Reviews

**some spoilers**

My parents took me to see this movie when I was 6 and it seriously freaked me out for many years to come - especially the shower squishing scene. At that age, I certainly didn't recall anything funny about the film. After a 30 year hiatus, I watched it again last week and, though I did laugh out loud in a few spots, I would hardly call it a comedy. Granted, the whole wedding sequence was hilarious - especially the performance by Victor Buono (the minister). But the rest of the movie was just a game of which selfish, unlikable, poorly developed character would get killed off next and in what gruesome fashion they'd meet their end - basically just an exercise in sadism. This pattern reminded me a lot of "Final Destination 2", though at least that film had something resembling a likable character here and there. (even if only 2-dimensional) Maybe there's a generation gap at work here, or maybe I just don't like English humor as much as I thought I did. Either way, "Heathers" and "Dr. Strangelove" will always be the apex of dark comedies in my book to which all others are compared - and "Arnold" falls way short.

***Some spoilers***

I rented it because Ebert and Roeper gave it two thumbs up, but I've yet to figure out why. I thought the opening sequences went well and found the acting to be above par for the next generation crew. The conflict within the Romulan empire also gave promise of some interesting plot developments, but then, just when things were getting interesting, everything bogged down into one long talk-fest surrounding Picard and goofy-clone-guy. Sorry, but I found the whole link between Picard and his nemesis to be veeeeery contrived. (and BORING.) The only connection I could believe in was that they shared the same barber. And all of this trying to out-think each other was a little too reminiscent of "Wrath of Kahn" which, in my opinion, was a far better film.

Then, of course, we have the thrilling and completely ridiculous action sequence at the end where the Boobyprize has no shields nor power left and the enemy ship is about to toast the good guys, BUT the butthead's weapon system takes a wonderfully convenient 7 minutes to deploy - juuuust enough time for Picard to beam over with the last little itsy bit of transporter power (and the transporter blows up right after he leaves), then, after a fierce Rambo-style melee that would make Captain Kirk proud, Picard and Data destroy the weapon (and ship), literally, at the last second. Need I mention that, in the meantime, the script writers have managed to place just enough distance between the Enterprise and the enemy ship to keep the good guys from blowing up, too? In Galaxy Quest, these plot devices were funny, but in the Star Trek series they're really getting tedious.

"Generations" continues to be my favorite new generation flick and was a ton more enjoyable to watch than this poop. 4/10.

Yes, technically the movie was well filmed and had some lovely cinematography, but it was also obviously written to tug on the heartstrings of those viewers easily given to sentimental mush.

***Spoiler to follow***

My biggest beef is with the story, itself, and the message it gives. Here we have a middle-aged bored housewife who's going through a midlife crisis and longs for some excitement. So what else is new? I'm middle-aged and I'd like some excitement, too, please. Enter our rugged traveling photographer, Clint Eastwood, and, a few screws later, our housefrau has now found the love of her eternal life????? Of course she's horny for him: he's exciting, adventurous, a deep-thinker, poetic - but very selfish and crappy family material. Meanwhile, her devoted husband of umpteen years, who is not abusive in any way and has stood by her through thick and thin takes the back seat because he's...well, boring. As a married man of 10 years with 2 children, I guess this gives me free license to dump my wife and kids if I suddenly wake up one morning and find them tedious in comparison to some hot new chick that really turns me on. It also makes me feel really good to know that, right now, my wife is probably fantasizing about dumping me for some rugged, exciting, outdoorsy type.

This is basically another Jack and Rose Titanic situation, where the audience is deliberately kept from the reality of what would happen if these two shmucks really did get together. Namely, Clint would dump Meryl when he got tired of having sex with her or Meryl would dump Clint when she finally figured out what a twit he was. Well, it's nice to know that they will be stuck with each other for eternity - under a bridge of Madison County.