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Reviews
Like Crazy (2011)
The Only Spoiler Here ...Is The Movie Itself!
What a spectacularly boring movie. I tried liking it; but well before the end I was tempted to throw a rock through the screen.
This thing is just dreadful. "The darling of Sundance."? REALLY! This thing was so disjointed, clumsy, and unconvincing...
What more can I say? There was no rapport between the actors, whatsoever. The soundtrack (except for the disco scene in London) was dismal; and just flat-out annoying.
I like both these actors, but they never stood a chance with the wooden direction they must have had, because there was no (0) chemistry here.
Every time they kissed or had any 'romantic' verbal intercourse I wanted to cringe: It felt as though I were watching two people awkwardly trying to kiss in the dark bedroom after a round of 'spin the bottle.' I suppose that as an 'artistic' effort, it has some merit; but as a love story ...not so much.
Uncle Gruesome
Penthouse (1933)
'Ahh, shaddap!'
Typical, crude, 1930's gangster fare. One would think that everyone on the planet spoke in that illiterate, Chicago/Branx gutter staccato; this movie offers the same inane and offensive cant.
The storyline? The same pap you've heard and seen a hundred times in the '30s and, sadly, in another few hundred 'noir' films of the '40s.
Myrnay Loy is her adorable (though ill-fitted here) confident self before the camera, even though she is playing the five dollar floosie; the rest of the C cast are led by an over-the-hill Warner Baxter, a B-movie slug; going back to 1914.
Beginning way back then in the infancy of cinema, the Chaldeans despised language skill and the masses sufficiently to pander this garbage to them.
But, then again, you deserve it, don't you? It gets well deserved one star.
The Fantastic Four (1994)
Soiler
Well, as FieCrier put it "There *are* worse movies."; but not by much, folks, not by much.
If I didn't know it was a '94 movie I would have sworn that it was from the '60s.
It's good to have in a collection; and if you are either bored cross-eyed or moderately stoned, watch it. If you have dinners plans with a nice bottle of a 1984 vintage, don't watch this: as it will put you off your appetite.
All that being said, it is refreshing to see Corman's mind (such as it is) give us character development; which is a lot more than can be said about later comics/sci-fi fare.
I just can't get myself to go higher than one rotten tomato on this one; but my consideration of fellow sentients who think it better, I give a two.
"Danger! Will Robinson; Danger!" "Aliens approaching."
Escape Plan (2013)
Very Unexpected!
A 7? May be not; may be yes; still not convinced, though I just finished viewing it five minutes ago.
That being said, I will say that is a an unexpectedly refreshing offering from Stallone/Schwazenegger.
Though there is much at which to yawn, there is much that surprises; and were it not for losing my IMDb rating privileges I'd share some refreshing surprises; not the least of which is the ending. Or should I say endings, because it is a multifaceted one.
The acting is, well, Stallone/Schwarzenegger; the premise Stallone/Schwarzenegger, but the telling isn't as completely trite as one would expect. I read the IMDb rating first and sneered at a 7 rating; but I can see where many viewers, especially fans would go that far.
Me? What the hey, I'll give it a 7 also: It was very entertaining.
J R
Haywire (2011)
'Stop the music; and show me those paces again.'
I agree with Amazon-41, this is a quiet version of a spy thriller.
It could have been so much more, but where the 'take a bunch of C-listers, throw in a D-lister as the lead' formula failed, (though it could have been a good film nonetheless); was in the soundtrack —truly dreadful; and the pacing was erratic at best.
Despite the sketchy cameos and plot holes, it bears watching.
Still, it merits watching, though to me it was painful because of the above mentioned shortcomings.
Ciao!
Uncle Gruesome
Secretariat (2010)
Big Red – 10; "Secretariat" - 3
I can understand the 7.0 rating here: It is based on the emotionalism that Secretariat engendered in all who saw him, and remember him: emotionalism of which I still have much in my heart for this magnificent creation. However, I am sorry to say that, this movie does not do 'Big Red' the justice he deserves; certainly not to the tune of a 7.0 rating.
The casting is dreadful; the acting is not even marginal; and the directing is god awful wretched! —What a pity.
To think, that, so magnificent a specimen of Jehovah's creation as was Secretariat should be marginalized so, drives one to tears as much as the sweet memory of this gorgeous monster who 'talked the talk, walked the walk, and ran sham into the ground...'
To say 'never' is foolhardy, considering that this horse was as much a product of imperfection as are we —but it will be a long, long time before anyone sees anything like him again; and I venture to say that his like will not be seen again for five hundred years!
Rest easy, my friend: You looked them all in the eye, and showed them what you knew all along: You just had a "
bigger engine."
"In frenzied excitement it eats up the ground;
it cannot stand still when the trumpet sounds." (Job 39:24)
J R Alayon Forti
Blindness (2008)
Blind is as Bliind does.
As pointless and pointless as Blind Fury.
Come on folks! One of the lead characters is sighted! What? Can she not have taken over the asylum, as it were, from the very outset!? Shecannot have controlled the entire movie?! She cannot have... Oh, gad! This whole thing is so frustrating!!! Think about it, you fools.
Think about it.
Stop any criticisms of this movie! The whole thing is bogus; and you are the truly blind fool for having been duped into making any comment on it in the first place.
Here! Another line of pointlessness to satisfy the ten line requirement: As meaningful as the tripe that is this movie.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)
Think Men in Black II
This thing hops around like a flea on a frying pan! There is no continuity to the movie; especially in the first half hour. It lacks every aspect of 'story' with which the original was blessed. If you wish to be jerked around and 'dazzled'(?) by special effects, then, by all means, sit back and 'enjoy' this dreck; otherwise, you are better off watching a Barbara Walters interview. Here then are four more lines that will, perhaps, explain to these algorithms what the word dreck means, since, obviously, dreck is a word not understood by this program: Dreck, or dreck; akin to Old English threax: rubbish. Trash. You know: not good.
J R
Harvey (1950)
I've always loved this film...
...,as well as practically all of Mr. Stewart's work. It is as charming and endearing a story as one could ever hope to find. But something has always puzzled me: If, as we know, Mr. Stewart himself stood 6'3", why did he always look up at Harvey, who, at 6'3 1/2", is only an half in taller? From the angle(s) it would appear that Harvey is 7', or taller.
This movie has always deserved a 10, so far as I'm concerned; but it gets a 9.99 because of this minor infraction by either Mr. Stewart or the director.
View it. Without hesitation. Clear your head and give it your complete attention; you will be completely enthralled. If you've never seen this movie you've missed out on one of the most engaging pieces of cinema in the last hundred years!
JR