Registered_User's Reviews

Bundle of Joy (1956)

2/10

18 December 2005

Eddie Fischer was simply bad. Possibly the worst scene came early in the movie when he broke into a spontaneous song and dance number centered around a piano and some conveniently placed employees. The song was totally stupid... I think I could drunkenly offer a few lines on a sheet of paper that would far exceed it and probably win a Grammy. Then, as if the writers could come up with no better way to escape the ridiculousness of the scene, Fischer says something to the effect of, "Don't tell (insert the guy's name). He doesn't like music" and smiles. I can't describe how bad this is, I felt a little embarrassed. And that guy Debbie Reynolds works with and who's always hitting on her is so annoying too. I can't even imagine someone like her wasting a fraction of time on him. The jokes were delivered without any sort of chemistry between characters which made the movie crawl by. At least the baby had cute hair. The two stars are for Reynolds, who was like a swan among ugly ducklings.

See Bachelor Mother instead.

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30 Minute Meals (2001– )

1/10

"E.V.O.O - 'Extra virgin olive oil!" Then why the h*ll do you keep saying it?

23 April 2005

Warning: Spoilers

If you've never seen 30 Minute Meals, then you cannot possibly begin to comprehend how annoying this woman is. You can't begin to imagine how irritating she is, or how such a mediocre talent manged to get a cable TV cooking show, all words and intelligent thoughts will fail you. Ray has a goofy mouth and all the charms of a parrot. She loves everything and thinks it's "awesome" (a word she uses roughly 87 times per telecast). And she's constantly using horrible, unfunny catchphrases like "EVOO" (Extra virgin olive oil!). SHUT UP! What's worse is Ray has TWO other shows on the network! I think this is some elaborate conspiracy by the terrorists. Give me more Tyler Florence! Ray is lame.

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Sharon, Lois & Bram's Elephant Show (1984–1988)

Skinnamarinky dinky dink skinnamarinky doo, I loooove you!

12 September 2004

I have the best memories of being maybe two or three years old and singing along with the three hosts of this program. The Elephant Show was an essential part of my day. As far as what they did on the show, I don't remember too much except that they always seemed to be outdoors and sang a lot. I seem to remember people dressed in costumes as well. No doubt the best parts were the opening and ending credits. It opened with a cartoon drawing of an elephant walking on a spiderweb and the "cool" music. And who can forget the Skinnamarinky Dinky song? I can still do the arm motions when prompted. What happened to the Elephant Show, or Sharon, Lois, and Bram for that matter? Society seriously needs this show in reruns, even if it's just on the second crappy PBS station no one cares about. Please throw out stalwarts like the annoying "Caillou" and replace it with this!

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An American in Paris (1951)

5/10

Leslie Caron?

1 November 2003

Gene Kelly = legendary talent. But Leslie Caron? At times she manages to be sweet and endearing, and at most others all I want is to bean her in the head. Yes, she's a good dancer. And, yes, she's okay to look at, not gorgeous as Kelly's humdrum character seems to think, but acceptable. For some reason probably best left not understood, the makers of this film decided their audience would really benefit from a scene in which all Caron does is stare like a cow into the camera while she poses in a thousand positions somewhat reminiscent of the Kama Sutra. What's worse is I couldn't even like Gene Kelly in this film! I just found his character repetitive, uninteresting, crabby, and a little creepy, to be honest. (I mean, would you go through all that to date Leslie Caron?) Let's also not forget the out-of-work musician character who failed to be funny or entertaining on every level. Did that guy even have a point in the story other than to annoy?

An American In Paris might be worth checking out for two reasons: 1) Kelly's song and dance number with the little Parisian kids, and 2) the final flourishing dance sequence, which nicely encapsulates everything the movie had been trying to say up to that point but in less time. (The brass section is phenomenal.) I really wish I had more good to say but the film unfortunately falls flat in a lot of critical areas. It beats me how this won the Oscar for Best Picture (then again, a lot of sub par work has won Oscars). This is certainly a disappointment when compared to the awesome extravaganza of Singin' In the Rain.

