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Reviews
National Treasure: Book of Secrets (2007)
I love Nicholas Cage but this was by far his worst performance ever
I liked the first one, but this movie, like so many of it's contemporaries, was so lacking in artistic sensitivity that to sit through the entire thing would have been pure torture. The script was very mechanical and utilitarian. You get the sense the the movie and it's plot is just being thrown at you. There is no excitement from the actors and hardly any sort of convincing rhythm to the scenes either. What happened to the talented film makers who use to inhabit Hollywood? I think films need to start coming with a money back guarantee. How many different ways are there for me to tell you that if you have an IQ anywhere over 120, you will be bored to tears by this film? I seriously think that Cage was on vacation during the filming of this movie. And who can blame him? He's Nicholas Cage and he pretty much doesn't have to show up to work unless his heart really wants to. Anyway, until the next film comes out that I feel compelled to comment on . . . :(
Lemora: A Child's Tale of the Supernatural (1973)
Not a film for kids!!!!! But that is when I first saw it.
The first time I saw this film, I could not have been nine years old. There use to be a show that would come on at Midnight on Friday and Saturday broadcast out of channel four in Indianapolis. The show was called Sammy Terry and he was this ghoulish guy who showed scary movies.
I recently acquired a copy of the film for my personal collection because it made such an impression on me when I was a child. I actually should not have been watching it, but I also probably should not have been up so late. However I have always been a night owl. Anyway. I digress.
This movie is laced with innuendos of a sexual nature. So much so that I really don't feel comfortable specifically commenting on it.
For some reason, there isn't a neighbor within many miles of Lamora's dark estate which is at the end of long dark stretch of an obsolete road. What awaits you at the end of the road is as darkly magical and bewildering as your wildest imagination.
It certainly left a huge impression on me.
I Am Legend (2007)
Surprisingly Awful!
The first half of this film was mediocre with the canine carrying most of the high points. Yeah, it was neat seeing Manhattan look like a ghost town or whatever. But what happens in the second half of the film is really difficult to explain. It is as though the story ended half way through but the director kept filming. New characters are introduced but never properly developed. Then it is like "Night of the Living Dead" for about seven minutes and then I guess everything works out okayish. But by the time the plot has fully resolved I was pretty much over it so I really could not tell you one way or the other. Whatever. The fact that most people thought this film was somehow epically innovative (or whatever) really chokes me up. This film sucks dirt.
I Know Who Killed Me (2007)
Mildly Entertaining -- modern film noir meets burlesque clubs meets the supernatural
I do not get it. Why are so many people rushing to call this film the worst film ever? If it was competing for an Oscar, I would say it was a bad choice. But this film is actually above average for the genre that it is in. It sort of reminded my of "Blue Velvet" only much better in my opinion and everyone went nuts over that film.
If you ask me, the movie reviewers are giving this film low ratings because they are haters. Plain and simple. I fail to see how this film is "hillariously bad".
The film is suppose to be funny in parts like the scenes where the strip joint manager comes off almost cartoonesqe. Were she not this way, the viewer of the film would not get the proper queues that this may or may not be simply a figment of the protagonist's imagination. But you are suppose to see the life of Dakota as story-like because you don't really know what is going on until toward the end of the movie. The plot, however, is solid enough to carry you entertainingly to that point when everything become clearer. It is a thriller and I must say it is executed with textbook formulaic perfection.
One of the better films I saw in 2008, which is not saying much . . . especially when you consider that I sat through "I Am Legend". :(
I am giving this film a 10 out of 10, simply because someone needs to balance out all of the falsely low ratings. If I thought everyone was voting thoughtfully, I would give this film a 4 or maybe even a 5. But I see several users have given this film a rating of 1 and, take it from someone who is a very skilled appreciator of film, even if you did not like this film, it at least deserves a 3.
All in all, I would say, not as bad as some films that everyone says are great! A relatively intelligent film . . .
I Heart Huckabees (2004)
I heart 'I heart Huckabees'!
Unless you are a person for whom existential contemplation is somewhat of a regular occupation, you just might not get this film. It is a feel good movie for those who are hyper-aware of their own alienation. Otherwise, this movie is probably not real entertaining for the average so-and-so who lives in my small Midwestern hometown.
