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Reviews
Jeepers Creepers (2001)
Great Modern Horror Movie? Please...
Jeepers Creepers is awful. It is just plain awful. It starts off very promising--very Children of the Corn-ish...a couple is driving in the middle of nowhere in an old beat up car... nothing but farmlands everywhere... they're brother and sister... they have some good dialogue... there's some interesting stuff that leads up to... the monster.
As soon as the suspense hits (and there is a little suspense, you can give it credit for that) it plays with as much intelligence as The Three Stooges. These two idiot kids, who could have been stronger characters (although they are heavily stereotyped), always stand around looking at the killer...well... killing. Instead of running while the monster chews out the decapitated head's tongue, they sit and watch it until it's finished. Instead of running when he's at that old house, they stick around. Instead of driving away, they decided to repeatedly try to run the dude over.
When watching a good horror movie (Halloween anyone?) I get the urge to yell to the character "Run!" because I feel for them and want them to get out of whatever conflict they find themselves in. In Jeepers Creepers I'm screaming "Run you idiots!" because you have absolutely no compassion for their idiocy. I was on the edge of my seat, not in terror, but wanting to knock some sense into the two morons who always chose the way that led to more terror and death.
This movie--when it first came out--was praised as one of the better modern horror movies. The fact that someone would say that is purely astonishing. It really makes me wonder why excellent modern horror movies like Scream (not 2 and 3) get a bad rap because people look back and say, "Hey--it's another teen horror movie." Yet they don't realize, when it was released, it was new and fresh, and had never beend one since the 80's. Not only was it first, but it was the best and spawned a long line of inferior clones. The good modern horror movies are victim to films like these.
It's really sickening that Hollywood spends millions and makes millions on this garbage.
Oh, and the ending? Was I supposed to feel sad, sick, or horrified for the guy? Well, I felt sad, sick, and horrified... but for a whole different reason.
Ally McBeal (1997)
First season--great! WHAT HAPPENED?!
By the time the second season rolled around I was appalled. The first season was great. It was fun, humorous, dramatic -- then suddenly so putrid and vile.
Every episode became repetitive, a copy of a copy, with added perversity and monstrously idiotic plots.
And it went on, and on, and on... and were people even watching it toward the end? I don't see how anyone could. Then it was cancelled. What a pity. Good riddance.
Crowned and Dangerous (1997)
Oh wow... horrible...
So I found myself home watching Unsolved Mysteries this morning, vegetating on the couch, and this movie comes on afterward. It as terrible!
I mean... my God. Completely awful.
If you want a funny beauty pageant movie, check out Drop Dead Gorgeous, not this second rate mediocre rip off.
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
OK Halloween movie
Okay, I used to really like Halloween 4. In fact, I put it up there with the original and the first sequel, but now that I go back and look at it... it just doesn't cut it.
1) A serial killer is being transferred in an ambulance from one max. security hospital to another with absolutely no security. There are 2 drivers and 2 paramedics. Sorry, that's just not how it's done. Chalk it up to bad writing...
2) Michael, all burnt up, is just wandering around the general store, freaks out the little girl, and no one notices him standing around--entering or exiting with a mask on? Walking across the street back to his tow truck? Hm.
3) There is no all out search for this oh-so dangerous serial killer. Dr. Loomis is the only one who seems to care and he just kind wanders around the whole time. It's obvious that Michael would go back to Haddonfield, yet there is no security or manhunt whatsoever. Again, bad writing.
4) The geniuses lock themselves in a house when the power is out, expecting the serial killer not to get in. Oh my... they did have cars, they could have driven to the next police station. Haddonfield wasn't an isolated little town in the middle of a freakin valley somewhere. It was a pretty big place and there had to have been a town nearby.
5) Michael takes out everyone at the police station. What, did they just stand around as he attacked each one of them individually? Sure, the all had guns and police training, but Michael had a butcher knife. He flayed them, no contest. Riiight...
6) They're actually trying to nurse Michael back to health?
7) Okay, when the power goes out in a town... someone is immediately called to fix the problem. Oh, I know.. because the writing is so mediocre the power outage really adds to the suspense... *cough* But really, 5 minutes from the time it went out someone knew would have been out there, pulled the corpse off the power conduits, thereby letting the juice flow.
8) So Michael, just hearing about his neice in the ambulance, hearing only her name... suddenly has the ability to track down where she and her foster parents live so he can drive his badass ambulance there and park it outside in very scary fashion. Michael must be omniscient.
Skip it and rent H2O.