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Reviews
Hanna (2011)
Seriously?
The film is already ten years old, but I just saw it and I have to get this out. That must be the least convincing master warrior I have ever seen on screen. Before seeing Hanna, the prize would have gone to Mantis from the Kung Fu Panda series. Here is a 100-pound waif of a girl taking on enormous trained assassins several at a time. She throws them around like pillows in a pajama party, which might have been a more appropriate role for Saoirse Ronan at that point in her career. There is only so much a stuntman can do to sell it. The result is just plain silly.
Oh sure, they do offer a certain rationale for her extraordinary ability, what with genetic engineering and a lifetime of intensive training. Too thin. Nobody is buying it. Maybe they should have gone with something like a radioactive spider bite. No, I don't like that idea either, so how about this? The kid was also ruthless and resourceful. That part of it was actually working, and it might have been used to nullify her obvious physical disadvantages. The father (Eric Bana) was doing a great job with his own beat-down scenes. They could have left the action to him while the girl pursued more subtle methods.
The Call of the Wild (2020)
Kids' show
The book was great, so I just had to see the film. With a dog as the central character, having no stable human relations, I was curious to see where they would go with that, not really expecting much. Clearly certain things would have to change.
With Buck going through so many masters, something would have to be done to move one of them closer to the center of the story, and that would be Harrison Ford. One other interesting change was that Perrault and Francois became Perrault and Francoise, a married couple (apparently). That actually was clever, and worked quite well. As for Buck himself, his mean edge was taken away entirely. Too bad about that. The climax of the book was so politically incorrect that it would have been impossible to fit it into a modern Hollywood narrative. That omission was no surprise, and I suppose the event was not necessary to the story line anyway.
I liked the CGI not so much. It had the same troubles as usual, such as inconsistent lighting and characters' inability to make eye contact with each other. I never got the least impression that anybody was even cold. Dogs did not behave like dogs, much less wolves. Buck was so anthropomorphic that they might just as well have given him the power of speech.
The end result is a kids' show, a cut above Mr. Magoo's Moby Dick, but still a kids' show. Watch it as an adventure romp rather that a literary adaptation.
Lucifer (2016)
Called it!
Living overseas, I have limited access to most American television, but I do see American commercials when I watch football. On seeing the trailer for "Lucifer", I said aloud, "I suppose he's a police consultant." Seriously, is there even such a position in real life? It strikes me as a good way to get beaten up by a real cop. Television is now inundated with them. There is one good reason for making the principal character a police consultant: writer's block.
There are several good reasons for setting a show in Los Angeles, but one must outweigh all: drive time from the studio. That, along with hesitance to leave their formula, would explain the preponderance of southern California settings. Since the location was mentioned in the trailer, I cannot claim credit for predicting it, but I could easily have called that one too.
I never vote on these anyway, but particularly this time, having seen only the trailer. However, if I were to vote, I would be inclined to dock the show two points for the police consultant, and one more for the LA setting. As I write this, "Lucifer" is enjoying an 8.7 rating. I cannot argue with that, because I have never seen it. It sure seems like I have though.
New Amsterdam (2008)
Why is he a cop?
I just saw it for the first time last night. However unoriginal the premise, it is still intriguing. As I understand it, the central character has witnessed the entire history of New York City. That is at least as interesting as the immortality bit.
So immortality has been done. No problem. Now why is he a cop? That has been done and done and done. This review is based on a single episode, but I saw so many elements that are hallmarks of prime-time mediocrity. They have a police department that is staffed by former underwear models. Not a single cop in the city wears a uniform. A conflict is introduced and resolved in one episode, and the solution is embarrassingly simplistic (talking to people with street cred until someone gives them a tape recording of the murder).
I see that it was canceled last year in the US. Honestly, it had potential. Someone took a good idea and played to the middle. If the formula worked for twenty other cop shows, why should it not work one more time?
Flubber (1997)
Gives Remakes a Bad Name
You can be disappointed even when you are not expecting much. There was no fault in wishing to share "The AbsentMinded Professor" with a later generation, but it had to be remade. With Robin Williams replacing Fred MacMurray, the professor could be more boisterous and physical. With 1997 replacing 1961, the special effects could be much more sophisticated. So it's win-win, right? No, but a few things did go right. Two things, actually. Robin Williams had one good scene. In the opening, Dr. Brainard is introduced as a man who is so out of touch with his surroundings that he could step into the wrong lecture hall and deliver an elementary physics lecture to an art class. Other than that, the role and the actor were forgettable. Also, the Danny Elfman soundtrack was very lively, particularly the Flubber Rumba.
This time around, the flubber has anthropomorphic properties. That change was simply an excuse to have the computer-animated dance scene, which was fun in a Scrubbing Bubbles kind of way. Other than that (and color), the special effects fell considerably short of the 1961 version. When people fly, they look like they are hanging on wires. When they fall, they look like they are hanging on wires. When they bounce -- well, you get the pattern.
These days, movie makers are free to do quite a few things that were not allowed in 1961. Unfortunately, many of them feel a need to remind us by including a gratuitously vulgar scene in everything they release. This time we get a man blowing flubber out his rectum. It was as if to say, "Take that! We've already got your money!"
Cold Case (2003)
Rather Preachy
I had some appreciation for the special effects: people appearing as they did at the time of the crime, period music, dead people walking about. After a few rounds of that though, I could only wonder if Mad Magazine had done a parody of it yet.
The real turn-off is the moralizing tone of the show. Every episode addresses some specific social or political issue. It is like an after-school show for kids. Themes of the episodes I saw include Nazis, abortion, lesbians, class boundaries, integration of baseball, interracial love, and Communists. They always seem to be trying to sell me something. Once, they actually implied that the Rosenburgs received the death penalty for being Communists.
There is also the problem of the confession scene, a weakness they share with the CSI shows. The killer simply has to get it off his chest. When confronted with even the most tenuous of evidence, he starts singing like a canary. Oh, it gives closure, but it also undermines the very premise of the show, that someone was able to keep a secret for a very long time.
Highway to Heaven (1984)
Formulaic
I cannot be the only one who noticed this. Kung Fu, the Incredible Hulk, and Highway to Heaven were all the same show. You start with a handsome drifter who possesses an unnaturally serene voice and a hidden power. Somewhere in the first ten minutes, give the viewers a brief glimpse of the power. For another forty minutes, allow him to display a brave yet passive attitude while cruel-hearted bullies force him into a confrontation. Finally you have the furious climax, which is the reason we all tuned in.
By the way, I understand that someone produced a short-lived TV version of the feel-good sci-fi film Starman. I did not catch it, but I would bet anything that it was made from the same mold.
F Troop (1965)
A Shameless Gag Show
Yes, it was a shameless gag show, but I mean that in a good way. They made constant use the of one-liners, running gags, and slapstick falls, and they always kept it coming. F Troop is much like my image of Vaudeville. The period, the setting? Almost immaterial. That was only so they would have an excuse to wear costumes.
One of my favorite gags was the smoke signal. Either Wild Eagle or Crazy Cat would stand in a pensive posture and give dictation to the braves who were behind him, waving a blanket over a fire. Meanwhile, O'Rourke would be squinting into the sky, reading the smoke billows. It would always read like a business letter, beginning with a formal salutation and including phrases like "regarding:" or "as per your earlier communication."