Adèle is not supposed to be a sulty hot seductress.
She's the older cousin you fear, because you know if you don't behave you really are in trouble.
Where's that scoul we love?
I gave it 2 stars because 1 seemed too little. Then again 2 might be too generous.
I might go back and change it.
Stay in your lane Luc Besson. You're not as great as you think you are.
Reviews
8 Reviews
Another SJW rape of a classic book.
24 February 2018
I did not get that this is supposed to be a Valerian and Laureline adaption for most of the movie.
The characters are so removed from the original.
They are written in a completely unrealistic way. Major Valerian is a floundering millennial dork who somehow managed to bed hundreds of women.
Sergeant Laureline outranks the major because of her grrl power, and is constantly giving him orders. She spends the whole movie emasculating Valerian, but for some reason is also in a relationship with him. No points for guessing who initiates relations there.
Why did they even bother to pay for the license? If they just changed the names viewers would have found some details inspired by the book, but no one would have said it was stolen. It's just not thte same.
This type of movie makes me so sad because I realise the original is now dead and will never make it to the big screen in proper form.
They are written in a completely unrealistic way. Major Valerian is a floundering millennial dork who somehow managed to bed hundreds of women.
Sergeant Laureline outranks the major because of her grrl power, and is constantly giving him orders. She spends the whole movie emasculating Valerian, but for some reason is also in a relationship with him. No points for guessing who initiates relations there.
Why did they even bother to pay for the license? If they just changed the names viewers would have found some details inspired by the book, but no one would have said it was stolen. It's just not thte same.
This type of movie makes me so sad because I realise the original is now dead and will never make it to the big screen in proper form.
1 star is too much.
20 January 2018
Planet of the Apes
(2001)
Ed Wood could have done worse.
3 May 2012
The original Planet of the Apes is a deserving classic with basis in creative spins on theories of evolution and de-evolution.
It was a perfect blend of science and fiction that captivated the imagination of audiences, who left the theater with a feeling of awe and wonder that few films manage to inspire.
Millions of minds were seeded with a lifetime of ideas and questions of our existence, just as well as they were served pure entertainment in an exciting space-adventure with talking monkeys.
33 years and several sequels later the world is still fascinated enough to give Tim Burton a chance at diluting the original concept, and what a job he did.
Words fail when trying to describe the shallowness suffered when two hours of a viewers life are lost to this stupidity.
The deepest thought presented is that apes playing cards would have four sleeves to cheat with instead of two.
If going by the assumption that the true level of a director can be judged by their worst efforts, it can only be determined that Tim Burton is a huge hack.
How fitting that it was he who made the movie about Ed Wood.
It was a perfect blend of science and fiction that captivated the imagination of audiences, who left the theater with a feeling of awe and wonder that few films manage to inspire.
Millions of minds were seeded with a lifetime of ideas and questions of our existence, just as well as they were served pure entertainment in an exciting space-adventure with talking monkeys.
33 years and several sequels later the world is still fascinated enough to give Tim Burton a chance at diluting the original concept, and what a job he did.
Words fail when trying to describe the shallowness suffered when two hours of a viewers life are lost to this stupidity.
The deepest thought presented is that apes playing cards would have four sleeves to cheat with instead of two.
If going by the assumption that the true level of a director can be judged by their worst efforts, it can only be determined that Tim Burton is a huge hack.
How fitting that it was he who made the movie about Ed Wood.
Before the Dinosaurs
(2005)
Slapstick mockumentary.
23 July 2010
This documentary is to walking with dinosaurs what Episode I is to Star Wars.
You do get to see a timeline of animals evolving up to the dinosaurs, but all the animals behave in such cartoonish ways it's hard to take anything seriously.
It's hard to claim, considering all the millions of years of life on earth, that something never occurred even once, but this film manages to depict events so unlikely that it's very tempting to do so.
Watching this made me feel kind of like I felt after I left the cinema mid nineties having seen the digitally "enhanced" original Star Wars. Though this isn't the complete rape that happened to Star Wars the low quality is degrading to a series that in the past has achieved true greatness.
You do get to see a timeline of animals evolving up to the dinosaurs, but all the animals behave in such cartoonish ways it's hard to take anything seriously.
It's hard to claim, considering all the millions of years of life on earth, that something never occurred even once, but this film manages to depict events so unlikely that it's very tempting to do so.
Watching this made me feel kind of like I felt after I left the cinema mid nineties having seen the digitally "enhanced" original Star Wars. Though this isn't the complete rape that happened to Star Wars the low quality is degrading to a series that in the past has achieved true greatness.
Shock 'Em Dead
(1991)
Surprised the heck out of me.
8 December 2006
At first when I got this one I browsed through it briefly and put it back on my shelf. The super-low production values and crappy cast made me think it was going to be absolutely horrible.
When I finally viewed the movie it really put my expectations to shame. Yes, the production value is nothing to brag about, but the actors actually pull it off. Everyone is at least tolerable, and some can actually act a little bit. A lot of the acting works simply because the timing is alright.
This is true of the cutting and screenplay as well. The pacing is right there. No need to trim anything with the fast forward button. The story moves forward constantly with a great imaginative script full of well defined characters in good scenes. The scenery and cheesy rock'n'roll wardrobe and hairstyles are great as well. Most of the effects are crappy, but they are used well all the same. Some are up to the standards of a few years earlier, some to standards of many years back...
