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stormphire1
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Conan the Barbarian (2011)
very very underrated action movie
Alright this movie isn't nearly as bad as everyone is making it out to be. Its CONAN I mean seriously what were you expecting. It has everything a Conan movie needs. It has Conan, it has boobs, it has a smoking hot chick for him to save, (rachel nichols) it has a smoking hot villain (rose hot ass mcgowan). Did I mention boobs?!?! Oh yea I did! OK so the story isn't EPIC it ain't Lord of the Rings people its Conan! Aside from him being able to break chains with naught but a casual swipe of his sword its what an action fantasy movie should be. I feel like I got my 9 bucks worth. An action movie is supposed to entertain and this movie never failed to do that from the first scene to the last! However 70 million dollar budget to remake Conan... Hollywood.. Follywood is more like it.. yall didn't really think this would do THAT well... did ya? omg... you did!...SMH!!..better luck next time!
The Losers (2010)
craptastic action film
OK how bad did the losers suck let me count the ways..
1.Whats up with the hyper ethnically diverse team of rouge commandos? it reminds me of those jokes when you were in grade school... "there was a black man a white man and a Mexican man".. yea you know those don't act like you don't! look at any special forces unit in the US military you will find 85% white guys!! not racist just truth.
2.Max has to be the lamest villain in action movie history! when he randomly shot the girl holding the umbrella i actually winced not with shock but with embarrassment. thats when this movie took its first DUMP! plop right on my forehead!!! This guys worse than Doctor Evil!!!
3.Zoe Saldanas character i forget her name.. WTF is she doing, i have no clue what her purpose was at all, one minute shes trying to kill Clay then help them get Max then have random (boobless)sex with Clay then trying to kill him.. then trying to help him do you see a pattern i do and it looks like orange and pink plaid! how you gonna have a gratuitous sex scene with no gratuitous sex!!! Who sleeps with the guy they suspect killed their father? if your answer was NO ONE!! then you are correct! Besides if she wanted him dead why not kill him while they were having lame sex he was bored and his guard should have been way down, no she waits till his four friends enter with guns blazing to make her move... nice job Mc Gruber...
OK OK OK i will shut up now.. i wanted to count at least ten ways this move made me want to vomit but since ten wouldn't even scratch the surface of this turd stopping at 3 serves its purpose just as well..
the losers is a S**t pastry
Phenomenon (1996)
sort of boring..highly anti climactic
Here it is 2009 and i finally see phenomenon the movie that most people compare to powder from the previous year. about a person with supernatural powers that people are afraid of. i personally do not think this is even close. this particular movie was super long and super boring.. nothing significant ever happens. i mean here it is in a nut shell; a guy gets flashed with a strange light (from nowhere, its never explained) and ends up with super heightened intelligence and telekinesis first of all why do people think its so awesome that this guy can move pencils and pens and other objects that weigh less than 3 grams with his mind. i mean i cant do it but this is a movie why not make it epic WOW me for my rental price for Gods sake. secondly he never does anything with his "powers" except find a sick child in an orchard and read a crap load of books wow what a SNORE move over X-MEN the super fantastic phenomenal book reading man is on the way!!!!!!! they could have saved the whole bit with the FBI and the doctors it was EXTRA LAME.. seriously some random doctor can fly down from on high and get a judge to order you to let people kill you by performing some type of brain surgery... umm what country are we in again? So basically this movie takes a random likable guy who's in love with a cute albeit enormously wide mouthed divorcée (Kyra Sedgwick) and it gives him a brain tumor and takes two hours to kill him (movie run time... or was it 3) (or is it kill us) FOR NO REASON!!!!! here is a thought KEEP YOUR FREAKING PENCIL MOVING MIRROR BREAKING POWERS THEY ARE NOT WORTH THE DEADLY BRAIN TUMOR!!!!! loved the acting...the actors..even the cute wide mouthed blonde...but that story HORRENDOUS~~!!@~! its like watching puppies drown in boiling mud!!! i am gonna go watch something manly now like Resivior Dogs i am in need of some major ASSKICKERY!
The Cell 2 (2009)
wow....words fail to describe this absurdity
words cant even describe this turkey;
Acting: HORRIBLE this reminded me of watching a high school play and was about as entertaining as watching amateur golf in slow motion...
Wardrobe: wow did anyone notice that "FBI" agents plastic badge i have seen more realistic crap from the 99 cent store
Storyline: ........
I found myself laughing insanely i mean how did this make it off paper on to DVD.. IT could have been done with 3 characters the killer the victim and the cop the rest of the cast was useless..
I cant even write anymore... i wish i had 4 hands so i could give this movie 4 thumbs down.. NOTE TO SELF.... WRITE A LETTER TO GOD AND BEG HIM FOR MY 2 HOURS BACK...
Knowing (2009)
knowing .....FAIL
I will admit that this movie had me interested all the way up until the last 15 minutes. Once you see the end it simply renders the entire plot up till that point irrelevant. No one wants to sit through a 2 hour movie just for it to take a S***t on you at the end and leave you sad and annoyed as the credits roll!
just a few things that annoyed me in no particular order...
1.why would cages friend not believe him when he comes to him with the information about the numbers having meaning... HES A MIT PROF!!! if nothing else that should afford him the benefit of the doubt..
2.WTF is the deal with the car stealing bleach blond MIB's handing out misshapen mood stones?
3. Why the heck to said MIB's lie to that little girl and tell her her mother is "OK" when she just got creamed on the freeway by an 18 wheeler?
Did some one resurrect L Ron Hubbard for this piece of dressed up Scientology nonsense?? The only thing this movie is missing is Tom Cruise!
please skip this crap "Knowing" is a S***t Pastry!!
The Hottie & the Nottie (2008)
Paris Hilton
First off let me just say that movie is not that bad at all and to say its the worst movie EVER is pure nonsense anyone ever seen "Phone Booth", don't get me wrong its not "Gone With The Wind" but its freaking hilarious, it does start to drag after 45 minutes but it picks back up in the funny department.. lets face it I bet 90% of all the people that are bad mouthing this movie are just Paris Hilton haters and God Knows that she has plenty of those. If Paris wasn't in this movie it wouldn't be getting flamed nearly as bad and that's just the truth. I watched The Messengers yesterday its FAR WORSE, at least this is funny!