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Brigadoon (1954)

5/10

Van Johnson!

5 October 2003

Van Johnson was fantastic as usual.

I anticipated nothing less than perfection from Kelly and Charisse's dancing, which they deliver beautifully, however their performances left a lot to be desired. Cyd Charisse's Scottish accent was pretty awful. This was not Gene Kelly at his best either. I got the impression that he was bored by the project. The musical numbers were forgettable. I'm trying to hum one of the tunes in my head but I can't.

I recommend Seven Brides For Seven Brothers, also made in this year and full of amazing choreography (although it does not feature Van Johnson).

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Inherit the Wind (1960)

Stirring performances

28 September 2003

People like to comment on this film's "overacting". Try watching any of Joan Crawford's movies from this period and then get back to me. Inherit the Wind is a totally compelling story of the traditional school of thought versus a new scientific one. It centers on a small southern town coming to terms with Darwinism and its implications on Christianity. Spencer Tracy is an eloquent defense lawyer fighting to let evolution stay in the public schools. The script is quite good. The court room exchanges are thought provoking and moving especially when one knows about the real people and events behind the story. It's very difficult to come up with a criticism here. Not a weak performance to be seen.

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High Society (1956)

1/10

Boring, uninspired remake of a classic

12 September 2003

High Society, despite the presence of a surprisingly good Frank Sinatra, is a dysfunctional remake of The Philadelphia Story. I've never seen much in Grace Kelly, and this did little to convert me. She can't touch Hepburn. Furthermore, Bing Crosby's performance as the sardonic ex-husband is pitifully weak in comparison to Cary Grant's. Sinatra is the only actor who deserves an honorable mention for reprising the Jimmy Stewart role. Everything else is completely flawed. Who was the big movie exec that felt The Philadelphia Story was suited for a musical adaptation? Even the film's showcase song, "True Love" is totally forgettable. Totally uninspired and boring.

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Singin' in the Rain (1952)

10/10

The...best...musical...EVER!

24 August 2003

I watched Singin' in the Rain for the first time ever this afternoon and I think I'm in love. Oh Gene Kelly!.. *What* I would give to have you flash those pearly whites at me! The story is really just a musical about a musical, going into various dream-like sequences embodied in the twelve minute "Broadway Ballet". The songs are cleverly intertwined with the acting so there's none of that phoniness one is used to seeing in some musical pictures. To watch the choreography is to watch pure genius. Gene Kelly is so talented it should be outlawed. (It's downright sacrilegious he wasn't nominated for the Academy Award®!) I mean - DAMN! I kept backing up to the 'Singin' in the Rain' part seventy-five times in a row...it fills me with such a sense of joy! My Gramps once broke his ankle trying to imitate ol' Gene.

The supporting cast is perfect as well, you really must hand it to Debbie Reynolds! She wasn't a trained dancer up until this point. They made her rehearse eight hours a day, hiring different dance instructors to work with the young actress in shifts. The stress proved so overwhelming she eventually had a breakdown and caught the attention of neighboring Fred Astaire who asked, "Why are you crying?" Not able to recognize the man through her tears, Reynolds confessed she felt hopeless and would never meet Kelly's standards. Astaire led her to another rehearsal room where he was busy working on Royal Wedding. "You come watch me," he said. "You watch how hard I work. I don't cry, but I do get frustrated and upset and I'm going to let you watch." The experience showed her how a legendary performer like Astaire, known for his elegant moves on the dance floor, can even feel daunted : )

Finally, what else can I say (other than Cyd Charisse wears the hottest dress I've ever seen)? This is one of THE greatest films of any genre ever! They just don't make 'em like this anymore.

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Battlefield Earth (2000)

1/10

Does watching this make one eligible for the Purple Heart?

