rtqvcwn's Reviews

Mayor of Kingstown (2021– )

5/10

Does the Mayor of Kingstown actually do anything? I think not.

30 May 2024

Warning: Spoilers

I'm about 2 episodes short of finishing Season 2, and I have to say that while the characters are compelling and generally the acting is strong, the entire premise for the show is lost in inaction and ineptitude on all sides of the battlefield. Kingstown is far from believable as a town based in any type of reality, and absolutely EVERYONE is completely corrupt for the sake of corruption; no one's making any money or gaining anything from their criminal actions, but yet cops, corrections officers, the occasional politician, gang members inside and gang members outside of prison all run wild but without successes by any measure.

I love Jeremy Renner in everything except for Hurt Locker (DO NOT WATCH THAT MOVIE!), but his character purports to keep the peace between rival gangs, prison guards and local police, but his successes are basically zero. He argues a lot, tells tough guys they should listen to him, but prisoners die by the dozens, COs are attacked daily, and again: No one is making any money. This is a sad example of modern tv shows, which run on and on just so that can continue to run on and on, but lack any substance.

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Fatal Attraction (2023)

2/10

More Boring than I could have written myself

4 March 2024

As other reviews have pointed out, this show is loosely based on the premise of the original film, but it is indeed a wholly different story. I clocked in some serious time, really gave it the college try, but this show has one major, insurmountable flaw: It is undeniably boring. "Dull" would fit the description with fewer characters. Speaking of characters, despite a handful of notable B-Actors, the characters are very flat and forgettable. As is my complaint with most streaming platform shows in this modern age, Fatal Attraction takes about 3 hours to setup what could have been the first act of a 2 hour film. No spoilers, but there was a mildly interesting perspective flip between protagonist and antagonist, and then another less interesting perspective swap with supporting character in subsequent episodes. I can admit that I do not know how the show will end, but I can confidently state that I don't care to find out.

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (2023)

2/10

The Turtles are the Villains, Splinter is a schlub. Stay out of this Sewer!

8 October 2023

In this modern reboot of our beloved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise, all of the virtues and values from the past have been replaced with theft and fickle desires. While visually intriguing, with a style that offers plenty of flavor, our youth have nothing to learn from these Turtles except how to shoplift, loot, lie and cheat, all to achieve their one and only desire: To Attend High School with the humans. That's all they want. High school.

Whereas in past iterations, Splinter was both a father and master of ninjitsu, teacher/Sensei to the youthful Turtles - in 2023, he is just a grumpy old man that wants only to sit in his La-Z-Boy and for the Turtles to stay home and watch TV. His only source or knowledge, his only means of teaching his boys the ancient Japanese are of Ninjitsu was by watching old Chinese Kung Fu movies.

Fans of the 1980s/90s cartoon series will revel for a moment in the appearance of many anthropomorphic animal friends, but the sequences quickly get out of control and easy to lose interest.

My advice is stay away, to enjoy the Cowabunga era classics.

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Telemarketers (2023)

3/10

Great First Episode, All Downhill From There

7 September 2023

The first episode of Telemarketers presented an eye-opening look into the shady world of telemarket fundraising. We saw actual footage from inside CDG, the worst of the worst, the original and groundbreaking fundraising scheme. Pranks, on-site drug use, the active recruitment of felons from halfway houses - it was jaw dropping.

But then the second and third episodes arrived. Each episode more painful than it's predecessor, we follow amateur and untalented sleuths, as they haplessly interview a couple of quasi-governmental professionals about the shady nature of fund raising being contracted out to shady telemarketing companies, then a handful of identity-shielded telemarketing workers and managers who say basically the same thing over and over: telemarketing is bad.

The duo puts the sloppiest and worst spoken member in front of the camera, and every time he speaks the viewer cringes. They vow to blow the lid off this thing, and to take down the bad guys, but all they accomplish is everything I've described and nothing more. Cringe. They accomplished cringe.

Watch one episode, take it for what it's worth.

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The Flash (I) (2023)

2/10

Barry Allen Is: The Nutty Professor

26 August 2023

The Good: Michael Keaton is an amazing actor, and after 30 years, all true fans got to see their Batman return. Every second of Kenton's screen time was well worth the wait. The time-travel-Butterfly Effect plot line is endearing, and the gravity of the situation was at times palpable.

