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Wolfclaw359
Reviews
Panteon Woods (2015)
Not Really What I Was Expecting, But Not Too Bad
The premise sounds like something that comes a dime-a-dozen with found footage: Group of people head out for a weekend in the woods to try and find a local cryptid and end up not making it out of the forest. The camera work is about as shoddy as it gets with found-footage and the dialogue relies way too heavy on the 2 sisters engaging in dirty talk with the creepy old guy they paid to help orient them.
The plot does include some red herrings such as there not being any actual werewolf taunting them and the old vet starting to lose his marbles towards the end, but there ends up being a rather unusual twist I personally didn't see coming although it should've been a lot clearer considering how things were set up as they walked through the woods.
Rebecca, the cinematographer sister, secretly dresses up in a gorilla suit as part of a backup if nothing was found. This ends up backfiring as Nam Vet Guide Greg gets spooked and shoots her dead. Down to just Riley and Greg, Rebecca's body is hidden behind a tree and the duo resolve to make their way back before sundown. Unfortunately for them, it turns out the legend of the werewolf was to keep people away from cartel operations occurring in the forest and the pair end up smack dab in the middle of it. Greg is shot and killed in a standoff while Riley manages to get out alive. That survival is short-lived as she remembers Greg telling her that piping they found on the second day would likely lead her to safety. This ends up not going as planned when she bunkers down in an outhouse at the end only for cartel members on patrol to ambush and kill her.
There were some comedic moments to it such as having an interview with a woman talking about writing a book "detailing her experiences" with the werewolf which is revealed to just be a kinky self-insert fanfiction, but for the most part, it's just a standard home movie about a weekend in the woods only for things to go to hell and back on the way back. Not exactly a modern art masterpiece, but there's worse out there.
Hollows Grove (2014)
Good to Kill Time, Not for Much Else
A film that looks good on paper, but doesn't quite hit the mark. That's how I'd best describe this found-footage horror film. The premise is absolutely stuff we've seen before. A videographer is tasked with the behind-the-scenes of a ghost hunters show, they're about to head out to what is considered one of the most haunted locations in the area, and the crew of charlatans plus their videographer buddy end up realizing they bit off more than they can chew once hijinks ensue.
It does not help that most of the characters have next to no actual character TO them. You have Tim (the leader who ends up not being all that great at leading), Chad (the show's ACTUAL camera guy who randomly mentions at the beginning he's a Serbian immigrant), Julie (the producer and the only woman of the group), Bill the retiree who does special effects for the show as a way to kill time, Roger the comic relief and sex pest who's always trying to go after Julie, and Howard, Tim's buddy who is supposed to do behind-the-scenes work for this particular episode. There's even a groundskeeper, Hector, who serves no purpose other than to warn the crew to stay away from the spooky orphanage and add to the film's kill count.
As for what actually goes down, it gets pretty confusing. The film begins with an FBI agent talking about the case and asks the viewer to give their input on the events. It then cuts to Tim and Howard driving out to meet Bill. A couple fake scares and an interview later, we end up meeting the rest of the crew: Chad, Roger, and Julie. Afterwards, Julie gives a debrief on the fictional Hollows Grove Orphanage where horrid conditions and kids generally going nuts causes the hospital to close in the early 1950's with all the bodies piling up.
Tim almost ends up running over a hobo with an End is Nigh sign (gee, I wonder who that's for) on the way to the orphanage. An argument ensues between the groundskeeper and the crew as he refuses to let them in. Hector relents upon Tim talking with him and the crew begins to go about their filming with Bill having gone to the second floor to begin setting up the scares. Julie mentions that the director's office is the only place that's off-limits and filming begins after a route's planned out.
Beginning in the kitchen, they come across a cat who somehow managed to get in while nobody was looking. After finding out the basement crematorium is somehow locked, they start going upstairs before the cat from before is killed by being thrown at Tim by an unseen force. After a few more spooks and even more locked doors, the gang head back downstairs only for Chad to twist his ankle falling down the stairs. Julie and Chad stay behind in the dining area while the Three Stooges go back upstairs for some more shots. Chad is killed by a possessed(?) Julie while the guys are upstairs.
Things start taking a turn for the worse as the guys find Bill who tells them they'll never get out before getting his throat supernaturally slit. The gang go downstairs after hearing Julie scream, but find neither Julie nor the corpse of Chad in the dining area. The group resolves to head to the top floor, where a 7-year-old patient was rumored to have killed every patient on that floor in their sleep, get a bit more footage, and get out. Julie reappears and begins running upstairs even though Roger warns her not to. She jumps out of the only window on the 2nd floor and isn't seen again until the end.
At this point, the last 3 crew members finally realize they should probably get out of dodge, but by that point, it's already too late. The trio moves to try and find an exit on the top floor as the front door is locked and the rest of the windows they've seen are boarded up. More scares ensue and the gang starts trying to run after Hector's hanging body ends up smashing a window. You'd think the characters would realize that may have been their best way out, but nope, they begin going down to the lower floors. Roger is killed after being thrown through a hole in the 2nd level's ceiling that was mentioned in the first run and Tim stays with Roger's body in a complete breakdown. Tim finds himself in one of the rooms in the third floor and is stabbed to death by the ghost of who I'm assuming is the killer patient. It all comes to a climax with Howard noticing the director's office is now open and finding Chad's body before being dragged into the basement and chucked into a furnace.
