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cvincent1
Reviews
Breasts: A Documentary (1996)
Beautiful and real!
This is a wonderful look, you should pardon the pun, at 22 women talking about breasts-- theirs, their mothers', other women's, and how they affect so many aspects of their lives. Young girls, old women, and everyone in between (with all shapes, sizes, configurations, etc) talk about developing, reacting, celebrating, hiding, enhancing, or reducing their breasts.
It's charming, delightful, sad, funny, and everything in between. Intercut with documentary footage and clips from those famous old "young women's films" that the girls got taken to the cafeteria to see, the interviews are a fascinating window for men who love women & their breasts into what the other half has to say when they don't know you're listening.
The Devil-Doll (1936)
This is how you adapt an existing story!
This is the film that modern film-makers should watch when contemplating the adaptation of a famous novel. By now, we're used to the convention of prefixing a film with the novel's author's name ("Mary Shelley's Frankenstein," "Bram Stoker's Dracula," "Alexandre Dumas' The Count of Monte Cristo) which serves as a dire warning that the story will bear no resemblance at all to the original.
As Kurosawa would later demonstrate in "The Bad Sleep Well," if you're not going to film the novel as is, don't do it halfway-- make something new from the story. That's what we have here, with an excellent version of Dumas' Monte Cristo.
An escaped prisoner, the falsely convicted Paul Lavond, wreaks his terrible revenge on those who conspired against him, unites two young lovers, bids his lost love goodbye, all with the aid of amazing secret science.
While Edmond Dantes became a master of alchemy and poisons, Lavond masters an alchemy of a different sort, removing and reducing one enemy after another. Lavond needs no Abbe' to lead him to a source of infinite wealth-- Lavond uses his enemies' own money, which they had embezzled from him and his bank, to destroy them.
And just as Dantes was a master of disguise, playing a variety of roles while being drawn irresistibly toward those he once loved, so Lavond puts on an amazing disguise to bring love and reconciliation to his loved ones, and a terrible revenge to those who destroyed his life.
O'Sullivan is delightful as always, by turns darling, petulant, defiant, and vulnerable; her final reunion, however brief, with her lost, still unrecognized, father is a wonderful climax to this film.
A wonderful story, beautifully told. The effects, delightful though they are, are the least amazing thing in this film. Browning deserves remembrance and homage for reminding us that films need a strong story _first_, and such effects as are convenient may come later, if at all.
Masters of Horror (2005)
Brilliant series, not for the extremely young or humorless.(slight spoilers)
This has been a great watch so far. "Incident on and off a Mountain Road" is excellent, running two narratives that are interlinked, and bringing them together at the climax for a killer finish. "Dreams in the Witch House" is an excellent take on Lovecraft, and a must see for fans of old HPL. "Dance of the Dead" is another double narrative with a suitably nasty reveal. Jenifer" I read as a short story, and it's the one episode which I simply couldn't finish-- it's that horrific.
The jewel in the crown of this series is of course "Homecoming," Dante's extremely gentle meditation on the Republican Coup d'Etat of 2000, in a story set during the 2004 election. It's a must-see, and Bush's entire administration should be forced to watch it non-stop, until *they* understand that *we* understand.
"Deer Woman" is a needed dose of comic relief after "Homecoming," Landis' rather silly piece with a comic center that will leave you breathless with laughter. "Chocolate" is fair, if a tad forgettable.
"John Carpenter's Cigarette Burns" is excellent again, playing out rather like "The King in Yellow." Very worth seeing. "The Fair Haired Child" is a beautiful piece of film-making. Really quite delightful, this one is. The most recent to air, "Sick Girl" is an amusing little ooh-ick-fest, with delightful performances and an amused nod to actress Misty Mundae, who can't use that name since it's owned by her former studio-- so here character is named Misty instead and mentioned frequently, no doubt to annoy her former associates...
All in all, this show is a wonderful offering, and well worth watching-- and picking up as a DVD brick when it becomes available!
Serenity (2005)
If you love it, let it go.
I love "Firefly." Intensely. So I was excited to see this movie.
Simply, if you love this series, skip the movie. If you love the show and see the movie, I suspect you'll be as painfully disappointed as I was.
