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Reviews
Ivalo (2018)
I LIKE THESE SHOWS. BUT ......
I love foreign films since I was a teenager, but lately watching foreign crime shows is extremely irritating. I never realized how how pathetic cops in other countries really are. If you're going to be a criminal your best bet is to move to Germany, or the surrounding countries. Maybe I'm just too used to american crime shows where the cops actually try to stop people from doing bad things, and don't allow them to do whatever they want. They are at a house when some wannabe Ken-doll takes off after them & destroys everything, assaults them, and they are apparently too scared to do anything about it. They let the guy steal a cop vehicle, kidnap some women, assault a cop, and they just go back to the station and say "oh well" better luck next time. The SECOND he tried to run here in the USA he would've been shot, tased, pepper sprayed & 8 cops would've been on him faster than he could blink. He most definitely wouldn't have been allowed to go. The Germans allow criminals to go even after CONFESSING because they are more worried about offending them than stopping them. Even if they know you still have a victim you need to kill, and you confess, they let you go & don't even follow you. Everybody gets offended when you suggest something to stop a killer, or corrupt cop, and would rather let things go instead of upsetting someone. It's definitely a very odd thing to watch cops afraid of stopping criminals, or corrupt officials on account of they don't want to offend or upset someone. I always assumed that in other countries it definitely wouldn't pay to be a criminal, but I guess I was wrong.
Nefarious (2023)
GOTTA LOVE THE IGNORANT!
One of the funniest, saddest things ever spoken was said by the pathetic psychiatrist at 53:10 starting with the words "WE'VE NEVER BEEN MORE FREE...." I laughed so hard I almost cried. If you are a lover of the world, and your religion is science, you are the ones this is for. Unfortunately, you will probably miss the point. Don't worry, though, you will eventually have no choice but to believe. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the ignorant he doesn't exist. It takes a special kind of pathetic ignorance to be as blind as most people are. My favorite thing in this world is watching people whose religion is science, face reality & can't handle it. If you want to see the first movie about demons & humans that is as close to the truth as you're going to get, this is it. If you really want it to be special then find a dumbed down, ignorant dolt who believes anything & everything that their precious "science says" & watch it with them. Let them do what they've been conditioned to do & laugh, joke, and be ignorant about it, because those are the ones who are going to be bothered the most when they can no longer hide behind man's self-made religion, and have no choice but to believe.
Der Pass (2018)
AFTER SEASON 1, JUST STOP WATCHING.
This was an awesome show in season 1, then it becomes the dumbest, most irritating gd show. They dumb them just enough in certain situations to keep it going, but when you are used to american crime shows where people actually pay for their crimes, and the cops pick up things. In the USA when cops stake out an area waiting for the perp to return, if a vehicle suddenly stops, the person inside answers their phone & begins to frantically look about to see if someone is watching & then suddenly reverses & turns around, THEY WOULD STOP THEM IMMEDIATELY!!!! It's also annoying how worried Ellie seems to be about offended people when the alternative is INNOCENT WOMEN BEING MURDERED!!! She also likes to break down a lot for no reason which is getting annoying. You'd also think that being that it's not a big city that people would know there's a killer on the loose, so when some quiet guy comes in dressed nicely & buys a murder kit that someone would say something. He literally goes to a small grocery store to buy rope, gloves, cleaning supplies, duck tape, and a few other things & it somehow doesn't cause anyone to get suspicious? You don't have to have a lot of murders in your town. You just need to have seen TV! Some of the most obvious crap is somehow ignored in order to keep the season going & it gets so ridiculous after a while you have to stop watching in order to calm down. They only seem to make connections when it's convenient. I could've solved it with no experience it was THAT OBVIOUS. They don't seem to take fingerprints, make casts of footprints, ask questions, and are more worried about upsetting people than actually stopping innocent women from being killed. I am almost done with season 2 & from what I read it's only going to get more ridiculous. I love foreign movies, but when it comes to crime shows I guess they don't find punishment & stopping the killer at any & all costs that important. In america when everything points in the same direction that's usually the right direction. Making connections is not their strong suit.
Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995)
THEY DON'T MAKE THEM LIKE THIS ANYMORE.
