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Reviews
Robot Ninja (1989)
About as fun as a root canal.
Remember those really cheesy, but fun ninja flicks from the eighties? Like Nine Deaths of the Ninja and American Ninja. You know, the ones with all those short guys in pajamas running around and hacking away at everything that moved with a ginsu knife? Remember how much fun it was to see the "Head Ninja" duke it out with the hero? OK, now can you remember all those futuristic robot and android films? You know, like Blade Runner, Android, and Cyborg? OK, now lets pretend that you combined them...How cool would that be?!?! OK, now lets pretend that you did all that, but you had only one guy in the film playing as the robot and the ninja-Like you rolled the two of them together to make one hero. Sound cool? I think it sounds hellacool! So naturally when I saw ROBOT NINJA in the local video store as a fifty cent rental, I jumped at the chance to rent it. I was a little perplexed by all the dust on the top of the case, but I took it home immediately. Well, the film case has this big ad on it that says "Special appearance by Burt Ward". Now if you have no clue who Burt Ward is, he played Robin in the Batman series from the sixties. I thought that was a little weird that a film of this (seemingly) high caliber would have a better tag line than "Hey we got the BOY WONDER to pop in for a shooting day". OK, the film opened up with someone watching a scene from the TV show called "Robot Ninja". Well, long story short: Some guy dons the Robot Ninja costume and decides to become a vigilante. So we now have 2 very large and obvious problems 15 minutes into the film. 1)He's not a robot. 2) He's not a ninja either. Hmmmm? Well, even though I felt lied to and had my dreams smashed so early on, I continued to watch this stinker anyway. Well, after a lot of blood, bad lighting, some "not-so" special effects, hokey dialogue like "Hold it you thugs" (gimme a break here!) and no plot to speak of-I felt ill! I had just spent my hard earned 50 cents on something that you couldn't pay me to sit through again. I couldn't believe that such a lousey film could made anywhere in the world without the lost Arc of the Covenant opening up and melting off the faces of the entire cast! Do yourself a favor and avoid this film at all costs. In fact, I recommend that we dig a hole and put this rubbish in the nearest field to fertilize the corn. Actually wait...I think I'd feel bad for the corn.
Black Friday (2001)
Hard to understand, but still pretty good
Black Friday is a film that's really hard to pin down. It's slow moving, has a lackluster budget, poor character development, repetitive dialogue and an uneven script. With all that said and done you'd think my work would be finished here. But not so...Here's what is really intriguing about this particular film. Enter Gary Daniels. A well known martial arts actor that plays the role of an attorney with a checkered past with the government. One evening, while on his way home, he finds his house surrounded by a chemical defense agency that claims his house is now in the hands of terrorists that plan to make the whole city ground zero. But enough about the plot. This film had me at somewhat of a loss, but I still liked it. Why, you may ask? First off, the opening of the film is intense. Great camera work, a perfect lighting scheme and a real nail biting situation with guns and ski masks. That's all I'll say. The music is original and quite unique. It makes each new situation in the film seem fresh and exciting no matter how much of a dead spot came before it. There are only 2 real fight scenes in the film, but the choreography is brilliant to say the least. Especially the last fight which clocks in at over five minutes. There are still areas of the film that will have you scratching your head, like, oh..The poor lighting in the indoor scenes, the distant camera shots that last over 3 minutes (The first one takes place less than 5 minutes into the film and lacks a close up of a certain female that didn't get enough screen time either.) the lack of any real character development and no real resolve once the film is over. However, Black Friday is still worth a peak, but only if you really like Gary Daniels, or if you like low budget action films that aren't afraid to experiment.
Girl (Boy) 14 (2003)
FANTASTIC!!!
High school can be a real pain. This film proves just that. Imagine a mind tortured by peer pressure, media violence, abuse, stress and thoughts of suicide. If that sounds like the average teenager give yourself a pat on the back. But what if those revenge fantasies and deep seeded impulses could manifest into an alternate personality that does things you'd never dream of? That's GIRL(BOY)14. Some what of an art film, it focuses on the trauma a high school girl endures day in and day out. Only at her most extreme moments of torture and ridicule does she become her violent alter ego. The kicker: Her violent personality appears as a man. The film is full of symbolistic vision, amazing fight scenes, bullet time and camera pans that defy logic. It is as beautiful as it is compelling, and all done on $500 and alot of patience(Three years to be exact.)
The Process (1998)
I don't get it....
This film is laughable. And I don't mean that's it's funny. On the contrary, it's not worth the film stock it was shot on. One look at this rotten film and you'll be asking yourself "What exactly did they spend the $50,000 budget on?" I won't even discuss the cardboard actors that sleepwalk through their performances that must have been shot on the first take. It's a wonder that Ernie Reyes sr. even agreed to be involved with this garbage project. The fight scenes are poorly edited and pretty much amount to Ernie Reyes jr. throwing the same old tornado and flying scissor kicks in some effort to convince the audience he's the star and all eyes should be on him and his beefy pecs. Even Ernie Reyes sr. seems to have lost a step or two as his fights are so deliberate and sloppy that you'll cringe at the first lazy kick he throws. This film seems to depict all martial arts experts as either con artists, drug peddlers or cocky show offs that never avoid a fight. After seeing this film, I have lost ALL respect to the Reyes' whom I had admired and respected for so many years. As a taekwondo expert myself, I have to say, this offers nothing positive for any martial artist or film buff for that matter. In fact, after seeing this hack of a film, I have less hope for humanity. If this was the lost arc, you should listen to Indiana and just shut your eyes.
Timecop: The Berlin Decision (2003)
Great fun!!!
I don't know what else to say except, see this film! It's a wild and colorful sequel to the stiff and disappointing Van Damme vehicle of 1994. It's great to see such talents as Thomas Ian Griffith and Jason Scott Lee return to the action genre. And unlike the one dimensional characters of the first film, the main's are complex and compelling. The tag line is good too: If you had a choice, would you preserve the past to further the appreciation of the present or would you undo the wrongs done to change the future?
SEE IT!!!!!!
Sabotage (1996)
intrigue
This is a fine example of the kind of films I like to see Mark Dacascos in. Mark plays an ex black ops leader. After being double crossed and left for dead, he resurfaces as a bodyguard for high profile political figures. After his client is assassinated he uncovers a web of arms dealing, corrupt cia officials and a strange link between his past as a black ops member and his clients murder. This film offers some of the earliest examples of the highly overused "bullet time " effect as well as some brief but well staged fight sequences. This is one of the best examples of a low budget film that pulls out all the stops.
A Dangerous Place (1994)
Every bit as good as Karate Kid
The premise of the film is simple enough: A young martial artist's older brother is murdered by a group of teenage martial artists from a rival school. This film may sound a little redundant, but believe me, it offers some fantastic fight scenes and envokes a real moral issue that might make some people question just how far should one go for revenge. Though this is tagged as an "R" rated film, I want to assure you that this film lacks the same level of violence and language that some PG-13 films sneak by with. The "R" rating is really for the tone of the film. It also has a few dark sub plots about the rival schools sensei being involved in criminal activity such as prostitution and grand theft. All in all this is a must see film for die hard martial art fanatics