I'm sorry that Joss doesn't trust his audience. Doesn't trust his characters. Doesn't trust his setting. Doesn't trust his talent. I'm sorry that he's put this film out, and I wish I could forget what I've seen him do to a setting and story I loved.
In trying to make this story "bigger" he's made it smaller. Even the physical universe his characters inhabit his dwindled to a teeny fraction of the size it once took up. His revelations of secrets don't hold up, and simply won't wash with what we've already learned about these characters. And sadly, and most "small" of all, he's decided to gut the wonderful interactions of an ensemble cast in favor of the tedious, overused cliché of the "bad, butt-kicking waif" which you cannot swing a cat without hitting on big screen, small screen, PSP screen, or comic book page. To take so much, and make it so small, should be a crime.
Give this one a miss. You've been warned.
Firefly (2002)
Smart, Sexy, Fun, Well-written. Didn't stand a chance.
This is about as good as television gets. Only one weak episode in the bunch, and that not bad, just a tad cliché ("Heart of Gold").
The pilot gives us fine motivation for an embittered captain, and is an impressive piece of work all on its own. Normally, this would be a cause for concern in a SciFi series, where series quality is inversely proportional to pilot quality. But you'll rapidly see that although Joss takes Roddenberry's original selling point ("Wagon Train to the Stars") and runs with it, this ain't Star Trek-- especially not the bloodless, classless, clueless thing that Berman and Braga made of it. The first episode gives us a captain with balls, something we've been longing for for decades. And it just gets better from there...
The cast is solid, amazing, fun, and I can't wait for the film. Get the DVD brick, and enjoy what you've been missing!
Rome (2005)
Watch it with the sound off...
Visually, this series is amazing. There are wonderful things to see, and lovely bits of restoration, along with beautiful sets and exquisite props. Max Pirkis is marvelous, even if his character is forced to enact entirely fictitious events. Odd thing for the first emperor of the world's greatest empire, no?
As for down sides, there are only two things wrong in this series-- everything the characters say, and everything the characters do. Let's get real here for a moment. The history of the fall of the Republic and crisis years of the Civil War is *well*known*. All the writers needed to do was bother to spend an afternoon with any reasonably qualified professor of Classics-- which you cannot swing a cat without hitting-- and they would have in their hands a story ten times more compelling than the one they're telling.
The real one.
Yet another second rate story from yet another "creative" team that wants to tell an ancient story and doesn't trust either their story or their audience. Don't waste your time turning the volume on. The story you make up while watching it in silence will be closer to what happened-- and a better story-- than what would come out of the speakers.
Ying xiong (2002)
O, for such a Hero...
This is a beautiful, excellent film. It repays repeated watching, as well.
It is exciting, stunning, touching, and glorious. The stars are well-used: Jet Li is his cute, enigmatic, impressive self as the Nameless hero. Maggie Cheung is dignified, beautiful, and amazing as Flying Snow. Tony Leung does a wonderful turn as the assassin Broken Sword, a man who has achieved an insight all his fellows have missed. Donnie Yen, so charming as the father Wong Ki Ying in Iron Monkey, gives an incredible performance as Sky. Zhang Ziyi is, as so often, heartbreakingly gorgeous as Moon. She's even better here than she was in Crouching Tiger, without stealing the show! The locations are dazzling, the cinematography breath-taking, and the score exquisite.
I can't say enough good about this film-- if you enjoy it, it's also worth checking out "The Emperor and the Assassin" for a more gritty take on the same story. This is not only a "must see". It's a "must own" on DVD.
Troy (2004)
Troy, or someplace like it...
The makers of this film had so much to work with. Great actors, beautiful props, wonderful locations, and technology that would make D. W. Griffith weep. So where did the story go?
The funny thing is that the story as Homer produced it is perfect for this age-- personal revenge over civic duty, petulant sense of entitlement gone horribly wrong, it's all there. So why didn't we see any of that on the screen?
Do yourself a favor and get the book. You'll be pleasantly surprised.
Do yourself a bigger favor, invest a few years and read the original. You'll be astonished and amazed at meeting the greatest poem ever written or recited.
Peter O'Toole, how I wish I'd gotten to see you do your scene with Brad as it should have been. That would have been one for the ages.
The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)
There's a reason why the author's name is listed...
