a audience of the new generation with "tech" being incorporated into the "horror" (see movies like #horror, friend request, etc.) This movie just happened to get a theatrical release. It was apparent from the trailers and now that ive seen it i can confirm that it is not worth your money, especially not the 20.00$ i spent on the DVD. Why is it not worth a 20 dollar bill?
The plot is predictable and at some points borderline nonsensical. Its like characters are introduced in a way that their fate is set in stone as soon as they are seen on screen. My main problem is that this isn't handled with any subtlety at all.
>Guy in car will get in an accident
>Weird boyfriend character that doesn't forward the plot whatsoever
> CRaaaZY church guy who will TOOTally not become a plot device in any way.
Anyway, the main dynamic between characters which i would expect is the family dynamic is boring and not really necessary. What repercussions does this dynamic have by the resolution of the film? The main character and her sibling has a better relationship now? What about this story had an affect on this family?
The way the demon works is inconsistent at best. Theres a scene where the male character is like crying because he stole is dying brothers toy as a kid and this is later reincorporated with the demon basically luring him to be killed because of his past. The problem is, that scene is the stupidest scene in the movie and it didn't make me feel bad for him or anything because its such a stupid like "mental burden" situation. Could they not have a better reason for him to feel guilty over his dead brother? Oh wait, this is a PG-13 they cant take any risks....The demon does this sort of thing multiple times in the movie and in a scene they even explain that its feeding on these peoples emotional baggage but yet characters STILL fall for it! "Yeah I just saw this demon but oh look its my mother thats been dead for years I guess thats uh actually her DUURRR wah mommmy i wish u were alive" Honestly, I expected it to be this way. What makes you think this movie thats going to make 47,000,000$ worldwide would put the slightest amount of thought into writing? "Well if its too hard to think about subtle ways the demon could work maybe just write in a few jump-scares so the audience doesn't think about it" The only way this movie works is if you shut your brain off. People can do that and enjoy a movie, thats fine. But this film treats its audience as if they dont have a brain in the first place.
The acting all around was fine. The only two I really couldn't stand where the male protagonist and the little sibling. The little girl wasn't bad at first but as the movie went on the just got worse and worse. The dude was just cardboard the whole way through. Other than that the acting wasn't anything to complain about.
But the special effects however ARE something I can complain about. This is another horror movie that is "Full of jump scares" (which is advertised on the back of the box) and quite honestly there are only a few i would even label as jump scares. Most of them are just "Fooled ya, its actually the monster!" moments that didn't even make me jump. As to be expected, no tension, no atmosphere. Just scared looking dudes and loud noises. The death scenes where also lame. The only one with a little creativity behind it (the one with the hospital staircase) is ruined by a lame special effect that just looks plain stupid when you see it for more than 4 seconds accompanied by an equally lame but yet one of the better jump scares.
Really the only thing i can say i liked about this movie is the demons character design, it would have been creepier if used in a more subtle way and yes it does look a bit generic but hey, its a good design and costume either way. Would probably see it at some horror convention in New Jersey or something.
This film also made me like Tom Segura way less than I usually do. I hate to say it but it really feels like he was there for a paycheck and my statement is only proved by the credits scene. How does he die when his countdown had like 30 years left? Did the director just want to scene where Tom Segura's character dies because hes Tom Segura? I feel like it was in the credits only because the director had no where else to put it.
Also, this soundtrack is literally a spotify playlist featuring songs such as "Panini" by Little Nasty X. So with that, the plot, the gimmick and the date this was released, tell me, who was this film aggressively marketed to? Who was this film made for? It was made for teenagers who are probably too busy making out to pay attention to the movie.
And with that, the comedy angle this movie tries to take on usually falls flat on its face. The writing just isn't good enough to be genuinely funny. Hmm....maybe thats why they cast Tom Segura...
This film was genuinely hilariously bad at times. Had a few good laughs.
Please do not see this movie. If nobody watches it then maybe we'll send the right message and get more substance out of our horror cinema! We talk with our wallets!
Creep (2014)
An unexpected yet inspiring gem, a better introduction to Mark Duplass as a filmmaker.
I had first seen this movie while sifting through the un-ending cavalcade of low budgeted and uninspired horror films on Netflix. I read the description and saw the rating which was less than favorable. I thought "Wow, looks like another nothing movie!". So naturally, with these kinds of films, my mind was drawn to it like an unfortunate soul who suffers from Stockholm's syndrome is drawn to a former abuser until I had finally decided to watch it not too long after.
