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Reviews
Bones: The Girl with the Curl (2006)
It's called dazzle
It is always an interesting episode when the crime of the week involves the death of a child and the b-plot is ~romance~
I'm not going to comment on beauty pageants as a whole, but Brianna's mom is a perfect example of a parent that takes it too far. Corsets, veneers, malnorishment, and drugs? Even if Brianna did want all that work done, she was literally 9. 9 year olds don't always make the best decisions as evident by Haley accidently killing her and not telling anyone because she wanted to participate in the pageant.
Moving onto the romance, the swing date was VERY cute and wholesome (though the memory of Hodgins sniffing Angela's hair is still crystal clear in my mind). Ultimately, I appreciate that Angela remained firm on not wanting their relationship to progress even though the date went very well.
Things to note: Bones bonding with the girls at the dance class was adorable. The BUTT GRAPH, oh my god. Bones: I never understood why women want to change themselves, Booth: well duh because you are beautiful??? And structured??
A line I loved: Emo, it's called emo.
Hi the Bones Booth :)
Bones: The Truth in the Lye (2006)
Godiva 3000
Let's talk about s*x ba-by. Let's talk about you and me (and her and her). This episode dealt with a lot of interpersonal and intimate relationships and I ate the drama UP. While it is absolutely awful that someone would lead two lives like that, I thought the episode and crime of the episode were very entertaining.
That said, Booth and his ex "rendezvousing" felt off. I mean, nothing says sexual tension like threatening to not let someone see their son literally a few episodes ago? And nothing says let's "cha cha slide" like someone gossiping to everyone at work that you are back with your ex (looking at you Cam).
There were a lot of other great moments such as: A: "What make foolish man think I speak Chinese" and Z: "I'm going on police business" H: "I'm so proud"
Things to note: not gonna lye, I thought the emulsified wallet was pretty cool! Turns out that those women were actually great actresses in cahoots. I kept saying to myself "living like Larry" throughout the episode. Learned a new word this episode: frangible
A line I loved: "Could they kill a man?" "I think our Vice President disproved that possibility".
Hi the Bones Booth :)
Bones: The Blonde in the Game (2006)
Hi, your daddy is a monster
I really enjoyed this episode! The case this week was interesting and I honestly didn't know who Epps' accomplice was the first time I watched it.
That said, the creep dial was turned UP this episode, between Epps saying that he'll think of Bones when he "makes his donation at the baby bank" 🤢, the whole "there is no such thing as an innocent women" thing, and... really just Epps in general. As far as Epps acting like a boyfriend to Bones, I wholeheartedly disagree. He was acting like a stalker who thinks that they love someone but really just want to control them (or in this case maybe murder them with his creepy serial killer hands).
We also had his wife Caroline. Yeesh, that lady needs a hug (or perhaps someone to slap some sense into her). It's clear that Epps used her and I honestly felt kinda bad for her in the end, she seemed SO lonely. Good on Angela for showing her some compassion during their scene.
Things to note: Why did they have Angela do multiple drawings of what Epps might have looked like, did they not have any old photos of him? No mug shots from when he was arrested? Booth calling Epps "Howie" was great. The Hodgins and Angela vibes this episode were just *chefs kiss* fantastic. And I would sell my soul for someone to give me a tiny pig named Jasper.
A line I loved: What kind of boyfriends have you had. 👀
Hi the Bones Booth :)
Bones: The Boy in the Shroud (2006)
Tension, party of two
Between the disparaging of foster kids, Cam and Bones' conflict, and the killer being a kid who was scared that the one person in his life was leaving him, I struggled with this episode.
While we got Bones' insider perspective into the foster system and got to learn more about that part of her history, there was so much going on throughout the episode that I feel like some stuff got lost. There was the investigation, the B plot about Cam and Bones clashing, a sub-B plot where Hodgins and Angela have some random ~bonding~ moments sprinkled in, a pervert getting killed by his wife, and a discussion about the foster care system. I'm so glad that Cam and Bones' relationship starts to get better at the end of the episode because it has been rough watching them hash it out.
Things to note: looking at Hodgins in his garbage outfit made me actually nauseous. Bones just quietly raising her hand while Cam and Angela were having a bonding moment about first loves and the slo-mo scene of Hodgins giving Angela a rose were both hilarious to me. Alex just saying "Sorry, about Dylan" and Kelly's face afterwards 😬.
A line I loved: When it comes to bugs, slime, crud, and compost you're the man
Hi the Bones Booth :)
Bones: Mother and Child in the Bay (2006)
The bones belong to me
This crime of this episode was depressing man.
A woman with post-partem depression kills her child and then murders her friend (Carlie) for her unborn baby. And then, when they find Carlie's kid, they give him to his dad who is an adulterer, beat up his girlfriend, and purposely killed his wife's dog?!? My goodness, give that child to Carlie's parents right now.
In the midst of all the seriousness of the episode, we had Bones popping out of a pond in scuba gear, which absolutely cracked me up, and a B plot about Booth as a father. While Booth is clearly too protective, him wanting information on the man who spends a lot of time with his son is incredibly reasonable, especially when that guy gets to spend more time with Parker than Booth. Rebecca saying that she doesn't legally have to let Booth see Parker was just awful as well.
Things to note: Karen said ouch when Bones was literally just putting a q-tip in her mouth. Angela acted embarassed that she weights 135 lbs... no wonder everyone thought they were fat in the 2000s. I think I also would've stabbed the dummy like Angela. And the scene where Bones asks Cam if she wants kids was soooo awkward.
A line I loved: Even an empiricist can have a heart.