With a proper budget this would have been a big hit, for sure. The worst part of the movie is actually the misleading cover. Traci Lords is far from being the star of this one, there's at least three girls and a whole bunch of guys with more interesting roles, and the title has nothing to do with anything.
At the time of writing this movie has a rating of 3.8 on IMDb which is certainly lower than it deserves. I would have given it a 7 if the production and effects had been better. A job well done!
When I finally viewed the movie it really put my expectations to shame. Yes, the production value is nothing to brag about, but the actors actually pull it off. Everyone is at least tolerable, and some can actually act a little bit. A lot of the acting works simply because the timing is alright.
This is true of the cutting and screenplay as well. The pacing is right there. No need to trim anything with the fast forward button. The story moves forward constantly with a great imaginative script full of well defined characters in good scenes. The scenery and cheesy rock'n'roll wardrobe and hairstyles are great as well. Most of the effects are crappy, but they are used well all the same. Some are up to the standards of a few years earlier, some to standards of many years back...
With a proper budget this would have been a big hit, for sure. The worst part of the movie is actually the misleading cover. Traci Lords is far from being the star of this one, there's at least three girls and a whole bunch of guys with more interesting roles, and the title has nothing to do with anything.
At the time of writing this movie has a rating of 3.8 on IMDb which is certainly lower than it deserves. I would have given it a 7 if the production and effects had been better. A job well done!
Batman: Dead End
(2003)
Proof that Hollywood has no clue.
5 December 2005
Grey tights would never work in a movie, right??!
It is incredible that none of the Batman motion pictures has come even close to this. This is not a masterpiece, it is simply a peek at what should have been. Grey tights.
In this short film the main character actually looks exactly like Batman. The visuals are right out of the book. Nothing is changed just for the sake of it or to promote egos in the production department.
The Batman suit is not a thing of wonder, as can be seen in behind the scenes stills on the web. They simply made a Batman suit and lit and shot it right.
The fights are gritty and have a nice mix of realism and fantasy. Sound effects are great, the music doesn't take over and drown the action. The pacing and photo lets you know what is going on. The sfx and sets are simple and effective. Like they should be.
Sure it's amateurish here and there. Nothing that couldn't be fixed by hiring professional writers and editors. Those can be found in Hollywood. Most of all there's need for someone who can write good dialogue, and knows when the characters should shut up. Such people do not exist in Hollywood.
What you are watching here IS Batman. And it's all so simple.
Warner could have saved millions by putting out a quality Batman movie instead of one heap of latex manure after another.
I wasn't overly thrilled with the Joker's prosthetic troll nose, but then on the other hand he looks worlds better than Jack Nicholson. Pretty much anything bad about this movie can be countered easily by saying that Warner did it worse. And that doesn't mean Dead End is all that, but rather that Hollywood is rubbish. Sad, actually.
It is incredible that none of the Batman motion pictures has come even close to this. This is not a masterpiece, it is simply a peek at what should have been. Grey tights.
In this short film the main character actually looks exactly like Batman. The visuals are right out of the book. Nothing is changed just for the sake of it or to promote egos in the production department.
The Batman suit is not a thing of wonder, as can be seen in behind the scenes stills on the web. They simply made a Batman suit and lit and shot it right.
The fights are gritty and have a nice mix of realism and fantasy. Sound effects are great, the music doesn't take over and drown the action. The pacing and photo lets you know what is going on. The sfx and sets are simple and effective. Like they should be.
Sure it's amateurish here and there. Nothing that couldn't be fixed by hiring professional writers and editors. Those can be found in Hollywood. Most of all there's need for someone who can write good dialogue, and knows when the characters should shut up. Such people do not exist in Hollywood.
What you are watching here IS Batman. And it's all so simple.
Warner could have saved millions by putting out a quality Batman movie instead of one heap of latex manure after another.
I wasn't overly thrilled with the Joker's prosthetic troll nose, but then on the other hand he looks worlds better than Jack Nicholson. Pretty much anything bad about this movie can be countered easily by saying that Warner did it worse. And that doesn't mean Dead End is all that, but rather that Hollywood is rubbish. Sad, actually.
Night of the Living Dead
(1968)
A perfect movie.
3 August 2003
I have seen two perfect movies in my life. "Fucking Åmål" and "Night of the Living Dead". I don't think I have to say more than that. It's all perfect and there's nothing to complain about.
Please note that while there are complaints about this movie in IMDb's comments section, many of them consider the "30th Anniversary Edition". That version is a sham and an abomination, and the perpetrators behind it would all be tortured to death if there was any justice in this world.
I do wish there still were separate entries for the different versions. It did help a lot when I was able to vote "10" for the 1968 original, and "1" for the 1999 rape.
All other complaints about "Night of the Living Dead" are simply misguided.
Please note that while there are complaints about this movie in IMDb's comments section, many of them consider the "30th Anniversary Edition". That version is a sham and an abomination, and the perpetrators behind it would all be tortured to death if there was any justice in this world.
I do wish there still were separate entries for the different versions. It did help a lot when I was able to vote "10" for the 1968 original, and "1" for the 1999 rape.
All other complaints about "Night of the Living Dead" are simply misguided.
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