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Duffman5128
Reviews
Dark Town (2004)
It was a great movie... until it went to HELL
By far the worst movie I have ever watched. How this movie was made remains a mystery to me. I wouldn't really classify it as a horror movie, actually, I wouldn't classify it as a movie at all. Its like a mix between Vampire/Gang Banga/Lesbian Porno.
The acting is a joke, the dialogue is a joke, the plot is non-existent. There's no excuse for making a movie this poorly. I mean, its awful. Its such a bad movie, its hilarious at times. My brother went to Blockbuster to rent a movie and was told to rent the worst looking movie he could find, and let me tell you, he did it. This movie is a joke, and watching it the first time made me almost kill myself laughing. Actually, I wish it did kill me. Thats just how bad this movie is. Giving this movie a 1 is generous. The scenes change from lesbian vampires getting it on, to Ganstas shooting each other, and then to vampires eating each other with no transition or explanation. If you want to watch this movie, I cant stop you, but let me suggest putting some trash cans next to your TV, because you may want to throw-up after watching this. Its also a good idea, because then you can throw away the DVD after you have watched it. (Thats assuming you haven't already killed yourself after watching this cinematic disgrace). Actually in most cases, your DVD player will kill itself if you try to play DarkTown in it, so I'll give you a summary of the movie in case that happens: Dead Cat with no eyes... random man does a bad parking job on a dark road, walks into empty dark warehouse apparently looking for immigrants... sees shoes in hallway, shines light in dark room. Loud noises annoy you as a girl with some weird Japanese mask is revealed by the flash light.
After that stupid and unexplained introduction (If thats what you want to call it) The next scene is in a dark room where 3 family members are preparing for someones birthday. The person finally arrives, who happens to be the guy from the introduction. He is acting strange... (Not sure if there's something wrong with the character... or if its just bad acting... probably both) The family awkwardly exchanges meaningless dialogue that explains nothing. The birthday guy is drinking something from a thermos, everyone assumes its alcohol. When asked what it is, he replies (with a dumb face and voice) "Just a little PICK me up!". Then the guy grabs the lady (who is pregnant) and drives off with her, everyone else is like... whatever. Then for some unexplained reason, we see the man ripping the undeveloped baby from the womb, and says "It has your eyes". Then two lesbians are having sex. Then there's a scene with a bunch of gang members saying a couple lines (Each using the S word about 5 times) and then they start shooting each other. Then vampires start killing gang members, and the two lesbians become lesbian vampires. Lots of blood. Then a gang member and lesbian semi-vampire hide in a house and find another semi-vampire neighbor who wants to exchange blood with the semi vampire, they fight each other. Then they all become vampires. Then the gang member and lesbian come out of their vampire trance and kill vampires, and it ends with them looking at the sunlight coming out of a hole in a roof.
Reading other comments, I read one comment where someone actually approved of Darktown. Nick Faust it was. He called it a "Low Budget Gem". I hope he was joking.