The Bad: Ezra Miller's Barry Allen is a Stooge - like the 4th, less funny of the Stooges. The goofy schtick was painful, and played out by 20 minutes into the 2+ hour film. For a character that is purported to be super smart, all of his screen time was spent showing us how dumb he really could be. Enter the multi-verse, and now viewers have to endure multiple Nutty Barry Allen's. It overshadows the Good.

If I could dissect the elements into entirely separate films, I would say Michael Kenton's Batman / General Zod: B+ - Barry Allen / The Nutty Professor: D-. Mash the two together, it's an almost-watchable film, but really not worth the pain and suffering.

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White House Plumbers: The Beverly Hills Burglary (2023)

Season 1, Episode 1

6/10

Heavy on the Schtick, Light on Acting

6 May 2023

The premier episode of The White House Plumbers introduced us to a menagerie of colorful characters, and while I entered with excitement for the always-awesome Woody Harrelson and the under-rated Justin Theroux, the result thus far was a meandering, over-the-top approach to satire. The target audience is any red-blooded, Republican-hating, Keystone Cop / Benny Hill loving viewer who might be easily impressed with amateur slapstick and farce. Unfortunately, Woody Harrelson's exaggerated impression of E. Howard Hunt is unfortunately very unbelievable and over shadows the other performances. If you're looking for a modern Inspector Clouseau, set in the biggest black eye in American Presidential History, please enjoy!

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Pearl (2022)

6/10

Strong in Style, Week in Consistency and Pacing. A win for fans of Old Hollywood and Slasher Flicks.

19 April 2023

At face value, Pearl is a strong follow up to "X." The visual style is unique, and an homage to the Golden Age of Hollywood with one big problem: The film is set 20 years BEFORE Hollywood's Golden Age. Where "X" paid tribute to the Grindhouse 1970's, Pearl styles itself in over the top technicolor, but misses the mark in an attempt to tie together the Spanish Flu epidemic and COVID-19 masking and isolation. It was awkward.

As a horror film, Pearl's strongest asset is its lead actress. Mia Goth delivers a believable descent into madness. Light on the body count, awkward pacing throughout, but gorgeous to look at, and a style all of its own.

If you can look past the weak elements of historical-fiction, and just enjoy a well-styled slasher, Pearl does alright.

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See How They Run (2022)

6/10

Stylish aesthetics, vanilla storyline

1 November 2022

See How They Run is a very well-dressed, stylized period piece. A few laughs, some physical comedy, but overall it is a very tame film. It is quite clear that not offending was at the forefront of every decision behind this film.

Saorise Ronan and Sam Rockwell deliver performances precisely on par with expectations; they are both excellent comedic actors, and their chops shine at moments. This film could have been so much more with some better writing and less focus on checking all the boxes. See How They Run is very much a product of 2022, and while I walked away with no regrets for watching, it will be quickly forgotten.

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Woman in Gold (2015)

5/10

Feel-Good Film, Written entirely in Cliché.

29 October 2022

Let us start by saying that Helen Mirren gave an amazing performance in this fact-based drama. She performed beautifully, despite the script consisting entirely of cliché. Being a holocaust story, it's likely unpopular to give criticism, but I must give credit where credit is due.

Taking entire acts directly from Philomena, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, and even The People Vs Larry Flynt, the film is painfully predictable.

Helen Mirren gives it her all, but the entire supporting cast is comprised of caricatures of antisemitism, Ryan Reynolds the bumbling father (Your water broke! What do we do!?), the angry boss, and lesser players.

It's a feel-good flick, but the beauty of Amsterdam is overshadowed by the unbelievable population with really unbelievable motivations.

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The Offer (2022)

7/10

Enjoyable, decently acted, somewhat awkward love affair with Paramount

22 June 2022

Like most streaming shows, this one runs about 4 hours longer than it should. That said, it's enjoyable, and an homage to The Godfather. Lots of pluses, but plenty of minuses. The elephant in the room is the constant product placement for Paramount+, which I had to purchase in order to watch the series. Scripting goes sideways and clumsily portrays a reality in which persons outside of Hollywood are concerned about the Paramount studio, its reputation, logo, etc. Again: an awkward love affair with Paramount, made by Paramount, in order to sell Paramount+, which we already bought. The Godfather stuff - pretty decent.

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