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Reviews
Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024)
Not quite a full Mad Max movie
The story seemed relatively fleshed-out to the extent that a George Miller Mad Max movie should be, but it still suffered from some production issues that were either solved by better editing in Fury Road, or that got more time for development in Fury Road, leading to a more polished product.
Anya Taylor Joy's...excellent depth perception...was distracting in a lot of her scenes because the black oil on her face provided her eyes with much higher contrast than they usually have, and it just made Charlize Theron's absence that much more glaring. The transition between the child version of her and the adult version (played by different actresses, obviously) was pretty seamless, as was the transition between the end of Furiosa to what is clearly the beginning of Fury Road.
The biggest, most glaring issue was the compositing of CGI elements in scenes where a lot of things were going on on-screen at the same time. Color grading wasn't consistent between those elements in the background partially because of the use of green screens, they appeared to not be anchored to the ground, and in some cases (most notably a corpse wagon with bodies being flopped onto it in the foreground of a shot), some elements slide around as the camera pans. It got to a point where it felt more like a low-budget TV movie compared to Fury Road.
Another issue was the sheer number of people in the movie who didn't need to be in every scene. Many shots are just a bunch of named characters standing around the people talking, and when decisions are made about them, it doesn't seem to impact them in a way that would indicate that their lives in the movie world have value, because their likely deaths are dictated by the script. They aren't main characters, but their reactions are rarely anything more than "ok, I guess I'm going with that guy now, it's just a slight inconvenience for me".
There are several scenes that either lacked context (possibly because the movie was edited down to two and a half hours), but more seemed as if they didn't need to be in the movie at all. Surely they had some sort of reference to another Mad Max movie that diehard fans would understand and appreciate, but they didn't warrant a two and a half hour runtime for how much they added to the plot. Some of them seemed to exclusively serve as a way to justify how many props were manufactured. There were some characters who also didn't seem to really serve a purpose, even as nods to Fury Road.
Overall, it was entertaining and stylistically pleasing, but the production errors were glaring and frequently distracting from the plot. There's a shorter version on the cutting room floor, and perhaps the budget for the sprawling array of set pieces could have gone into post-production instead.
Civil War (2024)
This is the chasm between a fully-fleshed out movie and one scene that had a movie built around it
At some point before the filming started, there may have been a complete script here. Producers may have read a complete script, and stripped out absolutely everything that made either faction identifiable by its values, and then whatever was left was strung together to make something approaching a narrative.
At some point, someone described a scene that was two thirds of the way through the movie. If you've seen it, you know which scene. It's the one that was so interesting that a large portion of it made it into the trailers. From that scene, someone built the entire rest of the script, but was told to avoid identifying either faction, or the entire project would be scrapped.
One of these two things happened, and in the interest of not stepping on any toes, the dancing stopped. A story about a photographer didn't need to have the intrigue that a civil war implies, and by choosing to avoid pointing any fingers, the context of the story was stripped away completely. What's left just doesn't matter. Either the character development never existed in the first place, or it was cut away because it was too connected to the context of the war. What's left is flimsy and vague reference to ideals, but in service of nothing. "War is hell" has been done better by so many other movies and books. Civil war comes off as sanitized in contrast to everything that came before it.
Even the goals of the profession the movie claims to be about fall short. They aren't trying to tell a story, bring the truth to the masses, or expose how bad war is, they're essentially trying to take well-composed photos...but in a war. Even that isn't spelled out, it's just shown in freeze frames, and if you know what good composition is, you'll recognize it. If not, it's just two photographers endangering the lives of everyone they're with in the name of art.
This could have been a great movie if they'd shed the idea that some people might get mad about how they're being portrayed, but instead, it's an example of what happens when neutrality takes precedence over substance.
Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood (2012)
A shadow of the original Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood
Fred Rogers was a saint, and I know he didn't have a hand in creating this show, so I can safely say that Daniel Tiger is what happens when you cross Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood with Caillou.
There is one single exception to the rule that singing a song in the show's universe instantly changes the mind of anyone who hears it on a dime. That isn't how kids work, so having it work that way in a show for kids is counterproductive. Some kids need those songs, but not the way they're delivered in the plot of the show because it normalizes temper tantrums and anxiety.
The mannerisms are horrible, the music is phoned in at best, the show formula is stale, the breaking of the fourth wall fails to hit effectively, the lore is inconsistent, and perhaps worst of all, Daniel's mood is far closer to Caillou's than it is to any other current show for young children.
I'm just glad my kid doesn't repeat things like "tiger-tastic", "grrr-iffic", "boop-she-boop-she-boo", or insert "meow-meow" into her sentences. The second that happens, this show will never play in my house again. She doesn't like the live-action segments anyway, which is probably a good thing because the non-actors are so blatantly reading an unnatural script that it's probably warping her perception of human sincerity.
