Reviews

A murderer is loose on board Dumbbell Airlines.

Collection of idiots on a 747 get picked off one by one as the half-wits back at the airport try to figure out what the hell is going on. Farrah stars as a ditzy stew, Sonny Bono is a goofy musician, Theodore Bikel is a spooky weirdo, Danny Bonaduce is a prank-pulling punk, and Robert Stack is Mr. Bigshot Pilot who would like to stay and chat but he's got to get back to the cockpit because, "somebody's gotta 'drive' this airplane." Polly Bergen is cute as a sexy drunken chick. I'm with her....

.... get the hell out of my seat, Fernando Lamas!

'Vomit City' would be a better title for this disgusting pollutant of a movie.

Lori Petty and Naomi Watts star as futuristic heroes fighting renegade misfits in a battle to procure their dying planet's evaporating water supply. Adapted from the comic strip - hell, I didn't even know there was a 'Tank Girl' comic strip, and NOW!... I REALLY don't give a crap! Extremely tedious film with the visual results of the most recently raided prop department.

Quick chick flick that has all the subtlety of a raccoon at a dinner party.

Buddy Hackett narrated this crap "once upon a snowflake".... pffft!

The greedy people in town are in the dumps because their supply of 'ice-money' is melting and the Russian dictator down the block wants the hottest girl in the village to be his chick... or something like that. Calling Jack Frost to restore a cold weather climate to anywhere on the globe.

Totally charmless holiday special with a sour plot which involves coins, taxes, going broke, and the 'flake-flipping snow gypsies'.... huh?

Produced by Rankin/Bass, though they've done much better.

Here comes Rob Lowe as a hockey dude.

Rob is the fastest forward on a squad of hockey players who must defeat their nemesis - a 'zoo' of brawlers - in order to win the coveted trophy.... and they get 'what' out of this?.... Oh yeah, a shot at the pro's.... that's nice.

Cindy Gibb is the questionable love interest (she's so freaking ugly); Jim Youngs plays Rob's cool older brother, and former real-life NHLer Eric Nesterenko appears as Rob's caring Dad. Not bad, really, especially if you're a chick who loves to glimpse Rob's cute cheeks - and not just the ones on his face.

Rob's nickname here is 'Deaner' - which rhymes with 'Weiner'.

The Scooby Doo 'sequel' which nobody asked for.

Museum friezes come to life to participate in a dweeb's attempt to procure an army of monsters. Not really as complicated as the first live-action feature, but much more confusing anyway, with a flip-flopping story-line that will make you yawn, look at your watch, and wonder what you should have for dinner tonight.

Scoob and Shaggy are totally cool again with the beauty of Sarah Michelle Gellar and Alicia Silverstone adding to the film's appeal, though Alicia is completely wasted as a local television news reporter.

Ho-freaking-hum.

The popular cartoon hits the silver screen.

Scooby crashes a spring break resort to find out why placid college kids have stopped acting 'normal' - like when they drink beer until they vomit.

Overly complex script will diss some of the younger viewers, but Scoob is cute. Matt Lillard makes a great 'Shaggy' and Sarah Michelle Gellar is totally hot as 'Daphne', but Fred Prinze as 'Fred' and Linda Cardellini as 'Velma' both suck. Good animation of Scooby, but the sub-plot of Mystery Inc. breaking up is a total drag.

Lots of fun for Scooby fanatics.

Rocker chicks get a record deal.

It's a free-for-all when fame and fortune tears apart the friendship of three girls in a heavy metal rock band who have secured a contract to become the next international music superstars. Maybe this film would have been better if it was given an R-rating so that Rachel Leigh Cook could show her chest. That's all I was thinking about every time she was standing there without a bra under that flimsy little piece of cloth she was pretending to use as a top. Female teeny-boppers may like this for the music and the glitz, but I like it for the purpose of staring at Rachel's shapely boobs.

Rating: Two stars - one for each boob.

Andy McCarthy's appeal is a positive counter to Kim Cattrall's marginal but hot-bodied performance in this contemporary Pygmalion romantic-comedy about an Egyptian princess who attracts the attention of a modern-day window dresser.

Solid co-starring appearances by Meshach Taylor, Estelle Getty, and G.W. Bailey add to the light-heartedly fun atmosphere as McCarthy tries to secure his 'dummy' both physically and romantically all the while being chased by department store big shots and his own sanity.

Good Friday night rental and one of those movies that is endearing enough to go out and buy for a personal collection.

Nostalgic albeit silly continuation of the hit TV-series.