When this came out I was about 15-16 & in a foster home. My foster brother and I found out about a little theater that would play movies that just left the theater, and for only about $2-$3, so we went to see this. The first three are the best. It's a toss-up between this & the 2nd one as to which one is my favorite. I'd probably have to say in the order of 2nd, 3rd, and then the 1st. It's funny how I grew up to Bruce Willis as being a "dirty-looking tough-guy" & awesome action star, and when the 1st one came out everyone laughed, and it almost went nowhere. Everyone older knew him as a romance/comedy guy who made wine cooler commercials. Definitely not how I saw him. It's a shame what happened to him, but he always be one of my favorite actors ever. I can't say I'm a fan of the later Die Hard's, but the first three will be classics forever.
The Goonies (1985)
ONE OF THE GREATEST MOVIES EVER!!!
To say that I love this movie would be a massive understatement. I grew up in the 80's & 90's. I was about 6 yrs old when this came out, and after hit VHS we owned it. Whenever I was sick as a kid I would watch this movie & I always felt better--until it was over. I'm going to be 45 this year & it still has that uplifting feeling when I watch it. It is nostalgic. Growing up riding your bike all day with your friends, and not coming home till supper. I would give anything to go back to those days, but I will settle for watching amazing 80's flicks like this. Even my kid likes this movie. Kids today will NEVER know what it was like to be free. If you've never seen it, I couldn't recommend it more. Great for the whole family.
Feardotcom (2002)
HEAD SCRATCHER FOR SURE.
Before I write any reviews I like to tell people about the types of movies I like so when I say a movie sucks, you'll know it sucks. I'm not big on hollywood propaganda filled blockbusters. My favorite movies are independent, foreign & I especially like cheesy 80's flicks. Love them! My grandma had over 5000 movies & a lot of them were movies like "C. H. U. D." & "CRITTERS" so I have an extremely wide interest. I also like Stephen Dorff. That being said, this is a mess of a movie. It's a dumbas* idea. If a ghost of a dead girl really wanted help I would think NOT killing everyone & anyone who had absolutely nothing to do with her death, and reaching out to people instead. You'd think she'd have just haunted the friggin guy who killed her. I also got a kick outta how he knows exactly who's doing it, because he's done it before. This guy isn't exactly an average looking person, and he's wearing a suit. Exactly where the hell has he been that he hasn't been apprehended by now? I get what they were attempting to do, but no. I also understand that foreign movies don't follow the story, or even care about the same things in a film that americans do, but they are presenting it as american so they should've been more american about it. That's the problem with foreign attempting to pass as american is the styles don't work. They don't fit properly. Make it one or the other. It's not the worst that I've seen, but it's definitely not very orderly.
Muzzle (2023)
NOT SURE WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
Let me start by saying that when it comes to movies I love cheesy 80's flicks, independent and foreign movies, so I don't need a hollywood blockbuster to enjoy a movie. That being said, this movie isn't the worst I've seen,. Far from it, but it's like watching a movie from over halfway through it. It's extremely rushed. I was reading all the other reviews & they all said the same thing. I figured they were just millennials whining about having to think. Nope. They were right. Very confusing. Things seem to happen with no explanation whatsoever, or start with nowhere to go. I love Aaron Eckhart, but this definitely could've been a helluva lot better. One of the most confusing things is the young Hispanic cop. He, for some reason, seems to despise Eckhart's character deeply. Then suddenly at the end is his buddy out of nowhere? The relationship he develops is rushed. You get nothing to invest in. I don't even feel anything for the dogs in it it's that disconnected. I have no idea why I'm supposed to care. I understand that just about everything has been done before, but that doesn't mean forget about the substance. By the end of a movie like this I'm usually so pissed off & can't wait for the bad guys to get theirs. I felt nothing other than confusion, and was just hoping it would finish soon. I hate saying anything bad about it because it's obvious not the worst movie out there, but I need more in a movie than this. I want to be invested in it emotionally by the end, but that doesn't happen with this one. I shouldn't spend the last 15 mins trying to get it. I'm sure some of the younger generation might like this because it doesn't require thinking, or having to "stay with it." If you're closer to my age of 45, then you will probably feel just as confused, and lacking as I do.
Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983)
"TH-TH-TH-THAT'S ALL ETHEL!"
I freaking love this movie! I was just a kid back in the 80's when I used to watch this. My favorite was always the ones with "Anthony," and the one with John Lithgow. I also never realized that was Nancy Cartwright as the sister. It's definitely nostalgic. Having loved it as a kid, and there not being a lot to watch on TV back then, it holds a special place in my heart. There's no reason to not enjoy this. If you've never seen it before & you're a millennial, or "left" -brained you probably won't like it. That's how I go about choosing a movie. I look at the rotten tomatoes score & then check out the wannabe Siskel & Ebert's whinny reviews on here & if they do nothing but whine & complain I know it's going to be a good movie. The best part of 80's movies is the lack of left-brained views.
Land of the Lost (2009)
IGNORE THE WHINY MILLENNIALS! 15⭐
I grew up in the 80's & 90's so I still have the ability to think, and I wasn't conditioned to only find hollywood propaganda funny. I am a comedy buff & the greatest standup comedian ever was George Carlin. The greatest comedy duo ever was Richard Pryor & Gene Wilder so you now know I know comedy. Now, I've never been a big fan of Will Ferrell, and only care for a few of his films, but this movie I will say is just about perfect. Comedy gold! Even my humourless daughter laughs at this & even said there isn't a none-funny moment in it. If you aren't afraid to laugh at something funny, or use your brain to find something funny then this is a must-watch. Whenever it's on Prime I watch it as often as possible. The first time I watched it I had to keep pausing & would laugh so hard I'd cry. It doesn't matter how many times I watch it, either, I laugh every time. I no longer find SNL funny, and haven't heard of any funny liberal comedians, so if those are not your cup of tea either then watch this. You will not be disappointed.
The X Files: Via Negativa (2000)
NOT SURE WHAT HAPPENED AROUND THAT TIME?
It seems the intelligence left the show. The one before a guy with undeniable proof of innocence is still arrested. This one the dead agent in the car is a mystery because "it was locked from the inside"! Yes, they said that. Because he couldn't have possibly been placed in the car & then someone locked all the doors before closing it. That could never happen. A house is locked from the inside. A car can be locked with the door open and then closed. No mystery there. The weapon that they believe is the murder weapon can't possibly be it because it's still on permanent display. I guess the idea of someone making a replica is out of the question. So far the only mystery is people's lack of intelligence. It's been a long time since I watched all of these & I apparently never saw these because I think I would've remembered how ridiculous it was.
The X Files: Redrum (2000)
MAKES NO SENSE
This episode of "Groundhog Day* in reverse makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. As if it would be impossible for a prosecutor to prove that he was in an upscale hotel in Washington DC at the time of his wife's death. You have that, the nanny-cam proving he didn't get home until hours after the murder, and the friggin guy who did it & he's still arrested?! Rrrrright!? Talk about a lawsuit and a half. I don't know how much more evidence one needs to prove their innocence in this show, but even in the real world where truth, justice and common sense play no part in a court of law those three things right there would be more than sufficient to not be arrested for something you clearly couldn't have possibly done.
True Grit (2010)
A RARITY. A REMAKE THAT BEATS THE ORIGINAL HANDS-DOWN.
I am not wannabe Siskel & Ebert like most people who leave reviews today so my review is going to be a real review from a fan which is what counts, and not critics. Now, my grandmother owned over 5,000 movies & I seen just about every single one of them, and probably another 5,000 since, so I know films. I love foreign, independent, and even cheesey 80's flicks so I am basing everything off of the 10k+ movies I've seen & I'm telling you right now that this movie is a rarity. This movie wasn't just better than the original, it blows the original out of the water. I've seen many many remakes & 75% of the time, if not more, the remake sucks. And even in those rare times where the remake is really good it doesn't do away with the original. I was meant to be born back then & this film was done beautifully. The clothing, the speech, and everything in between makes you feel like you have been transported back to the 1880's. I was never much of a fan of Jeff Bridges when he was younger, but as he got older is when he really started to shine & I think this is best performance. I didn't see Bridges while watching this I saw Cogburn! Give it a watch & you won't be disappointed unless you are "left handed." There's guns, real men & women.