27 July 2003

Warning: Spoilers

....Because after viewing not only this lamebrain excuse for a movie, I somehow managed to sit through the DVD audio commentary and the I.Q. killing interview with John Travolta. (He was the guy in Grinch make-up in case you missed it.) Now, in the event that you've been hiding under a rock and haven't heard how positively awful B.E. was, I'll try to break down some of the measly details hopefully without damaging you beyond what's available in modern medicine. Many spoilers ahead! Consider this a warning.

To be fair, Battlefield Earth begins promising enough. But so did many other notable flops like Madonna's Swept Away. Cut to a blank screen with a scrolling message, a la Star Wars, that gives us a short summary of what we should expect too see. In other words, it's your classic Sci-fi Planet of the Apes we-must-get-them-before-they-get-us story. Or at least this is what I gather the film makers were intending. To me it was just an exploitation film.

Suddenly, the audience is transported to a depressing Earth one thousand years in the future where the fledging human race is living primitively once again and border on the edge of extinction. It is here that we meet our protagonist and archetypal good guy, "Jonnie" (Barry Pepper). Jonnie's girlfriend (?) Chrissy informs him of his mother's death (a character we are never introduced to and don't care a pile of beans about). Jonnie is sad, and for a few seconds we're somehow expected to grieve also. Chrissy then expresses how she wants to leave the clan and venture into the wilderness alone. Jonnie gives her a bunch of he-man phooey and randomly takes off on horseback. So she's left behind with the rest of their little social group and its apparent leader, The Old Inexplicably British Guy.

Before anyone has the chance to ascertain a solid plot structure, our hero meets up with a few stragglers, AKA various B-list actors we have never heard of before. They seem ferocious, but upon closer inspection....um, I really don't know. That sure doesn't stop Jonnie from embracing them within the first minute though! To hell with clueing the audience in on anything, right?

*Fast-forward, fast-forward, fast-forward*

Ah, now it looks as if Jonnie and our precocious bunch have been captured by the big meanie creatures of the planet Psychlo! Ten points to anyone who can guess what title they go by! The head Psycho and our antagonist, Terl (John "My career is going to Hell faster than a ten dollar ho" Travolta) is introduced as a whiny overacted villain. Crapvolta's performance is executed with an immensely campy Drama Queen heir. Joan Crawford would be proud. Be on the lookout for tons of cheese-o-riffic dialogue. The script is straight out of some rejected mutant spider movie of the 50s. It is THAT horrendous. We learn that Terl is teed off because he was supposed to go back home after the "important work" on Earth was completed (whatever the heck that is). Yet, somehow he got screwed over. (boo-hoo!) Terl's henchman and sidekick Ker is bland and yucky.

Oh look! Here's a clever little bar scene intended as comic relief. Well, thanks to the obnoxious blue lighting I now have a pounding migraine headache to add to my list of woes! More, dare I say, "crap-lousy" character exchanges?

*Fast-forward, fast-forward, fast-forward*

Meanwhile, the humans are locked up as animals in cells, a la Planet of the Apes. Jonnie manages to study the Psychos closely as Terl studies his "man-animal" behavior. The pair realizes one another's potential to further their individual causes (i.e. Jonnie to free his people, Terly Baby to make the mean green). Seeing his marginal intelligence, Terl takes Jonnie as a sort of trainee, if you will, hooking his head up to a "knowledge machine". Presto! Jonnie instantaneously knows everything from the Psychlo language to mathematics to complicated engineering. He is a changed man who will save the world! Yay! And, we, the viewers, are supposed to sit back in awe with tears running down our cheeks while our brains peruse the "Knowledge is Power" message. Doesn't happen. Can I get a refund now?

*Fast-forward, fast-forward, fast-forward*

Oh my...more things being blown up, more death threats, more gaping plot holes, and a woman with a lizard tongue for the obligatory sexual reference.... You know, I'm just commenting on this movie and I feel queasy! *MAJOR ENDING SPOILER* Here's the ending in a nutshell, folks: Jonnie uses centuries old WMD to blow up the planet Psychlo and lock John Travolta away. (Don't you wish life imitated art sometimes?) The end. Yeah, it's stupid.

