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DocNoleCat
Reviews
The Suite Life of Zack & Cody (2005)
Street Life of Crack and Codeine
I believe this show got started when some Disney execs were sitting around watching FULL HOUSE.
"Hey, the Olson Twins are still pulling in more money than King Midas, right?"
"They're doing OK -- so?"
"Well, I've got these two twins who aren't any less talented than the Olsons, but they're guys, right?"
"Yeah, OK."
"So we put 'em in a hotel, maybe make one of 'em a jock type who's barely literate, and the other a real brain who comes off macho as Richard Simmons."
"Aren't those the most overused stereotypes in TV?"
"Sure, but the rest of the show is REVERSE stereotypes! See, the black guy will be real prissy, the Asian chick's a total airhead, and the blonde hottie's actually SMART!"
"Hey, this could work!"
Of course the show would veer from these guidelines, notably when introducing the neurotic brunette who's constantly bullied by the aggressive, "street-smart" black girl -- no stereotypes there!
As far as performances go, Phil Lewis, Brenda Song, Ashley Tisdale and Kim Rhodes do the best they can with what they're given. But, unfortunately, the show revolves around the twins of the title, whose appeal totally escapes me, as any acting instruction they've ever received escapes them.
Life with Derek (2005)
Blame Canada?
It is really a shame that IMDb doesn't let you give negative votes. This is the most hideously awful show ever foisted on the American public by our usually-likable neighbors to the north. The parents are a troglodyte and a neurotic hag. He is as charming as a well-used fire hydrant, with the same hygiene standards. She is a wax museum mannequin programmed with more neuroses than the entire cast of THE VIEW. The kids are non-entities if female and repulsive beyond belief if male, especially the title character. The boy is a serious contender for most insanely smug, self-satisfied, arrogant, and vain male character on Disney, which is saying something. This show was obviously conceived as the anti-BRADY BUNCH, but it comes off as the anti-Christ. And why is the photography so dark?
Wizards of Waverly Place (2007)
The magic is this thing's still on the air
If you wondered whether Disney could broadcast a show with a character more spoiled than Paris, more shallow than Britney, more vapid than Jessica and more narcissistic than THE GIRLS NEXT DOOR, wonder no more. The amazing thing is Selena Gomez is, apparently, supposed to be the heroine. She's also supposed to be an outcast from the spoiled, shallow, vapid, narcissistic "popular" girls at school, which is no more believable here than it was for Hilary Duff in LIZZIE McGUIRE. Plots range from recycled BEWITCHED & I DREAM OF JEANNIE to "parodies" of HARRY POTTER. The older boy alternates between being a magical genius and being unable to master the complexities of his own shoelaces. The younger boy is just another of the smart-mouth "wisecracking" brats who have multiplied on TV like cockroaches in New York (and with the same appeal). The dad is the stereotypical dumb TV dad, and the mom... well, she's not totally awful. But all pales beside the hideous, loathsome, and yet horribly fascinating (like a bad car accident) spectacle of Ms. Lopez' smug, self-satisfied, snotty performance . And, again, she's the HEROINE.
Hannah Montana (2006)
I don't begrudge the Cyrus' family's success...
... really, I don't. Billy Ray seems like a nice guy and he was actually rather appealing on DANCING WITH THE STARS. (If he had punched Bruno in the mouth when the little simp called his dancing "crap," I'd be a fanatic fan forever -- if you didn't call Master P's dancing crap, you can NEVER apply that term to ANYONE ELSE EVER. But I digress.) And Miley actually can sing. In that sense, this show is the anti-LIZZIE McGUIRE; Hilary wasn't a singer -- -- BUT SHE COULD ACT. PLEASE, Billy Ray, spend some of the giga-billions you're making off of HANNAH products of every shape, size, and description to pay for ACTING LESSONS for the cast? Please? ALL of them? Watching the performances, I feel like Dr. Evil telling Mini Me about gnawing the kitty -- "NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT." I mean, when Dolly Parton regularly turns in more believable, subtle and appealing performances than your entire regular cast... Oh well, If it ain't broke don't fix it, right?