Gilligan is still an idiot as he tries to help save the castaways while carrying a metal disc that belongs to 'a faraway country' (let's call it 'Russia'). All the cast members return except Tina Louise (Ginger) who is replaced by Judith Baldwin (Baldwin is better). Our heroes go their separate ways until they gather together once again for a 'reunion cruise', though it would seem a little soon for that (it's a 90-minute flick, folks - let's give them a break). Everybody looks great and performs essentially as charming as ever. A must for 'Gilligan' aficionados.

Not particularly memorable, but's its fun to see the old gang again.

Harvard punk (Brendan Fraser) helps a homeless dude (Joe Pesci) in exchange for lost thesis papers.

It's a series of revelations that change the political views of a selfish Ivy-leaguer as he learns from the 'wisdom' of a bum who has all the appeal of a rat-dropping. The homeless are depicted as insane alcoholics while Fraser's roommates include cute Moira Kelly, cool Patrick Dempsey, and handsome Josh Hamilton, who are given virtually nothing to do.

Not much here, but there is some good location scenery of Cambridge and Harvard University.

Ve Ri Tas!

With an arrogant smirk on his smug face, Kris Kringle blows into town and starts handing out presents to every gloomy puss he sees even though he has been warned by the law to keep his mouth and his bag of toys shut - in that order.

Everybody's in an uproar over this pretentious do-gooder including the mean wizard warlock dude up on the mountain. It's a rambunctious mess when Kris gets freed from jail and starts causing trouble again, making the kids cry and the hottest chick teacher in town sell out her conservative scruples to become a liberal cry-baby.

OK telling of how Santa Claus came to be, though when he's a young Kris Kringle, you'll want to throw a snowball in his pompous face.

This was the beginning of the long running TV show.

Captain Stubing was cool because he knew all about life which was far out because he was just a freaking sailor; Julie was the cruise director who made good money at the bars picking up johns late at night; Doc was a laugh-riot since he considered himself a ladies man...pffft!; Issac was the jive bartender who liked to dance and time permitting, he even made a few drinks for the customers; and Gopher was a screw-up, but he was a lovable one, so its OK.

What a motley group, but we loved them because they were always there when we didn't have anything better to do on Saturday night. Good show.

Rip-off of 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' where a big beast comes down from above the snow-line to give the bears in town a hard time whenever they start acting greedy..... huh?

Created by Stan and Jan Berenstain. Maybe these two ought to make their own 'Peanuts' cartoon starring themselves as 'Charlie Brown' and his sister 'Sally'..... they could call it 'Pea-brains'. First aired in November of 1980; nothing but a 30-minute chip-shot attempt to manufacture a holiday 'special' to sell as the Thanksgiving equivalent to the Christmas season's 'Grinch'.

This one belongs in permanent hibernation.

Matt McConaughey's ultra-hot beef-cake and Kate Hudson's sexy bikini sinew make this thing interesting only when the two stars are on the screen. The rest of the movie is long and boring with an overly complex plot that involves looking for some treasure that obviously would have been found by the stupidest of island locals a long time ago.

Film starts out flat, builds up a little speed in the middle, and then put-puts to an abrupt and anti-climatic ending, leaving the viewer sitting there with popcorn in their mouth.... or asleep if they're lucky.

Much too long at 112 minutes - you'll be ready to get up and go to another room to take a nap after the first half-hour.

Introduction to the sweet little girl named 'Strawberry Shortcake' with her pet cat 'Custard' and dog 'Pupcake'.

Colorful animation from Deek Entertainment as Strawberry travels across her home-valley to find a cake for her sister Apple Dumpling's birthday, meeting lots of new friends such as 'Orange Blossom', 'Angel Cake', and a horse named 'Honey' along the way who help make decorations for the fun event.

A bit tedious and somewhat overlong at 45 minutes, but adventuresome with enough visual surprises to keep girls aged 8 to 12 interested.

Home VHS version includes a very short music video.

Brooke Shields is a spoiled little rich girl who decides she wants to enter a desert automobile race and since whatever Brookie wants, Brookie gets....

Streaking across the sand dunes in her favourite sand-colored scarf and cute little goggles with the wind blowing sand in her beautiful brown hair, Brooke gets kidnapped by a handsome sheik with a GQ beard who whisks her away to his pad and ties her up while Brooke pretends she doesn't like it.

Romantic Saharan adventure where the camels are more interesting than the actors.

Jonathan Winters arrives riding a snowflake and eating chocolate macaroons to tell the story of how Frosty the Snowman and his friend Holly DeCarlo stopped the richest man in Beansboro, Pennsylvania from ridding the town of all its snow with a new synthetic aerosol he created.

Frosty and Holly finally have their big showdown with Mr. Twitchell and his cool pet cat 'Bones' in Gooseberry Park during the city's annual winter carnival.

Slight superficial 'sequel' pales to the original, but can be enjoyed on its own terms.