Rango (2011)
... BUT NOT AS MUCH AS YOUR DADDY'S COOKING!
This movie is funny AF!!! Hilarious ! I LOVE this movie! In my opinion it's one of Depp's funniest roles. Even funnier than "Jack Sparrow." You will barely stop laughing at one thing before you're dying over something else. I have an extremely broad sense of humor and I will have to pause the movie to finish laughing and catch my breath before I start again. Yes, kids can watch it, but most of the humor would go over their heads. Actually, a lot of it might go over a lot of adults heads too. There are many many references to other movies that are fun to notice, and a star-studded cast too like "Ray Winstone" who is just awesome, and a badass. If you somehow haven't seen it yet, and you haven't already drank the Kool aid, then give it a watch. If you still watch SNL and think it's funny then this isn't for you.
Pet Sematary: Bloodlines (2023)
THE LEFT INFECTS EVERYTHING NOWADAYS.
This is ridiculous like most movies today. They're slowly changing history, again, because people don't like how things were before the downfall of society. Like almost all the prequels lately it's impossible to tell when it's taking place. If it wasn't for the book & movie & knowing Jud I wouldn't be able to tell you what era this was because no one talks, acts or dresses like the time it's supposed to be because everyone somehow thinks society today has improved & is better than the truth. Guy's back then didn't tell their friends they are looking sexy because they didn't have their shirt on. I couldn't imagine being that crazy that I would believe we've improved society so much that we should just forget, or change the past, and what better way to spread propaganda than hollywood.
Dark Harvest (2023)
LIKE GETTING STITCHES WITH NO LIDOCAINE!
First, I LOVE movies, cheesy & all, but I am exactly halfway through this movie & thanks to the reviews written by those that don't mind using their brain to watch a movie I'm not going to waste any more time finishing it. It's a painful thing trying to get through this & hope they explain things, but they don't so don't bother. If you're like the majority of the population & you prefer not to watch anything that requires thinking then you're going to love this. It has decent gore, but lacks any semblance of being written by someone with any experience writing. If I wrote a script THIS is what you'd get. I thought it was a town stuck in the 50's, then I realized the world is like that, but they are as far from acting like people in the 50's as you can get. It's a combo of. Combine "Children of the Corn" "The Outsiders" "The Purge" "Pumpkin Head" "Jeepers Creepers" and I'm sure a few others & leave out everything about them that might give you an idea of wtf is going on & why, and you have this movie. If the book is anything like this then I don't know how it was made into a film because it would lack everything that makes a book readable. I'm just glad I no longer need to subject myself to the nonsense that makes up the majority of this movie now that I know that there is no payoff in the end. I gave it 4stars because of the filming itself, and the FX's. It had the potential to be a good flick, but they, for some reason, decided to forgo explanations and chose to focus on the gore instead. It obviously worked because this movie, insanely, has a lot of people who liked it. Of course, those are probably a bunch of young people whose attention span is non-existent. When a guy whose favorite movies are cheesy 80's flicks, independent & foreign films tells you a movie is dumb you should listen to them. I don't mind crappy movies, but I do require them to explain what's going on, and why.
The Return of the Living Dead (1985)
FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!
So stupid is great. James Karen was ridiculously funny. I laughed so damn hard watching this, and still do every time I watch it. If you try to take this seriously in any way, shape or form then you're obviously not going to enjoy it. Just let go & enjoy the comedic value. It's not scary in the least, but if you don't have your head permanently wedged up your backside then you should get more than a few good laughs out of it. Punk rockers, hot naked chicks & zombies. You even get to hear from a zombie about why they eat brains. Just in case you have always wondered why. Definitely not a family movie, but it's great for a night with friends, or when you can't think of anything else to watch at 2 am.
Reacher (2022)
NOW THIS IS REACHER!
