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1/10
It's Michael, it's happening again...
16 October 2021
It's Michael, it's happening again, just like 40 years ago, but today he's gonna die, I'm gonna kill him, evil dies tonight. It's Michael, I'm gonna kill him, it's happening again, evil dies tonight, just like 40 years ago, but today he's gonna die.

Evil dies tonight, just like 40 years ago, it's happening again, but today he's gonna die, It's Michael, I'm gonna kill him. Just like 40 years ago, evil dies tonight, but today he's gonna die, it's happening again, I'm gonna kill him.

It's 40, Tonight just like Michael, but today I'm gonna die, it's happening evil again, TOniGHT, EVIL, MICHael, I'm goNNA kill HIm, JuST like 40 YEArs aGO! BUt It'S evIL HAppEning toniGHT! BUt TOday I'm goNNA MicHAel!
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1/10
Abomination
27 December 2020
This movie is a total abomination, it made me feel ashamed of being human. It made me contemplate the true experience and conception of hell. I thought that nothing could be worse than Epic Movie (2004), but here it is, this absurd atrocity of movie. It is undoubtedly the worst film I have ever seen.

No joke works, the direction is so poor, the plot is disgusting, the writer finds it funny that a child uses her mother in a strip club to survive. he thinks it's funny to just do nonsense things, yell and talk about sex. Some movie are so bad that they are funny. NOT THIS, THIS IS TORTURE.

The United Nations should ban this "thing" from the face of the earth, and everyone who has seen this movie should undergo therapy to forget this terrible Audio-Visual abuse, and anyone who dares to speak about this movie should be imprisoned with life without parole. As for the creators of this dementia, executions alone would not help, the Pope and all religious leaders of all religions must be called upon to exorcise the remains of the creators.

I wonder what Nietzsche would think of this movie... how would Kant judge that? Was that what George Washington wanted for the country? What would Jesus say?
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Black Death (2010)
7/10
A movie about suffering and torture
6 June 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Many may say that this movie is not really about the Black Death (bubonic plague), since most of this film is about witch hunting, and there is no scene about how the doctors dealt scientifically with the plague, or even the church. But this film captures the effect that the plague causes, enormous suffering, despair that makes men torture themselves without meaning in response to the inexplicable cruel illness.

The film begins by showing this reality of the plague and introducing us to Osmund, a monk who deals with the hypocrisy of having an affair with a young woman, the girl (Averill) leaves for the forest to escape the plague and Osmund asks God to allow him to leave of the monastery and go with her, he finds his answer in Knight Ulric, who along with his men are hunting witches going after a supposed Necromancer in the forest. (this beginning reminds me a little bit of The Kingdom Of Heaven and The 13th Warrior)

Ulric's group is good, each one has a personality but not very different, Ulric is a cold knight with a sad past who casts his deep hatred on witches, but still a man faithful to God until the end. Wolfstan and Mold are similar to Ulric but do not have the same charisma, Swire is a mercenary who seems to care more about money than about the cause, and Dalywag is a torturer. These men are not saints, they look more like hunters. The problem is that they (except Ulric and Osmund) are not so captivating that we care about them, when they die, it doesn't make much difference.

The necromancer, and so the villain of the movie, Langiva is kind of disappointing, her dialogue is weak, she could be more interesting with better motivations, show more about what a witch is.

Technically the film is very good, the cinematography is beautiful, and the atmosphere of the time, the clothes, the places, the village and the forests; everything looks very beautiful. The action scenes are more or less, because the shaky camera effect gets in the way of seeing what is happening, the soundtrack is mostly not very striking, but when it reaches the end it acts by giving emotion.

The greatest strength and weakness of this film is the ending, the "beginning of the end" is beautiful in its horror, all that suspicious tension that Ulric and the others were feeling in being in that village turns out to be prophetic (remembers The Wicker Man), each one being taken to be tortured until he renounced his god, something that Christians suffered at the beginning of their religion, and that later turned to do the same to non-Christians. Here Ulric suffers what he must have done with several witches. This is a good script, with good direction and great performance.

But then, the film starts to lose its meaning, when for example Wolfstan and Mold leave the cage without anyone seeing, EXCEPT for the fact that there are about 40 people and guards watching them. Do they break free and make the whole village disappear? Do you mean that Ulric had been with the black death all this time and no one has seen it? when would he tell others that? he could infect others too... Why does the witch run away when Wolfstan and Mold break free? Averill is "brought back to life" only to die again, and no one cares because the film doesn't give us time and reasons to care about her lol. And Osmund, who after all he's been through, learns nothing and keeps doing the same thing as Ulric. The last few scenes are painful and confusing to watch, and just don't convince me. But still, it is a very good movie that I recommend to everyone!
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4/10
Too bored to care
3 May 2020
I can't stand boring movies, it's the only thing a movie can never be. Imagine Chinatown with Satanism, but bad and boring, this is the Ninth Portal. A film that tries to be smart, but can't seem to be intense and interesting enough to please you. Still, it has certain interesting concepts and it is not so bad, but it is also not good. The initial idea of the film is exciting, a Book Dealer has to put together 3 books that were probably written with the help of the devil to reveal the secret that holds immense power, being able to face a cult of devil worshipers; Looks Good!

But it's bad! The main character has no history, no charisma and no development (Depp's performance does not save), Emmanuelle Seigner's character is absurd and you cannot understand her motivations. When people die in this movie, it doesn't matter, because whoever is watching has nothing to connect with them. The film comes down to seeing Johnny Depp walking and making a confused face while reading some book.

The good part of this movie? it's a beautiful film visually, it has a soundtrack OK, the scenes at the end of the film are cool and fun, the scenes with Boris Balkan are the best, he is the most interesting character in the film, with a sure performance by Frank Langella. Although I don't think the director wanted him to play it that way, it was probably for him to be scary, but it ends with him being Based and funny for not giving a damn about it.

People here trying to convince that this film is underestimated, trying to put together theories about what the film means, since Polanski wisely left a lot of symbolism in the film to try to explain its absurdities, this is good, honestly, it is better than the film itself.

(if you cut scenes where Johnny Depp is walking or reading, it would save an hour of film)

The music at the end of the film "Vocalise" by Wojciech Kilar is really beautiful and is the best thing about this film.
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3/10
WE KILL WITCHES
7 April 2020
2,7 The good thing about this film are: the design of the clothes and weapons, the violence and the gory, and, and ... Just that The plot is horrible, it has nothing original or captivating, It looks like a copy of Van Helsing, only worse. The villain in the film has no story, just a cliche motivation just like every villain. It is not possible to differentiate between hansel and gretel if they change bodies, because they are insipid. This film has no emotion because the characters have no personality, they boil down to this: Bruh I kill witches, Bruh ma sista kill Witche, we kill witches, you still don't understand? WE KILL WITCHES! i, kil, wites, bruh AAAAAAHHH! i just kill witches (crying noises)
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Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Ambush (2008)
Season 1, Episode 1
8/10
One of the best episodes
13 November 2019
Great introduction to this series, and one of the best episodes of the season, here we see Yoda just as we imagined before the empire, very skilled with lightsaber as well as Force. But what I liked the most was seeing Yoda teaching the clones important lessons about the war and about themselves. The scene where they are in the cave is a great example of what I like about Star Wars. The story is simple and has some silly things, but it's irrelevant because it just works.

Although the target audience is children, the show can be entertaining for all ages, and surely Star Wars fans will like it.
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