That being said, please avoid this movie like the plague! It's not even enjoyable in that so-bad-it's-good-way. It is plainly awful...I found myself begging to watch Moulin Rouge and Supernova. That right there is a tell-tale sign something is seriously gone wrong. */**********

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Good Eats (1999–2012)

Simplicity

24 July 2003

Alton Brown proves you don't need a good attitude for good grub; I love the cynical undercurrent. He shows us how to cook simply rather than demonstrating eight hundred varying ways of boiling an egg. He keeps it low key and educational as he explores the origins of a food. This show gets on most people's nerves, which is probably why I can stand it. Two of the best episodes focus on steak and another on pasta. As far as I'm concerned, these are the most difficult foods to prepare because of the myths behind them. I was amazed to learn all the names to the different kinds of pasta noodles, but rather than confusing me, I felt more educated.

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South Pacific (2001 TV Movie)

22 July 2003

This version of South Pacific is not half bad....that's the good half. The other half is bad, very bad indeed.

You'll notice straight away there are actually black people in the navy and no one wears tighty-whities or midriff bearing t-shirts. Amen for that! But, hey, who had the bright idea of casting Glenn Close as a twenty-somthing? Oh yeah....GLENN CLOSE. Much too old for Nellie. I'd believe she's in her late thirties at the youngest. When she sings "Cockeyed Optimist" the pancake layers of white concealer is woefully apparent. (She and the other navy women wear these khaki slacks which are really unflattering to the hind region!) And what about the character of her love interest, Emile? This guy looks like the spazzed out postal worker who delivers my mail on a daily basis. I wouldn't believe for one minute he's wealthy or dashing!

Luther seems like a dude who just took a nasty fall out of 1984 and unwittingly stumbled into a reality show called "World War II". You almost feel sorry for him.

Most disappointing of all, however, was Bloody Mary. Everyone take cover and duck! She sounds like Roseanne Barr after an all nighter alcohol and heroin binge. Her singing voice? It's slightly better, with the attributes of a cat being painfully executed. Overall she just screams, "Am I Pacific-Islander enough? Am I offending as many people as I can?" How 'bout them lips on Cable?! There was a semidramatic close-up during the Bali Hai number where I thought those things were gonna come through the screen and smother me alive!

With that being said, let's not dwell any longer on the negative. As aforementioned, some aspects of the musical were well done. No weird purple and orange lighting, mostly good vocal performances, and better costumes made this worthwhile. Also, I noticed the musical numbers were sequenced differently (probably to make it faster paced). Even with the unfortunate absence of Stew Pot, I would watch it again!

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Johnny Guitar (1954)

Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn.

18 July 2003

I'll be up front with you. I watch Joan's work from the 60s and 70s because I'm sort of a sadomasochist. I feel strange admitting this was an O.K. movie after all. Johnny Guitar might not offer the finest fare in cinema. Sterling Hayden alternated from coldly indifferent to indifferent in every bit he was in, even during the passionate love scenes! But most of what Vienna (Joan Crawford) had to say and do was thought provoking. She's always great in those I'm-a-woman-in-a-man's-world roles. The story essentially centers on two women : one who has loved and lost and one who has never allowed herself to love for fear of losing. Mercedes McCambridge (who is Emma) took on one of the best b*tch roles I have ever seen. Even by the middle of the film you just want this no-life woman to die...preferably miserably. Joan crawford had some really good lines, like when she explains Emma's hatred to Johnny. "She feels threatened because he [Dancin' Kid] makes her feel like a woman." She lashes out angerly when confronted with her past : "A man might kill, but as long as he hangs on to his pride he's still a man. All a woman has to do is slip...*once* and she's a tramp! It must be a great comfort to you to be a *man*." Stick it to 'em, Joan!

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East Meets West with Ming Tsai (1998–2003)

Ah, Ming Tsai....