As with "Bram Stoker's Dracula," "William Shakespeare's A Midsummer-night's Dream," and "Mary Shelley's Frankenstein," this film needs to be titled "Alexandre Dumas' The Count of Monte Cristo" for one very good reason: otherwise, one would never recognize the story.
Very, very trendy; very, very fashionable; very, very MTV. The plot, not exceptionally intricate and surely comprehensible to a modern audience, is repeatedly ignored in favor of what the scriptwriter and director wish Dumas had written. The innocence of Edmond, a moral goodness that they fear will be interpreted as uncool, is replaced with stupidity. The unexpected betrayal is replaced by circus-freak villains turning in cardboard cutout performances. Guzman, who has the looks for his part as Jacopo, reads his lines as a Brooklyn thug, and thus blows any credibility he could have brought to the role. Richard Harris must have sustained considerable fatigue, as he is quite busy carrying the whole production on his shoulders. Give the guy a break, huh? The writers don't seem to have the slightest nodding acquaintance with the workings of society, human psychology, what made the characters in Dumas' novel effective and memorable, nor how to tell a story. The director seems to suffer the same deficits in understanding how human beings behave, speak, dress, and think.
There is some amusement to be derived from the DVD-- the deleted scenes are introduced by the director and film editor, with explanations of why they made the (*wrong*) choice in each case, sacrificing scenes that would have developed the characters, that would have been memorable, or that were simply better film-making than what they eventually put out. It's a hoot. The only choice that didn't diminish the final product is a deleted scene between Danglar and Mondego, both of whom were such laborious caricatures that it simply didn't matter what they did on screen.
The clumsy editing of the final battle scene has also spawned a tagline at our house, usable in sudden moments of crisis: "Hey, look! A rainbow!"
The only good thing I can say about this film is that it has increased my love for Dumas, and inspired me to seek out an unabridged version of this novel to read at my leisure-- it's a real occasion for enjoyment, as well as a catalog of all the opportunities the writer and director missed in their rush to release this turkey.
Prince Valiant (1997)
How can you go wrong? Let me count the ways... (spoilerette)
This is one that can be fun, if you can leave your brain at the door. Katherine Heigl is yummilicious, yes-- but she can't carry this one by herself.
Let's just say that if giant leaping alligators in PLATE MAIL strain your willing suspension of disbelief... then this movie may not be for you. If you sometimes pause in a film to ask, "Wait-- how did *that* happen?!" then this film might well not be for you. If you find it ludicrous that a knight would ride his horse into King Arthur's throne room, then this film is *definitely* not for you.
But the harem gals are pretty. Look at the harem gals. Forget the silly Prince. He'll just make your brain hurt.
Vampire Journals (1997)
Pretentious, pseudosophisticated LARPer? Then this one's for you!
Imagine a film made from the laboriously transcribed RPG notes of an adolescent Lord Byron wannabee, only without including any of the plot points, action, intrigue or emotion from his (or more likely her) Saturday night game sessions. Now subtract any trace of charisma, interest, or backbone from every member of the cast. Finally, shoot your film by candlelight, and score it with soulless twaddle rather than real music.
If you're salivating right now, then Vampire Journals is the film for you.
If you're doing *ANYTHING*ELSE*, give it a miss.
You've been warned.
Planet of the Apes (2001)
What a shame...
Tim Burton's regurgitation^W "reimagining" of a great film is a criminal waste of talent, film, money, and time. There is simply nothing here-- no characters worth watching, no plot worth following, no steel cables wherewith to suspend our disbelief. A suggestion to the crop of producers and directors currently engaged in picking over the cadavers of the 1960s and 1970s: how's about you guys come up with something *new* instead of leeching off the success of works far better than yours? If you're thinking of renting this, see if you can find a tape of MST3K's "Time of the Apes." You'll have a better time.
The Scorpion King (2002)
Best Bond remake in years!
This film was a blast. It's the first time I've seen "Live and Let Die" remade as a Bronze Age sword & sandal epic, but hey, it's all in good fun. Dwayne is fun to watch, Kelly is delicious, and the heavy is forgettable, but sufficiently evil for the genre. This film was everything the D&D movie should have been and failed to achieve. It is, of course, crying out for another sequel that will link up some plot threads with "The Mummy Returns," but you know, that just means more Dwayne for us, and that's not a bad thing. That's a *good* thing.