Sweet holiday story of cute bear cubs 'Nakomi' and 'Chinook' who learn about Christmas, Santa Claus, and yuletide decorations from a Yellowstone National Park forest ranger much to the consternation of their nice Mom who is trying to hibernate for a couple of months.

Cozy production, rich in color, with wintry atmosphere, lots of snow, and fireside warmth. Originally released with an introduction by actor Hal Smith ('Otis' on The Andy Griffith Show) whom also provides the voice of the park ranger. Other voices include Jean Vander Pyl ('Wilma' on The Flintstones) and actress Joyce Taylor.

A Modern Sound Pictures film.

Corey Feldman stars as a young entrepreneur with his virtual reality-obsessed sidekick (Corey Haim) as they try to help their uncle (Geoffrey Lewis) save his resort from the hostile takeover attempt of a deranged corporate raider (Robert Mandan) bent on procuring ownership of the island for himself.

Along the way, the boys don't see any harm in having a little fun with a pretty scuba diving instructor/exotic dancer (Maureen Flanagan) if they can all stay clear of the carnivorous iguanas, pink seahorses, and giant beach balls. Maple Pictures' wild National Lampoon summer comedy is OK if you like the two Coreys and have lots of hard liquor on hand.

Colorful albeit syrupy story of a collection of sweet-as-punch bears who visit Earth via their 'Rainbow Rescue Beam' (Earth apparently needs to be 'rescued' from something) in order to deliver their feelings of love and friendship on unsuspecting humans.

Movie purports itself to be about sharing and caring but there are undertones of satanism and witchcraft as a book spirit tries to get earthling children to reject the advances of the loving bear race. The best thing about this film may be the vast array of colors in the animation; the 'love and sharing' aspects become somewhat weary after the first half-hour.

A Nelvana production.

Drew Barrymore's way of showing the Prince that she loves him is to throw apples at his pompous noggin.

As the Cinderella of this Renaissance, Drew's rotten step-mother is Anjelica Huston who plays herself - an ugly ogre, while Drew pursues her Prince Charming concomitantly fighting off sibling rivalries Megan Dodds and Melanie Lynskey.

The film-makers felt the movie would not be complete without an opportunity for Drew to tell off her step-mother informing her in no uncertain terms that she is a worthless piece of garbage, instead of having Drew say nothing and walking away with dignity.

Sappy, but Drew is cute as usual.

Another contrived TV-movie of the week.

Everybody's getting killed at the most famous hot-spot in the world, so dried-up sea captain Fred MacMurray tries to figure out what the hell is going on. Donna Mills tags along occasionally - not that anyone ever gives a crap what she does, and boat-freak Sam Groom is the village idiot who likes to talk about what a loser he's been all his life to anyone who's bored enough to listen. Sweet Dana Plato is cute as a recently orphaned little girl.

Directed by William Graham for Hugh Hefner Productions, this film takes place at Bimini Island 50 miles off the southeastern seaboard.

Yuppie D.C. kids go through all kinds of crap together.

Rob Lowe is just so beautiful and Ally Sheedy is just so pretty and Mare Winningham is just so cute; honorable mention to Demi Moore.

It's a roundabout road to the revelations that these post-graduates of Georgetown University come to realize, but it's kind of cool because Rob is funny as a wild musician and Ally is charming as a career-minded chick and Mare is endearing as a devoted social worker. Judd Nelson does his 'John Bender' imitation, Andy McCarthy is pretty cool as a writer, and Emilio Estevez.... *cough*.... all I can say - the nicest thing I can say about this idiot - is that this is his only good film because his part is a likable one and he ain't too bad in it.... but he's still an idiot.

Recommended as a fun Saturday night rental.

Very good docu-drama about the world's most famous 'hot-spot'.

Fine film of humanity's past confrontations with strange goings-on in the 'devil's triangle', including true stories like 'Flight 19' where 5 American naval aircraft disappeared in the area of the triangle during a 'routine' training mission and the story of the ship 'Mary Celeste', as well as many other unexplained incidents. Good references to Charles Berlitz' book 'The Bermuda Triangle' and accounts competently documented in author David Group's book of the same name.

Fun on the entertainment level also as narrator Brad Crandall trenchantly states, "Man cannot rest until we find out what is going on here in the Bermuda Triangle."

Marlon Brando in a very risqué movie about love and betrayal and all that.

A lonely man meets a young girl and has a fling with her only to find he's still lonely and going through the same head trip he's been in for years. Maria Schneider is the pretty young woman. Brando wrote much of the lines that make the film memorable, but insisted he would never do a film like this again as it tapped on too much of who he is personally. Strong scenes with strong dialogue, the film originally received an X-rating.

Directed by Bernardo Bertolucci