16 July 2003

In every episode, Ming Tsai shows us how to creatively blend Asian and American influences into our cuisine. Ming is a great host: very educated, easy on the eyes, passionate about cooking. I usually dislike Chinese food because I can never fully recognize what it contains, but the meals he prepares look rather appetizing. At times though Ming has the tendency to drone on about things we're not sure we even care about. I used to have a joke that he is really just some guy at home in the kitchen cooking, while his poor starved wife is forced to sit and wait for him to get through his "cooking show" every night. The show is incredibly entertaining when you make a game out of that.

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Freddy Got Fingered (2001)

1/10

A test of endurance.

6 July 2003

Freddy Got Fingered makes a militaristic boot camp in the backwoods of Tennessee look like an all expenses-paid holiday to the Caribbean. This movie STUNK. It stunk like eight-day-old projectile vomit. All Tom Green manages to do throughout is violate the bodies of dead animals, swing newborn infants by their umbilical cords and (surprise, surprise) make animals ejaculate for his own hedonistic pleasure. The title of this movie is based on a mere 20 second gag, it really has nothing to do with the movie as a whole. Oh, I am sorry... Did I use the word "movie"? I meant to say "embodiment of hell on earth". Who is Green's audience anyway? Who is he speaking to? I like to imagine Tom Green in an adequately padded room, safely tucked away from other human beings, writing the source material on walls using only a rusty nail and laughing until he wets himself. Then, twice a day they slip plates of moldy English muffins under the door even though he refuses to touch them because he prefers the sanguine taste of the dead flies he traps. It is the only explanation for Freddy Got Fingered.

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Beloved (1998)

4/10

Intense and troubling

3 July 2003

Warning: Spoilers

Sethe (Oprah) lives alone with her teenaged daughter Denver during the Reconstruction days of the 1870s. It has been eighteen years since her traumatic escape from slavery, and she now tries to lead a quiet life in futile hope her estranged husband might still be alive. One summer day, an old friend from "Sweet Home" randomly shows up at the doorstep looking for a welcomed place to stay. Sethe's home is apparently haunted and touched by forces of the past, a fact that leaves Denver helpless and unable to cope with such stress on a daily basis. Paul D. and Sethe begin living as a couple (and literally have sex in every other scene). Soon, however, things take a turn for the bizarre when all three return home from an outing and find a destitute girl in their front yard. Her name is 'Beloved'...the same word which is engraved on the tombstone of Sethe's long since dead infant...

My initial impression of Beloved is that it is probably one of the *scariest* films I've ever seen and I don't mean it in a sarcastic sense. It is powerfully creepy. Sethe's flashbacks will be too explicit for certain viewers. Also, what was up with the unconvincing birth-in-a-boat scene? It takes a lot more than a few quick pushes to have a baby. Even in its near three hour entirety, I felt pressed to comprehend everything and filter the weird imagery in my mind.

The entity that is Beloved will make your heart break with pity until she seduces her mother's boyfriend...then you'll just be disturbed, there's no way around it. ("I want you to touch me on the inside part!" Wow..) And finally, Sethe's skeletons come out of the closet as she admits attempting to axe murder her three children (while only successfully managing to kill one) to save them from re-capture. This flashback is undoubtedly the worst and obviously most graphic in nature.

I personally felt the movie was overlong and wallowed a bit too much in its heir of self-importance. If you like to come off of a film feeling mind-raped and at a loss of words, Beloved is for you.

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The Jerry Springer Show (1991–2018)

Single-handedly the most horrifying 60 minutes in daytime television.

