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Reviews
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002)
Laughably Awful
*WARNING* There could be spoilers looking below
If you want a few laughs, go ahead and watch this for free somewhere. Do NOT spend money on it. You'll kick yourself if you do.
It's pretty hard to say what's the worst aspect of the film-- script, direction, special effects, acting. All of it is the very bottom rung of the B-movie ladder.
Funny moments:
The actors seeming to be actually embarrassed at having to say certain lines.
The Eastern European actors that were cast as Mexicans.
Any CG shot of the giant shark-- be sure to look for the howler of a shot when the CG hero swims by the shark at the end (it's about the quality of a cheap computer game).
The toy torpedo one of the characters took as a souvenir from a decommissioned navy sub (why didn't the writers just say he bought it at a garage sale?).
The worst come-on line I've ever heard uttered by a character before a lengthy sex scene.
Screaming people jumping needlessly into the ocean to be eaten by the shark (at first the film seems to suggest that they are falling in, but after a few times you actually begin seeing the soon-to-be-victims climb up onto the railing and then jump into the water).
You may also amuse yourselves while watching this by counting the scenes taken almost directly from the original "Jaws."
Ghosts of Mars (2001)
Ridiculous and Pointless
*WARNING* Spoliers may be in this review
This is a ridiculous film that seems completely unsure of what to do and where to go. When it gets itself lost-- which happens frequently-- the film makers seemed to have decided to just throw in a gunfight or a gory death of some kind. The result is a mishmash of stupid violence, unimpressive set pieces, and pointless scenes, -- all of it complemented by bad acting.
The narrative relies way too much on flashbacks-- getting to a point where there was a flashback within a flashback within a flashback (no lie). The martians are supposed to be primitive but come off as idiotic, and their language seems to consist of a lot of incoherent yelling that sounds like Scooby Doo talking with his mouth full. The cinematography and make-up and costumes all looked like they came out of an '80s metal/hair band video. The "Martian" landscapes look like any number of unremarkable Western American deserts.
The ending has no resolution, simply ending with the promise of more idiotic violence to come. It's almost like those responsible just finally gave up and stopped making it.
This is John Carpenter's worst movie to date.
The Screaming Skull (1958)
Mostly Boring
*WARNING* Possible spoilers below
The film is more boring then anything else. There seems to be some attempt to build tension through badly lit shots of empty rooms and empty lawns, but none of it works.
MST3K did a fairly good job with it, but on its own the movie is mostly tedious.
Funny moments:
When the fake skull rolls out of a pile of ashes, the wife becomes hysterical and woozy while the husband (who is trying to drive the wife crazy) says in a deadpan voice "There is no skull there, there's no skull."
When the real ghost-skulls have the husband caught in a pickle, as if trapped between first and second base.
Il buono, il brutto, il cattivo (1966)
Interesting visuals
Leone's third work in his man-with-no-name trilogy (although Eastwood's character did in fact have a name-- and no I'm not talking about "Blonde") and probably his most interesting visually. There are enormous battle scenes intermixed with the more usual operatic shootouts and epic shots of blank, desert expanses. There are tons of anachronisms in the film, but this isn't really any fault. Leone is not trying to come anywhere close to any form of realism and instead is working with melodrama and stylized acting that creates a well-conceived and detailed western fantasy world that is purely a joy to immerse yourself in.