Fully expecting a schlocky, low effort found footage film, I was very pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be a weird indirect character study of a man with mental health issues. This film catches most of its audience off guard with either how good it really is, or how uncomfortable it may make you feel at any given moment without justice nor warning. After many viewings of this movie this is the conclusion I have come to:
Creep is a subtle and unsettling tale of an unfortunately all to real story that may be more likely to actually happen in society today.This subtlety is very well done only in the way that an experienced filmmaker like Mark Duplass can conjure. From the beginning of the movie, nothing is screaming "THIS IS EXPOSITION PAY ATTENTION TO THIS" or "THIS WILL BE REINCORPORATED LATER INTO THE FILM SO YOU BETTER LOOK AT IT NOW ARENT WE SO SMART?" The little exposition we do get told at the beginning does not feel forced at all and in fact, it thickens the plot and re-enforces the characters motives.That, as well as wonderfully written lines like "For a split second, when you saw that axe, did you think i was going to murder you with it?" that gives off a very awkward yet unsettling tone complimented by the long silence before a response is given, things like this are wonderfully and meaningfully reincorporated later into the movie. This film handles itself nicely and is thankfully coherent all the way through.
On top of the presentation of the film, this film also has a great script. When you have two people making a project start to finish like Mark and Patrick have done here, you can really make something amazing. You can smell the passion project aura this film gives off. Most of this is thanks to the script and the acting.The script for this movies features some of the best dialogue coming from Mark Duplass that I've ever seen. The dialogue is so well written that it gives characterization through Marks own words, but the script also gives great indirect characterization through marks actions. This makes for a well developed and likable antagonist. Unfortunately I cannot say the same for the protagonist.
We dont know much about Patrick Brice's character other than that he's a videographer for hire.We get a bit of a deeper look into Patrick's character when the movie shifts location to his own house and thankfully it gives us a LITTLE more characterization but still not much. I cant really say i was ever rooting for him to escape the clutches of this psychopath because frankly hes just a cardboard man. When the antagonist is a million times more likable than your protagonist in your horror movie then it simply lowers the stakes and makes the climax less engaging.
Before i wrap up, the ending to this movie did not shock me or leave me scared but, the scene had my stomach sinking the entire time with its eerie silence and ambiguity. Well played, Mark Duplass.
All in all, this film flexes its muscles well. Its all wrapped up in a neat little bow of questionable validity. Thank god we have you, Mark Duplass.
Snowpiercer (2013)
Good film that struggles to execute its best ideas.
I went in this movie expecting it to be some really messed up commentary on social classes and the such, since thats what I inferred due to such a high rating. What I got was a very competent action movie with some decent writing from time to time and a lot of creative ideas.
Although I spent most of the movie trying to dishearn if Cecil was actually Chris Evans or not, I still had an enjoyable enough time with the movie to give it a pass. Chris Evans character is very bland and the attempts they make to try and develop his character usually fall flat. This is partly due to spotty writing, and partly due to the fact that Chris Evans is awful in the role. He grumbles and mumbles his lines until the movie needs him to be emotional at one point. Hes just hollywood protagonist #441 at this point.
None of these characters have enough depth to them for me to care about them dying like the movie obviously expects you too. Like, the mother of "Timmy" was such a one dimensional character and I felt that if she would've just gotten one more scene in to make her character actually important to the plot then she would've fared so much better. Instead, she just says something about missing her son and then she dies. Thats literally all her character is.
However, that being said- I liked a few characters in this movie. The character played by Tilda Swinton was very well written and Swinton brings a slimey presence that really drives the character into the ground as a good character. Shes also the funniest thing in this movie. I also liked the druggie father and daughter, the daughter is up to par with her father, character wise. I actually thought that his little spheel at the end of the movie was more entertaining and captivating than Chris Evans because of how Chris cant even manage to cry a little.
The story makes it painfully obvious that its going to be a by the books "revolution" type story were our titular characters rise up against the big rich meanie heads.
Although there are some creative ideas integrated in the story, most of it is predictable and by the 3rd act, you can tell that its the "villain wants protag to take his throne" type deal we've seen time and time again.
The story sort of drags when its so predictable like this, but it was still entertaining because of the wealth of creative ideas at hand.
I liked when the man was being punished by having his arm hang out the window of the train. Its a creative way to do someone in considering the context of the world they live in and it does a lot to build the world and make it more fleshed out.
There are more things about this movie like this, which i admire.
The ending wasn't the best, many unanswered questions, not saying thats bad, but it still doesn't account for the fact that we get a irrelevant ending. What happened to Chris? Are there like no other survivors? Is the only purpose this ending serves to say "hey, actually they were lying to you and uhhh live is able to thrive on earth still" it feels like a cop out ending and the movie was just entertaining enough to keep me wondering what has happened to these characters. But alas, no deposit, no return.
Overall, Snowpiercer is a competent movie yet its not as smart as it thinks it is. The execution is hit or miss. The story is sort of lame and conventional. Other than that, it checks out.
Pihu (2016)
Kapri Vinods second feature is competent yet not fully realized.
When I stumbled upon the trailer for this movie i was sort of enthralled.
I can really tell that Vinod is executing a creative vision and the execution is done well, yet I dont feel like the core idea of the movie in terms of plot is developed quite enough to make the movie thoroughly entertaining like it could have been/ was starting to be.
This movie is very well made, and by that I mean its well shot. There are a few shots that genuinely add to the suspense near the beginning of the movie especially. the cinematography and the script complement each other when these scenes play out the way they do, although thats not to say that this movie some modern masterpiece of Bollywood cinema.