28 June 2003

I fondly remember my grandma sitting in the La-Z-Boy on week day afternoons, eating ice cream, and reveling in the bizarre freak show that is Jerry Springer. How she managed to sit through it without gagging I'll never know. Tragically, Jerry Springer manages to host the most perturbing and horrendous hour of television imaginable, a pretty amazing feat when you consider all the Jenny Jones, Ricki Lakes, and Howard Sterns out there. His guests are the epitome of all that is disgusting about America. They skim the septic tank of society for these losers and offer them big bucks to surrender the little decency they have. (In fact, a former teacher of mine knew one of the programming directors and was offered a role as somebody's love slave!) Day in & day out it's the same schlock: toothless bisexual redneck is cheating on his/her partner with a close family friend or in-law (add bonus points if one or more party is pregnant, secretly transsexual, or working as an exotic dancer). How many times must we allow our eyes to be abused like this before it's cancelled? And quite honestly, I'd like to know why Springer himself even bothers showing up; it's not as though he serves any function. All he does is pace back and forth with this slimy smile while the idiots in the background feel the overwhelming need to stand up and chant his name. WTF? Really classy. I regret ever having watched this show. I saw a recent episode where some moron ('moron' is actually paying him a compliment) ran streaking from the audience straight into the front row and butted heads with the security guy, Steve. He actually pinned him down and removed his clothing! So what does the crowd of Spinger-ites do? They start chanting, "STEVE! STEVE! STEVE!" Okay...and if you can get past that somehow, the Final Thought segment is about as helpful as everything that proceeds it is entertaining. Usually the thought has nothing to do with the content. This show is an insult to pond scum everywhere. There is no doubt in my mind that Jerry Springer is THE King of Trash, willing to exploit people who are unconsciously, but very clearly, crying out for help.

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High Plains Drifter (1973)

7/10

Eerie western with the awesome Clint Eastwood

11 June 2003

Clint Eastwood reprises his familiar archetypal gunslinger/ruffian/sexy stud/philosopher-without-trying role which made him the supreme Tiki god of all Westerns. In High Plains Drifter, he is the nameless guy who rides into town one fine day. Clint clearly has issues in this movie. Repressed angst? The result of a traumatic childhood? Who knows. He's antisocial and can't stand the townspeople - a feeling that is emphatically returned. When push comes to shove there's a whole lotta shovin' and he finds himself training the other men for an upcoming assault by a group of revenge-seeking desperadoes. Is Clint Eastwood a ghost? The ending will leave you posing this question to yourself. Overall a wonderful western with a good cast.

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Late Night with Conan O'Brien (1993–2009)

Conan is the best!

21 May 2003

I still think Late Night is the most entertaining night time program. I like Leno OK, but I usually just sit through his show waiting for good old Conan. He's so unpredictable and I love the way the show naturally flows. It's obvious they're writing it for a slaphappy audience still up past one 'o clock...it just works on some weird level. Conan also has the funniest entrance and opening monologue (Letterman and Leno couldn't get away with some of the stuff he comes up with). His sarcasm and random interjections make me crack up.

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South Pacific (1958)

6/10

South Pacific - my gay Principal's favorite.

17 May 2003

South Pacific - the very name begets visions of navy personnel hopping around in their tighty-whities on idyllic sand beach amid the ethereal reaches of a faraway Technicolor island. I am here today not to examine the confusion this two and a half hours of rapture has caused many, or even perhaps the liberation it has brought to a small (yet vocal) percentage of our population. South Pacific teaches us many valuable lessons. Tortured love, long-winded musical numbers, and an exotic Frenchman - only feeble examples of the goodies awaiting those who defiantly press the play button on their DVD players! We learn that color and race is irrelevant to the soul and finding love, even if that means mommy or daddy's disapproval. One thing: What was up with Bloody Mary? Cable went off and died for her boring daughter (who has in the neighborhood of two lines). Cable is hot...and he DIES. Just further proof that life is unfair.

I liked how the scenes would suddenly switch to a tinted orange or purple when an actor got misty-eyed. (Obvious sarcasm) I know that whenever I sing a rousing musical number, I always feel that mentally I am growing dimmer. But I suppose we all have our Bali H'ai moments, do we not? (I don't even know if the comma belongs there or what.) Yes, I've learned much about war and how to fight it in all its beguiling manifestations! South Pacific will drown you in rapturous delight.

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Ready Set Cook (1995– )

The Peppers like always won...