Hi the Bones Booth :)
Bones: The Titan on the Track (2006)
Accidentally on Purpose
This episode is all about the interpersonal. The crime of the week really takes a backburner as we try to navigate everyone's relationship with Cam as the new boss. While Cam and Bones are standoffish throughout the episode, you can tell that Cam is not a bad person. Like Booth says, Cam's goal is a successful prosecution and Bones' is the truth. The team seemed to get along with her pretty well before Bones comes back from vacation, and Booth and Cam clearly have some history. Things to note: Sweet baby jesus Booth, you can't just shove drugs into someone's mouth to get them to talk. He really acts like, to quote Hodgins, "a wank-tard" that entire scene. Cam's nicknames were something. I wish they didn't keep replaying the sound of the elbow and shoulder popping out 🤢
A line I loved: I am a diuretic seagull. Hi the Bones Booth :)
Bones: The Woman in Limbo (2006)
Marco
Man does a lot happen in this episode, there's so much to discuss that you'd need a roughly 2 hour long podcast to get through it all (wink wink).
Not only does Bones finally gets some answers about her parents, I think she also realizes she has her own little family now. Everyone on the team is determined to find the truth for Bones. I'm also happy that she ultimately makes up with her brother, she deserves a good relationship with him. All in all, a wholesome yet sad episode with a lot of good friendship and Bones and Booth moments.
Things to note: Is this the episode where Bones becomes vegetarian? Booth called Bones 'Temperance' 😍. This scene:
Bones: I miss that. Someone caring where I am all the time
Booth literally a second after: Bones you up there?
A line I loved: In that case, we'll still ruin his day
Bones: The Soldier on the Grave (2006)
I think we both wish this place were a lot smaller
This episode went pretty much how you'd expect an episode about the Iraq War that aired in 2006 to go.
War is messy and tragic and divisive. Throughout the episode we saw different perspectives about it. Hodgins spewed his conspiracies (and some truth), Bones analyzed war like an anthropologist, and Booth, as the only one who had actually served, was conflicted and empathetic. I think Angela summed it up best: "Nothing is that simple."
Similar to the last episode, solving the crime did not leave anyone satisfied. Bones touching Booth's arm at the end was the best part of the episode for me.
A line I loved: I can't believe you took the bait.
Hi the Bones Booth
Bones: The Graft in the Girl (2006)
Three glasses of milk a day
The crime in this episode is one of the most compelling in season one for me. A sad reality of life is that sometimes one is simply too late to fix things. It's not a funny episode but it is simultaneously heartwrenching and heartwarming.
I think Amy was well-written. She's young and scared and in her situation knowing that others are getting help because of you doesn't necessarily make you feel better. Just a tip: "Stay positive" is probably the most useless thing to tell a 15 year old with lung cancer who is dying...
Other things to note: Angela ran Amy's art through the 'digitizer' and everyone acts likes it's impressive but didn't she just... scan it? Was that not a thing in 2006? I hope SIBS is actually a thing, because that's hella cool. Bones just casually asked a lady for a 'sample' of her husband's ashes. Bones also cut into the carpet EXACTLY where the drain they were looking for was (in creepy Harry the Mortician's voice: she IS good).
A line I loved: But here's the kickster
Hi the Bones Booth :)
Bones: The Man in the Morgue (2006)
Three degrees and still a fool
Overall, I liked this episode. More specifically, Bones just being Bones. It is so like her to use vacation time to help identify bodies (which everyone hates on but let my girl live, I doubt she's the type to enjoy having nothing to do anyway). She also seemed to genuinely respect voodoo as a religion. Plus we got this iconic line: "I've noticed that very few people are scary once they've been poked in the eye." I give her 10/10, ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐⭐ stars, and 👍👍 thumbs up in this episode.
The crime of the episode was interesting enough and pretty gruesome with a skinned body and women shoved onto a spike.
Other things to note: Booth was SO judgy and kept hating on voodoo but getting defensive when Bones talked about Catholicism. We met Caroline!!! She's one of my favorite characters in the show.
Zach ignoring Hodgins made me laugh and Hodgins telling Angela that she's the reason Bones wants a big life was a testament to how Hodgins won't always be so abrasive, baby.
A line I loved: "Jesus is not a zombie."
Hi the Bones Booth :)
Bones: The Man with the Bone (2006)
You have a security problem Dr. Goodman
I thought this was a fun episode! Pirates, treasure, and bobby traps oh my. I would've rated this a 9 but the amount of times they said "shaft" brought it down to an 8.
All the boys geeking out about pirates made me laugh and we actually got some good Season 1 Hodgins' moments. Boo billionaires and the morgue guy (Harry) though. Harry was so knowingly creepy, I wish Bones had throat kicked him but he probably would have liked that...
There's also something so human and tragic with the divers spending so much of their time on finding and believing in this treasure. As one of them said, "It's all about the search, man" (and that guy even murdered someone to continue searching 👹).
A line I loved: "I believe there's greed. That's the real curse"
Hi the Bones Booth :)
Bones: The Skull in the Desert (2006)
15 weeks is more than I've ever had
This was an... interesting episode. While I loved how it showcases Angela's and Bones' friendship, the whole premise that Angela has (or I guess had 😬) a boyfriend for 3 weeks a year felt so random.
There were also some weird moments: Hodgins just scrolling through photos of Angela on her trip and in a bikini at work? Booth refusing to leave while Bones gets dressed? Bones: "You're not Indian," Wayne: "Not by birth, no" 🤡🤡.
All in all, not a bad episode but definitely not a part of Bones' Greatest Hits. I was a little bored with the crime but enjoyed the interpersonal aspects of the episode. Bones dropped everything for Angela and Booth drop everything for Bones.
A line I loved:
"I want you to get federal on his ass"
Hi the Bones Booth :)