Aside from the main theme song, all of the music is essentially auto-tuned speaking with *maybe* one rhyme if we're lucky. They stand in stark contrast with other shows like Sesame Street and Bluey, which both have legitimately good songs.
While Daniel Tiger might be appealing to children, it doesn't have the multi-generational appeal that helps parents get through these shows. Part of that comes from the questions raised by the worldbuilding. Where is the line between pets, wild animals and sentient beings? Does Trolley have free will, or does it give priority to the Tiger family for some reason? Why is Daniel's house filled with clocks that don't function even though Daniel's dad's job is building clocks? Why is Elena always called *Miss* Elena? Is royalty purely symbolic, or does it actually imply a class system?
There are plenty of better shows that don't reek of borderline procedural generation, so for all I care, Daniel can go eat a peach.
Miryang (2007)
If you think this is building to something, it isn't.
For a two and a half hour runtime, you'd think that Secret Sunshine must be building to something, but what seems as if it might be a turning point in the movie has remarkably-little impact. When more and more characters encourage Shin-ae to join a cult, a first-time viewer might think that again, the movie is building to something, but it just doesn't. Minor negative things keep happening, but without any sort of resolution, the end of the movie just sort of...happens.
Is it a slow burn? No, slow burns tend to have some sort of spark. Is it a tragedy? Maybe, but other movies like Midsommar do it far better. The target audience seems to be people who think there's something there that isn't, in which case, this might be right up their alley, but if you've just discovered the brilliance of Korean cinema and discover Secret Sunshine, do yourself a favor and just skip it.
Don't Worry Darling (2022)
There is no way this was written by people who were talking to each other.
Why were the eggs empty? What was causing the earthquakes? Why was there an airplane? Why did the airplane crash? Where did the airplane go? Why is the one moderator just another user? Why is no one looking for a missing doctor...at her apartment? What is the significance of the reflections not lining up? Why are different people showing up in Florence Pugh's mirrors? Are the red jumpsuits real or not? What was the point of electroshock therapy within the context of the company town? What does Jack do when he's "at work"? Why is there no food/waste infrastructure in their apartment for maintenance? How is Jack paying rent?
None of these questions will be answered in the movie.
It's like the writers were each writing separate parts of a movie, but never actually talked to each other to confirm that any of the parts fit with each other. The worldbuilding is fun, and most of the acting is good (Harry Styles excluded), but the soundtrack doesn't make sense most of the time, the plot is tenuous at best, and there's far too many obvious questions that are posed and then never answered.
Red Notice (2021)
Watch ANY other Ryan Reynolds movie, and you'll have a better time
Red Notice's only redeeming quality is Ryan Reynolds. He seems to have written his own lines, while every other character's seem as if they were written by an AI. The Rock's character is rock-like, Gal Gadot seemed to be trying as hard as she could, but ultimately brought nothing to the table.
Then there's Chris Diamantopoulos. He must have read the script, thought "Well this is the worst attempt at an action movie I've seen in a while", and decided that no matter what he did in his role, it couldn't possibly make the movie worse. The result is an accent that I can only describe as an attempt to copy Eddie Redmayne's accent in Jupiter Ascending, which itself was one of the most cringe-worthy parts of an overwhelmingly embarrassing movie. I don't want to see Eddie Redmayne in another movie until he's seen on video giving his Oscar back for that travesty.
The CGI, and it happens a lot, is unfinished at best. There are movies that came out now 20 years ago that have better CGI. Textures are too smooth, people fall faster than physics should allow, people bounce off of bulls with no injuries, and at no point is it convincing.
The plot was on par with Godzilla vs. Kong's cinematic interpretation of a four year-old smashing his toys together and calling it "plot", only this movie was clearly done by an older child. Maybe aged six. It constantly bounces back and forth between "THIS character is actually with THIS character...and they're betraying THIS character" with such regularity that plot beats became predictable down to the five second window in which the next rotation of betrayal would happen. The most surprising thing that happens in the entire movie is that Chris Diamantopoulos's character doesn't show up one last time after he may or may not have been killed by a hatch.
This is just another garbage movie that Netflix has tried to release, continuing their trend of making passable shows and resoundingly mediocre movies. I don't know why I try anymore, because they ALWAYS result in disappointment.
The Mandalorian (2019)
The reception speaks more to the decline of Star Wars than the quality of the show itself
This may ruffle some feathers, but if The Mandalorian didn't exist in the Star Wars universe, it would be judged as a mediocre western and left by the wayside, just like Longmire, Godless, Yellowstone and Wynonna Earp.
The music is well done. It hits all of the right notes that classic westerns do. Regardless of being distinctly independent of mainline Star Wars themes, the music works, it does what it's supposed to, and I can't fault the producers for anything as far as the soundtrack goes. Despite the faults of the show, the soundtrack is good, and the other faults don't detract from the show at all. The same goes for the production value of the show, which augmented by that sweet, sweet Disney money, helps the show tread water. The Star Wars Holiday Special this is not.