2 April 2003

Ready, Set, Cook! was a big part of my childhood development. I recall it coming on Food Network every evening at seven p.m. central. The first woman was the better host; Sissy Biggers was just annoying with her fake grins and loud wardrobe. What I liked about the show, was that two opposing teams, the Tomatoes and the Peppers, competed with one another to cook the best impromptu meal. A regular person is given something like twelve dollars to go out and purchase various ingredients and bring them back to his/her chef partner. Together, they're expected to whip up something appetizing in twenty minutes. It was always interesting seeing the kinds of gourmet meals they could think up and actually pull off in that amount of time! Did they get anything out of it? I don't remember there being any kind of reward for the victors. And then, during closing credits, the whole audience would stampede the stage and begin eating!

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Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

6/10

Big improvements

17 November 2002

Well, my previous review for SS was over-excitedly done. I wrote it about an hour after seeing the movie and I really should have allowed for some recovery time. In this instance, I watched CoS YESTERDAY (which was, for future reference, the following day of its theatrical release) as opposed to letting the hyper activity rush to my mind and just come home directly afterward scribbling something incoherent. SPOILERS AHEAD!

I was amazed how fast they jumped into everything. It was like, BAM BOOM BANG--you're there. Chris Columbus really sped it up and for the better. It was good for ducking out of times that could quickly become awkward, with a some sharp humor and wit, J.K. Rowling's characters came to light. From the moment Harry is rescued in the Ford Anglia to the time when he and Ron decide to fly their way to Hogwarts, I noticed that many key elements are touched on but not explored the way they are in the book itself. Ordinarily this would be very bad for a movie of this scale but somehow it made it feel all the more adventurous and real to me. The special effects were well done. I was disappointed with Dobby though. I mean, it was SO obvious he was computer generated (he's ugly to boot). The Aragog scene had everyone in the theater cringing--I felt for Ron. I really did. And the basilisk eerily reminded me of that weird squid creature from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. The detail oriented Potterheads should be warned. THE FOLLOWING WAS NOT IN THE MOVIE: Nick's deathday party, Percy & Penelope's little romance, some funny exchanges between Fred & George and de-gnoming the garden. (You will not believe HOW MUCH I was seriously looking forward to that last one!) Alright, so this might seem like a bit much. Don't worry. Even without these scenes the plot is left in tact, mandrakes and all! Speaking of herbology, I thought the casting of Prof. Sprout was right on target. Let me tell you another thing--KENNETH BRANAGH IS GILDEROY LOCKHART! I sorely wish he got more screen time. Probably one of the most hilarious scenes has him walking down a staircase pompously saying, "Let me introduce your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher--ME!" At the same time there is an image of himself in a painting, striking debonair poses, and drawing self-portraits! His inflated ego was captured PERFECTLY and I was pleased to see that many of his lines were right from the novel! Daniel Radcliffe's acting has visibly improved. I felt that things were happening TO HIM not AROUND HIM. Emma was OK, although she is in my opinion nothing to crow about. Rupert does need to practice some differing facial expressions. Anyway, Chamber of Secrets was not only funnier, it was scarier. The petrified people look dead and Mrs. Norris' hanging is rather disgusting. Christian Coulson (who is handsome), Jason Isaacs and Tom Felton were delightfully evil villains. (I got a kick out of how they made Draco and Lucius look so alike, i.e. the blonde manes.) The plot is more involved, the actors more relaxed and everything is generally loads better.

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The Lion in Winter (1968)

10/10

I love this movie to pieces!

