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Reviews
MegaFault (2009)
Moronic, sophomoric. Scientifically accurate? Not even close.
First, producers who have never left the LA basin need to hire people who have some idea of American geography. West Virginia? No way. Snow-capped, rocky crags there, in a movie purportedly about geology? Please. Then, continuing in West Virginia, large open flat plains. No, sir. It's outside Davenport, Iowa. The acting is sub par, even for a low budget SyFy movie. For instance, for a world renowned Ph.D. who is speaking on a subject with which she is intimately familiar to use 3x5 cards in her short speech is ridiculous. After watching the acting for ten minutes you realize that she is actually reading her lines off the cards. This movie has to be as painful to watch for real seismologists, as "Twister" was for real meteorologists, and "Hunt for Red October" was for anyone who speaks Russian or served on a real nuclear submarine.
Nicholas Nickleby (2002)
I dunno, I kind of liked it...
SEMI-SPOILER AT BOTTOM...
Films like this (i.e., chick flicks, remakes of remakes of remakes of classics, etc) almost never catch my attention. But I like Anne Hatheway BECAUSE she is clean or at least has been in the few films in which I've seen her. I saw it on cable in the motel room and was going to keep going, but she caught my eye and I stopped for a moment and then finished the movie.
So I tried it. Persnonally, I like, now and then, a film where the good are good and bad are bad. What's wrong with that, sometimes? Yes, very few bad people have no redeeming qualities, and nobody is all good, in real life. But there were obviously characters in the film who were the "in-betweens", those who were neither heroes nor demons. They had made very many poor decisions in life, were suffering still for them and had caused others to suffer, as well. That's real.
SEMI-SPOILER COMING! Poor Uncle. He is worse than Scrooge at first sight. Old Scrooge was as much a victim of his circumstances and was driven by his surroundings as he was a wretched vessel of doom most of his adult life. Uncle in "Nicholas N." was an evil man, who glorified in his evil. It was fun to watch him get what he had coming, even if he did rob society of the fun of exacting vengeance on him. I will say that it bordered on uncomfortable that, toward the end, he seemed to suddenly be feeling "love", "guilt", and "remorse", hence his final scene.
Still, I liked the movie and will rent it. If you want real drama with real people, watch "Twelve Angry Men" or go spy on your loud neighbors. But if you want fun where the good guys ultimately achieve prosperity and joy, watch "Nicholas".
The Incredibles (2004)
The best pixar, yet.
I spoke to my brother on the phone two days ago. He had seen it, two time zones away, at the same time we did. I spoke to three other people at work and they had seen it, as well, within a couple of hours of us. I don't know what people are looking for when they are ho-hum about this movie. The characters were developed along the lines such characters would naturally develop along, namely, they are forced into hiding by the government. The man is lost in his new "job". The mom wants nothing but a total lack of notoriety, the boy is full of testosterone because he has these secret powers he can't hold back but he'd better or he will be grounded for a month mister. And the daughter is lacking in the confidence she needs to even comb her hair away from her face, let alone use her powers.
The facial expressions are typical pixar: completely realistic for a cartoon. We love Bugs Bunny because he does the things we would do, given the situation. He says the things we wish we'd thought of. The Incredibles do the same things WE would do if we had superpowers. And we all wish we had superpowers.
I will not spoil the movie, but my two favorite lines, among many are "Oh!" and "Wicked!" Go see this movie. Twice. And then buy the DVD when it comes out. You will run a little faster, lift cars a little easier, stretch out a little further, and become invisible a little better.
Moron Movies (1983)
Puke (in record time)
The case says it lasts 60 minutes. I lasted three, count 'em, three. The premises of the little skits were plausible enough, but nothing was funny. It's just not funny. "Stupid" doesn't go far enough. "Obnoxious" approaches the right word, but you still can't see the correct word from the Land of Obnoxious. It's still beyond the horizon, though people there will point you in the right direction. "Abandon all hope" says the sign that way.
I put my one point vote in for formality's sake, but I wish there were a zero or negative number to select. "Manos, the Hands of Fate" and "Plan 9 from Outer Space" are good dog movies. They meant well, but missed. This collection of puke-masters actually attempts to assassinate you, and comes close. Go ahead. Watch ten minutes. Your brain will gel and start wiggling. Plus, 1985 and the guy is still wearing leisure suits and glasses meant for the Hubble Space Telescope.
Evil Alien Conquerors (2003)
You were looking for a plot?!
This is one of the funniest intentional grade B movies ever made. If you are looking for a serious plot, you need a life. True, they thought of about ten funny things and then strung them together with other stuff. I bought it for ten bucks at Blockbuster and I'm keeping it. Just like this comment box in which I have to have ten lines for it to count and be listed on the website, I am stringing together some serious comments with other stuff just so I can fill out the form. There were spans of minutes where I waited in vain for humor, then suddenly something subtle would happen and I would be laughing so hard I was crying. Go rent this movie. Then buy it. It's worth every penny. Actually it's worth both pennies.
Cold Mountain (2003)
I'd like to slug someone
It's true that civil wars produce bad guys on both sides. It's also true that they divide families and hearts are broken and many people die without realizing true happiness.
I will only say that I spend 95% of this movie investing my attention, my emotions, suspending belief when necessary, and laughing at the appropriate moments when Ruby said things just like they get said around where I live (just over the ridge line from Cold Mountain), and then I spent the last 5% of the movie telling my wife, "See? It's a chick flick. There is no happy ending."
I won't spoil it. Go ahead and spend your money on this movie, but remember that with a slot maching you at least have a chance to win something.
Night of the Twisters (1996)
Belongs on MST3K
I am meteorologist by degree. They either had no scientific consultants or they came pretty cheap. Worse science than "Twister". My favorite line is when the "meteorologist" says that the northwest to southeast movement of the storms is so unusual that in his 25 years of experience he has never seen storms move that way. In fact, they move that way pretty often and TEND to become severe as a result. The guy was asleep on the job for 25 years. Those who know how to forecast tornadoes by turning their television sets on and adjusting the brightness should also:
1) Wear aluminum foil on their heads to keep the aliens from reading their minds 2)Turn the TV off, because "They're here!" 3)Stop adjusting their set, because "We control the horizontal. We control the vertical".
This movie might fool some very naive people, but even my wife, who is no dummy, laughed out loud at the first rotating radar image of a "bizarre" thunderstorm.
Excuse me. I have to puke.
Target Earth (1998)
Zzzzzzzzzzzz...
4.3/10 is generous. My biggest problem with this movie is being able to predict scenes 20 minutes in the future. My young daughter and I watched it together, and at first I was ready to change the channel if it got too scary. She had the remote, however, and during commercials kept changing channels. She nearly feel asleep before the "climax", which occurred with about 30 seconds left in the movie. The last 10 minute set of commercials came on and then the wrap up: big plot hole here, but you'll have to watch it to find out.
As far as being nominated for B movie status, I would reserve that for movies that were intended to be good, but turned out to be turkeys. This one seemed destined for mediocrity from the start.
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
Whatever mistakes were made...
...I don't care. It's the best movie I've ever seen. Barring a twenty four hour movie to cover every sentence in the book, this movie was largely true to the story. Moreso than any other movie I've seen. I'm no movie expert, nor do I want to be one. But, I will say this, at some point during the first time I saw the movie, I realized I had been born 7,000 years too late. There should have been ten in the Fellowship, one more man.