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redshootingtwo
Reviews
Python 2 (2002)
pure genius
Can you say best B movie ever? well neither can I because that title belongs to reptilicus. But still the genius that went into this movie is astounding. Beautiful plot, great characters, and a perfect ending. Let's start with the plot of a romantic couple of some sucky baseball player and a foreign chick winning a romantic get-a-way to a Russian military testing site for super fast intelligent blah blah blah ... pythons and a crazy guy who looks like Chet Stedman from the movie Rookie of the Year or Keys from Predator 2 and his 2 henchmen Bones and Tattoo. And of course both parties can't just leave the complex because of fires and not one but TWO! pythons (how original). So their long elaborate scientific plan is to use dynamite to blow up the fire you know instead of something useful like blow up the snakes and safely leave. So they have the foreign chick somehow escape the complex and run about two miles away to go into the crazy dude's van. And wait it gets better, instead of calling for help or looking for someone that could help them she runs back to the complex to get back into an inescapable place. So of course they have to cross a bridge where the pythons are clearly both at the bottom of and they of course have the lovable Bones and Tattoo cover the front and rear that way they can be picked off with no inconvenience to the pythons. And instead of blowing up the snake with a few explosives they throw about 50 containers of C-4 into the fires. somehow it works and there is enough oxygen for them to pass but on the way out Chet Stedman himself unfortunately dies at the hands of the python. At this point I was laughing too hard to see the rest of this movie but it has become my goal in life to find it you can see the ending for yourself but guaranteed that you will love it a solid 9 out of 10.
Dinocroc (2004)
I watched this movie please kill me!
Now I myself am a lover of the B movie genre but this piece of trash insults me to no end. First of all the movie is starring Lizzy McGuire's brother as the annoying little kid that goes looking for his lost 3 legged dog. Now please what kind of dumb ass mistakes a three-legged dog for a god damn mutated crocodile please I ask you? And heres another point for pondering, why do they show the Dinocroc on the back of the movie box being enormous and actually in the water? I believe if memory serves the thing spent about 2.6 minutes in the water and was just shy of 6 feet tall, that was a heart breaker. But redeeming qualities to this movie were that it was so bad that i almost died laughing because believe me the bad acting made me wish for death. But the fact remains that once again this thing is created by another military testing site to train super crocodiles for military combat or something like that from the source of all things evil E.V.I.L Corporation. And let's not forget the characters let's see we have jerk off #1 as the male lead and half way decent chick (who doesn't know how to act) as the female lead to that I say WOW! The only thing worse then the acting was the end of course the heroes spend about what seems like 2 hours talking and planning some long elaborate way of killing the dinocroc only to have it fail and kill it in an ordinary way that could have taken about 15 seconds to come up with. All in all this movie was beyond gay with its random opera music in the background and the fact that it was probably the gayest of all CGI monsters ever made along with the fact it of course was impervious to bullets and bombs (otherwise it wouldn't have been made for the military DUH!). By far the best scene was when Lizzy McGuire's brother runs into the shack and the dinocroc eats him causing his head to pop clean off with a popping noise i might add. I believe that you would be better off shooting yourself between the eyes then to watch Dinocroc. And as for the director I believe that we should get a bunch of people to hang him by a noose and all take turns kicking him in the crotch for wasting an hour and a half of our lives until he finally dies and then I can go on living.