Reviews

I saw the MST3K version of Night Train to Mundo Fine, aka. Red Zone Cuba, and the jokes weren't that funny, leaving me to focus on the movie. This movie is bleak, insanely boring and very, very confusing, despite its seemingly simple plot. I went to Wikipedia while watching this movie to understand what was going on. (The Wikipedia entry didn't help much either.) The dialogue is revolting and the movie is plagued with constant close-ups on the "actors", along with a stupid but confusing plot and characters and scenes that seem to blend together. Not even worth seeing the half-decent MST3K version. What angers me is that in the plot description, it says: "Gritty neo-noir art film about escaped convict Griffin and his friends, who ran all the way to hell... with a penny, and a broken cigarette." Art film? Seriously?

I semi-enjoyed Andrzej Bartkowiak last film, Doom. While Doom is no cinematic masterpiece, I consider it the best video game to film adaptation ever.

Even saying that though, the film still isn't all that great.

But Street Fighter Legend of Chun-Li is really awful.

Direction is badly done. I'm no director and Andrzej Bartkowiak clearly has more talent that I do, but really, even the average movie watcher will spot z-grade direction.

The film contains some Street Fighter characters, but the plot is made out of thin air, not from the games.

The film is also terribly cast. Neal McDonough is the worst Bison ever.

I watched the old Van Damme film 2 weeks before Chun-Li, and sadly, the Van Damme version is better. I can't believe I'm saying that. But it's true.

And the fact that it was in theatres for only a week tells you what kind of movie it is.

A*P*E is both stupid and follows the King Kong storyline, and is probably the worst movie I have ever seen.

Everything from King Kong and even Godzilla is copied by A*P*E. 1 - The ape escapes from an oil tanker. 2 - Giant footprints are found. 3 - They want to show the Ape off to the public. 4 - Ape kidnaps girl. 5 - Girl feels somehow attracted to the Ape. 6 - Army attacks Ape.

Besides having a duplicate plot, A*P*E has many technical problems as well.

1 - The Ape is 36 feet tall, but the shark and snake are the size of him. 2 - He towers over buildings, but he's 36 feet tall. 3 - The Ape throws the snake at the camera, knocking it down. 4 - You can see the Ape actor's shirt underneath the costume. 5 - Tons of plastic toys in this film.

And you can tell the actor who played the Ape is pretty angry over him playing the role. He flips off the camera at one point.

A*P*E fails as a movie, but as a comedy, it's really good. Get a bunch of friends and do a MST3K kind of thing.

I've seen many teen sex comedies. I don't remember one as bad as College.

The movie starts with interesting opening credits. That's not saying much, but it's the only time I remember something good about this movie.

As soon as the three main characters unite in school, I realize the first and most obvious rip-off: Superbad. The characters are perfect clones of the three Superbad characters.

The rest of the movie is another huge rip-off: American Pie Beta House. Beta House was the worst American Pie (Still okay), but College managed to rip it off anyway.

And the plot is essentially a modern American Graffiti. We already had a modernized American Graffiti! (Dazed and Confused)

The rest of the movie is laced with sexual jokes. Some of these jokes are designed for a gross-out comedy, which I generally enjoy, but some of the "jokes" are so off-color the movie seems weird and homosexual.

All this combined makes the movie predictable and really, really bad. I give it a 2 only for nudity and okay music.

The first four Friday the 13th movies are the best, by far. The next 7 films were half-baked money makers. And if you ask me, Paramount should have left it at this film.

Part 4 combines action, horror, thriller, suspense, and even mystery. And the opening sequence is a combined amount of clips from the previous 3 films. The opening sequence explains the series quickly, so Part 4 is a great Friday the 13th film to start with.

The film will have less appeal to fans of the similar series, Halloween. The Final Chpater may combine elements from the previous 3 films, but seems to steal ideas and share ideas with Halloween. Friday the 13th was inspired by Halloween, but at times it seems as too much.

Overall, the film is the last Friday the 13th film you should watch.

The Suite Life of Zack and Cody is a very horribly produced show. The jokes are corny and constantly re-used, characters re-use these jokes all the time, and plots are re-used. This new series offers something new, but is till far from a good and watchable show. The only thing remotely funny in both these series is Phil Lewis, but the two blonde twins are unlikeable. But this time, there is this large kid with an afro who is so messed up, he is enjoyable. What annoys me the most is the stupid laugh track, obviously fake and there isn't any effort to make it sound real. There is a major improvement of the theme song, though! It's actually catchy this time. Overall, don't watch this show unless you're 3 - 6 years old.