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Jackurius
Reviews
2012 (2009)
Like being poked in the face with a sharp fork.
This film decided to go on for what felt like 6 years. After seeing the trailer, I felt a small amount of excitement inside but that was short lived when I sat down and the film began. About 30 minutes in, I felt like I had been employed to watch paint dry slowly...as the film ventured on I got to the stage were you daze off and wonder how many pieces of toast you will have when you get home. The story was dull. The acting was also quite pap except for Woody Harrelsons appearance, and it had those silly stupid bits were you always say "That wouldn't happen!" and then someone says "Its just a film!". Silly bits include giraffes and elephants being carried by helicopters, dodging massive explosions with a family jeep, a Russian man, an indestructible plane etc etc. Shite isn't even the word.
Tormented (2009)
T-e-r-r-i-b-l-e
A very silly and disappointingly crap film about a murderer who relies on an inhaler to kill people. I wanted to complain to the cinema as I felt they had stole my £5.20 which could have been used for a tray of nachos, unfortunately I sat through a dismal performance and swore all the way home.The murder scenes were so cheesy, like cheese on toast cheesy, like grated cheese with salad cheesy, like a cheese factory being bombed by cheese cheesy. Another thing which made me yet more angry was the way the director had to emphasise the characters, for example the geek in the film had huge hair and huge glasses...boring seen it before. It then had the same bullies as usual, pretty boys and pretty girls...BORING SEEN IT BEFORE. Amazingly unrealistic, luckily for Jon Wright the soundtrack made me give it another star. I predict his next film to be based on the adventures of Barry the inhaler.