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Reviews
Customer Wars (2022)
This show is... this show is... this show... ad break... this show is... lame.
Annoying and aggravating over editing destroys the the cohesion of what the viewer is trying to watch.
Another reviewer summed it up nicely. They play a bit of the clip, stop, rewind it a few times, explain what you're going to see, then they cliffhang you on an ad, and when they come back, its a pure anticlimax.
JUST ROLL THE CLIP! We don't need to see the lead up several times!
99% of the clips can be found on youtube or even instagram without all of the BS the creators of this show put you through.
Sadly this show is a carbon copy of all of the other video clip shows. Same editing. Same over hype. Same teasing of the viewer.
It may be okay for low brow/low attention span viewers, but for anyone with an IQ greater than that of a cucumber, it's tedious and infantile.
7 Little Johnstons (2013)
Little to no entertainment value
Just another "what zaney antics will they get up to this week" "reality" family show.
Frankly, I believe all of these shows are exploitative. People who are only being shown because they are: small, fat, had multiple births etc. In the old days we had something similar. They were called "freak shows" and people would pay a penny to gawk. They were no less exploitative then, as the televised versions are today. Think that is harsh? What exactly are you tuning in to see? They are not on TV because they are talented. It's just little people partaking in buffoonery so that rubes on their couches can have a cheap laugh.
All of these shows double as ads for local businesses and attractions. "Today we are going to....", and its just an episode of them doing whatever wacky hijinks at that particular venue.
Nothing is organic or believable. They have no real talent or entertainment value. Its just "we're little/fat/septuplets/polygamous/grew up without technology" (take your pick, they are all the same show.)
Just wait till it changes gears, and the family falls apart like they all do, and it's doom and gloom episodes, where they will talk a divorce to death like all of the other shows do, just to milk it dry.
Biography: KISStory (2021)
Cat-like reflexes required with your remotes volume buttons
Interesting documentary. I learned a lot about the band that I hadn't known before.
My gripe is that the sound mixing is a bit wonky. They have guitar riffs playing over someone speaking, which made it hard to hear everything they were saying. I found my televisions volume going up and down like a fiddler's elbow.
Quiet talking *volume gradually increases*. SUDDEN BLAST OF GUITARS BLARING *panicked pressing of the volume down button*
Your All Time Classic Hit Parade (2017)
Your all-time Corny Cringe Parade
It is like modern day PBS reruns of Lawrence Welk, with twice the cringe, and none of the nostalgia.
Where to begin? Out of the whole cast, the only two who can sing are the two guys.
As for the rest, I don't know who irritates me the most:
- That blonde lady sounds like a cat in heat?
- Those three chubby sisters think that a three part harmony is just three people singing the same note?
- Lightstone who has a mic but I never see her do anything but smirk, and sway her hair like shes Cher?
- Or that corny violinist who looks like he should be selling used Sebring convertibles in Tampa? What is it with no name musicians of a certain age? They seem to think, a fedora, open vest, and sunglasses indoors gives them talent and stage presence.
I know much of the music they sing. They butcher every song, and don't add anything to any other renditions or performances. All this does is televise a drunken family sing-song at a reunion.
Gotti (2018)
Doesn't have the makings of a varsity mob film
I hung on for 23 minutes. I couldn't stand it any longer.
Travoltas "tough guy" face really annoyed me.
The jumping around in the story ruined the flow.
This movie was done much better decades ago. They should have just left it alone.
When Calls the Heart (2014)
Sponsored by P&G?
Must be, because everything is Tide white, and Mr. Clean spotless. It has to be a commercial for them.
Their clothes are spotless, the town is spotless, the cast look like they change their drawers every time they fart. Well, they are all so cardboard, and angelic, do they fart?
The sterility of the show is really distracting.
Punky Brewster (2021)
Absolute cringe
In all honesty, she had better acting chops as a kid. Now she overacts, and it is just so cringey.
Its just another garbage American sitcom. Terrible acting. Lowest common denominator, laugh track, obvious jokes and gags.
Crap.
Santa Fake (2019)
Nonsensical.
What time period is this supposed to be? The guy says he's an orphan, who worked on trans Atlantic liners, then jumped ship and disappeares into the big apple. Fair enough, but everything is MODERN. The cars, the dialogue, the fashion, even the prices.
There haven't been regular transit Atlantic liners for decades, and you can't just wander off of a ship, and disappear into the city to find work these days. So, is this set in an earlier time, with insultingly low attention to detail? Or is this set in modern times, with an insultingly implausible story?
It just doesn't make any sense, and that is saying a lot considering the already implausible crap produced in this movies genre.
Hot Bench (2014)
Do they get paid by the word?
There is far too much talk on this show, and it all comes from the wrong side of the bench.
Court is actually a lot like Judge Judy. The judge primarily listens to testimony and arguments. The judge will only interrupt with questions for clarification.
The majority of this show is the judges explaining the case, while the plaintiff and defendant stand there awkwardly. If the P or D get a chance to speak, the judges talk over them, or, finish their sentences for them.
Then we get the judges yakking amongst themselves, followed by them delivering long-winded lectures on their opinions. Very little of what I have seen are judgements based on law, or legal doctrines.
Individually, these judges love to hear the sound of their own voices, but when you put them all together, it's just The View with black robes. Three clucking chickens clambering to speak over each other.
With all of the unnecessary chatter, relatively simple cases drag on and on and on...
...and on.
Someone should tell them that they got the job. They don't need to keep auditioning.
White House Down (2013)
I actually thought it was a spoof of cheesy 90s action films...
...until I looked it up, and saw that it's meant to be a serious story.
Amateur is what comes to mind when I think of this movie. The story is like a high schooler wrote a rip off off a 90's Die Hard-type film, and, then submitted it to the drama club's B-team to act it.
I actually feel insulted that it was written, produced, and, served up to the viewing public.
Amateur, cheesey, trite, lazy, cliche, garbage. A complete waste of film, and time.