Reviews

When will they ever learn?

I mean, when will they learn anything about filmmaking?

I should have guessed by the over the top "Production Company" titles, followed by the numbingly endless actual titles, that this was going to end badly.

Still, I wasn't disappointed by my own prediction, so that deserves, at best, one grudgingly appointed star.

But please, don't let this talentless twit direct anything ever again.

Spoiler alert : There is nothing left to spoil.

Really?

Someone actually green-lit this thing, or did a friend of the writer just accidentally forget to pop the scripts in the shredder when asked?

The hideous cliches (one in every scene) had me endlessly asking "Can someone tell me what the hell is going on here....?"; the CGI was brilliantly executed using warm, blunt crayons; the lighting, when the fixtures weren't leaning into the middle of shot, was as creative as the lighting in my 'fridge, and the acting....oh deary me.

No.

And No again.

People, please stop it.

Thanks.

Please stop allowing un-skilled hacks getting their hands on film equipment.

It comes across as a mockery of the Holocaust, and a deliberate one at that.

Utterly unforgivable garbage thrown together by a team of who knows what.

Please, people, try to accept that you have zero talent, and then move onto something you're capable of.

Too much junk being churned out :(

How many movies have been made since the development of motion pictures?

Rather a lot, I believe. In fact, many of us have seen quite a few of them.

So why is it that there are still people out there who are totally incapable of learning anything, anything at all, about filmmaking, even after apparently spending a rather decent amount of time on a film set??

"Obsidian" is proof, yet again, that anyone can buy/rent a camera and a couple of lights, rope in some remarkably untrained actors then call "action".

Kids, there are plenty of totally legitimate reasons for your script to be binned by the professionals, even if those same professionals make mistakes themselves.

But there's more often than not good reason why they're called professionals.

This dreadful, visually ugly mess deserves no encouragement whatsoever,

The only spoiler I can offer is that this tripe is rancid.

Unless there's some relevance hidden in extended and tedious opening titles, those same titles tend to give away what's to come.... This is a rather awkward, slow and decidedly predictable film, which seems to be a vanity project, and not much else.

The actors are almost as uncomfortable as the sets, which is probably what I spent most of my viewing-time being distracted by.

As for plot; the ending was telegraphed from the beginning, which could have been cleverly handled, but wasn't.

The music was devoid of atmosphere and felt like random, royalty-free downloads saved just before Limewire faded into obscurity.

The democratisation of filmmaking has simply produced more Ed Woods, and that's being generous.

No matter how much would-be filmmakers protest : you either can make a movie, or you can't.

Some people can sing.

Some people can't.

This team cannot make a movie.

Having access to a camera makes you as much a photographer as does me being an astronaut because I happen to have stood near a Saturn 5 rocket.

The same applies to every skill.

Learn your craft before publicly launching your garbage.

This film is typical of the slide into unforgivable dross that modern technology has allowed.

There are much more finely-tuned productions on TikTok......

Yet another "found footage" clone, only this time claiming that the conveniently found super-8 camera contained a feature film length of footage.

The more these unwatchable stereotypes try to go for what they oddly assume is reality, the worse they become.

Dreadful.

This is a film for anyone with a sense of humour and an appreciation of amazing computer animation.

Loved it from start to finish.

My only extremely tiny disappointment was the remarkably flaccid and out of place music score. Thankfully, this gem is not about the music.

Watch it and enjoy!

This is not the Canadian series, as the intro wrongly states, but an Australian series.

Low budget doesn't always mean low quality, but in this case, sadly, it does.

The tone is set from the very first badly paced and awfully shot scene, and it seems to never recover, if that's the right word.

If you can forgive the awkward stilted performances of most of the actors (mercifully the daughter is good!), and the dreadful camera and sound work, then there is a pleasant potential story hiding in there somewhere, smothered by languid and clumsy pacing and forgetful, incoherent actors.

Perhaps a remake of Remake, with real professionals and a budget next time?