When I read the books when I pictured Reacher he looked like this guy. He didn't look like a short 5' 8" 60 yr old, which btw is only an 1" taller than my mother was, and I sure didn't picture her as Reacher. Maybe one of the villains, but definitely not the giant good guy. When I saw cruise playing him I was dumbfounded. Reacher takes craps bigger than cruise. I never thought I'd say this but this is just as good as the books. Maybe slightly funnier. I also love being able to finally see Reacher in action with my own eyes. I haven't stopped laughing the entire time, and the fight scenes are awesome. Alan Ritchson was literally born to play Reacher. If I didn't know any better I'd think he was the inspiration for him. Just because someone is considered a "leading man" in hollywood like cruise doesn't mean they should get the part & I'm glad they decided to do it right this time and use someone the author describes in the books. I can only imagine how irritating that must've been to see tiny, old tom cruise playing the part. The good thing about this, too, is that you can read the books after & still enjoy both. Usually once you read the books it's over for the movie, but not in this case. I hope amazon doesn't do what it always does & not make any more with this guy because he's perfect. Make as many of the books as possible, and leave cruise out of it.
Phantom (2013)
SERIOUSLY? TALK ABOUT CRINGE-WORTHY!
I don't think I've seen this, but it has a bunch of americans playing Russian soldiers. I rest my case. It's just as bad as watching a Scotsman play a Russian. It's ridiculous, and embarrassing. I love Harris and Duchovny but this is just asking the audience to forgo entirely way too much. Not sure if anyone knows this but the Russians have really great actors and actresses too, and they already come with accents. Of course, Russians aren't obsessed with Russian submarine movies like we are, but at least it would've been a little easier to swallow. There's a reason why this movie is pretty much the worst performing movie EVER at the box-office.
Jason X (2001)
GUILTY PLEASURE NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY
I will admit that I am a sucker for these types of movies- cheesy- so I'm kinda biased when it comes to this. If it's cheesy & it's sci-fi then I'm all over it. This was just a fun movie & it's not to be taken seriously. There's just something about Jason reeking havoc in the future on a spaceship that I just love. The future could be whatever they wanted it to be & I think they made it pretty fun. It would've been a shame, too, if no one else got to suffer from Jason's wrath in the future. You already know with stuff like liquid nitrogen laying around that Jason could definitely have some fun, and he does, and so did I.
The Stranger (2014)
SHOOT ME NOW PLEASE!
I am a huge fan of B-grade, independent, foreign and cheesy 80's flicks & this was horrible. I think the only person with any acting experience in it was the guy who played the stranger. If you like horrible, over-the-top acting mixed with a completely ridiculous dialogue and a pointless plot then this is for you. If you gave this any more than 3 stars then you're either a part of the movie, or you have only seen a handful of movies in your entire life & they were by Asylum. In that case it was great. The preview looked great, but it's a good thing I subscribed to the channel it's on instead of renting it because otherwise I would be livid right now. I'm halfway through it & I don't think I can watch anymore. Just imagine every single thing that makes a movie an annoying p.o.s. & this is slap-full of it. There's absolutely no satisfaction in it whatsoever. It just keeps making you more & more anger, especially whenever you hear the idiot cop, or the useless "mom" speak. Halfway through & I have nothing invested in this movie. I thought Eli Roth was supposed to be some master of horror but so far I've yet to see him produce anything remotely scary. Even his shows "Eli Roth presents 100 scariest horror scenes" is ridiculous, and he wouldn't know scary if it slapped him in his face. Yet another flop from Roth. I've been to fun-house's scarier than anything he puts his name on.
Head Count (2018)
TERRIFYING & THEN.........POOF!
This could've potentially been one of the most terrifying movies I've ever seen, and then it fell right on its face. I'm 44 & a huge horror movie fan & being scared is not something that comes easy to me, but this one was making me feel something I haven't felt in a horror movie in a long time, and then I don't know what happened. I really hope they try again & this time have some kind of plan for the ending. It's definitely worth the watch just don't expect much towards the end. It was a little disappointing considering. This movie doesn't rely on blood, guts, and jump scares. It's just straight-up scary, but with a rushed ending.
Enemy (2013)
NO DEEP MEANING, JUST DUMB & POINTLESS!
My comprehension skills are more than adequate & this movie is dumb. Anyone trying to say it was some artistic genius film are dolts & posers. I just assumed it was some psychological thriller & turned out to be a pointless, nonsensical waste of time. Could've been so much more. To those with reviews about how the director is one of the greatest directors ever are just sad & pathetic. That's clearly & obviously not the case. Ask people about him & 8 out of 10 will have never heard of him. You can't be that great making pointless movies like this. You can pretend to be fancy, and think because some big name actor is involved in it that it's some amazing thought-provoking film, but anyone who likes movies that have a point will agree on just how idiotic it really is. I've seen cheesy 80's films make more sense.