27 October 2002

The Lion in Winter is possibly one of THE craziest movies I have ever had the pleasure of viewing! Seriously. You've got Peter O'Toole as this really detached King Henry who is having an emotional fireworks every other scene, Katharine Hepburn, who is the scheming queen with this bitterly dry sense of humor, and their three very emotionally dismantled sons. For years and years, the king and queen have been fighting constantly, simply because they hate each other's guts. (He had an affair with that one, she slept with his father, blah, blah and etc.) Consequently, their kids have turned out as cold, indifferent and greedy to nab the throne once Henry is gone. It is up to the king now to choose which son is worthy to succeed him. He favors the youngest, John, a rather dimwitted lad although Richard (played by Anthony Hopkins) is the eldest. Jeffery is the middle son and his character is just hilarious in that contemplative sort of way. I mean, NEITHER PARENT likes him AT ALL and in almost every speaking part he brings up a disturbing childhood memory. ("I remember when I was three...") To top it off, even at Christmas everybody seems to hate one another with a transcendent intensity. ("Should we hang the holly, or should we hang each other?")I love the scene where Katharine Hepburn rolls around on the bed and tells her husband how good it felt to sleep with his father! Jerry! Jerry! This is excellent Springer material. It kept me in stitches! ("How dear of you to let me out of prison!"; "He may sleep with sheep if he wishes. Which upon occasion he has done."; "If you're a prince, there's hope for every ape in Africa!") What I wouldn't give to have written those lines! In the end nothing is resolved but Henry and Eleanor laugh themselves silly. I have a great respect for this movie, it's dramatic, the acting is BEYOND BELIEF and it's damn uproarious! I could not get a grip on myself, I wanted more! PETER O'TOOLE & KATHARINE HEPBURN ARE THE COOLEST!

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The Adventures of Pete & Pete (1992–1996)

Why did it have to go off the air?

2 September 2002

Pete & Pete aired at a time when Nickelodeon didn't especially cater to the under 10 age group. I remember it so clearly; these were the golden years of my childhood, after all. Pete & Pete started its run when I was seven and I faithfully watched till the end. Even after they stopped producing more episodes it was always on in the re-run form before it gradually disappeared. I do not have the Noggin channel on my cable service so I guess I'm out in the dark unless Nickelodeon stops showing SpongeBob Square Pants long enough to air them once again.

I miss Pete & Pete so much. On any given day, story references come to mind and provide me with a much needed laugh. The theme song rocked, and the opening credits are one of the best moments, if not THE best moment of the entire show! I never quite understood why the two brothers had the same name, but it was damn hilarious either way. Nickelodeon does not make shows like Pete & Pete anymore because, very simply, KIDS NOW AREN'T SOPHISTICATED Enough TO "GET IT". And mind you that was only a little over a decade ago. Kids do not understand or appreciate surrealist humor anymore.. Unless it has mile-a-minute editing and excitement at every corner, they want no part of it and that's just sad.

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Supernova (I) (2000)

1/10

Super orgy

25 August 2002

Warning: Spoilers

4.2?? Do any of you think this movie deserves that high of a rating? I'd love to give you some spoilers, but because the was so poorly made I really have no idea what it's about. The plot must have been thrown out the ship about two minutes into the movie. I remember turning to my friend and saying "Darn! We missed almost half of the movie! I don't know what's going on." She pointed to the screen and I realized the opening credits were just ending as I spoke. They jump right into the action which is just fine in a regular movie...IF YOU KNOW WHO THE CHARACTERS ARE, WHAT THEIR MISSION IS AND WHY THEY'RE DOING IT.

Sex permeates this movie, start to finish. That's why I jokingly--well seriously--dub it "Super Orgy". The captain guy turns into this predator, whose one main goal (or it seems to be) is to dance the horizontal hokey-pokey with every female crew member. Look out for one bizarre scene in an anti-gravity room. I guess it never registered with me to comment on this movie because it was one of those passing things you regret doing and joke about later. Moulin Rouge was originally, and remains, the lowest movie I ever rated. (It would have been a -10 if they allowed negative ratings.) Supernova now has the obscene pleasure of sharing this title with old Rougey. May they rest in piece.

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E! True Hollywood Story: Princess Diana (1998)

Season 2, Episode 22

Accurate, but otherwise nothing any Diana follower doesn't already know.

19 August 2002

This E! True Hollywood Story explains the life of Princess Diana, with interviews from royal insiders, magazine publishers and the like. Also, one of the few THS episodes that don't follow some porn star on the road to self-destruction. I thought it was well done, but it wasn't exactly anything out of the ordinary or anything a loyal Diana fan wouldn't already know about her death or marriage to Prince Charles. Still, it deserves some credit. I liked the ending credits showing pictures of her when she was a child.

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