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Reviews
Club Dread (2004)
An awesome comedy slasher that outdoes Scary Movie
Taking a note from Monty Python, Broken Lizard changes gears and heads for a tropical trip with club Dread. They easily retain their hilarity, although the film tries and balance the horror with scares...good ones, Lizard easily excels at great gags and characters, There's Putman, the Tennis Pro, Lars, the new masseuse who's good with the ladies, and Sam the Fun Police. It goes like this, apparently the legend known as Machete Phil is going around town murderizing all the staff members. Pretty soon the staff is on the run from an unknown to the partygoers. The film has some good references to Jaws, Jimmy Buffet [Son of a son of a bitch], as well as everyone's favorite dot muncher, Pac-Man, Pac-Man's tribute comes in the form of a drinking game where a man gets chased by four scantily clad woman as he tackles people in fruit costumes and runs to a coconut filled with booze which results in the woman undressing, a perfect example of Broken Lizards ingenious film.
A definite must see and guaranteed to get better with each viewing.
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)
Rise of the Franchise
Back in Action Terminator 3 packs the action and kicks some ass in T3 which is NOT helmed by James Cameron
it is now 2003, 6 years after Judgement Day, the day when skynet was to go active and judgement day was to occur, still fearing the worst, John Conner (Stahl) lives off the grid, on the street, working from town to town without any trace of his existence on computer or any records, it is at this point that the T-X (Loken) and THE Terminator (Arnie!) arrive thanks to Time Displacement and there off to the races with Loken outdoing Robert Patrick in terms of performance and menace, her T-X is a cold cruel assassin, securing a vehicle, a weapon, and openly taking out her targets who are NOT John Conner.
meanwhile John Conner connects with one Kate Brewster (Danes) a Vet whose father, a military figure is dealing with how to fix a virus, his peers suggest the use of there software Skynet setting up the notion of Judgement Day which has only been postponed, as we learn from the Terminator, Judgement Day is inevitable.
The principle actors are all game for this new installment which is a retread of T2 only with new and returning plot devices, the T-X is a mixture of Arnies endoskeletal Terminator with the T-1000's liquid metal acting as a shell for it. Johnathon Mostow (U-571) takes over James Camerons goliath franchise bringing freshness to the table, and as James is missed, Mostow does a stand up job of continuing the ongoing saga of John Conner and his acceptence of fate.
Marco Beltrami takes over Brad Fiedel and although he does a good job, duplicating the creepy music of the T-1000 for the T-X with some added flair, Fiedels theme is tossed aside until the end credits which is a shame.
over a solid film that will be sure to surprise the naysayers as this Terminator, a shorter, leaner terminator than T2, is an amazing tale.
9/10
The Avengers (1998)
It could have been something great
since I have not seen the original show (I may have when i was young but it would've fallen right out of my head) but I do know this, it could have been something more
look to Warner Bros. if you want to blame someone or something for there tainted hand ruined the story, Sean Connery is totally wrong for this, having saved the world so many times as 007 it just isn't believable for him to want to destroy it, its a real shame to think if this one got off the ground it may have been succeeded by a greater sequel, that could improve upon the chemistry, the story.
I would love to see what would happen if they released the original cut which 66% longer (around two and a half hours) to think of all the scenes and sense some of the plot would make (I still have no clue why there are two Emma Peels but I go with it)
It's just to bad the series never got the chance to become just that, a series.
It's all your fault Warner, but they won't care, too bad I liked it, and wonder what a sequel would have brought to the table.
6/10
X2: Wolverine's Revenge (2003)
not very pleasing
This game is very much like Spider-man the gam that accomponied the movie, although instead of swinging you get Wolvies keen senses, its not very fulfilling with the clunky battle system, the camera is a pain in the ass. The game makes good use of the actors from X2 lending their voices but i'd prefer to see a X2 game about Wolvie actually include the participation of Hugh Jackman, don't get me wrong, Mark Hamill does a good job, but after listening to him as the Joker I can't imagine him as Wolvie. The game features bad gameplay though, when attacking enemies you'll soar right past them sometimes, and when you reach the mutant freaks (the REAL mutant freaks, not the mutants, the failed science projects) the fighting gets clunky, I suggest a rental cause after the movie its discount bin city, just like the Spider-man game.
Mars Attacks! (1996)
Poor movie thats just a waste of time......