The big hitch of this movie presents itself within the first 20 minutes of the movie, this little girl getting herself into dangerous situations. The first time this happens you think "Oh great shes dead" yet every time she gets herself into these dangerous situations nothing every actually happens. So, for the third time she was up on some high place she could potenially fall off of and die I seriously just didnt care at all because I knew nothing was going to happen.
That being said, there are some well done and subtle/darkly funny things that this little girl does that sort of adds to the suspense a lot simply because she forgets about something because shes just a little child. (for example: leaving the stove on)
One of the things I thought was pretty amazing was when Pihu was doing her makeup in the mirror yet she didn't notice the explanation of her mothers situation that her mother had put on the mirror before she passed away. Since shes so little and cannot read, it added a dreadful feeling to the scene.
Speaking of, the young actress playing Pihu did ana amazing job at starring in this movie and she probably one of the best parts about it. You can sorta tell that she looks into the cameras sometimes but I honestly cant put that past a two year old playing a role like this. I read that they needed to sort of heel to the actresses needs which is understandable. One big problem I have with this performance though is that you can so obviously tell that sometimes, the crying scenes are totally dubbed over, this is fine because I dont expect a 2 year old to cry on command but i feel like they could've done a better job at hiding it in post production. Theres also a time where they use two of the same cut of Pihu saying "Hello" twice in a row and its jarring and it takes me out of this movie. Sometimes you can tell where they were like "Okay, this is too much" and took her out of the scene, AKA the fridge scene, she obviously was NOT actually in that fridge. C'mon.
Overall, her performance was great and it seems like things a two year old would really be doing.
Now, the mothers performance was different. it was sort of pretty bad. Shes supposed to be dead but when you get close up shots of her you can see her breathing very obviously and even sorta moving her eyes around in her head when her eyelids are closed and yet again, its jarring and it takes me out of the movie. Im actually a bit baffled about why they didnt catch these glaring problems with her performance while filming nor in post.
In conclusion: This movie was competent and I could tell the director had a vision that they wanted to execute. Most of this is executed well, but there are obviously a few slip ups and I dont blame this director, its only their second feature so they have room to grow. This movie was captivating and interesting enough to keep me on guard for whatever this director has coming up next, although. The movie was entertaining for the most part despite from some predictable and unneeded scenes.
Chernobyl Diaries (2012)
Potential that's poorly executed.
So, this idea, no matter how controversial it may be, has a lot of potential and i feel that if there was simply a better script and a more competent director it would be a lot better. I'm seeing some reviews praising this movie for its scares yet I cant find anything that qualifies as "tension building" to lead to a scare.
The story is sort of non-existent, there is no over arching plot considering the ending. No foreshadowing, its completely ambiguous until the movie just sort of gives you the answer to things like 20 minutes before it ends. Its completely pointless, predictable, lazy writing.
This movie totes very distasteful jump scares and whenever there's a scene with extended silence its really predictable that the movie is going to try and pull one over on you. It doesn't even make the jump scares enjoyable. It makes them lame.
There are various points in this movie where our titular characters just sort of walk slowly through a dark building, and it goes on for way too long every time this happens. You can tell the director Brad whoever wants to make up tension but Brad, im sorry, making your characters walk around in the dark and look scared doesn't make the scene scary.
The horror in this movie just doesn't work.
Other than that, I liked the gore effects, I thought they were alright, especially when they find the dead body of Uri.
I also had a blast watching Nathan Phillips try to hold an accent throughout the movie when its obvious hes an Australian. The acting wasnt great, my favorite would be Nathan Phillips because of how outrageous he is. Jonathan Sadowski was charismatic at the beginning but when his character started getting more and more distressed his acting slowly gets worse. Some of the faces he makes are hilarious.
One big thing about the presentation of this film is that it uses a found-footage shaky cam style while not necessarily being found footage. This doesn't seem to be for any reason and when the cinematography goes from shaky cam in hallway close to the characters face to wide shot of a guy opening door directly afterwards. Its jarring and it makes it look like the film just didn't really know what they were going for, which is obvious.
All of the ideas im sure people could have thought up surrounding this concept could be 10x better than what it decides to settle with in its ending.
Whats the ending? uh.....Chernobyl zombies..? the government secret operation thing isnt a surprise since they sort of give it away when they bring it up earlier in the movie, but....Chernobyl zombies? Did this movie not have the budget for anything a little more ambitious or creative considering the concept at hand?
In the end, after a fake rescue, the Russian government doctors just kind of throw the final girl in a cell. Then it ends. It just sort of ends.
Oh, then we get a lovely tune by Marylin Manson when the credits are rolling.
Because I guess the directors itunes playlist is good for a soundtrack closing out a movie about Chernobyl.
This movie sucks. Not that bad, and im sure in better hands it would have been a much better developed idea and maybe they could've gotten a decent script out of it. Maybe they could find somebody that has passion for such a concept.
But no, after all, this is from the creator of Paranormal Activity.
And it shows. It shows bad.