The problems become apparent with the writing, which is frequently downright painful between the dialogue and the formulaic plot structure. Interactions between characters are either flat and lack substance, or are downright unrealistic in terms of how people react to statements and stimuli. This is particularly apparent in scenes with Amy Sedaris. Lines are delivered well, but whether it's the direction she's getting or the production insisting on sticking 100% to the script, the conversation falls flat. Actors slog through the lines while dripping with resentment for the things they're being made to say. Things that should either be communicated between characters with a simple look are dragged out and expanded into full sentences to appease an audience that are assumed to be only half-listening, and half-familiar with the Star Wars universe, which is at odds with the constant fan-servicey placement of mainline Star Wars props and references. Things that don't need to be explained are over-explained, and for a genre that's often steeped in subtlety, there's an awful lot of talking that's unbecoming of the interactions between characters. Amy Sedaris repeats multiple times that the Mandalorian doesn't like droids because of one brief interaction in the first season. Interactions between CGI and human characters are often out of sync and paced poorly, which only draws attention to the disconnect between the two on-set. Characters reference factions and other characters by their full names repeatedly in the same conversations when both parties are already familiar with those factions and characters as if they're just hammering in the names for the audience.
Then there's "the child" or "baby Yoda", depending on who's talking about the character. Aside from being a physical embodiment of the Mandalorian's sense of empathy, the character only exists to bridge the gritty subject matter with Disney's most lucrative target audience, children. It's just the newest version of BB-8, the puffin aliens or Jar Jar Binks. It's comic relieve without comedy, an omnipresent plot baby without nearly as much drama surrounding it, and only tenuously-connected to the show unless the writers are short on ideas of how to progress the plot. Frequent shots acknowledge the child's existence only to string the character along until the next time there's an idea shortage, but those shots do nothing to add to the plot or develop characters. Every time the character is on-screen, it mainly serves as a reminder that "HEY, THE MANDALORIAN IS MOSTLY KID-FRIENDLY, BUY A TOY!"
Finally, there's the plot structure. Every episode could essentially exist independently of every other episode, and the order of the episodes barely matters because they all follow an almost identical formula: The Mandalorian gets a vague excuse to visit a new planet, a small, downtrodden village has a major, existential problem that only the Mandalorian can fix, but also has something that the Mandalorian wants, and a trade is settled upon, and finally everyone works together to solve that existential threat in one episode, and finally it's assumed that the village's problems are gone forever as the Mandalorian flies off, never to be seen again. Sure, that's the genre's formula, but it has no staying power aside from being just enough of an intravenous hit of Star Wars nostalgia to string the audience along to the next episode. As I said in the beginning, if it wasn't Star Wars, no one would watch it.
Another Life (2019)
Katee Sackoff is the only good thing about Another Life
The visuals are ok, but not good. The action is barely ok. Almost all of the acting is sub-par at absolute best, and the writing is both lazy and uninformed.
I wouldn't even classify this as science fiction, because that would imply that there's some actual science involved. The scientists on Earth don't work together AT ALL, and the boss scientist repeatedly threatens to shut down all experimentation on the alien ship after mere seconds of observing and then interrupting those experiments. The experiments themselves are completely devoid of science, and further reinforce the idea that the writers had no idea what they were writing about because the way they wrote it makes it seem as if they think that science is indistinguishable from magic. It's like how Steven Moffatt writes Sherlock Holmes. He's just so far from smart that he can't even imagine what it might be like to be a genius, so he writes Sherlock Holmes as a wizard.
Then there's the military command structure on the space ship. Somehow, there seems to have been zero psych evaluation when choosing the extremely unprofessional crew, so rather than having clearly-defined jobs that are recognized by the entire crew, we have a Lord of the Flies-esque command structure that topples almost immediately upon waking everyone up from "soma sleep", which seems to be the sort of thing that you can just wake yourself up from if you try hard enough.
The dialogue is complete garbage, to the extent that my wife, who ordinarily hates when I point out dumb things in movies or shows chimed in almost every time someone said something stupid, unprofessional, unrealistic or pointless, which ended up being just about constantly.
The best reason to not watch this show is the first episode. Netflix does a good job with their original series sometimes, but more often than not, they drop this steaming pile of wasted time on us.
Sherlock: The Six Thatchers (2017)
Sherlock is a show about smart people for people who want to think they're smart.
I feel like the writers of Sherlock aren't even trying anymore. The "ah-hah" moments are completely phoned in every single time, the solutions to the mysteries are so far-fetched that you can easily tell that the writers were thinking "ok, what sounds ridiculous?"
It doesn't even feel clever anymore. It's the same old formulaic structure that is so open-ended that any character could be killed off and brought back at any moment.
Steven Moffat is doing the same thing to Sherlock that he's doing to Doctor Who. He's somehow able to create mediocre shows with huge fan bases who are willfully oblivious to how awful the shows actually are. Granted, I watch both of them, but now they're both guilty pleasures.