The film ends with the FBI agent stating that the bodies of Chad, Bill, Hector, Roger, Tim, and Howard were found and that Julie somehow used her girl power to survive the ordeal, albeit in a coma likely due to no longer being possessed. The agent mentions that some agents had gathered evidence at the scene, which is just grounds for a final jumpscare before going to credits.
Hollows Grove does what it can with a rehashed premise, but you gotta sit through quite a large chunk of needless build-up to get to anything decent. The actual scary moments are few and far between once they arrive, but the characters act SOMEWHAT realistically even though they can make some of the worst decisions known to man at times. Due to there being a special effects guy involved, you don't know what's legitimate or the ghosts beginning to mess with them until Bill (played by Lance Henriksen) ends up kicking the bucket. It's not a GOOD film, but if you're looking for a way to kill the time with some found footage schlock, this isn't godawful. Honestly, if you're looking for something with this premise, just watch Grave Encounters instead as it pulls this off better.
My Little Eye (2002)
Decent Found Footage Flick With a Somewhat Lackluster Ending
My Little Eye has a simple premise: 5 people (Emma, Matt, Rex, Danny, and Charlie) must stay in a house for 6 months in order to receive a $1,000,000 cash prize with the only rules being that you can't leave the house walls after sunset and the entire prize is forefeit if any of the 5 leave.
Things go well for the first little while until a supply chest comes with bricks and a letter for Danny claiming his grandfather passed away. He intends to leave to go to the funeral, but the rest of the group convinces him to stay as they only have a few days left at the house. More shenanigans ensue with most of the cast taunted on their past with the production crew focusing on Emma who took a childhood prank too far, Danny who was raised by his grandfather, and Rex whose father committed suicide. A lone skiier, Travis, shows up at the house after being taunted by Rex claiming he'd gotten lost and his GPS was broken. Travis stays the night and most people suspect that Travis isn't who he claims before he leaves.
Matt finds Travis' backpack near a bear trap and after Emma wakes up with blood covering the other side of the bed, tensions continue to mount until Danny is found dead. Rex uses his tech smarts to finally confirm the webcast they signed up for was nothing but a front and the rest of the group agree to leave the next morning.
I'm not gonna completely spoil the film, but suffice it to say, the film ramps up heavily from there to an ending that you can kinda see coming as soon as Rex figures out what's going on. The acting is pretty decent along with the cinematography, but the story unravels at the end and the effects aren't exactly something to write home about.
All in all, it's not something to expect a masterpiece out of, but it's definitely something to watch if you're a fan of the found footage genre.
Hinsdale House (2019)
A New Low for Found Footage
Hinsdale House has got to be one of the worse films I've seen in the found footage genre and that's saying something. The premise is half-baked (seriously, nothing else is given other than there's supposed to be a horror film shot in the house), some of the story decisions are just GODawful (e.g. Staying overnight in the haunted house after being warned nobody lasts a night), the threat has inconsistent logic (waits for some to be alone while waiting for others to look away a few minutes later), and the camera work is just shoddy as all hell.
The plot itself is full of clichés (sleazy director, home's built on sacred Native American land, nobody makes it out, etc.). The comic relief character, the guy setting up the cameras, is basically nothing but jumpscare fuel as all but one appearance of his is to scare the hell out of a cast member by popping up randomly, Gotta give the film some points for actually not taking out the minority characters first, though.
The ending saw that people liked open-ended movies and decided to go to the extreme to its detriment: you got everyone but the final girl chanting in a circle in the front yard before it cuts to some more house shots that include the final girl at times. I guess it's supposed to signify that everyone got claimed by the house even though we only see one actually dead.
The movie was just over an hour, but it really felt like longer. Unless you're looking for some laughs, I'd stay off this one.
The Final Project (2016)
A Project Worth Skipping
I figured I'd give this film a watch since it was found-footage and the premise seemed interesting. Unfortunately, the premise is just about the only thing going for the film.
You got 7 university students heading out to a fictional plantation in rural Louisiana for their final project in a film course. You have: Charles the setup guy, Misty the valley girl who's only agreed to the filming for some extra credit, Gavin the stereotypical jock, Ky the slacker whose graduation depends heavily on how well the project goes, Jonah the dork, Genevieve the girl who has visions about the place before they arrive, and Anna the leader of the group. Yeah, guess who ends up alive at the end cause I was able to figure out within half-an-hour and was able to figure out the order in which the group gets whittled down. Yes, the story is THAT predictable.
Not to mention how slow the pacing is. It's got an hour and 20 minutes and the group doesn't even arrive to the location until almost halfway through. Instead, the first 40 minutes or so amounts to talking about the project, Genevieve constantly getting calls from her mother not to go to the plantation, a car ride full of awkward conversations and arguing between Jonah and Gavin over Genevieve, and then walking to the location. Real riveting action, folks. And then it takes about another 10 minutes for the setup and then the spooks start ramping up. The gang gets offed one-by-one and it ends with the sole survivor being interviewed by police à la Book of Shadows and it being revealed they mysteriously disappeared afterwards.
The acting is pretty hammy as everyone basically plays into their stereotype until they end up having some of the least eventful death scenes I've seen in a while. Bonus points goes to all the screaming that takes place once the remaining students finally find one of the others dead and takes up a huge chunk of the last 15 minutes or so.
All in all, the movie just isn't worth the hour-20 runtime, so avoid if you can.