Moonfall (2022)
I WANT TO PUNCH THIS MOVIE IN ITS FACE! (-3⭐)
I almost don't even want to write this review because I don't even want to think about this stupid, mind-numbing garbage consisting of about 27 different movies in one. They even pulled out something from Jurassic Park 2 when he's calling for Harper & yells "BRIAN, BRIAN HARPER" & she says "How many Brian Harper's do you think are on the moon?" I love a good cheesy 80's flick having grown up in those times, and I love sci-fi, but I spent the majority of this movie rolling my eyes & wanting it to just end already. I understand everything has already been done, but this is just ridiculous. It's like they didn't even try. I didn't even realize this was a major motion picture either until just 2 hrs ago. I thought it was another independent film. Apparently they thought making a movie completely out of CGI & just destroying everything inanely that no would notice how stupid it is? This is why I basically stopped watching & listening to anything that's come out in the past 10-15 yrs. I honestly can't believe that someone gave this guy that much money to make such a pointless movie. I bet you they could've made it better & cheaper using practical effects, but nope, everything has to be CGI now. I don't care who is in this, and how much money was spent on it, considering the way things are going in the world right now he should have the crap slapped out of him for wasting so much money. Ever heard that little spy saying "burn after reading"? Well, some movies should be burned after viewing, and then there's these that should just be burned. If we are getting rid of books from libraries then this should go too! I want my 2hrs back!
30 Days of Night (2007)
TERRIFYING! 1 OF 2 OF MY FAVORITE VAMP MOVIES!
This is the only vampire movie that scares the hell outta me. I'm 44 yrs old 6' & 225lbs & have been watching horror movies since I was a kid so I don't scare easily, but this movie gets me every time I see it. I always wanted to live in the middle of nowhere in Alaska, but it didn't work out, and watching this makes me glad I didn't. Now I live in the middle of nowhere in the desert instead. I love horror movies & especially vampire movies, but they have gotten fairly hard to deal with because they're all the same. Not this one. They took a semi real situation, and made the vampires just absolutely terrifying because they could almost be real. This was the first movie I had seen Danny Huston in, & he was nightmare fuel. These vampires are just vicious, evil, insanely blood-thirsty, and not the kind you can reason with. You will definitely need more than some garlic to deal with these panic-inducing vamps. As stuff is happening in the beginning I actually start to get anxious, and my heart starts racing The residents, the ones that live there, not only have to survive the night against these things, but they have to survive 30 days of night, but I'd rather take my chances with the cold. Btw, my types of movies are independent, foreign, and cheesy 80's-90's movies, so I don't only watch hollywood hits so when someone does something different with something as old as vampires, I love it. If you want to see another fantastic vamp movie done differently then watch "Daybreakers." Not scary though. They're two of my favorite vampire movies simply because they took a different approach, and didn't just make another vampire movie. If you haven't seen this already & you're reading reviews first then I'm here to tell you that you won't be disappointed. A little nauseous, maybe, especially how gory it is, but you will DEFINITELY be scared. It might be an older movie, but it will quickly become one of your favorite vampire movies.
John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023)
ONE TOO MANY & IT SHOWS
This was cringe-worthy. I love Keanu Reeves & have been watching him since the 80's, but this was obviously one too many. He's clearly getting old because this one is filled with oddly shaped, gargantuan guys wearing giant gogo boots so we wouldn't notice how much slower he's become. When he's fighting more than one person the one he isn't facing is doing all sorts of weird crap in an attempt to wait for him to turn around. They made 3 great movies & that's not easy to do, but this one was like the straight-to-video version. It's almost sad watching this. If he was any slower he'd be in reverse. I just hope they stop after this because I couldn't stand to watch another one. If they did the next one would be him at the nursing home. If you haven't seen it, then don't. It's like seeing that loved one sick in the hospital before they die. You were better off just not going & remembering them as they were. Same goes for this film. Just remember him for how he was in the first 3, and don't bother with this one.