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Batman: Arkham Asylum (2009 Video Game)
10/10
Holy snowball in Hell, Batman. A GOOD superhero game?
7 October 2009
A lot of people rolled their eyes when Arkham Asylum got 9s and 10s across the board from reviewers, myself included. Although it's a dirty little secret of the video game industry that big companies often buy high scores from media outlets, I am happy to say this time, they didn't have to. The game sells itself, and several hours into it, the jaded cynic within me was brutally beaten and tossed from the establishment.

They have done nearly everything right with this game; the only flaw I could find was that it has a final boss and an ending, and thus does not, as I had hoped, continue into perpetuity.

Let me list a few of the game's good points:

1. You don't die nearly as often as in other games. That might sound like another case of the dumbing down of games for casuals, but it does away with cheap deaths like slipping and falling off a ledge (anytime you miss a dangerous jump, you have a brief chance to press the grapple button to escape death). It's good design, in my opinion, something you'll find a lot in this game.

2. The gameplay has been unfairly skewed to be the most fun thing you've ever experienced. Fights against multiple opponents border on poetic at times, as Batman smoothly segues between attacks, counters, and throws. The secrets riddled (no pun intended) throughout the game that can be accessed with specific gadgets require frequent backtracking, but none of it feels repetitive, which is a credit to the devs.

3. The voice-acting is straight up flawless. Repeat: it is without flaw. Every actor is perfectly cast for his or her role, and they deliver their lines very much in character. The long-time voice of Batman, Kevin Conroy, reprises his role as the Caped Crusader, and Mark Hamill sounds appropriately sociopathic as the Joker, one of the best voice-over jobs in the game, and that's saying a lot.

The bad? The game can seem a tad easy at times, as too many obvious hints are dropped when the game senses you're stuck, however briefly. Also, at 12-15 hours, it's a short game, made even shorter by the fact that you can't stop playing. That's nitpicking, though, and if you see these drawbacks as a reason not to buy the game, you've taken one too many batarangs to the head.

TL;DR version: 10/10. MUST-BUY.
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1/10
At last... a fair and balanced view of science! Take THAT liberals!
7 December 2008
Ben Stein is my HERO. In a sea of supposed "intellectuals", here's a man who understands the scientific approach that the far lefties have co-opted and wrung into an unrecognizable mess. A scientist like Mr. Stein (I should say Dr. Stein; after this movie, he totally deserves an honorary degree) knows that REAL truth-seekers don't perpetrate godless acts like "investigating universal truths" or "developing theories based on a body of known facts". That's for the fork-tongued, limp-wristed liberal elite. No, a man of science starts by first making up his mind about the state of reality, then doggedly undermining the opposition by pointing out how not everything is yet known. In other words: Your theory's not completely perfect = My theory's right. It just makes good sense.

In conclusion, if you haven't already figured out (I'm talking to you, loopy liberal), I HIGHLY recommend this movie. Watch it, even if you have to miss a day of Bible study (Oh yeah, I said it!).
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