I saw this movie on December 31, 2007. Great way to start the new year! Originally, I was only interested in the movie because of all the great actors who are in this movie (most notably Tomlin and Hoffman). But I gained a new level of respect for every actor in this movie and I also look forward to watching some more films directed and produced by David O. Russell. I give this movie an emphatic 10 stars. In every way that a film can be good, this movie is good. Never have I had so much fun watching a movie as I had while watching some of the character transformations that take place in this film.
Rise (2007)
If you make it through the first horrible half hour of this movie, you might find a few redeeming moments in what is left.
The first 25-30 minutes of this film were bad. Real bad. Not like good bad. But genuinely bad bad.
The film starts off with a highly derivative sex scene in which the vixen of the scene ends up with red body paint all over her face. The next scene is another unimaginative sex scene in which the actors end up splattered with tiny little speckles of red body paint. About nine minutes and two scenes later is another extremely unarousing sex scene in which all of the actors are mysteriously covered with tiny little spatters of red body paint. Seven minutes and two scenes later, there is a girl laying in a bed, face down, presumably dead. The girl and the bed are covered in fresh shiny red body paint. In the next scene, this guy throws a shower certain over Lucy Lui's head and tries to suffocate her. It is a see-through shower certain so it makes Lucy Lui look like a Dum Dum lollipop with a scary face wrapper. At this point, I am still not sure what the premise of the movie is.
The coolest and most memorable scene in this movie is when Lui smothers this guy and then bites the flesh off of his arm and begins drinking his gushing blood which for once does not seem at all like red body paint. Then Lucy Liu calls her mom and her mom is crying. Then Liu, barefoot and wearing hospital scrubs that are covered with what looks like it might possibly be blood, walks to a pedestrian bridge that extends across a freeway and she stares at the oncoming traffic for one minute and eighteen seconds while the wind is blowing through her hair and some lame music is playing.
After this, the movie starts to get better. Way better. Especially after Carla Gugino's character is dead.
The sex in this movie is more unappealing than watching monkeys go at it. I have no idea why it is that the director of this film chose to fill up the first half hour with retarded sloppy paint spattered mutant orgies that are too stupid to qualify as kinky. The first half of this movie is worse than one of those 1980's b-movie horror films where they have all these degenerate rituals and the women sprout hair all over their bodies while being serviced.
The rest of the movie is pretty good so I wont tell you anything about it accept that Michael Chiklis turns in a great performance as a bereaved detective and Lucy Lui isn't too shabby either. I am starting to like movies with her in them.
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
Masterful Action With UniqueTwists
You are never bored watching this film and you are never confused. This film is surreal, fast paced, darkly humorous, dynamic, artfully aesthetic and, and violent. I did not find the violence in Kill Bill to be stark and cold like the kind you find in a blood-and-gore horror flick and, at times, the violence was purposefully humorous in that Tarantino sort of way.
There are at least four scenes that I can think of in this movie which are unforgettable and make this movie a genuine classic. Visually, the movie has just about everything. The cinematography in this movie is absolutely unsurpassable. Quentin Tarentino is a true master and this film may well be his masterpiece. There is some hard violence in this movie while at the same time allowing for fight sequences which almost have a superhuman quality. It should be said that the violence is darkly humorous at times, as is the case in many Quentin Tarantino films.
This film has two volumes, but you can enjoy volume 1 without watching volume 2 on the same day.
Incidentally, Lucy Liu and Uma Therman deliver two of the most memorable and provocative action movie performances I have ever seen.
The think the thing I like most about Tarantino films is that you get all the intelligence, humor and post-modern mayhem without all those boring good guys.
The Covenant (2006)
not too bad
This movie was not a complete waste of time which is more than I can say for at least 60% of the films I see. All of the teenage boys in this movie resemble each other so that made for some confusion for me. One thing that is quite redeeming about this film is the way in which a historic Massachusetts town is recreated. The scenes look like what you would think an old Massachusetts town would look like. That adds to the believability of the film. So I would say the film is somewhat visually appealing for this reason. The acting is by no means the worst I have seen. I would say the film is moderately entertaining, despite having a bit of a b-film feeling at times. It kept me somewhat entertained which is all I am asking for when I watch a movie.