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Reviews
Stellar Blade (2024)
Meh.
This game wouldn't have survived in a release window with stronger competition. As it stands, it's a passable button masher with triple A graphics, tacky design and a ridiculous script.
Our protagonist, a comically modeled schoolgirl dressed like an early elimination from an episode of Drag Race (complete with heels, black lace choker and thirty six inches of virgin remy) rushes about like Danté or Bayonetta hacking up generic Whatevers, while disposable music takes you out of whatever moment the devs were going for.
The script and voice acting vacillate between WAY over the top, and bizarrely calm. It breaks the connection to the character and I'm left feeling that what I'm doing with my controller has nothing to do with what's unfolding on the screen. I don't like the latest iteration of the Tomb Raider series, but character and plot development is something those games do very well: Stellar Blade fails on this front.
Which would be fine if there was some blistering gameplay to sink my teeth into!
Nope. Bash bash bash. Done. And, as one other reviewer pointed out, character movement feels funny - it's stilted and lacks flow.
Stellar Blade isn't the worst PS5 title I own - far from it! - you might get some enjoyment from the campaign mode if you're nursing a hangover, and need something undemanding and basic. But for a full price release, I expect far better than that.
The Exorcist III: Legion (1990)
A worthy companion piece, excellent in its own right
This is a fantastic bit of cinema. It hits a lot of the same home runs as the original "Exorcist" - stellar performances and cinematography, gripping plot and a strong script. But where it diverges (brilliantly) is in theme: this is a mystery movie with supernatural elements, as opposed to a horror film with Christian elements. Legion: Exorcist III uses a serial killer plot to explore overarching themes of existentialism, faith and - yes, there's a clue in the title - demonic possession.
This is a very different experience to the 1972 predecessor, and so comparisons are unfair. While not unsettling in the same ways as the first film, Exorcist 3 still provides ratcheting tension and impressive scares over the course of its generous runtime. The lasting impression we're left with is one of a riveting story, supported by outstanding performances from Scott, Dourif and Nancy Fish (whose work here isn't recognized enough - she's unsettling, and brilliant).
As before, William Peter Blatty (in my opinion, one of the finest writers. Full stop, no qualifiers.) adapts his own excellent novel into a tense, finely-drawn screenplay which runs along at a brisk pace. One could argue that the final act is more explicit, and ultimately less effective, than the rest of the movie - but that's a matter of personal taste, as opposed to an objective quality issue.
I can't recommend this enough - it treads difficult water, between an epic prequel and its own subtler self, with great success. A definite recommendation!
Lies of P (2023)
Meh.
Graphics: 6/10
The characters are really beautiful! Gorgeous design, and really well animated. Lips sync well (and not in that hilarious Bluepoint Demons Souls Remake way, where it looks like everyone is sitting on a nest of wasps) and animation is well done. However, the lighting isn't particularly dramatic (there's a lot of milky looking haze in the middle distance), the locations themselves lean towards the bland (particularly the early city and factory areas), and the level design is very boring. If you turn the brightness up (maybe you're playing in a bright room?) you really start to see the issues with some plain, bizarrely low-res textures. Bosses are largely impressive looking, but those encounters are in the minority: footsoldier enemies are dull as dishwater.
Sound: 4/10
It's overproduced in my opinion. This is a game about a puppet, so it's definitely "themed". It's got more clicks and whirring than a desperate YouTuber trying bad ASMR. Musical score has been done more effectively in literally every other FromSoft game. It's not that the tracks are poor, they're actually quite good - but their implementation, and the sound design overall, could really have used an edit. Voice acting however, is of a very high standard.
Gameplay: 4/10
By the time I got to Rosa Isabelle Street the gameplay had split into two modes: slash-slash-defeat boring footsoldiers, and crash-burn-fail ultra hard bosses. The difficulty contrast between enemies and bosses is very extreme... there's also a lot of ganking and artificial difficulty in the game's more boring areas. This cycle becomes pretty unbearable about four hours in, and because this game does not have FromSoft's expertise in designing fluid, engaging gameplay, you're effectively stuck like a hamster on a wheel.
Overall: 4/10
"Bloodborne 2", it ain't. While Lies of P has lots of superficial points to recommend it, it has none of the gameplay diversity, engaging design, or overall charm of any of the FromSoft games. I don't mean to suggest that Lies of P is a total waste of time: it's often beautiful to look at and it does provide a (monotonous) challenge. And, while it's missing the online aspects of Soulsbourne, FromSoft fans may still find rewards to glean here, while waiting patiently for better games. But manage your expectations: I've seen lots of reviews comparing this to Bloodborne, and Lies of P's level design, art direction and gameplay balance are sadly not in the same league - making for a generally blander and more frustrating experience than another run 'round Yarnham.
Hellraiser (2022)
Cheap Tween Nonsense hits rental market in time for Hallowe'en Shocker!
This is grubby, horrible little movie. Every character in it is physically dirty. Like, actually in need of a wash. Not sure why.
The first eight minutes are pretty decent, echoes of a darker and more frightening movie, sadly overlaid and diluted with fakewoke marketing AI tickboxes, and ridiculous dialogue.
A fool and his money are soon parted: I'm the fool, now you don't have to be. There's no need to watch this at all. Imagine The Sixth Sense written by a Kevin Smith or a Joss Whedon or one of those people. Nobody will remember having seen this in eighteen months.
I need 25 more characters.