I love Tim Burton movies but this was just......disappointing.....being ten when I saw this in theatres it scared the crap out of me, yes it may seem silly to you but them martians with their huge Eyes and brains frightened me, and the ray gun effect on people frightened me as well, but no this review is not confine to my fear of the martians of this movie in theatres at age 10 (I was actually begging too see something else) the movies a shameful waste......its a showcase of Stars getting tortured and killed in horrible ways.....and since Jack Nichalson is so popular, THEY KILL HIM TWICE! Now I don't care who you are, I love Batman and Nightmare Before Christmas but for the love of god, Kill Michael J. Fox, Pierce Brosnan, Danny Devito, Martin Short, and Sarah Jessica Parker all in one movie than you've crossed so many god damn lines that you'd be demoted to a washed up hack! But since its Tim Burton and he bounced back (thankfully) with Sleepy Hollow it balances out......but I refuse to watch this movie....whenever someone throws it on at a party I just go "The hell with this" and go play videogame or something......I guess it takes a certain taste to enjoy this.....but this was a bitter movie to swallow.......gah even the popcorn sucked while watching it.....
of course, If anyone kills 007 and/or Marty McFly again I'll bleed you
Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)
They keep getting better.......
In this very shagadelic romp the international man of mystery must bounce through time again...not only to save his world but to save his father (Michael Caine in a very excellent role) hes joined by the foxxy Foxxy Cleopatra too stop Dr. Evil who has hatched a plan to use a "tracter beam" to pull a solid gold comet "Midas 22" to flood the world....Dr. Evil is joined by the Eccentric Johhan Van Der Smut...he loved gold so much that he even lost his genetalia in an Unfortunate Smelting Accident...hence the name....Goldmember, Goldmember keeps Nigel Powers in 1975, so thus Begins Austins quest to defeat Dr. Evil for the hat trick.....The laughs in this movie are plenty especially during the films side splitting opening which features cameos from Some popular celebs......the movies pace slows once it hits Dr. Evils lair....its not a bad thing..its just an odd change of tempo...which picks up once Austin goes to 1975 to visit studio 69.....
The movie also throws in bits and bobs from the previous two Movies such as the gross Fat Bastard
This is a hilarious must see movie.......I'd see it if the cost of admission was one hundred, billion, gagillion.........yen.
Men in Black II (2002)
Nod your Head
Spoiler Alert! The new MIB adventure packs more of action then the first film with more of the comedy that occurs in it also. The movie starts off with a retelling of the MIBs oldest cases in the form of a sci-fi myth show narrated by Peter Graves. The story is of the Zarthons and how they want to hide their light of Zartha...the light is " a cosmic force so powerful that in the wrong hands it could lead to the annihilation of Zartha" the tale ends with the Zarthons fleeing Earth after being refused to hide the light there by the MIB, they are followed after by Serleena...the stories main antagonist....In the opening Serleena (after some cosmic carnage) landing on earth. She's received a tip from an alien (played by Jackass' Johnny Knoxville) saying the light never left earth so goes into motion a race of Jay (rejoined by his mentor Kay) to find the light before Serleena.
The movie zips along at a fair pace...I can't believe this is only a 90 Minute movie...but it is and it's fast. Smith and Jones omit the same chemistry that they had in the first film..You can tell these two like working together....but the real star seems to be the effects which areas wild as ever...aliens come in many different shapes and sizes from Jeff the huge ass worm to the worms.....
Overall this is a great summer movie and deserves a big box office ranking.... just as memorable as the first...no matter how many times I get flashy thinged...
10 out of 10
Mallrats (1995)
NO LIBIDO TO ATTACK!?
I don't care what those people say about this film this movie is funny. Its actually hilarious. People are just mad cause they think that Smith sold out and thats why its bad it too hollywood but at heart thats a load crap. Jason Lee is so funny in his first role (That kid is BACK on the escalator!) the elevator scene is one of the best. Jay and Silent Bob kicks ass in this second flick of the askewniverse. I can't believe this movie bombed so badly. Though if there ever was something wrong with this movie it would have to be the actor playing T.S. his performance is so bland it shocking. The lines seem to be forced out of his mouth(I think a stage is being erected...WHAT THE HELLS WITH THAT?! Ben Affleck is funny in this too. CRITICS SCHMITICS